Katsuki's Confusion

Katsuki tried to catch his boyfriend's eyes, but the other teen seemed like he was avoiding looking in his direction at all costs. Even as the rest of the class debated about the training exercise, the blonde couldn't concentrate as his attention wandered.

He had a niggling feeling about why Izuku had reacted that way but couldn't quite put his finger on it. When he tried catching his boyfriend's eyes for the nth time, the other wouldn't meet his eyes at all. The green-haired teen's smiling expression had instantly shuttered the moment the two of them met eyes. Katsuki grit his teeth at the memory, feeling helpless.

The moment class was dismissed for the day, Katsuki tried to get Izuku's attention again. "Izuku!"

Katsuki grabbed Izuku's hand, but the other teen shook him off. The blonde felt faint stirrings of shock. What was wrong? Why was Izuku reacting this way? He studied the other teen's face, noting that Izuku's pallor was looking exceedingly poor. He looked pale and upset.

What exactly had happened? Katsuki felt frustrated. It was at times like this that he wished he shared Izuku's empathy so that he knew what the other was feeling. He wanted to help, but he had a feeling that it was something he had done. Katsuki tried to recall what happened but came up blank. Then, he tried to recall his earlier actions and what he may have done that might have set Izuku off with furrowed brows.

Katsuki's head snapped up when he realized that Izuku had taken off. Immediately, the blonde chased after him. "Izuku, wait! Why are you running?!"

The distance between them slowly widened, and soon he could only make out the general outline of Izuku in the distance. Katsuki grit his teeth and pushed himself to run harder, ignoring his protesting lungs. Why was he running away from him?! Katsuki had sworn to protect him, so how could he do that if the other teen was pushing him away? Katsuki just wanted to talk and put aside whatever misunderstanding Izuku had picked up.

A slowly growing sense of hurt started creeping up on him without his permission. It felt like his heart had started contracting in his chest, almost like his lungs weren't giving him enough oxygen, like someone had taken a hand and shoved it deep into his chest and started digging their nails into his heart. It felt like little thorns burrowing and wrapping their way around and into Katsuki's fragile heart, leaving him bleeding and hurting.

The blonde shoved the feeling down. Now wasn't the time for these feelings. There had to be something wrong. There was no way that Izuku would act like this if it didn't have something to do with himself. He knew Izuku. Even during the time when they had fallen out, at the back of Katsuki's mind, he could always predict Izuku's general reaction.

By the time he managed to somewhat close the distance, he realized that Izuku was headed to his own apartment and not his house, where they had been living together with his mother and father.

An almost unprecedented sense of crisis made itself known to Katsuki, blaring alarms in his mind. It drowned out every other thought. Izuku was planning on going back into the apartment where he had attempted suicide, where he would probably try and keep him out.

No!

Katsuki couldn't stop himself from shouting. "Izuku!"

An idea popped up in his head, and it must have affected him subconsciously, because when the blonde tried to push himself even faster, he slipped and tripped on the gravel in his haste, sending himself tumbling down. He couldn't stop himself from gasping at the sharp, physical hurt that seemed to match what he was feeling inside.

He grit his teeth and picked himself up, valiantly trying to ignoring the stings and burns that he felt. He couldn't quite help the tears that welled up when he realized that Izuku had stopped running away and had come back for him. The relief he felt was palpable.

He couldn't help the smile that slipped onto his face when he watched Izuku hover and reach for him with his hand outstretched but wavering in his hesitance. Katsuki couldn't help but find him cute in his relief that Izuku still cared enough about him to worry. What could possibly cause him that much harm from just a fall? Clearly, Izuku had known in his mind that he would be fine, but he couldn't help but come back to check on him.

The smile slipped from his face when Izuku used One for All to run again, leaving him behind. He felt slightly bitter as the hurt returned. Why did it feel like he was always being left behind? He was always too late, or always in the way. The squeeze on his heart came back.

Katsuki scrambled to dash forward again, almost tripping again in his urgency, but thankfully he didn't, because that would have put him back even further from the distance that Izuku was already gaining.

The blonde tore up the stairs, pushing himself to his limits as he chased after Izuku. He only managed to catch sight of Izuku's face as he closed the door to his apartment. The hand that Katsuki had reached out to shove in the door opening unconsciously slowed down when he realized that Izuku had tear tracks running down his face, so he didn't manage to stop the door from fully closing.

"Shit!" Katsuki exploded, banging a fist on the door, his anger flaring briefly before abruptly being doused with cold water. He wasn't mad at Izuku, but mad at himself. He felt upset at the words and actions he just made. He could almost envision how Izuku had flinched behind the door, feeling his anger.

"Izuku," he said, knocking on the door, hoping for a response. His heart fell a little when he didn't get one. "Won't you even talk to me? I think you got the wrong idea earlier on. There's only one thing I can think of that might have made you upset, but the reason isn't what you think."

Katsuki paused, futilely waiting for a response, before he soldiered on. "I might have been angry earlier on, when you returned from your mock battle, but it wasn't because I was angry at you, okay? I was angry at myself for being jealous, because you couldn't possibly have known about that, and even if you did, you probably didn't have any better ideas. I was jealous that the one you were touching wasn't me."

The blonde bit the inside of his cheek when there was no response. He felt tears traitorously prick his eyes again. He sighed, turning around and leaning against the door. He waited. Izuku was probably behind the door, waiting for him to go away.

Katsuki slumped down, pulling his knees to his chest in a rare moment of vulnerability. Why didn't Izuku believe him? Was he really that untrustworthy? The guilt that never really went away returned with a vengeance. It was his fault. He had spent so many years bullying and belittling Izuku. Did he really think that he would be able to get Izuku to trust him again? Katsuki couldn't help the deprecating laugh that bubbled up. Who did he think he was?

The blonde-haired teen closed his eyes to stop the burning in his eyes. He buried his head in his knees. His nose felt sour. "I only like you, stupid Izuku. You're special," he said, voice muffled from where he had buried his head.

Behind the door, Izuku pressed his hand where he thought Kacchan's heart was around. Tears made their way silently down his cheeks against his will. His mind was telling him that Kacchan wasn't lying to him. He could feel the other's sincerity and earnestness, but a part of him was screaming at him that he was an idiot, that he was being stupid. Everything could end up reverting back to the way things were before. He was scared. He didn't want to return to those dark days.

Izuku pressed his head to the door, his heart squeezing when he heard the words Kacchan murmured before his Aura went quiet as Auras usually did when someone was asleep. He struggled with himself, finally beating back that depressing part of himself and locking it back deep, deep down in his mind.

The green-haired teen unlocked the door and slowly pulled the door handle.