Cricket and Fifty Shades of Blue Rinse

In a world whose population had only been numbered one (and a seagull) just yesterday, there really shouldn't exist a retirement village. After all, there was only one person (and one seagull) who could grow old and require the extra assistance that a retirement village could offer. But whoever heard of a retirement village being built for just one man? Forget the seagull, it was on its own.

Not to mention that once the retirement village appeared, it came with a ready made population of aged residents and slightly less aged employed staff, who only managed to bring the average age of the population down to 69 years. The residents had long since retired, didn't intend to work, yet still needed food, clothing, maintenance services, health care… Russell had barely started on his road of building a Kingdom, naturally he had not yet sorted out any farms or industries.

The System's theory was that they'd likely been plucked from some other world, may not be aware that they are now the first citizens of his foetal Kingdom. Hearing that they'd hired an Elvis Impersonator reinforced this. Of course, it wasn't entirely impossible that Elvis also existed on a world that wasn't called Earth, wasn't more than 70% water and didn't have Seven World Wonders (or more, depending on who you ask). Anyway, the System believed that in order for the retirement village to remain a retirement village in their world, it must still be in some sort of temporal bubble, so they wouldn't have to worry about supplying the elderlies needs until the bubble burst. Should have at least seven days…

After pondering this, Russell relaxed enough to put the complexities to the back of his mind and enjoy the surroundings. This place was amazing!

Built in a way to provide the residents with independence of everyday living, but the comfort of knowing assistance was there when it was needed, several cute, one story cottages made of yellow brick, made two 'u' shapes either side of a larger yellow brick property. Flat paths led to every door and framed lush, tailored, green lawns. Spring flowers neatly filled raised beds and planters. There was a group of sweet, elderly women sitting at small tables chit-chatting as they knitted scarves and jumpers and old men were gathering to play a friendly game of cricket.

It seemed so idyllic, so friendly and filled with community spirit, not a care in the world…

"Oi, you old bastard! You cheated!"

"Did not, blind fool, you saw it, I hit the ball!"

"But you're not meant to hit the ball as I'm about to catch it and declare you out!"

Russell turned his eyes away from the increasingly heated argument over the rules of the game. He didn't know much about cricket, but the batsman had run over to the bowler and hit away the ball the bowler was about to catch. The seagull shook his head before confirming that the elderly batsman had indeed cheated. Russell glanced at the elderly women, hoping to recover his initial impression of this place.

"I hear the book club is reviewing that 'Fifty Shades of Grey' novel."

"Oh that one."

"Don't you think it's a bit tame? You know back in my day…" Russell covered his ears at that point. He didn't like to think what happened in his parents bedroom, let alone have insights into these elderlies nightlife!

He noticed a couple of grey haired older people walking close together beside a flower bed. The elderly gentleman, with thick, dark rimmed glasses plucked a daisy for the Madam with the blue hair rinse. Russell felt his heart was a little more refreshed.

"Alright, you can stay the night, you old fool," the woman battered him on the nose with the daisy, before walking away. The old man looked gleeful and rubbed his hands together. He put his hands in his pockets before wandering away, whistling.

Russell, however, cried rivers of tears in his heart at the thought of old people having what he still hadn't! His love interest was his left hand and had been for more than fifteen years, ever since he'd discovered the reason for having a left hand at the tender age of thirteen!

Just as he was lamenting, a woman who was definitely under the age of seventy appeared at the door of the larger building. She was a stern looking woman with a large bosom which she thrust forward as if they were two battle tanks, about to wage war and daring anyone to get close. Her hands were on her ample hips and her eyes were like laser beams as they pierced through his body, trying to unveil his every secret.

"You don't look like much," she accused him as he paused his approach.

"Sorry?"

"You don't look like much of an Elvis Impersonator," she said, exasperated, throwing her hands up into the air as she spoke. "So unprofessional."

"Actually, it's not me…" Russell tried to explain.

"Then what are you doing here?" She asked, narrowing her eyes in suspicion.

"I accompanied this one," Russell claimed, pointing at the seagull, who took another couple of paces forward ready to introduce itself.

The woman laughed, her body jiggling up and down as she did so. "Right, nice one, claiming the bird can speak! You know this is a place for retirees not mental cases, right?"

"Humph!" The seagull crossed its wings moodily.

"So it's a trained bird?" The woman questioned, not giving chances for explanations. "Well that'll do I guess. The residents probably won't mind a slight change in the schedule. We'll just have to switch the venue to being outside. Can't have the bird shit all over the hall."

Russell tried to stop the chuckle from escaping him.

"Don't you have a cage for it?" The woman continued. "It's not good for it to be flapping about loose and I can't let it in when you come in and sort out the paperwork."

"Madam, please, a cage is not necessary…" the seagull attempted to explain.

"Ooo!" The woman clapped her hands together. "Ventriloquist, huh? Wasn't expecting that! This will definitely go down well with the residents!"

"Thank you," Russell inwardly shrugged and went with the flow, holding his arm out to the seagull and gestured with his eyes. The seagull stared back before looking down at its webbed feet. Idiot! Russell lowered his arm, circling his shoulder as if he was just stretching a bit, nothing else, then went to pick up the body of the full to carry it instead. "May we come in? Rest assured, it's housebroken."

The seagull would have puffed up its cheeks with indignation if it had the ability.

"Alright," The woman said after much hesitation. Russell with seagull in arms, followed the woman into the property.