38. Mercy West

The length of your recovery is determined by the extent of your injuries and is not always successful. No matter how hard we work at it, some wounds might never fully heal. You might have to adjust to a whole new way of living. Things may have changed too radically to ever go back to what they were. You might not even recognize yourself. It's like you haven't recovered anything at all. You're a whole new person with a whole new life.

-Meredith Grey

She was at the hospital early but no one knew. No one but Taylor and Dr. Wyatt. She sat in the woman's office, staring at the fish tank. The woman, skin lined with wrinkles and two blue eyes staring intuitively at her, looked proper. Her pen tapped the notebook in her lap as Emily's eyes darted to find those two blue eyes staring at her.

"What do I say?

"Whatever you want. Everything is confidential." the woman immediately replied and Emily looked around the room. The purple-flowered plant to the left behind the couch was brilliant and blooming; the wooden table in front of her had a box of tissues and some hand cream. There was just the tapping of Dr. Wyatt's pen and the bubbling of the fish tank.

"The Mercy Westers are coming in today," she finally said, glancing at the clock. "Do you think they're good residents?"

"I think they'll be different." The woman supplied. "Good doctors, but different people. The way you run things here is different from there. Similar to how Boston changed you." She noted the allusion. "Do you want to talk about Boston?"

"Not really," she replied sharply and Dr. Wyatt wrote some things down with an arched brow.

"What about Tom?" Her doctor probed and she looked up sharply.

"No."

"Okay, then. What about a more familiar topic for now? Let's get to know each other."

"This is depressingly one-sided," Emily said.

Dr. Wyatt shook her head, pressing the notebook to her chest. "You're dating Mark Sloan, right?" Glancing at the clock again, the brunette noted they had only ten minutes left.

"Yeah." Another uncomfortable topic. This woman knew all her weak points to cause her to submit. "We haven't talked in awhile. I've been-" she exhaled deeply- "ignoring his calls. I know he knows that I lost Tom but I haven't gone to seen him because…" the miscarriage.

"Because?" the woman prompted and Emily traced the pattern on the tissue box with her eyes.

"We drifted apart. Y'know, long distance relationship, the strain." Dr. Wyatt raised an eyebrow, sensing there was more to it.

"Is that it?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"Why - what did Noah tell you?" she asked defensively, crossing her legs. The psychiatrist made a humming sound and Emily glared at her. Running a hand frustratedly through her short hair, she proposed, "Let's not talk about my personal relationships."

"For now. Your file says you came in here because of a traumatic experience and we have to get to the root of that problem so we technically do have to talk about your personal relationships," the woman elaborated upon Emily's glower. "This first meeting is only for me to get to know you. I want to know how you are, physically and mentally."

"Uh-huh," she felt a shiver run down her spine.

"You're surprisingly uncooperative. You're known to be rather kind, I've heard." She hummed her agreement.

"Was Meredith like this too?"

"Uncooperative?"

"Yeah."

"It helped her in the end. So why don't you tell me how you were before the incident?" Emily realized she had to give her therapist somewhere to start.

"I wasn't the happiest. George's death had just hit me hard. I was just coming to terms with it because-" because she found out she was pregnant and that maybe everything would be okay. But it wasn't. He died. "Anyway, I took up running and I worked a lot. I barely was at home but Tom was my company."

"That's not healthy," Dr. Wyatt said, ignoring the part about Tom. Secretly, Emily was relieved.

"Yeah, I know. It probably also said on my chart that I refused to see the shrink at Boston. I only came here because I have to. The Chief said I had to if I wanted the job."

"I see."

"Yeah. Sucks,"

"Unfortunately, sometimes life deals you a hand you aren't always pleased with," Dr. Wyatt replied and she nodded. "So you said you ran?"

"Yeah. Normally when I was off work."

"I see. Isn't that sometimes unhealthy?"

"Never killed anyone."

"What if you were pregnant?" Emily froze and Dr. Wyatt wrote something down. Glancing at the time, she realized they were five minutes over. Getting up, she grabbed her lab coat and walked to the door, hand on the silver door handle.

"I have to get to work." Twisting it, she was about to leave when Dr. Wyatt stood.

"Your next appointment is Thursday afternoon."

"I'm not sure I'll be there," Emily shot back as she left, slamming the door closed.

.

Emily stopped in front of the resident's lounge, just outside and to the right as streams of orange-clothed residents passed by her. She stayed between the window and the frame, not wanting to be seen. Finally, the last resident entered and she peeked inside. They were like invaders. Parasites. Every nasty thing in biology she ever learned.

She spotted her cubby and still found it empty with relief. Adjusting her bag, she listened in. The brunette just needed a moment to compose herself. She'd go in in a minute.

"Did you hear the Chief hired someone from Mass Gen back for our year?" a feminine voice inquired to another. "They'll be arriving soon. I so want to meet them." Checking her watch, she knew her minute was up. She turned the corner to go in but froze when another, more confident voice continued.

"You'd think they stay after that building collapse. I heard that they lost like three of their own staff. Jackson, wouldn't you know?"

"Me?" She knew that voice. Crap, Jackson was Mercy West. How could she forget? "Nah." She knew he was uncomfortable. "Nope." But at least he was honest. No one knew she was here except the ones she had spoken to. The Chief had regarded her sadly when she came into his office in the wee hours in the morning. First he had offered his condolences. She said she wanted to work. She signed some paperwork and then she was off to Wyatt's.

"And you call yourself an Avery," a masculine voice teased to the laughter of the other two females. "Hey, April." There was a corresponding 'yeah?'. "Who told you that the Chief got someone from Mass Gen?"

"Because there's also a new trauma attending from Boston. He was talking to Dr. Shepherd about a new resident." I'm gonna be late for rounds, Emily sighed internally. Gathering her last strands of courage, she exhaled. Swinging around the corner, she ducked her head and made a beeline for her old cubby which coincidentally, was right beside Jackson's. Taking out her… well, old scrubs, she quickly began changing. Pulling her shirt off her head, she poked her arms through the thinner blue fabric.

"I've never seen her before," she heard Jackson's friend mumbled, "but she got blue scrubs. You think it's one of them?" She nearly snorted at that, changing her pants next.

"Then wouldn't she have come in with the rest?" the first girl pointed out, coming closer. When she was done changing, Emily shoved her bag into the cubby and grabbed her lab coat, running a finger over the stitching. "Hello?" Realizing they were talking to her, she turned around, pushing her notepad and pens into her pockets.

"Emily?" Jackson gaped and she shot him a glance, a half-smile curling her lips. "What the-"

"I came back." she said. "First day, actually."

"You're the Mass Gen hire?" A brunette pushed her way forward, doe-eyed and clutching a red notebook. "I'm April Kepner." They chorused their greetings at her. Charles Percy, Reed Adamson, looking impressed and annoyed respectively. Glancing at the row of cubbies, she frowned when she spotted stuff in George's.

"Yeah, yeah, it was nice to meet you but… who put their stuff in this cubby?" she asked, pushing past them and stopping beside it.

"Not again," Reed managed to mutter and Emily's hollow eyes found hers. "We were told to find a cubby."

"We don't put our bags in this cubby for a reason. Take it out." Identifying Reed as the one who talked about the building collapse, she narrowed her eyes at her. "And as someone who is both new to this hospital and for some reason, thinks they're entitled when they aren't, I think you should listen." Reed and April shared looks before the petite woman reached for her bags and transferred them to another empty cubby. "Thanks. See you in rounds."

.

Down in the E.R., it was hectic. Taylor was just getting himself situated in the environment when she stopped beside him. "Where do you need me?"

"Anywhere at this point. Overflow from Mercy West has all of us on our toes. It's a good day to be back," he added sarcastically and she rolled her eyes, meeting up with Hunt.

"Dr. Hunt, do you need me anywhere?"

"We're down a pair of hands. Grey's still recovering so you'll rotate zones. Help when you can, where you can." Briefly confused, she glanced around. Cristina and Jackson were in the E.R. while Lexie led April somewhere else. Reed was nowhere to be seen.

"Meredith?" The ginger man spared her a glance as he signed the chart.

"You didn't hear… I assumed-"

"Is she alright?" she asked, afraid she'd lost another person.

"Liver transplant. Spare a few minutes there before coming back down. You're one of the best we've got." Relief washed through her as he put away the chart. "We've got zones that the Mercy Westers are putting up."

"Alright, sir." She nodded, already assessing the injuries rolling in past them as Owen took up the first gurney. He spared her a final glance that was full of sympathy.

"Good to have you back,"

With a roll of her eyes, she ran beside him and surged ahead. "Good to be back, sir," she offered in response before going to the elevator. Going to the nurse's station, she got Meredith's room number and came in as a whirlwind of breathlessness and quick questions of what happened.

"Daddy issues. Lexie gave me a big speech about dance recitals and fifth grade graduations so I was basically inclined to save his stupid alcoholic liver," the blonde explained half-heartedly. "Are you alright? I know-"

"Yeah, of course. I'm getting through it." She ran a hand through her short curls. "Are you okay? Incision is good?"

"As good as expected," Meredith rasped. Pouring her some water, she gave it to the woman. "Ah, thanks."

"No problem." Heaving a sigh, she returned back to the door reluctantly, "I've got to do rotation on zones with these Mercy Westers." She wanted to stay with Meredith instead, but she couldn't just ignore her duty. "I'll report back though, okay?"

"You better!" the bed-bound surgeon called as Emily left the room.

.

"Sir, how did you get these burns?" she asked as she turned to the nurse. "Page plastics,"

"Right away, doctor."

"I was kind of setting a prank on my roommate?" he joked and she shook her head in amusement, tending to the burns on his face. "It blew up in my face. Literally - ow!" She had just smeared cream over his burnt face.

"Sorry," she apologized, applying gauze to his face carefully. "We'll get the plastics guy to take a look and then we'll see from there. You're lucky, y'know," she added, examining his hands, "you only have second-degree burns. Your arms might have to have some skin grafts but otherwise, you'll be fine. Now, we wait."

"That's good. Good," he wheezed, lying down against the pillows and she smiled. Turning around on her swivel seat and was met with lips on hers. The force took her by surprise and her head was cupped by another large hand. Recognizing the face in front of her as Mark's, she felt her eyes flutter close.

"You cut your hair," he whispered against her lips. She laughed shakily and wrapped her arms around his neck. The feel of him, his presence, calmed her heart and her mind. He buried his face in her neck and kissed her jaw.

"The first thing you say when I come back," she murmured, the feel of him so achingly familiar that she forgot everything. His smell invaded her senses and he lifted her out of her seat. Pulling back, she kissed him again.

"Yeah because you know everything else," he grumbled, pecking her mouth. "You shaved."

"Like it?" She wrinkled her nose and decided that she did but not as much as him with a stubble. That was her life.

"Not as much as you when you didn't shave. I loved it." Mr. Monroe, the man on the bed, cleared his throat and they broke apart, Mark setting her on the ground and they whirled around. "Yes, that consult. Right."

"Nah, I'm totally cool with the makeout session. Ow,"

"Shut up. You're hurt and he'll fix you up," she retorted and he groaned. "I'll see you soon, okay?" She rubbed his shoulder briefly, kissed Mark one last time before going to the next zone where Lexie was.

.

After a full day of patients and diagnosing and snagging at least one surgery, she dragged herself into the resident's lounge to change quickly before going to Joe's. There were so many people welcoming her back and asking if she was okay. Lexie had been following her as an 'assistant' but she knew better. Dr. Webber was keeping an eye on her just in case. But she welcomed the brunette's company, had missed it back in Boston and they caught up, avoiding the topic of Tom and the incident. She was tired but when she finally saw the door to her haven, she found herself under the crushing weight of death again. She didn't even tell Mark, it wasn't the time. She just came home, how could she?

Plus, her appointment with Dr. Wyatt was emotionally draining. The exhausted brunette wanted to make at least some progress before telling her boyfriend that she was basically messed up and that they were going to have a kid before it happened.

Reaching the room, she came in to see Alex sitting down on the bench. "Hey, Alex." There was no response and she frowned. Grabbing her bag out of the cubby, she changed as quickly as she could into her sweats before walking over to Alex. "Alex?" Tears streamed down his face as he stared at the crisply folded piece of paper in front of him. Inside was neat black writing that she recognized as Izzie's. Peering over, she read it.

Dear Alex,

I'm sorry. I had to leave. I couldn't stay here knowing that these Mercy West people were taking over the hospital I love and the people I love are slowly dying one by one. I couldn't stay here knowing that everything doesn't trust me with patients and that you said something to the Chief that got me fired. I basically killed someone today, Alex. So I'm leaving. For the patients' safety and this hospital's reputation. I'm sorry it came this way, I never wanted it like this.

With love,

Izzie

Icy shock settled in her veins and Emily glanced at Alex. "Izzie left me," he said hoarsely as if he couldn't believe it. "I don't know whether she's coming back."

"Alex…" She rubbed circles with the flat of her hand on his shoulder blade and leaned towards him. The man laughed bitterly, flapping the sheet of paper and looking at his friend with no light or mirth.

"She just left." Turning towards her, he looked at the space between them. Hugging him tightly she rubbed his back. His arms didn't move, just clutched onto that piece of paper that changed his life forever. "I don't - I don't know what - what do I even do?"

"Come on, let's go see Mer." He stood as if running on instructions like a robot and pulled on his scrub top over his muscle shirt. Urging him up, she held his hand with a strong grip as she led the way to Meredith's room.

.

When Emily finally got to the apartment across the street, she was hand-in-hand with Mark who was tugging along her luggage she picked up from the Archfield. They reached the apartment door and she offered to unlock it.

"Hey," her boyfriend prompted and she looked up from where she was fishing out her spare keys from her bag. "Noah told me what happened and I… I need to know if I can help. If you need to tell me anything or… or you want to just stay here and not work, I can arrange something-" Holding up a hand, she successfully got her keys out.

"I'm already seeing Dr. Wyatt. The shrink," she clarified and he nodded, "and working is the only thing keeping me sane at this point. Tom," her breath was drawn away at his name, "Tom's gone. I know that. Just - I - I'll tell you whatever I can," he just looked so happy to see she was okay. But she wasn't. She felt broken.

"Okay," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her temple as she unlocked the door. "I'm glad you're home, permanently."

"I am too," she breathed, looking around the place. It was still the same, a few knick knacks moved to others but otherwise, the same. Turning around, she helped him haul her stuff towards their room and before she could do anything else, settled on the bed and immediately blacked out.

A/N: Edited October 19, 2018

Next: I saw what I saw.