Chapter 1

So you know that trope where a guy gets killed by a truck and gets sent to a fantasy world, goes on some big adventure gets some slave or something, saves and kingdom and its princess as his concubine. gets blessed by some dragon or something like that, gets his own harem and eventually becomes god or some bullshit like that.

Yeah.

That was a fucking lie.

I wasn't even hit by a truck.

I got shot by some idiot with a gun.

The dude literally forgot to pop out the one in the chamber before he started waving that shit around like it was a goddamm glow stick.

And one *BANG* later.

I died.

Well, I should have died but instead, I woke up as a planet.

I know I said fantasy-type reincarnations are Cliche as hell.

But I didn't mean I wanted to be a fucking planet.

I've seen shit about people waking up as rocks, as sticks, as fucking caterpillars.

But why did God make me a planet?

That's just so random.

When I said be creative I didn't mean like this.

~~~

There's no need for names here.

I died.

I ain't got no name.

Unless the billions on this planet, which is now me, have a name for it.

I just hope it's nothing too dumb.

And if it is I'm flinging us into the bright blue star that illuminates this solar system.

Wait, can I even move now?

...

Nope. I can't move.

Now that I think about, it was kinda dumb of me to think I could move when I have no limbs nor a foothold through empty space.

Guess my college degree in child physiology was for shit.

Wasted 50G's on a piece of paper I can't even use.

What fun.

At least I don't have to pay rent anymore.

Heh, if anything the people on this planet have to pay me rent.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

*Cough* *Cough*

Never mind.

I'm not that petty.

...

Yet.

~~~

So what can I even do then?

Can I create stuff?

Can I destroy shit?

That'd be cool.

I could be like god and shit.

Have my own religion.

Na, fuck that.

I don't want people preaching my name and committing war crimes all in the name of salvation.

Had enough of that back on earth.

Then again, considering the fact that this is a fantasy-type planet there might already be some bullshit religions that control the world under the shadows.

Fun.

Who doesn't like a secret organization orchestrating conflicts and world wars for the hell of it.

I haven't even been a planet for more than a few minutes and some creepy hood-wearing pedophile is drawing weird marks on a baby.

"The end is Nigh! The Child of Sauron will bring us Salvation and usher in a new age!" The sex offender chants to a shit ton of other hood-wearing creeps while rising the baby up high lion king style.

It's both a blessing and a curse that I see everything on at once.

Some people want to be God.

You know, the three Os.

Omnipotence. Omnipresence. And Omniscient.

You don't want to see everything.

Trust me.

You really don't.

Guess that makes me one-third God because I got the middle child.

Not the most mature one, but a hell of a lot better than the youngest.

Good thing I don't have a human brain anymore.

The mass amounts of visual information would explode any mortal brain.

Actually, how can I even think right now?

Am I like EGO? Is the core of this planet just my brain or something?

Oh shit. Do I have kids I don't know about?

Nah, Nah, that's dumb.

Feels like I'm worrying over needless things.

*Sigh*

Being a planet is stressful.

~~~

There's a lot more to being a planet than I thought.

I gotta see a lot of disturbing shit.

It hasn't even been a day and the number of horrors I've witnessed would drive even the most strong-willed individual mad.

Good thing I don't have a will.

Or morals for that matter.

With my human brain gone, my moral compass is pretty much nonexistent.

That's...something? Don't know if it's good or not.

But it's my reality so I have to deal with it.

Anyway, some fucking dragon is off killing humans and shit because they tried to kidnap its young.

Something about dragon egg yolk being a delicacy.

They all got turned to cinders.

A tall woman who I am 100% sure is Hagrids mom is kicking the shit out of her kid because the little shit raped a cat.

No clue why. Actually, it's probably because he lives in an abusive household.

Yeah, not a very stable environment to live in.

Dad fucks around constantly. Mom is a total bitch and directs all her anger at the kid. And the kid doesn't know how to cope.

What a perfectly dysfunctional family.

Meanwhile.

A fat elf is getting freaky with a lama.

Don't ask

I don't know either

It isn't even a Lama beastman the ones who look more human than beast.

It's just a fucking Lama.

I honestly wish I could crush him right now.

*Squelch*

...

Oh shit?

The elf guy just got squashed into paste.

Did I just do that?

Can I do more than that?

I wish Hagrids mom wasn't so ugly.

...

Well, that failed.

Huh. Maybe I didn't do that.

Or maybe she was too ugly to be fixed.

Ima go with the former.

Actually.

I wish that dragon exploded into mini chunks

*Boom*

...

Oh shit!

I can control this place?

Well I am this place

Makes sense

No, it doesn't.

I couldn't control my cells when I was human.

But I'm not human so the same logic doesn't apply right?

Meh.

I just found out that I have two of the big Os so who cares about logic.