Whey

What do you do when your partner of 5 years just ups and leaves? How do you act? What do you say? There are a thousand different answers to these questions on google. Which do you choose? Your own path.

For me it was whipped cream, something I hadn't tasted in years to fit my image of trophy girlfriend. Ahh the famous slim thick that was in fashion these days. Patriarchy once again dictating women's lives to the littlest thing. Rediscovering little aspects of myself like this was awesome but I didn't like the pain that came with it. I couldn't decide whether I preferred to be satisfied, but unhappy or content but never truly happy. These were things I was manipulated into forgetting, God forbid I had time to think about my happiness when I could be planning the next brunch or dinner.

Whipped cream always tasted better in front of the TV...it still does. I filled up my mouth as I surfed through the channels. Every character reminded me of him. Like a virus, he corrupted my mind, vivid dreams of his face everywhere. The cream in my mouth became salty. I couldn't control it anymore. Teardrops to tears, sobbing to crying. I no longer mourned him, but my lost years. Years I could no longer get back. My loss.

I stopped mourning him weeks ago and started mourning my lost time when I realized he wasn't worth me. Why didn't he just sit me down years ago and tell me he was not interested in marrying a black woman? What was it? My nose? My hips? My hair? These were the first questions I asked myself, because that's what you do when you're left high and dry. You ask questions and eat whipped cream in my case.

I haven't brought myself to hate him yet. God knows why. I know why.