Izuku's Depression... But It All Works Out

Izuku watched with swimming eyes as the space slowly revealed Kacchan's slumped back, quickly supporting him when he realized that the door that would have held up the blonde's weight was gone. The green-haired teen struggled with himself.

He hated being like this.

He hated that he was acting like a love-sick teen that took every slight from his lover like it was the end of the world. It made him feel disgusted with himself. He hated that it made him feel like he was the scum of the earth. Kacchan wasn't even his boyfriend, for fucks sake. He didn't have a right to act like one.

He realized now that he had been fooling himself. He had been telling himself that he was fine just being a friend if he was able to sneak in kisses here and there, but he'd been lying to himself. Being confronted with this hard fact had shattered any illusions he might have harboured.

It was laughable how he used to think that he was a pretty good person, but looking at himself now, Izuku wanted to laugh at his previous thoughts. He was far from being a good person, and it hurt to have to face the truth.

With conflicting desires, Izuku looked at Kacchan's slack face, realizing for the first time how different he looked as compared to roughly one year ago. It wasn't like he hadn't noticed before, but all of a sudden, the changes hit him harder than ever. There were dark circles under his eyes that didn't seem to fade or grow any lighter as the time passed. The worry that Izuku had somehow been suppressing gushed out in full force the moment he acknowledged it, akin to water bursting through a dam.

Kacchan's tan seemed lighter than it had roughly a year ago, and his face was slightly thinner. The blonde looked tired and somewhat weary. Izuku's eyes swam as his vision blurred. His heart throbbed in guilt and sadness. The green-haired teen scrubbed roughly at his eyes. Why was he crying again?! He loathed the fact that his tear ducts seemed to act on their own without his say so.

Izuku brushed a finger under Kacchan's eyes, feeling remorseful. He silently and lightly traced the dark smudges, his heart clenching at how much darker they looked while Kacchan had his eyes closed. Without the startling intensity from the blonde's gaze, it left his face looking somewhat withdrawn and tired. He knew he was the one who had put them there, but what could he do so that they disappeared?

He knew people called what he was going through depression, but how could that single word sum up all of these negative feelings that were churning around inside him? The only time he felt relief was when he was with Kacchan, but even then, he could feel the festering guilt that was hidden behind the blonde's other emotions. Some days, it felt like Kacchan was only staying around him because of his guilt. That in turn made him feel desolate and lonely. No matter what Kacchan said, Izuku knew it was because he was the one keeping the blonde chained to the ground instead of letting him fly high in the sky.

Some days just seemed so much darker than others, and while he would like to hide under the covers and do nothing but snuggle with Kacchan next to him, he didn't. He couldn't. Not when he wanted to be able to help Kacchan with his dreams. Their dreams.

Depression. A hollow laugh echoed in his mind. He hadn't wanted to admit it, as if admitting it would have ripped something away from him, but the more he denied it, the more he felt like he was slowly losing himself. It was slowly but steadily eating at him from the inside out. How long would it be until he turned into a completely different person?

Some days, everything seemed so far out of reach. Those days, he couldn't muster up much to go through the hours. It just took so much effort to pretend like everything was fine. Depression was like the cousin who visits from out of town, dropping by without a notice, coming and leaving without a trace. Some days, it was easier to deny it, but on days like this, everything hit him harder than ever. His mind wasn't his own. It felt like he had a constant echo in his mind that brought his optimism down, echoing and amplifying every little negative thought that came to him, until all he had left was the negativity that roiled around.

Izuku sucked in a steadying breath. The problems that plagued him didn't have anything to do with Kacchan, so he'd been trying to keep a distance when he started feeling that he was overreading every single one of the blonde's actions today, but something had finally snapped in him when he felt the anger and… jealousy? That Kacchan had projected not too long ago.

The green-haired teen couldn't help sinking deeper into the abyss of negative thoughts that revolved around him, his heart throbbed and ached with silently bleeding wounds as he stared at Kacchan's restless face. His brows were slightly furrowed. Izuku reached out to smooth them when his heart just about leaped out of his chest as his hand was abruptly grabbed.

Izuku somehow managed to stop the reflex from punching out at the abruptness, his heart beating wildly. He gasped, feeling the explosion of relief that he hadn't landed a blow on Kacchan. Thank goodness he had somehow managed to reign in his reflex.

"Kacchan," he said in a low tone, feeling the anger bubble up inside of him. "Do you know how dangerous that was?! I was about to use my Quirk! I could have hurt you!"

Katsuki sat up and glared at his boyfriend, his eyes squinting dangerously. "Yeah, so what?! What else am I expected to do when my boyfriend runs away from me all the time instead of confronting me?! What did I even do, huh?"

Izuku and Katsuki exchanged glares, before Izuku realized something, his face twitching. Somehow, Kacchan had managed to fool his Aura, coming across as asleep. There was no trace of sleepiness in his Aura at all, meaning he hadn't been asleep previously. It was only when the blonde had grabbed him that his Aura started intensifying again. It left him feeling slightly off-balance. He knew he had been somewhat relying on the emotions that his Quirk had allowed him to feel, but while he had known it in his head, it hadn't quite drilled itself into his brain before.

He'd been tricked!

Katsuki let out a sigh as he scrubbed at his face. "Look, I know something upset you, but you can't just keep on running away. Didn't we say we would communicate more? Sure, you could have hurt me just now, but what you're doing now isn't hurting me any less. It's just hurting me in a different way."

The green-haired teen swallowed thickly as the blonde's words registered, feeling chastised. He hadn't realized – no, he had realized, but he'd once again been running from the truth that he was hurting Kacchan with his behaviour. He'd slipped back into the habit of hiding his own feelings to try and prevent himself from hurting more.

"Listen to me!" Katsuki said, pressing close to Izuku. He stared him straight in the eyes, trying to convey his seriousness about this matter. "I don't think you understand just how serious I am about this. We can't keep doing this like a second-rate teen drama!" he hissed, the thought of how he was acting previously made him feel like burying himself in the ground. It was almost like all rational thought had left him when he thought of Izuku hating him for some reason he didn't comprehend.

Something about that struck Izuku hard, causing him to flinch inwardly. It felt hard to breathe. He didn't like being like this. Even he didn't quite know exactly what had set him off. It was a complete mishmash of negative feelings that threatened to swallow him whole, devouring him until there was nothing left. Perhaps it had to do with how Kacchan didn't belong to him, but he already belonged solely to Kacchan, so much so that he would gladly throw his life away for his sake. Right – wait, wait. His mind backtracked to run over what Kacchan had said again.

"Boyfriend?" Izuku blurted out, unable to stop himself in time. He jumped up in shock. Even before the words finished leaving his mouth, he already knew that was the wrong thing to say. The darkening expression on Kacchan's face supported this, as well as the hurt and anger that abruptly spiked in his emotions.

"Are we really fucking living in a crappy teenage drama?!" Katsuki growled, feeling like he was close to exploding. Did Izuku think that he would just randomly kiss other people? What did he take him as? He took a deep breath, trying to calm down his emotions.

Katsuki shoved down the anger and hurt and smiled, silently stalking towards Izuku, who rapidly backed away with each step that he took. The green-haired teen yelped as he bumped into the wall.

The blonde slammed his hand next to Izuku's head, his smile still strained and twitching. "Izukuuuu," he tried for sounding amicable, but ended up sounding like he was holding a thousand grudges instead. "Do you really think I'm the type of person to go around kissing my friends?"

"But –"

"No buts! Didn't I already tell you I like you?"

Izuku opened his mouth to speak again before he was shut up with a pair of lips appearing on his own. "Mmph," he cried out, his voice muffled. A familiar heat started creeping up his cheeks.

Katsuki pressed against Izuku's lips insistently, gently licking the green-haired teen's bottom lip. His cheeks started feeling hot, as an unfortunately familiar sense of embarrassment started igniting in him. The two of them had kissed on more than one occasion, but they hadn't gone very far, mostly pecks and closed-mouthed kisses.

It felt like a beast was growing within Izuku. All negative thoughts had flown out the window with a single kiss from Kacchan. Hope was making itself known very insistently, constantly battering against his remaining rationale.

Izuku flipped the both of them over while Kacchan was distracted, so he ended up being the one pressing Kacchan to the wall instead. He pulled away slightly, taking in the appearance before his eyes. The blonde was flushed, and his cheeks were red, making Izuku feel like taking a bite out of them. Green eyes dropped towards the blonde's lips, taking in how they were slightly puffy. They glistened slightly under the lights.

Izuku leaned back in, lightly biting on Kacchan's lower lip to appease the hunger that seemed to come from the depths of his soul. When the blonde gasped, he took the chance to lick his way into his mouth, their tongues instantly battling for domination. He slowly but insistently mapped out the cavern of the blonde's mouth, leaving Katsuki clutching Izuku's shirt for a semblance of support.

The blonde let out a slightly breathless whine, snapping him back to his senses. Katsuki eventually pushed Izuku away, feeling like his mental capacity was close to being overloaded. Any more and it felt like he would directly collapse without being able to reinforce what he had said earlier. He panted, trying to catch his breath. Doing this was even more of a workout than training, and he felt tingly all over. He glared at Izuku.

Izuku stared at Kacchan, feeling his inner beast rattle and strain against the chains, struggling to break free. The blonde was glaring at him with slightly teary eyes and a red face, panting for breath – it really made Izuku want to wreck him further – no. He mentally slapped himself.

"Do you really think I would kiss someone else like this if I wasn't dating them?!" Katsuki growled, finally catching his breath. "Do we really need to spell out everything? Fine, then. I'll say it properly, so you won't be able to refute it later on. I, Bakugou Katsuki am dating you, so don't get any funny ideas, got it?!"

Katsuki pushed past Izuku, making to stalk out of the apartment, his face burning hard because of his declarations. He felt both mad and helpless at having to specifically spell it out for Izuku, but who would have known that the other hadn't known that they had been dating. He felt like blowing something up. Ahhh, this was so fucking embarrassing! Rather than blowing something up, he felt like blowing himself up. He was dying of embarrassment.

Izuku ran after Kacchan, hugging him from the back. He buried his face in the crook of the blonde's neck. "Sorry, Kacchan," he said, feeling remorseful. "I was wrong. I had hoped, but I was scared that if I was wrong, I'd end up breaking again, so I ran away."

Izuku carefully felt what Kacchan was feeling at this moment, feeling such a strong relief it left him feeling slightly dizzy that the other was mainly feeling embarrassed and pouty instead of the anger earlier.

The green-haired teen squeezed Kacchan's abdomen, feeling giddy and happy. He couldn't control the giggle that spilled out of his lips. "You're my boyfriend," he said, voice muffled.

Katsuki buried his face in his hands, wanting the ground to open up and swallow him alive. Izuku was killing him. He made an incoherent sound, but the relief that he felt slowly drowned out the embarrassment he felt. He'd realized over the past months, but it was slowly becoming clearer than ever.

Izuku had depression.

Thankfully, it seemed like being near him helped Izuku in some way, so Katsuki would just make sure that he would stick himself close to his boyfriend, letting him feel his emotions. Hopefully that would enable him to feel better about himself and everything else.

He was sure that they would end up going through fights, but even if they did, Katsuki didn't want to leave Izuku on his own if something like today happened again in his absence. It would be too late for tears if he left him on his own and he tried to commit suicide again. Katsuki felt a violent stab of pain at the thought, silently reaffirming his decision.

"Idiot…you better talk to me. I'm your boyfriend, so you better confide in me. In exchange, I'll do the same for you and stay by your side. There's no one but you for me."

Izuku squeezed his boyfriend harder. Was this a dream? This had to be a dream. If it wasn't, then he was the luckiest boy on the planet. The green-haired teen felt exhilarated. If this was a dream, he never wanted it to end. Izuku took in Kacchan's Aura, noting that he felt light and happy, for once not feeling the vestiges of guilt that seemed to hang over him. He was really, really happy.

Katsuki patiently patted Izuku's fluffy hair, feeling indulgent. A smile broke out on his lips. Now that they were on the same page, he felt like the world was back on its axis, rotating as it should be.

"…I'll have to greet your parents formally and ask them for your hand."

Katsuki let out a strangled sound as what Izuku said registered to him, all previous fluffy feelings disappearing down the drain. His blush returned with a vengeance.