Chapter 4
A - Sammy
A - Sammy
A - Sammy get ur ass up
A - Sam u better answer the phone rn or I swear I'm gonna come over to ur house in the middle of the night
A - daniel will take me. daniel loves me
A - OH MY GOD GET UP
S - Andrew? It's John, I heard Sam' phone go off. Are you alright?
A -;I'm fine johnny
A - could u get Sammy on the phone
A - if he's sleeping can u pls kick him awake
S - Okay, one second. You're safe though, right, Andrew?
A - ya no worries
A - the only one in danger rn is Sammy cause I'm gonna fuck him up
S - Andrew?! what's wrong?? it's padfoot
A - what's wrong?? what's wrong??
A - maybe the fact that you gave an ASSASSIN my phone number??
S - aww Andrew you worried me. this is just about Matthew? isn't he cute? :^)
A - ??? he KILLS people for a living??
S - haha darling, welcome to the family
S - it's alright, he wouldn't kill you. he knows I have too much influence in the underground
S - besides, I paid him a lot of money!
A - … u *didn't* pay him, Sammy
A - christ sam u honestly just forgot? the man's been starving!
A - he had to cancel his netflix subscription because of u!
S - what? seriously? (haha Sammyusly) let me check the accounts
S - aww man, you're right
S - this is why I always have jhonny do the accounting for me, I'm so shite at money stuff
S - I had to do it alone this time because I knew he wouldn't approve of my plan
A - I still don't understand what ur 'plan' was…
A - getting me an assassin pen pal?
S - yeah! or more ;^) I don't know if you guys have exchanged photos yet, but he's quite the looker
S - just your type (you're welcome)
S - I just figured since you're all lonely in that big house of yours…
A - I have daniel! and sometimes Roxy and Georgie visit!
S - you can't blame me for caring about your love life, Andrew
S -when I was your age, I was getting dick for days!
A - SAM
A - I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT THAT OMG
A - UR SO GROSS
A - and you were getting ONE dick
S - John's was more than enough for me ;^)
S - I don't get what the problem is? you don't like Matthew?
S - if he's bothering you, I can always just get rid of him :^(
A - it's not that I don't like him…
A - I just wish u would have told me what was going on
A - and that u paid him!
S - yes yes. I'll even give him some extra so he can pay for you during dates
A - Sammy! it's not like that!
S - you're just saying that because you haven't seen his ding dong yet
A - and you have?!
S - well, I had to screen him, didn't I?
A - ur the worst…
A - there's more to a man than his dong!
S - okayy. don't be such a party pooper, Andrew
A - … I'm telling John about this
S - no don't! he'll kill me. he's so stranger danger
S - just give it a try, yeah?
S - maybe he'll make you happy
A - … okay
A - yeah, okay
A - good night, Sammy
S - night sweetie. love you <3
A - …
A - love u too <3
~•~
A - ok I'm back
M - Andrew, listen, I looked up what brb means and I don't think you used it correctly given that you were not 'right back'
A - oh my god shut up
M - You don't have to be embarrassed, I know all this internet lingo can be quite complicated
A - I hate u
A - so much rn
A - I can't even tell if ur being sarcastic or if this is just what ur like
A - it's four am and I just wanna sleep but I can't bc my godfather is a meddling ass
A - listen Matthew
A - on a scale of one to ten, how much do you actually want to kill Sammy Donovan
M - Realistically speaking?
A - yes
M - One. I wouldn't put my life in jeopardy over one paycheck
M - I'm just, as the video said, 'salty'
M - Like an ocean
A - I leave for one hour and u've already become a disaster
A - ok well look
A - ur getting ur paycheck
M - If I were getting my paycheck, I wouldn't be selling my pillows on Craigslist for spare change
A - christ ur like a kicked puppy
A -look, u remember how I said my godfather takes care of me? and wants me to take over his family business?
M - Yes?
A - yes well
A - my godfather is Sam Donovan and the family business is the mafia
A - surprise
M - oh my god hurry up and say something
A - Sorry, I'm just trying to comprehend what you told me
M - Is this you bullying me again?
A - omg no
A - basically, he gave you my number instead of his and then just forgot to pay you
A - I told him off about it don't worry
M -;Why did he give an assassin his godson's phone number?
A - that's what I said!
A - he said he thought I was lonely…
M - Your godfather is certainly… a unique character
M - That being said, I've never heard of Sammyus Black taking in a ward
A - yeah they kept it pretty under wraps
A - they didn't want me getting kidnapped or whatever
M - And yet he still let you talk to a professional killer?
A - to be fair, usually moony is there to stop him
A - Johnny is like… my other godfather, basically
M - I see…
A - u don't… hate me now, do u?
M - What? Of course not. Why would I ever hate you?
A - bc u were all mad at Sammy :(
M - The issues I have with your godfather in no way transfer over to you
M - I enjoy talking with you, Andrew. Nothing's going to change that
A -…wow
M -I'm getting all teary eyed
A - let's move on
A - u don't have to sell ur pillows anymore since ur getting paid
M - Brilliant. I'll finally be able to afford dinner
A - god I feel so bad
A - I'm sorry u didn't get ur money for so long, Matthew
A - if I knew I would have done something sooner
M - It's fine. In exchange, I got to talk to you, didn't I?
A - my heart can't handle this at four in the morning
A - let's go to sleep?
M - Sure. I'll talk to you tomorrow, Andrew
A - oh but real quick…
A - Sammy didn't actually see ur dick, did he?
M - What on earth were the two of you talking about?
A - just answer the question
M - Well, he had to do a screening, didn't he?
A - oh my god…