Chapter 7 Failing again

The early morning sunlight gnawed on Shania's flesh as she woke up with a throbbing headache.

Her fever was gone.

It was another morning she woke up with a fresh feeling.

She glanced at herself with an inexplicable expression in front of the mirror.

Her gaze softened as she tried to relax her stiff limbs.

****

The recently released test results were nothing to be proud of.

It dampened her soul. It seemed so disappointing that the golden goose had suddenly begun to lay brown eggs.

She would have to work harder to impress principal Peters.

"A penny for your thoughts,"Jane interrupted.

"You didn't even tell me how your date with Nick went. What kind of a friend are you?"

Shania hissed while she crossed her leg over the other.

"Are you kidding me? There's nothing to tell. Besides, it was an audition not a date."

Shania remained silent and scrutinised the papers closely.

"What's happening to your scores?"Jane asked.

Shania's eyes darted around maniacally.

"You didn't notice that, did you?"

"What happened? You did incredibly well in the first two tests,"Jane said.

Silence lingered.

"Well, it's just one little failure,"she blurted out.

Jane stared at her, speechless.

"One little failure? What happened to you? You used to be so enthusiastic about doing things right, now I don't even know how to describe you."

Shania clasped her wrist in her opposite hand.

She was at a loss for words.

"Don't you think doing things perfect is exhausting?"

Jane's jaw dropped.

"Exhausting?"

Shania looked away from Jane's direction.

This was her own way of saying she was tired of a conversation and won't want to continue.

Jane sighed.

"Shania, James said you two have been friends since childhood, is it true?"

Shania's complexion turned pale.

"Yes, don't doubt your boyfriend,"she replied flatly.

"You didn't even tell me?"

Shania pulled her bag and yawned.

"I thought it wouldn't be helpful."

A deep frown etched on Jane's face when she saw that Shania wasn't interested in the conversation.

"What wrong with you? You've been distant since last week."

Shania stopped.

After she heard the news about James and Jane's new relationship which was already the talk of other students, she had been unfriendly and distant.

The scenes of James being overtly caring towards Jane made her burn in provocation.

She began to go to the canteen alone.

She began to walk home without them.

She also began to huff at James whenever he wanted to help her.

"I have nothing to say."

Jane gritted her teeth and endured the coldness in Shania's voice.

"What do you mean? Friends are supposed to help each other, right?"

"You're supposed to tell me, what is going on with you?"

"Your recent attitude isn't good.

You do things alone which is unusual and each time I ask you, you say it's nothing. What are friends for if you can't tell me things that are happening to you?"

"Friends?"

Veins in Shania's neck stood out in livid ridges.

Her mouth pinched shut as though holding back what she really wanted to say.

She won't hurt Jane this way.

She would just sacrifice this, only one more time.

Speaking would be useless.

They would never understand.

"Why do you even care?"

"We care! I care!"James blurted out as he walked towards them.

He held her closely; pulling her arms with greater strength.

"What did I do wrong, Shania?"

"You know you can always talk to me about anything," he said, looking her in the eyes.

Shania's fingertips turned cold. She was sorry but she didn't want to speak; plenty things running through her mind.

'No matter what comes in life, I have your back.'

These words were his.

He was going to keep them, wasn't he?

He was just her best friend, wasn't he?

She had not realized until now that the feelings started to creep in; slowly, it was consuming her.

Love? Was it what she had been feeling?

That was one thing that could never happen to her; she only read it in novels.

She wasn't a believer in fairy tales.

But on second thoughts, she was in love with James, her best friend, who had disappointed her when he said he loved her like his own sister and he was in love with another girl.

She wanted more than his brotherly love.

She needed a moment before she left.

It was nothing personal.

She drew the line; he didn't need to see her cry, because even if he understood, he didn't understand.

Shania flanked his hands off her shoulders.

James gazed; speechless at her reaction.

He didn't see it coming. He knew she had been feeling uneasy but every time he tried to help or ask her what the problem was, she bluntly rebuffed him, making him feel like he had done something wrong.

In this life and her next life, she would never beg for anyone's love and acknowledgment again.

Never!

An ache started deep down in her stomach. She turned away as tears welled up in her eyes.

***

Nick, Andrew and Mary strolled up to Shania who was sitted in the field.

"Why are you here alone?"

"Where are your friends?"

Shania fanned herself with her hand.

She couldn't tell where the hotness was coming from, her hand or her face?

"Nothing. I just want to be alone and process my thoughts."

Nick's brows creased.

"Are you sure you're fine?"

Shania chuckled with glee and glanced up at him, soaking the sun in simple bliss.

"I'm okay.... perfectly fine."

She felt a stab of pain in her chest.

Deep down, she wanted to let out a horrified scream.

She knew no one really cared but even if it was an insincere kindness, she wanted someone to tell her that everything would be alright, that she wasn't losing her mind.

"Any plans for the weekend?"he asked, pulling her from her drowning thoughts.

"Extracurricular activities?"

"I've singing and dancing classes,"Mary said.

"Wow.. it's good. I've basketball practice tommorow,"Nick affirmed.

"Me too,"Andrew chipped in.

Shania sighed.

"What about you, Shania?"Andrew asked.

"Well..."

She fidgeted with her sweaty palms and

swallowed saliva constantly.

"I've writing prompts."

"What are those?" Mary questioned.

Shania rolled her eyes.

"It's WSA - Webnovel Spirity Awards. I signed up for it." she smiled broadly, trying to hide the momentary look of discomfort that crossed her face.

"What does it do?"Nick asked. He leaned forward.

"The world gets to read my book,"Shania replied, her voice wistful in its bliss.

Mary gave a blank expression.

"The world?"

"Writing is the most absurd thing to do."

Shania's eyes slammed shut as if that would protect them from Mary's disheartening words that pierced her soul.

"There are other fun things to do asides writing... that's just a pile of boring work on its own."

"Mary, stop it. It's discouraging,"Andrew interrupted.

"Stop what?"

"I'm only telling her a list of fun things to do."

"You should be encouraging her, not the other way around,"Nick advised.

Shania glared at Mary with hostility.

"Why are you suddenly being friendly towards me, Mary?"

Mary inched backwards.

"Nothing. I just wanted to make a change."

Shania chuckled.

"Change?"

In the literal sense, she was right.

Humans were fated to change; that was the way it was meant to be.

"Yes. I'm changed now. You still have your doubts, I guess but you have to believe me when I say it. I'm sorry for being a bad person towards you. I'm sorry for the dead lizards."

Shania glared silently.

Nick coughed to regain control.

"Shania, it's the truth. I'm sure she's changed now. She walked up to me earlier so that I can talk to you about accepting her again. I believe she's changed."

"I promise!"

Mary stretched her arms for a hug.