Encounter with a ROB (Written by ROB)

I want to share with you how and why I am here interviewing idiots.

All this began eons ago, when I was a fledgling all-powerful and all-knowing being. I was pure and innocent then.

I had a name at this time but it lost its meaning. Anyways, one month after I shut down my omniscience as it was boring me, I traveled through many worlds and assisted to their birth and death. I was in search of distraction (what can I seek beside that). Unfortunately, sentients races were few and those evolved enough to create entertainments were fewer. Boredom was rearing its head again.

I slept for the first time. When I woke up, there was new things to quench my boredom. My existence became cyclic. Sleeping, waking up, traveling the world and back to sleeping.

After one of my longest sleep, I noticed that the planet I used as resting place gained sentience for some millennia now. I then contacted her ad we discussed. She (she was genderless at the time) was as bored as me but couldn't visit the world at her leisure like me. The idea of a companion intrigued me so I gave her a body like mine (but a female body as everyone who went as a pair in my previous trips consisted of a male and a female), gave her the name of Atlatonin (it was her first name) and we started our trip.

This trip was more entertaining than all the ones before. Sex, fight, war, rebellion, governing, learning, teaching, healing,... We partook in all these activities. When we had nothing new to do we went back to her original body (the planet) and slept. She was now a part of my life.

She was always eager to learn new things and experiment new sensations. I had trouble understanding what she was thinking (I didn't use my powers) as she always sported an almost blank face. It took me some cycles to be able of perfectly reading her expressions.

She was like a web that was entrapping me. I noticed that I started to develop feelings for her and decided to test them.

When our sleeping cycle came, I pretended sleeping and after being sure that she was sleeping I picked a random newly sentient planet and gave it a body (just like I did for her). She then accompanied me to play and… it was boring. I concluded that it was due to the lack of novelty.

I accelerated time everywhere apart from Atlatonin planet and when the world made a whole sleep cycle, I started another trip with another companion. After trying with hundreds different companions and not developing any feelings for them I went back to Atlatonin and waited for her to wake up.

When she woke up, we started our trip like usual and during the trip I confessed to her. Of course, she… refused. This trip was a disaster.

She separated from me and went her way. I was sad and cut my travel to go sleeping. I didn't see her for many cycles.

One day, when I woke up she was there and said that if I still want her, she accepts my proposition. My feelings weren't gone but I wanted to know what made her change her mind. The funny thing is that she also traveled with many companions and it made her aware of her feelings.

I accepted and we went back to our old ways but as a couple. It was a blast. Creating worlds and making them wage wars. Gathering our respective harems from all other the world and live in debauchery (until they become annoying or we got bored). Metamorphosing in different species to experiment their lives. Sealing (partially or not) our memories and living as mortals. Destroying slowly multiverses. Good times, really.

Many eons passed and now, we still are happy together… most of times. The things is that our cycles became boring as mortals were doing the same things again and again. We didn't have new ideas of distraction and looking at each other in boredom was annoying. We decided to search means to distract ourselves separately.

This is why I am here now interviewing idiotic mortals. My goal is for them to discover new ways of entertainments for my wife and me.

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I am in a massage center in the middle of the void. I'm being massaged by one of the women who came repetitively in my harem and the 4t96553X65a4th candidate is regaining his bearings on a plain sofa. This was entertaining at the beginning but it's becoming annoying now.

Candidate: "I suppose this is the part where you tell me my death was an accident and you want to send me to another world as an apology."

Me: "..." 'This one seems interesting. He would amuse me a little.'

I waved my masseuse away and stood up.

Candidate: "Are you so surprised that you could not answer? A truck killing me during a parachute jump cannot be natural."

Me: "Yes you're right. I'm really sorry for this unfortunate accident. My superiors cannot learn of this. How can I compensate you to forget this regrettable matter?"

Candidate: "Don't worry, I'm not a greedy guy. You'll reincarnate me in the world of DxD with the complete gamer system which would have all the omniverse items, unlimited system accuracy. I want to be born in the Phenex family in lieu of Riser. I want to look like Sephiroth from Final Fantasy and regain my memory at 5. Erase the child soul before putting me in his body. I want my personalized evil piece able to bind anyone I want. Hmm, it should be enough I could get the rest from the system."

Me: "It's a little hard but if I sacrifice a piece of my divine spark it should be possible. So, good luck in your adventure and may you not came back here so soon."

Then, I make light engulf him and he closed his eyes. Soon the light disappeared and he is still there. He has a stunned expression on his visage and it seem like he would begin to scream soon.

Me: "You see if you weren't such an asshole to me I would have granted you your wishes as someone like you could accomplish my objective. Don't say anything. I have enough of your haughtiness. What make you think that someone who killed you in such a fashion would apologize to you? So as punishment I would let you rot in a personalized hell for hmmmm, 1000 years before putting you back in your world reincarnation cycle? Let's see your deepest fear. Oh, interesting. Being conscious of existing and not be able to become crazy while being deprived of all your senses. You have a good imagination. Have a safe trip."

I then send him to his personal hell.

Me: "He was as entertaining as I thought. Dear, bring me a cocktail and will you continue your heavenly massage? I should pass to the next candidate. How will I kill him? Hmmm, I know, I will make him drown in the desert. It would be hilarious."