8. Self Hate and Late Meetings, Part 2

A/N: Hey everybody! So, first of all, this fanfiction has hit 100 reveiws! *dramatic squealing* That was my original goal for this story and I'm SOOOO happy I reached it! Thanks to each and every one of you beautiful readers out there! And we're only half done with this fic! My next goal is to get to 150. Think we can do that together?

Anyway, here is the next chapter. I was originally going to post this last night, but my friend came over and distracted me. So please leave a note for her in the reviews expressing your sheer annoyance. I'll make sure she gets it. ;)

Without further ado, here is the next chapter! I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 8: Self Hate and Late Meetings Part 2

Ladybug slid down into a sitting position, leaning against a chimney. She couldn't take it anymore. She started to sob. She stayed in that position, crying and shaking with her arms wrapped around her legs and her face in her knees.

Why was she such a failure? She had hurt Chat Noir, the one person she trusted with her life, and that led him to kidnap and hurt Adrien Agreste, the love of her life. She could never forgive Chat for going so far. And she couldn't forgive herself for pushing him that far.

"Did he really love me?" she questioned. She had thought that his flirting was just him. That he flirted with every girl that came along, showing off and hoping to receive a compliment that would inflate his already over-inflated ego even more. Besides, how could he possibly love her?

Sure, when she donned the Ladybug mask she could be semi-impressive. At least to the news reporters and fans seemed to think so. She always managed to save the day in the end, and that was all the citizens of Paris cared about.

Chat was the one who watched her make mistakes. The one who watched as Plan A failed, and then Plan B failed, and then they just barely managed to pull of Plan C. Chat Noir was the one who saw all of the times that she failed to pay attention. That she was weak. He often took hits for her when she should have seen them coming. How could he possibly love her?

And if Chat had managed to overlook her weakness as Ladybug, there was no way he could ever love Marinette. Shy, stuttering, clumsy Marinette. She was never strong or cool. She could never keep her head on straight during a fight. Heck, when he showed up after first receiving his miraculous, he seemed cocky and confident. She had been a mess. She still was.

"Ladybug?" a tentative voice asked, snapping her out of her thoughts. Startled, she looked up to see Alya walking over to her. She stood up and immediately reached for her yoyo. "Wait, I'm not here for an interview."

Alya's words stopped her. Ladybug glanced back. If her crazy best friend who was obsessed with Ladybug wasn't here for an interview, then what did she want? "Then, why are you here? And how did you get up here?" she asked.

Alya pointed at the rickety fire escape on the side of the building. Ladybug had to hand it to her, that girl could do anything when she was determined enough. "I just wanted to see if you are okay," Alya said.

"Why?" Ladybug questioned, replacing her yoyo on her hip. "Why do you care?"

"Why wouldn't I care?" Alya asked, looking incredulously at the spotted girl. "You've saved Paris too many times to count. And after seeing that note from Chat Noir, I'm sure the police showed it to you, I can't imagine what you're going through."

"Still, why do you care?" Ladybug whispered. "Paris is safe. You're safe. You said it yourself, you don't even know who I am. How can you possibly trust me?" She laughed bitterly at her words. Alya frowned.

"I don't know. It's just, my friend Marinette was having a bad day today," Alya said. "And then I started thinking about it and I realized that you're just a person. I mean, not like THAT!" Alya waved her hands out in front of her.

"You're not just a person, you're incredibly brave and strong and cool and stuff! It's just...maybe I never stopped and considered that you have feelings too. I was so obsessed with figuring out your secret identity that I never stopped and thought about why you would keep it a secret," Alya finished. Ladybug's jaw dropped.

"I...I don't know what to say," Ladybug responded, wiping a tear from her eye. "I just, you're right. I don't know what to do anymore. I have to stay strong all the time for the cameras, and for my parents and friends in my life, who don't know who I am. I'm sorry that I turned out to be such a disappointment Alya. I know you idolized me. I'm sorry I didn't turn out to be the hero everyone thought I was."

Alya grabbed Ladybug by the shoulders and stared straight into her eyes. "Don't talk like that!" she demanded. "You're still my hero! If my partner went crazy and kidnapped someone and I had to deal with my real life along with my life as Ladybug and not be able to tell ANYONE, even my own parents, I think I would go crazy!"

"What makes you think I haven't?" Ladybug asked dryly.

"Look, Ladybug. The point is, you chose to ignore all of the loneliness and the suffering and the pain to help protect innocent people! And if that's not heroic, then I don't know what is!" Alya said, planting her hands on her hips.

Ladybug allowed a small smile to grace her lips. That's the Alya she knew and love. If only her best friend knew that one of the people that Ladybug regretted not being able to reveal her identity to was Alya herself.

"Thank you Alya, I guess I needed that today," Ladybug said gratefully. Alya's smile could not be matched.

"Alright girl, now we are going to hunt down Chat Noir and get Adrien back!" Alya cheered.

"Woah woah woah, what do you mean we?" Ladybug asked.

"Look Ladybug, you're the hero and all, but even heroes need help. I happen to be the best person for the job. I have so many different internet connections that can give us all kinds of crazy information!" Alya said. "I'm gonna be your Chat Noir for a bit! Please!" she added with big puppy dog eyes. Ladybug sighed.

"You know what Alya, that would actually be really helpful," she admitted with a sigh. It was better than nothing, right? Alya looked like she was about to explode from happiness. "But on one condition," she continued.

"ANYTHING!" Alya promised.

"That you can't tell anyone about this. Or you may be targeted too. Chat picked Agreste because it would cause a big news disturbance and there was no way I wouldn't notice. If he finds out that you're helping me he may go after you," Ladybug said seriously. Alya nodded.

"I swear I won't tell a soul! What should I do first?" she asked.

"Unfortunately, I overslept accidentally and I missed the meeting with Chat Noir. Now I'm terrified he'll do something to Adri-um, the Agreste boy! I need you to search the internet and see if anyone saw anything, even slightly suspicious out here tonight in this area," Ladybug said. Alya nodded.

"I'm on it! And before you go, could I maybe, um, get a picture with you?" she asked shyly. Ladybug sighed. Once a fangirl, always a fangirl.

"Sure, but you can't post it on the Ladyblog," Ladybug relented. She put her arm around Alya's shoulders and smiled as the red head snapped the picture.

"Omigosh thank you soooooooooo much!" Alya gushed. She glanced at her phone. "Shoot, I'm supposed to be home in five minutes!"

"Maybe I can help with that," Ladybug said, stepping closer and grabbing Alya's waist while pulling out her yoyo.

"What do you meeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan?" Alya finished with a shriek as Ladybug jumped off of the roof and swung off into the night. "THIS IS SO AWESOME!"

############################################################################################################################################################

Chat Noir thought that he would be ready when The Trapper stepped out of the dark room and into the light. He wasn't. The light seared at his eyes, forcing him to squeeze them shut and keep them shut as the Trapper plodded along. Great, now he would have no idea how to get out of here if he managed to escape. Although it was very doubtful he would be able to at this point.

"You have him?" the other voice asked. Now Chat knew that it belonged to Hawkmoth. The Trapper must have nodded because Chat heard no response.

"Good, you know the plan."

"Yes master," the Trapper answered. There was the sound of a door opening and closing and then the cold fresh air hit his face. It felt so wonderful and refreshing and-

"You can open your eyes now," the Trapper informed him. Chat slowly opened his eyes. It still hurt him a bit, but it was getting dark out and his eyes pretty much completely adjusted to the light. "If you make any sounds, I'm going to have to hurt you," the Trapper warned Chat quietly. The cat boy nodded. Better safe than sorry. Besides, no one that could hear him would stand a chance against this guy.

The Trapper headed across the rooftops, leaping swiftly and silently across. Chat noticed that they were in the South side of the city. They were heading towards the Louvre.

"Please, please, please don't come Ladybug," Chat prayed silently.

The Trapper stopped on the rooftop of an abandoned warehouse. He set Chat down gently, leaning him against a chimney. He pulled out extra rope and tied him to the chimney, preventing him from going anywhere. Then The Trapper crossed his arms and stood there, fiddling with his tranq gun as he waited.

Chat hung his head. He felt so useless. Here he was, injured and tied up, sitting quietly and waiting for Ladybug to show up and meet her doom. He was so stupid to have even considered that Ladybug might have needed his help while fighting the akumatized Trapper. If he had just stayed home and played those stupid video games, none of this would have happened.

And now she was going to be in trouble. And it was Chat's fault. Why hadn't he just stayed out of the way? He was such a hindrance. He always had been. All of those akuma fights that he and Ladybug had would have been easier for her if he stayed out of the way.

He just wasn't good enough. He never had been good enough. Teat's probably why his mom walked out on him. She had recognized it earlier. He supposed his father was stuck with him and took advantage of his good looks to help boost the company's popularity.

Why wasn't he good enough? Why couldn't he be wanted anywhere? Why did no one love him? It was his stupid bad luck. He had it before he put on the ring and became Chat Noir. It was probably his bad luck that led him to find the ring in the first place...

And then he had met Ladybug. And he'd fallen for her. Quite literally, actually. He remembered falling and getting tangled up in her yoyo and staring into those pretty bluebell eyes for the first time. She was the first person who made him feel like he was worth something. The first person that made feel like an equal.

But did she really feel like that? Ladybug was far too nice and considerate to tell him that he wasn't wanted. She was so nice and perfect. Then again, he had often taken hits for her. He had always considered it his duty to keep her safe. Keep her safe because he loved her, not because it was his job.

Chat's eyes widened. What if that was all it was? A job. Ladybug said they were a team, so he showed up, he loved her, and he took hits for her. What if his only purpose was just to make sure she wasn't hurt? What if she was just...using him?

Chat Noir closed his eyes and let out a shuddering sigh. His arm throbbed, and the pain in his leg was really beyond describing at this point. The wound hadn't stopped bleeding. But his heart was what hurt him most of all.

He could hear Plagg in the back of his mind, trying to comfort him, but he was beyond comforting. And Plagg's attempts were so weak and feeble. Chat new that his kwami was exhausted. Normally he would have changed back long ago, but he new that Plagg was holding on for as long as he possibly could.

But it was weakening the kwami terribly. He had turned to an old kwami trick, something he hated to do but he knew that he must. Plagg was slowly using his master's own energy to keep the transformation active. Not only was it slowly draining the kwami, who would have had to give up long ago, but it was also draining the boy. And Plagg felt terrible.

"Looks like the bug is taking her time," The Trapper commented. Chat opened his eyes and looked around. He no longer had to hope she wouldn't come. She wouldn't. As long as she was safe, he wasn't needed. And there was no reason she would risk her own safety to save him.

The knowledge should have made Chat feel better, but it didn't. He was still clinging desperately to the small hope that maybe, just maybe, this was all in his mind. That Ladybug would swoop down any second, her yoyo in hand, and take down the Trapper.

And then he could apologize. Explain that he understood how much of a burden he was, and that he would just do his job and make sure that she was safe. He would stop with the puns. Stop with the flirting. Do his job and then get out of her way. They could fight the akumas like that.

But deep down, Chat Noir still loved Ladybug. It was irrational, it was ridiculous, and it would never be returned, but oh dear god he loved her so much.

"That's it, times up!" the Trapper said, shrugging. "Hawkmoth is going to be very angry that she didn't show." The giant camo clad man glanced down at the boy at his feet. Chat Noir had his eyes closed, and his breathing was coming in short gasps. There was a small pool of blood around his leg, and his right arm lay limply at his side. "Hey kid?" he said tentatively.

Chat opened his eyes and glared at The Trapper. Wow, he had never realized that the kid had such piercing green eyes. The Trapper gulped. His father had green eyes. He remembered the excitement that sparkled within them when he had proudly watched his son take down his first deer.

"What?" Chat moaned.

"Are you okay?" The Trapper asked, shrugging. "I mean, um, because Hawkmoth would kill me if you died!" he added hastily. Chat shrugged.

"I'm paw-sitively purr-fect," he answered weakly. Man, his head hurt so badly. And he felt dizzy and faint. He couldn't tell if it was from dehydration or blood loss or a mixture of them both. The Trapper reached into his pocket and handed Chat a bottle of water and a small piece of bread.

"It's all I can give you," he said, shrugging. Chat devoured it with fervor, gulping down the water like it would disappear if he stopped to take a breath. As he looked up, Hawkmoth's symbol appeared around The Trapper's face, showing that Hawkmoth was communicating with him.

"Well, he says that Ladybug missed her chance. You're coming back with us," the Trapper relayed the message. "He also told me to warn you that since Ladybug didn't come, you'll be paying the price for it."

The Trapper pulled Chat off of the ground and forced him back towards wherever Hawkmoth's lair was. This time, he kept his hand over the boy's eyes, making sure that Chat would be thoroughly confused and have no idea where the lair was, just in case.

As they both disappeared into the shadows, The Trapper didn't notice the red and black spotted girl swinging up onto the rooftop where they had been minutes earlier.

A/N: Well, there you go. I'm so inspired to write this fanfcition right now I'll probably start the next chapter right away! Keep feeding the author kwami! Have great day!