Chapter 1 - Preview.

Talia.

I lay in bed, running my fingers through my hair. As I looked over to the left of me, I could see a pile of torn-up pieces of paper. Why out of all people was my mother behind this? Is it that bad? Is she that sick? Or has she lost her mind? Does she hate me?

"Are you ready to talk now?" my mother spoke as she stepped into my room.

"After what you did?" I started. "I don't know if you hate me or just have completely lost your mind."

*A week before*

I had just got home from class. I was more exhausted than usual. As I walked up, I saw that the mailbox was open. So much for opening my mail, I thought to myself. I pull out my key and unlock the door. I got this weird feeling as I pushed the door open.

"Hey, gorgeous," Sammy smoothly said as she held an opened envelope in her hand. "Did you miss me? If not it looks like somebody missed you."

I couldn't get a clear view of the words on the envelope. She continued to swing it back and forth. What does she even mean by that? I thought about her words and immediately Jamie popped into mind. Before I could grab the envelope, she started shredding it into pieces.

"What are you doing?" I snapped.

"The job is done," she said with a smirk. "Can I get my money please?"

She turned to look at my mother, who was watching from the kitchen the whole time. I picked up the pieces of paper and quickly put them in a pile. I stuffed it into my pocket. What am I supposed to do with that? I don't have the patience to be putting pieces of paper together. I looked at both of them and actually couldn't believe my eyes. Is she handing her money?

"What-" I started but got cut off by Sammy stepping in my view of my mother.

"Thank you," she said politely as she quickly snatched the money.

She walked past me too fast for me to get a hold of her. Before I knew it, it was just my mother and I standing there looking at each other.

"My only question to you is, why did you do it?" I said while trying to calm down.

She looked at me and then started to laugh. I wanted to yell at her. But I knew she was too sick and careless to go back and forth with. I turned around and walked upstairs to my room. It was so cold here. It felt like I hadn't been home in forever. What am I doing with myself? I sat down at the desk. I pulled out the pile of ripped paper and set it down. I started to spread them apart and realized how small the words were.

"This is going to take forever," I said to myself.

Days passed on of me trying to piece it back together but I only ended up getting frustrated. I refused to read it until it was all together. I just want to know what Jamie had to say to me.

*Today*

"Get out!" I yelled at my mother, who I realized was still standing in the doorway.

"Why are you yelling at me?" she mumbled. "I wanted to apologize."

"Are you okay?" I asked. "Is something going on?"

"Say what you want to," she said with some sass.

"What?" I snapped. "Do you want me to sit here and ask you if you're dying? Why would I ask you a question like that? I know you're ill mentally but you went too far. To go and team up with the one person, who you, of all people, knew hurt me. That hurt on a different level."

"I know I do things that I can only explain through illnesses but I did remember to do one thing," she said. "This is why I should have apologized sooner. I love how happy you were with Jamie. I guess you could say that I went over in trying to ruin that out of jealousy but it was only because I didn't want you to be happy without me."

"Do you hear how selfish that sounds?" I asked in a demanding voice. "I just want to be back to how we were before we lost Dad and the twins. Everything has been off ever since their deaths. Coming out wasn't the easiest thing either. I figured you of all people would accept me. Then you knew the whole time about Sammy and me, yet still went behind my back to do something like this. You know how I feel about Jamie. You met her and even spent time with her mother but still can't see it. Are you blaming it all on being mentally ill? Is that what you're trying to tell me?"

She looked at me lost for words in the doorway. I didn't think she was going to speak after what I said. But yet any other time has the most shit to say.

"I made a copy," she mumbled.

"What are you talking about?" I asked aggressively.

"I made a copy of the letter," she said more clearly after clearing her throat.

I looked up at her, finally making eye contact.

"Are you being serious about this apology?" I questioned.

"I want to be a decent parent and rebuild the bond we used to have," she started. "I never imagined any happiness for this family after losing most of it."

She pulled a folded piece of paper out of her nightgown pocket. She stepped into the room. It was as if I could feel every step with my heartbeat. I was nervous to finally open up to her. Then, on top of that, I was worried about what the letter might say. I thought back to what Sammy said. She did say someone missed me. Did Jamie finally make her decision? I looked up to see my mother handing me the letter.

"I appreciate this," I started. "More than you know. I can't wait to try to build this new and better bond with you."

I jumped off my bed and grabbed my keys. I could smell myself. Jesus, I stink.

"You might want to take a shower," my mother laughed out. "You smell like five days of depression."

I rushed my mother out of the room and hurried to get in the shower. Before I knew it, I was on my way, out the door, and in my car. I couldn't stop reading it. The moment I stepped in and out of the shower. I was the one.

"Jamie's choice," I yelled out in my car.

I pulled my phone out to text her. What should I say? It's been so long since I got the letter. I started my car and began driving. She probably thinks I've forgotten about her or even worse moved on. Do I just text her about the letter? Do I say hey? Do I tell her how in love with her I am?

"What if she's given up on me?" I asked myself out loud.

I didn't realize until I looked clearly at the street I was on. It was her street. I began to get so nervous. Why do I feel like this?

"Hey, look it's Talia," Josie screamed from down the street.

I started my car as fast as I could and pulled away.

"What is wrong with you?" I asked myself while I sped down the street. "All you did was think about her and now you're worried about what to say? How about I love you?"

Then it finally hit me. I do love her. I turned around. I still don't know what to say to her. I just know that I want to be with her. I hope that's enough for her. I want to prove that I am more than the person I was when we met. I don't only want her for one thing. Even so, I want that one thing to be a future. I care for this girl and she deserves to know that. No matter what we've been through. I want to always stick by her side. I pulled up outside Jamie's house. As I got out of the car, it felt like I could hear my heartbeat again.

"Hey, why'd you drive away earlier?" Jamie asked while coming out the door.

"I got nervous," I said under my breath.

"What are you so nervous about?" Jamie questioned while stepping closer to me. "Did you get my letter?"

She remembered. She didn't forget about me. She hadn't moved on.

"Yes, actually I did," I replied, pulling the letter out of my pocket.

"So what does this mean for us?" she stated.

This time it felt like she was going to kiss me. Our faces were touching each other. It was like her body was all over mine. What does this mean? Is she my girlfriend now? Why does she make me so nervous? Any other time this question would just roll off my tongue. Have the roles switched? She moved closer to my ear. I could feel her breathing down my neck.

"Will you be my girlfriend?"