chapter 5

Chapter 5: A friend in need

Petunia's scream compelled everyone to the door, dinner forgotten.

"What is it?!" Lily rushed to her sister.

Petunia blanched and pointed a shaking finger. "I t-thought it was one of my f-friends."

Lily gasped and pushed Petunia behind her. The thing on the porch rasped and hissed. Its ghoulish skin, marred by ugly red patches, glowed in the gathering night. Deep, dark eyes stared from beneath coal black hair. Wait… Lily held back her fear and ignored the thing's soulless eyes and the trail of blood dripping from its mouth.

A chill gripped her heart. Severus…? Terror swept over Lily. What's wrong with you?

His eyes caught her, drew her into an endless tunnel of darkness. She tried to escape, gasp for air, but she couldn't. You're drowning me, Sev!

"Thank you…" Severus' words released Lily, and she dashed to him as he collapsed.

He's so light… I always thought of him as skinny until exams. Is it the way he walks now—straight, confident? "It's bad!" she said as her parents crowded onto the porch. Severus' limp body rasped louder. "Sev? Sev, can you hear me?" She felt his cold face. What does that sick rattling mean? Did he injure a lung—or both? Is it exhaustion? Oh, Merlin, what should I do?!

"That horrible man!" Her mother's anger exploded. "I knew it! I knew we shouldn't let him go back!"

"Calm down, Maggy," her father said as he knelt beside Lily.

"This is too much, Harold! We should call the authorities."

"Of course, we should," her father replied, voice calm. "But I don't think you should yell in front of Severus. We don't want to shock him more."

Her mother started to speak but stopped.

"Lily… do you mind?" her father eased open arms under Severus.

He's so… defenseless. The crook of her neck cradled his head and his breath hissed against her shoulder. Severus' face twisted in torment, and his cheek bulged unnaturally.

Lily surrendered him with reluctance.

"The boy's tall, but I didn't realize he was this scrawny," said her father.

Lily tagged close, eyes on Severus as her father took him to the living room and laid him on the couch. She knelt, took his cold hands and rubbed warmth into them.

"I'll call the doctor." Her mother left.

Lily ignored her family's harsh whispers as she wrapped Severus in a blanket.

"Lily," her mother called. "The doctor will be here as soon as he can. You can let go now."

"No." She held Severus' hand tighter.

"You didn't finish your dinner, dear."

"I'm not leaving him. He'll be terrified if he wakes up and I'm not here. That's what happened last… time…"

"I'm sure he appreciates that, but you don't have to sit on the floor."

"I'm not leaving!"

Her mother sighed. "I'll get you some tea. It'll do you good."

Just before Lily's mother brought the promised tea, some color seeped into Severus' cheeks and his eyes darted behind closed lids.

"Lily," he moaned in a voice almost unrecognizable.

"I'm right here." She squeezed his hand. "It's okay."

"Lily. Lily, no… please, don't! No more…" Severus pleaded without waking.

"Shh, Sev…" she whispered. "It's all right." Can't let him move too much.

"No, you can't do that! How can you just let him die? He's supposed to be safe! Why me? Why shall I be responsible for both your deaths?"

"Sev?" Lily brushed a strand of hair out of his face. He shied from her touch.

"No, Master. I'm faithful to you. You don't need to punish me!"

Lily furrowed worried brows. Why is he saying all this? What happened—and when for that matter?

"Please! Have mercy—let her go! Have mercy!" Severus trembled in his sleep, and panic grew in his face.

"Sev!" Lily shook him. "Wake up! You're dreaming!"

Severus' eyes flew open. "Y-you're okay?" He touched her cheek as urgency filled his voice.

Lily held his hand to her face and gazed into his dark eyes. "I'm fine. It's you who's ill."

Severus nodded and took his hand back. He lay on the couch and all emotion vanished.

"Are you okay?" said Lily.

Severus snorted. "A good-for-nothing drunk manhandled me."

Lily giggled in relief at his tone. If he has the energy to be annoyed, he'll be all right. She sighed. But something about all this is far from all right. I know you like no one else does, Severus. I've seen it all—good and bad. You've a short temper, insecurities, passion. But you also have compassion… even if you usually reserve it for me.

She smiled softly. Those black eyes once twinkled like sunlit onyxes. You were so happy then. I remember, back when we were eight…

"What's wrong?" Severus, wearing the same worn clothes as always, sat in front of Lily.

"It's Tuney," Lily sniffed. "I'm a freak!"

"No, you're not!" Severus insisted, then said more softly, "You'll see when we get to Hogwarts. We'll make tons of friends, and they'll all like us! They'll see our value, and everything will be better." His voice wavered as he spoke his own hopes for the future. "And you'll always have me, right?"

Lily smiled. "Sure. Friends forever."

Severus' breath still rattled, but the sharp edge was gone.

Lily relaxed and accepted tea from her mother. She sipped it quietly.

I'm so sorry, Sev—sorry for everything that's hurt you. It closed you off when we were kids. Your father's abuse kindled a lust for revenge. Every time something hurt you, that pain fueled hate. You had no one to adore you—dote on you like most other children. It made you hard and unpleasant. There were no adults to set a good example. And I was the only one ever to embrace you…

You were a confrontational child, but now… bitterness could turn you cruel if you're not careful. Magnificence—power—that was your goal from the start so good things would happen. You were so convinced of your destiny to greatness that you never stopped to consider that you make mistakes.

Crickets chirped outside as darkness gathered.

Oh, Sev… I want to hug you—tell you you'll always have me.

I'm sorry you didn't find what you wanted at Hogwarts, but your pride and conviction tripped you before you stepped foot on campus. A feud with the Marauders. She shook her head. What were you thinking? They can never leave anything alone. Neither can you, for that matter. Such a childish rivalry, but that feud grew with you. It became stronger, more dangerous. Every comeback struck harder, and both you and James thought yourselves in the right. It spiraled out of control.

You'd never admit it, but your emotions often rule you. And I've seen every facet of them. You don't even realize when they've defied reason. They muddle your brain, loose your temper. You're so cunning… but you don't always know, or care, when you've hurt people without meaning to.

Lily set her empty cup aside.

Honesty's an act of balance. Lose that balance, and it becomes brutal, self-righteous. Jokes never worked for you, but that harsh honesty that's so much a part of you often burned worse than any insult. And you're so smug about it.

There's one thing I've never seen in you, Sev… peace. You came close recently but didn't get there.

I worry about you so much… I've seen your worst—ambition, greed. They poison you, corrupt you. If you don't see reason soon, that lust for acknowledgement and power will—well… in times like these, to associate with wizards like that… there's only one destination. I'm afraid, Sev. You'll do anything to get what you want—go to extremes no one else would dare.

She bit her lip as Severus gave her a weary glance.

I thought I knew you—flaws, reasons, all of it. I thought I understood. But lately… I'm not sure anymore.

Your eyes, Sev… they've changed so much I don't recognize them. Mirrors of the soul as the saying goes… She took a deep breath and braved a look into those unfamiliar eyes. I'm getting to know you, and I like what I've learned so far, but there's still so much I don't know.

I've tested you a lot recently, I admit it. How can I not? You've acted weird ever since the lake.

I asked you about muggles. You should have been disgusted, sneered at the thought they'd be worthy of you. An ashamed nod to prove you'd changed would have satisfied me, but no. You stared at me as though your acceptance of muggles was old news.

I thought you an imposter, so I dragged you to the Hufflepuff table. You should have been annoyed. And greeting Emmeline should have elicited a rude hiss. But it didn't.

And Malfoy! His recognition was once a treasure, but when you didn't care that he was angry with you I thought, "That's it! This isn't Sev. Or he's under a spell."

Then I compared your handwriting. Even Polyjuice Potion can't mimic that. But when the samples matched… I panicked. Then came the last test—Remus. Finally, I saw the Sev I knew, hiding insecurity behind disgust. Thank God!

Severus closed his eyes and Lily relaxed.

It's always snark with you. That's how you cope. She smiled softly. At least that hasn't changed, and I'm glad. I'm… quite fond of it… Adds humor, I suppose.

So much change, Sev… but you're still you. Though there's one thing I can't fathom. You faced the Marauders—one against three—and acted like the advantage was yours. What did I miss?

Enough of what's new—there's something else—something missing. Lust for power. Greed's poison consumed you for as long as I remember. It strengthened you so quickly, but with growth came corruption. It terrified me to see such foulness in you.

But now it's gone—all of it. How should I react, Sev? I'm so happy—and terrified. It makes no sense that something housed that deeply in you would vanish in an instant.

"More tea, dear?" Lily's mother took the empty cup.

"Oh! No… thank you."

"Do you want me to bring the rest of your dinner?"

"I'm all right."

Her mother patted her shoulder. "If you need anything, I'll be in the next room."

"Thank you."

Severus' light rasp brought back the oddities of the day they took their written Defence O.W.L. exam.

Before we took it, you almost tripped over yourself to get inside. I saw the anticipation in your eyes. Black even told you not to "pee your pants." You answered with a hate-filled glare and words so ominous I'll never forget them, "You'll pay, blood traitor. Just you wait."

You meant every word. What's worse, I knew you could make good on it. But three hours later you say, "I can change! I promise I can change! I don't want anything to do with them… ever!"

You wanted this so badly it was all you ever thought about. What in Merlin's name happened, Sev?

And then it's, "The Marauders can mind themselves. I don't care." Since when can you leave anything alone? Especially regarding James and his lot?

But then came the one I least expected, "I never got to tell you, you're the kindest person on earth, and you were right. You were always right!" Since when do you put my judgment above your ambition?

You say, "I'm sorry!" Truthfully… so am I, though I'm not sure of the reason.

I'd never seen you so honest as you were that day. It was… wonderful. But what brought it on?

"The doctor's here." Lily's mother tapped her shoulder. "Give him some room."

Lily stood at the end of the couch.

The old Sev might—scratch that—I know he would, complain about a muggle doctor treating him. He'd scowl and snarl. He hated to depend on anyone, especially—Merlin forbid—a muggle.

Severus was quiet as the doctor worked.

"We'll take you to hospital for the broken rib and other fractures. That jaw needs looking at too, but the blood and bruises are superficial. You've had a good shock, but I'd say you're a lucky lad." The doctor patted Severus' shoulder.

"Thank you," said Severus.

"The ambulance is waiting outside." The doctor started out.

The EMTs put Severus on a gurney, and Lily followed them to the door. "May I go? Please?" She shot pleading glances at her mother.

"All right… We'll be there soon," her mother acquiesced.

In the ambulance, Lily took Severus' hand. He didn't move or speak, but he didn't resist her touch.

You always liked to hold my hand when we were kids. She smiled. I was the only one allowed to touch you then. His hand warmed hers. We haven't done this in a long time… This past month you treated me like a glass angel. Was it guilt? But it's lasted so long… I've never known you to be guilty about anything.

The ambulance arrived at the hospital, and the EMTs wheeled Severus inside. Two nurses stripped his rags and sponged the dirt and blood off him.

He belongs more to the Wizarding World than anyone I know. Here, he's so… out of place.

"We're going to patch him up. You need to wait outside now, okay?" One of the nurses coaxed Lily to a waiting area.

A window provided her a view of the hospital grounds. Mist hugged the lawn, disturbed only by three or four employees out for a late-night walk. She counted each tick of the wall clock and tapped a foot to the rhythm as her eyelids drooped.

Her parents slipped in a few hours later but didn't disturb her.

As morning dawned, the fog thinned, and with the first ray of sunlight came the nurse who ushered her here. "You can see him now."

White bandages wrapped Severus' chest and shoulder. His dislocated jaw, realigned, swelled. The outline of a splinted leg peeked through the blanket. The doctor spoke with her parents just outside.

Lily took Severus' hand and offered a smile. "How're you feeling?"

"Stupid," he mumbled then winced and cupped his jaw. "Beaten up by a staggering drunk. If only I hadn't lost control." He smirked and winced again. "Although… it was too funny to leave alone."

"What?"

"I used to be terrified of him. Now, I realize he's less than nothing. Ironic he was my greatest fear—after I've seen so much terror. It's just too much."

If he trusts me as much as he says… A question burned. Might as well ask. "When you were unconscious. You… had a nightmare. Does that happen often?"

Severus closed his eyes and leaned into his pillow. "All the more ironic I have those and could still be afraid of him."

"How often, Sev?"

Silence.

"Almost… every time I close my eyes."

That—that's awful! Her grip on his hand tightened. "Why do you have them?"

"Later." With a glance over Lily's shoulder, Severus shook his head. "I'll tell you everything when we can talk undisturbed."

In the doorway stood her parents and the doctor.

She frowned at Severus. "But you promise to tell? The truth?"

He nodded. "I want you to trust me." The sincerity in his eyes—the plea that said, "I'll make myself trustworthy for you. Believe me. Don't leave…" convinced her.

Lily smiled and squeezed his hand. When have you ever pleaded with me before last month? "If it's any consolation, gaining my trust isn't a lost cause."

Severus' eyes lightened, but not with greed's rot or lust's fire.

Hope suits you, Severus Snape. It suits you very well.

"You're coming home with us," said Lily's mother. "Someone's got to take care of you while you recover."

Severus nodded without objection.

The drive home proved difficult as Severus tried to stay awake. Exhaustion dragged his eyes closed, but he forced them open again.

Lily, beside Severus in the back, sighed and guided his head to her shoulder.

He stiffened.

She put an arm around him and whispered, "Sleep. I'll still be here when you wake up, so don't worry."

Severus relaxed, and within a minute his chest rose and fell in sleep's slow rhythm. That awful rattle was gone.

The night's drama sent Lily a wave of fatigue, and she rested her head atop Severus' and stroked his dark hair. It's getting greasy and tangled again. All those cauldron fumes from potion brewing—well, that and being a teenager—aren't doing you any favors. You love experimenting. Maybe this messy mop will improve in a few years—and when you stop spending so much time around those cauldrons.

You've so much pride, Sev, and passion. You dive into a project and forget everything else—except schoolwork. Though I've no idea how, every assignment is on time. Neatness, order. Everything is as clean as you can keep it. Even with no bath during summer vacation, you always soothed your dignity by cleaning clothes by hand. You took my help, but not my parents'. She smirked. That didn't stop me. I just gave your washing to Mum. You tried everything to stay clean when I gave your clothes back, but you always got dirty again.

Well, that won't be a problem anymore, I don't think.

Severus' slow, even breaths lulled Lily, and she smiled as she fell asleep.

This chapter has been edited by Dtill359