Chapter 8 Love or infatuation?

It's another Saturday.

Another boring Saturday in the week.

Shania woke up feeling despondent.

She had refused to do her favorite chores.

She won't shower.

She didn't notice Sam walk into the bedroom.

Her voice jolted her back to reality.

"Hey lollipop."

Sam walked to the mirror with a hair comb. She smeared brown powder on her wrinkle free face.

"Hey Sam."

Sam stared at her sitted on the bed.

"You don't look happy. What's wrong?"

Shania didn't answer.

What was she supposed to say?

Would she say she was unhappy because she was losing sight of her goals?

Success came to her naturally, everyone expected it of her.

And although those expectations were monumental burden, could she blame them?

Smartness was her identity, it'd remain so.

And if she lost that, what did she have?

She had no valuable talent.

Or was it because she had scored lower than expected in the recent tests?

Counselor Lydia had scolded her enough.

"This isn't the grades expected from someone who wants to attend a prestigious university. It's abominable," she had said.

She didn't want Sam scolding her again.

Sam came to sit beside Shania.

"Didn't you sleep last night? You look shot and starveling."

"Do you miss mom? She'll be back in a few days."

Shania sneered.

"Miss mom? I'm thankful you're here."

"I've had a big share of boredom and loneliness. Mom's too busy with her business meetings. She can't be bothered with me. You know how she can be. She starts to yell at you before you've said something meaningful."

Sam slapped her thigh as she shook with laughter.

"I'm here now. You can talk to me about anything."

Shania gurgled.

"So much has been happening lately."

She lowered her eyebrows.

"I feel overwhelmed and suffocated inside. I'm confused."

Sam gaped at her implausibly.

"Confused about what miss perfect? All the problems you come crying to me about are things you can solve by yourself."

Shania stuttered while gritting her teeth.

She brushed her fingers across her hair roughly.

"Uhhh, Sam, you don't get it."

"Things are falling apart. I feel defeated. Miss Lydia wants me to rewrite the test and I don't do well in supervised work. I can't afford to fail,"she cried.

Sam enclosed Shania in a tight hug.

"I completely understand you've lost the spark."

"Being girl is not just fighting other people's mindsets. It's fighting and winning, and sometimes losing - wars in your mind about what to choose over what - sterling career or amazing family, each coming at a cost. Or it

may be a battle of what to give more priority, rather than what to choose."

"There are times when confusion sets in. Take a break.Trust me, you'll be fine."

She gazed intently at Shania.

"Is there anything else?"

Shania shook her head.

Sam frowned.

"Won't you tell me about him? When did you start hiding things from me? It's not a good thing to do."

Shania wriggled out of her grip.

"Who are you talking about?"

"You're unbelievable. Don't play dumb with me, lollipop."

"Sam, it's not what you think. I wasn't trying to hide it from you. I've always wanted to tell you about it."

She raised her brows in a surprised arc.

"I'm sure if I had not read it in your diary, I would not have found out. You would seal your lips."

Shania shifted her gaze.

"Tell me about it. Do you like him so much?"

She adjusted uncomfortably on the bed.

"Sam, don't get the wrong idea."

"I don't want to as well. I know he's being nice to me. Nothing else. I've enough drama in my life already. I don't want anyone creating more problems for me."

Sam exploded in a laugh.

"Lollipop, you can't fool me. If you didn't like him you won't fantasize about him like you did in your diary."

"Sam, it's not what you think. He's not even my type,"Shania blurted out.

"I don't want to become the target of his girlfriend's bullying."

"Last week, she locked me up in the rest room because she saw Nick hold me from falling."

"Although, she said she's changed, I still can't believe her."

Sam giggled uncontrollably.

Sarcasm filled her voice.

"Look who's all grown up."

"You even have a type."

Shania felt like she was losing control.

"It's not funny,"she uttered in a shrill cry.

"I'm sorry,"Sam said, trying to hide the fact that she wanted to laugh more.

She stroke Shania's braids with affection.

"Do you think you can handle a relationship?"

Shania's heart stumbled over its own rhythm.

"You're at the prime of your teenage existence.You two feel this way because your hearts have gotten to the next phase of its development. When you begin to feel it towards someone, does it mean you love that person?"

Shania seemed void of expression.

"No, love is more than an emotional feeling. An emotion is a fragment of love. Love has several definitions depending on usage. When you begin to feel like this, it's called infatuation. Infatuation is temporary passion: an intense but short-lived and irrational passion for somebody or something. Remember it's temporary. Never express it. It will surely wean. You may end up with a heartbreak when the period of infatuation is over since you've mistaken it for love."

"Now, go and shower."

"You haven't, have you?"Sam asked.

Shania shook her head.

"Do I stink?"

Sam laughed.

"How'd I know? I'm not the one who hasn't showered till 12pm."

Shania pulled out her towel.

"I'll shower...then you'll choose my clothes."

Sam looked at her incredulously.

"Why should I choose your clothes?"

Shania's voice was suddenly high-pitched.

Her dimples visible to Sam's eyes.

"Please, Sam. Your sense of style is one in a million."

She shook her head disapprovingly.

"When would you ever learn?"

Shania dragged her feet on the floor till she got to the bathroom.

***

Sam flopped on the bed. She turned on the cassette but Shania didn't budge.

"What's this thing you're always writing at night that absorbs your consciousness?"

Shania didn't look away from her book.

"I get my inspiration at night."

She scrabbled more on the sheets on her table.

Sam sipped her coffee.

"What inspiration? Are you writing love letters for some good looking boys in your school?"

Shania laughed.

"This isn't love letters. It's an outline for my book."

"I assumed."

Sam chewed her crackers.

"Sam, I chose another extracurricular activity."

"Writing."

"It's a good one but I'm sure it's time consuming."

"It is time consuming but I'll handle it."

Shania pulled away from the table. She moved her seat towards the bed Sam lay on.

"Sam, I need to talk to you."

"Boyfriend issues again?"

Sam chortled.

Shania sighed softly and nodded her head.

"Sam, I believe all you said earlier about love and infatuation and I must say it's the truth.

But, I'm not sure what it is.

James and I have been friends for ages.

I don't know how it happened but I like James."

Sam raised her brows and dropped her coffee.

"What do you mean?"

"Sam, it's not the kind of like you think. It's something genuine. But he likes someone else."

"Let me get this straight. You're jealous?"Sam asked.

"I can't define it. But I feel ditched. He could have told me earlier so that I won't feel like I'm abandoned."

Shania snorted, blinking back tears.

This did hurt her. Knowing that she had been a substitute all along was painful.

She should have known better, good feelings never lasted.

"Who said you're abandoned?"

"Sam, my friends are the only people I have. They define me. I have no good quality,"she lamented as she recalled her father's words.

'There's nothing praiseworthy in you.'

It echoed in her head.

"Shania, you have every good quality and you deserve the best, only the best."

"You're jovial, loving, caring and real. You don't discriminate or segregate. You always accept people for who they are."

"But you lack a good self-esteem. You always need people's approval of your personality which isn't impressive."

"Lollipop, love yourself for who you're and not what people say. Love and cherish yourself because that's the foundation of one's success. You're a wonderful person and an uncommon kind."

"This is what I want you to know."

Sam pulled Shania in a warm embrace.