Conflict of the heart

Mizuki POV

To hear the chirping in the morning from the birds outside, slowly wakes me up as I stir. I slowly open my eyes and stare up at the ceiling above.

Somehow my head feels somewhat clearer than last night. I don't feel refreshed and I don't feel that much better. But I must come to understand that things are going to be thins way. Though each time I try to sort our my feelings and understand what's going on, my heart feels as if it is being torn in half.

I think this is the feeling of abandonment? Possibly something else, but honestly Sato-san's words hurt. I feel upset that I have to leave this place, it's been my second home. I have learned many things and gotten stronger. It holds dear memories. Just thinking that I have to leave everything behind and face the world, where I might not even be strong enough terrifies me.

But more than anything.... I feel conflicted between acknowledging this unknown feeling about this upcoming marriage between Michikatsu and how I see him. I just know that Michikatsu is dear to me, along with Sato-san. They are precious people to me in this world, but saying goodbye earlier than I thought.....Here I am, thinking that I would leave this place in 2 years when I'm 18. But-

I sigh out ending my rambling thoughts and get out of the futon, dusting it off and putting it away nicely like it has always been. I smile slightly as I look at the futon and this small area. "Hm. Even if you aren't here, I still feel somewhat calmer now that I stayed here. Maybe it was the feeling of Yoriichi being here mentally with me..." I mumble to myself as I stretch my body before leaving the room.

Once I'm done stretching my body I get up and leave. I look up to the morning sky to see the sun hide slightly behind the clouds in the light blue sky. "I have lots of work starting today...."

With that I hurridly enter the main house and make my way back into my room, where I get dressed into my everyday clothes and head to the kitchen to start breakfast.

Soon Michikatsu and Sato-san come out and sit down at the table as I place the dishes down. "Good morning." I greet to the both of them without making eye contact. When I see them, I can't help but get nervous and feel unsure of myself. I want to act normal like I've been until I can sort out my own issues and problems.

"Morning." I hear Michikastu and Sato-san say to me. I could feel their gazes on me as I finish up setting the table.

Michikatsu POV

This morning, it somehow feels different. I'm not sure what, but something feels off. Maybe it was the fact that I had a hard time sleeping last night and couldn't get my mind off of Mizuki. Ever since I saw her after dinner, I could tell something was bothering her, but she said she was fine.

Maybe it was the fact that I'm getting married, that had caught her by surprise. It wasn't a secret from father, he had told me before as we were young that he wanted me to succeed our family and I would need to marry a girl. But I didn't think it would be now.

To be honest I don't really mind who I marry, father says that she is a lovely girl. But I can't help but wonder or ask myself these questions. 'Is she warm, gentle, but strong. Is she lovely, does she smile with complete warmth from her heart and make delicious food. Will she keep me company and not leave my side when I need her? Will she be understanding but also give me space when I need it? Can she make jokes or can we have a conversation where we can enjoy the silence between us? Will she be able to understand me?'

All of these questions come to my Mind through the night. I have this itching feeling that bugs my heart. I had knew this day would come but on the inside....I was shocked? Surprised? Unsure?

But my duty as the next head is to do this. I have to. But why did my heart sting and tug when I looked at Mizuki before I left the dinner table? Why did my eyes not once leave her when she walked away from me?

I can't comprehend. All I know and all I have wanted was to become stronger and be the best swordsman in the world. I'll do this and become the next head and when my duty is done, I'll go out and make a name for myself.

But now I can definitely say that Mizuki...she is not the same as she was yesterday. Something in her had changed. Now that I hear the change of tone in her voice, it has lost the warmth and joy in it and when I look into her eyes, as she looks down. I can see it. The dullness in her eyes, that don't shine or sparkle with life. Her eyes show confusion, frustration, and other emotions I can't describe at once. Those emotions are swirling in her eyes, refusing to look at me and father.

'Just what happened to you, last night? Why didn't you come to me to talk? Are we not close enough to do that anymore? Mizuki...'

Mizuki POV

The three of us eat in silence, not a single one of us says anything. The only sound which resounds in the dining room, is the clatter of our dishes and the sound of our chewing, with the occasional sounds of nature from the outside.

I don't dare to look up at either one of them. My heart is conflicted in what I should want, in what I should do from here on out.

As soon as I am done with my food, I get up first and take my dishes and empty plates towards the kitchen to clean.

When I'm washing my dishes I sigh out and shake my head trying to clear my thoughts that cloud my mind. 'Why are you thinking about all this stuff now....You have chores and training to come after this! I can't be sulking....I just can't be feeling all depressed over these feelings...I shouldn't be feeling this way.' I tell myself as I hear my name being called.

"Mizuki." I widen my eyes and turn around to see Michikatsu walking towards me with other dishes in his hands. I nod my head at him and put the clean dishes off to the side. "Ah thank you Michikatsu." I say as I reach out to grab them.

Surprising me Michikatsu pulls them away from my grasp. I furrow my brows slightly and look up at him but not meeting his gaze. "Michikatsu, I need those dishes. Can you please give them to me? Then after you can start your training." I say as I reach out for them again. And yet again Michikatsu pulls them away from me and walks towards me where he stands by my side. Causing me to widen my eyes and look at him confused.

"What are you doing?" I ask as I move back so I could grab other dirty utensils and dishes that are in the kitchen. "I'm going to help you today." Michikatsu tells me bluntly with no expression.

I feel my head ping in pain as I touch my temples and rub them. "It's fine Michikatsu. I don't know why you wanna help today, but I've been doing this for a while and I can handle it. I'm not that incapable to doing simple tasks such as this. So let me do my job and let me wash the dishes, plus you have training with Sato-san right?" I say as I rub my temples more harshly at the end of my sentence hoping for head to stop hurting.

"....Are you okay?" I hear Michikastu as I slowly look up to meet his gaze feeling the pain slowly fade. I can see in his eyes and his expression that he is genuinely worried about me and has this questioning look on his face. I nod my head and pull a small smile. "Yeah I'm fine, Michikatsu. I guess I stayed up too late last night. I had a lot on my mind. Other than that, I can handle this. So off to training." I say one last time as I snatch the dishes out of his hands and start to wash them.

"Mizuki." I hear Michiktasu call out to me as he stands right beside me. "Are you okay? Do you need to talk?" I hear him ask me once again causing me to smile softly. I stop washing the dishes and look up again at him. "Yes, I told you I'm okay. Besides you have other stuff to worry about other than me at the moment." I say as I cringe at myself for feeling this bubbly feeling that I get knowing that Michikatsu is worried for me.

I hear him hum softly at my response as he starts to wipe down the wet dishes. "Dad said that today we'll have the day off and we can do personal training but later he said in the afternoon that he wanted to talk to you. So I'll help you." Michikatsu said to me as I side glance as him and freeze up at the mention of Sato-san wanting to meet me.

"A-ah yes. I'll meet him later this afternoon before I go back lunch." I say as I put down a clean dish and push it over to Michikastu. 'What is he gonna kick me out before then?? Or is he gonna tell me that I shouldn't be getting close to Michikatsu anymore?? Am I going to-' I stop my thoughts as I accidentally slipped my hand with the knife and cut my finger.

"Ouch..." I mumble as I rinse the blood off with water and place the knife down after washing it again. "What did you do?" I hear Michikatsu ask as I hand him the knife.

"It's nothing. I just got a little cut because I wasn't careful." I say as I look at the cut on my finger seeing it still bleed. I sigh out before drying my hands off. "Let me see." Michikastu states as he grabs my hand and inspects it. "How could you not be paying attention when your washing something sharp? Are you gonna be this way when you get an actual sword?" he lectures me causing me to widen my eyes slowly.

He quickly pulls me away from the kitchen to another room where he pulls out a small med box with some clothes and little ointment that Michi-san left or used when we got hurt during practice for us.

I watched as he wrapped my finger around with the bandage. "Thank you." I say as I pull my hand back and inspect the carefully wrapped finger. "It's not a big deal. You shouldn't be so careless. When we get our swords, you won't be cutting your finger but cutting off your limbs instead."

I chuckle lightly how blunt he was and how his brows furrow just of talking how I'll cut my limbs off. "Michikastu, I'm not that careless that I'll cut my own limbs off." I say as I wipe a tear away feeling my mood brighten, calming the air around us.

His eyes reach fine as he smiles slightly as he nods. "There your smiling again..." he mumbles as I blink at him. "What was that?" I ask slightly leaning forward. "It's nothing. Do you want to practice before lunch?"

"Yeah lets." I say as I get up and stretch my back as I look back at Michikatsu, smiling at him. "I'm going to beat you today." I say before walking away.

"Hah...I'm the one who will beat you." He tells me as I hear him walk behind.