Someone to Rely on, A Shoulder to Cry On (01)

The dull contrast of the blue and maroon afternoon in the horizon outside the tunnel was outshined by all of the green neon profanity in the vacuum wall separating the two by the dusty rail. Chiyou's back rest on the wall in the tracks instead of the surface.

...

The thousand deprecating thoughts still remained after all of that aimless walking. The unresponsive face still can't afford to think smiling, immersed at her hopelessness. Deep inside there is motivation but the heart and the mind is exhausted to care.

"...." At this point of silence where not even cars or any vibration of sound reach, she can only hear her conscious breath.

'He's just using you, you foolish gullible girl!'

'You're trusting that boy!? Is he the one that drags you with all of this weird shit? Including this slutty behavior of yours!?'

These words flash across her mind. For no reason, doubt and anger don't even matter at this point because hunger, heavy eyelids and a cathartic mind are winning over her.

This last stop might actually be a good place for a burial. As her mind says, yet she remained frozen still.

Until this silence was broken by footsteps.

It gets louder and the shadow slowly looms over her vulnerable crud body.

The figure was silent at first. And then he's the one who also breaks it.

"It took me several hours following you. All those traffic and transport regulations.... Did you intentionally cross over them to make it hard for me to follow you?"

He was met with silence. Remained unmoving.

"You even crossed the Mugen City portal gate. I was worried when someone messed up with the glove I gave you. I didn't realize she was able to find the footage of the event. I was also confident at that time that no one would bring out their recording devices with how much light there is."

"....."

"If it wasn't for... that message, I have no idea that you left your house."

"....."

"I'm relieved that you're fine... I believe that you will stop here, at our secret base... And thank you that you're actually here. Thank you for being safe."

But still, she didn't reply, she's still curled up and looking aimlessly at the air.

Reika can see the loneliness and exhaustion on her face. He's also nervous about how to console her, he picks his words carefully despite his anger for her sudden impulsive actions that he always hated yet tolerated for her.

He wants to scold her but this is not the perfect time. As always…

He sighed and sat down besides her, looking at the dusty dead lights.

"..."

"..."

Reika took a momentarily glance before joining her aimless stare.

"..."

"..."

He had given her the moment of silence to respect her and gave a calming rest, although he believes that there's actually a lot of thoughts processing inside her.

"Why did you remain sitting here? There are better views in our base than the graffiti we made here in the entrance." Reika decided to steer with a conversational question to get a response from her.

But she's still unbothered.

"....."

The silence is getting onto him, his understanding demeanor is getting called out by his anger. If she remained like this, he wouldn't know what is wrong with her.

But still, for the last time, let his remaining temper talk to her.

"Please Chiyou... talk to me." There is also solemn in his tone.

"..."

He gave her another moment of silence again. Yet she still remained mute which is an annoyance that had finally gotten over him.

He stood up in haste just to look down on her.

"Stand up Chiyou, fix yourself, and eat, I'm worried about you."

"..."

"You're being like this again."

Miraculously, those words stimulated the frozen girl.

"What do you mean by that...?"

With a cold glare, she locked her eyes on him.

"What? I'm being like this again? Tell me what I'm being again?"

This time, Reika bit his tongue.

'I shouldn't have said it.'

Reika can see she's clearly having a hard time and is not in the perfect mental state to recognize what he's trying to say. He could only continue to de-escalate and make her understand.

"You know well that I'm not saying anything to hurt you, please Chiyou..."

Reika had fair share of experience with Chiyou crying because of her unbearable aunt but this is the most extreme situation of their fight to the point that Chiyou walked around two cities risking herself walking aimlessly.

"No, what are you trying to imply about me being like this again? What? Are you fed up with all of this? Are you annoyed that I'm not compliant? You tell me to my face."

Her dead eyes tried to be smug in her remarks. She lost rationality and impulsiveness is going to cause a problem with her provocation.

"..." Reika took a deep breath.

It's clear that his friend is unstable and Reika can't use the usual attitude lecture to cheer her up. Reika's temper is getting shorter and Chiyou is aware that she's actually trying to get on his nerves. He needs to defuse her emotions quickly or she will tire again fighting for nothing.

He doesn't want to argue with her but if she really wants to, Reika will give her what she wants, albeit he will control it just so it remains as a helping conversation.

He crossed his arms and imitated her arrogant tone.

"Yeah if you think so then yes, I'm fed up and annoyed. So are you going to stand up? Or I'm just going to wait here until you pick yourself up?"

The tone was effective, there was a light in Chiyou's eyes for a bit, surprise probably but it was still not enough. She's still looking at him with her mocking dead eyes.

"You think you're clever. But you're not, just... leave me alone."

She looks at the graffiti once again.

Adamant at him, curls of hairs in clumps and strands sticking to her nape. The hint of her sweet fragrance was immersed from the drenched tears and sweat.

Reika still played along with her stubbornness, she can't keep this up.

"You better get up or I'll carry you by myself. I know that you're angry at her but you don't need all this self wallowing pity. I'm getting worried so please I beg you, talk to me." Yet his voice doesn't sound worried, he's trying to beat her in her own game.

"Go on then, try it. I'll bash your head in the wall. Don't think that we are close enough to touch me, let alone carry me."

At this point, those words stab Reika. They clearly had moments of joy where they had closed and trusted each other in dangers and rewards.

There is no way she's saying this despite the times they hold hands scaling rooftops, dance with partner steps in a local arcade and catch each other from pursuits of dangerous individuals at the beginnings of their nightlife music competitions. And even in the Maza event, she let him tie a bow ranging his hands from his waist, to her arms and to her chest to design it.

Reika was intending to reach over her to console her, but he felt like with how vulnerable she is, it might look like he's taking advantage of her and with how unstable she is, she might turn it into a problem which had turned into reality now. He never had malice but Chiyou is provoking him like he is that kind of a person.

"What are you going to do? Do it. Yeah, try doing it, I dare you."

"So that's how it's going to be."

"Yeah! That's how it's going to…

In an instant, a violent tug drags Chiyou away from the wall she's leaning on, and Reika secures a tight hug over her.

...be"

Chiyou was stunned, an unexpected reaction from him. Her confusion and shock turned to anger for a moment. Trying to push away Reika's solid lock on her, then trying punching him but her strength is giving up on her.

"Let- let go!"

"Chiyou."

"Are you deaf! Let me go!"

"Chiyou."

"Get off!"

"Chiyou."

He keeps repeating her name, and each struggle she throws, the tighter his hug and gentler his hands caressing her.

Chiyou's teardrop once again, only this time, the warmth of those tears are more vivid. Her coagulating voice and shaky breath had returned.

In that solitude of a moment, silence and a shoulder is the greatest gift he can offer to the sorrow of this broken girl.

At first it was sniffing and the tremors, then the murmur of pain, he remained unmoving and gentle, until it reached it fades. Away, freezing the time from the two of them.

After a bit of silence, Reika's black jacket was drenched. Though he didn't care.

"Are you okay now?"

"Yeah." Her heart thawed and she was able to express her grief again.

"You're not sad now are you?" He gave her a melancholic smile she didn't recognize.

"Yeah… I'm sorry… thank you Rei." She wiped her tears with her own shirt.

With time and reassurance, Chiyou's smile returned and Reika felt like he could return to make tame jokes again to cheer her.

"Gotcha." A flick on her forehead attacks her.

"Ow!" She covered her head and saw the small smirk in his lips although she saw for a moment his shaking eyes.

"There you go, beautiful, you're finally fine. Stand up, let's talk." He extends his hands towards her, with his usual tight mouth smile yet it is more warmer than usual. Was she mistaken earlier?

But that thought was too burdensome to think for now. She took his hands and stood up with his assistance.

'I'm really such an idiot...' She was ashamed to look at his eyes, for doubting his stern and yet heartfelt friend.

In her unconscious mind, she knew that she was just pitying herself, fooling herself and antagonizing herself but those lonely moments had changed her heart to think that no one cares. Added by the weakened body and hunger, how could she think something that is reasonable?

Her walking out aimlessly is an impulsive action but she never meant to worry Rei about it, it didn't even come across her mind that he would find her since their communication got broken.

'All... all of that I-'

She just knows that Rei will come to this tunnel when he realizes that she's not online. Only when he told her that he had gone looking for her that she realized that he gave Rei a hard time.

And then that dark thought her aunt said to her about him just blocks her logic and impulsively attacks him.

'How couldn't I know...?'

She's made it hard for herself to gain the acknowledgement she wanted to feel. It is selfish and idiotic yet no one can tell her that this is just what she's finding. Her friend is smarter than her and knows that he realized what she is doing yet said nothing.

She's an idiot and wallowing in pain, waiting for him to help her pull from this darkness. She is only realizing all of this now that she can think again.

'Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!' Her self loathing repeated those same words again triggering her emotions again.

This alone speaks to how much he is willing to respect her emotions, even if it is a childish and unreasonable one. So how could he doubt him?

"I'm really sorry… i just realized-" Her tears shed again, this time apologizing for such a mistake.

Reika held Chiyou's face and swipes her tears with a worried face.

"Okay stop now, stop now. You don't know what you're doing at those times, everyone has that mistake but don't cry over me okay? You're making yourself sad again. Pull yourself together first and then we will talk alright?" He placed his hands over head.

"Alright." She nods in response.

"I'm glad. Alright, let's go to our hideout. You should've gone over there than here, look how dirty you are now!" He checks her clothes which are sticking dust all over her black shirt that he tried to pat off her.

Walking away the two go deeper into the tunnel where their safe space is hiding from the world, in that darkness where she is lost, she stole glances at him, the one she can trust and who she also tried to push away.

....

It was painful and bitter to even try to hurt him over her simple crying, for all the rains and colds they endured at each nights ever since their meeting. But he is still there, understanding of her. The same mature guy he is and the same reckless girl that always needs reassurance. Like a pitiful obnoxious princess woeful for the smallest violin.

Shame. Shame that wants to burst a heart and regret. A surge of contempt and courage swell from all that anger, sadness and pain but mostly driven by shame.

Hope for change. To be better and stronger. These are the words she wanted to achieve but at this moment. She swore to herself that this is the last time she will be weak.

As long as he is there, she will be better. To repay for all the laughter and soothes he had given to her.

'Thank you Rei... Thank you... From the bottom of my heart.'

....