Side Quest 2: "Ghost Hunter"
It was a nice cool morning just outside a bustling town, and just outside that town lay a verdant forest teeming with life. It's a beautiful day outside, birds are singing, flowers are blooming... on days like these-
~WOOOSH~
A small blue portal unceremoniously opens above the forest and shoots out a large, fat man. His barely let-out scream was stopped in his throat as he hit tree branches on his way down, taking them down with him.
The family of birds that were resting on the tree branches all chirped in surprise when their home went down, and then further chirped in anger at the fatass who took it with him. The man was dressed in gray sweats, black running shoes and a non-censored ahego sweater. He was clonked out on the ground, with tree parts all over him.
# 2 HOURS LATER #
???: "Ow, that goddamn green ass walk-the-wasteland-fuck tree!" The "man" started to sit up while holding his head, he looked at the said tree and flipped it off before standing up with difficulty and dusting himself off.
???: "The fuck did she mean I had bigger titties than her? I'm a man! I don't have titties!" He complained to the seemingly thin air.
-[GACHA NETORARE SYSTEM BOOTING]-
- The more you NTR, the more rolls you get! Every hole is a goal to cuck! -
*SIGMA MALE GRINDSET SONG INTENSIFIES*
???: "Perfect! Roll the daily Gacha you beta cuck simp system! Give this Alpha Male Harem God Author the absolute best Giga-Chad body!"
#END SONG#
- … … … Rolling, Rolling, Rolling, Rolling, ~DING~ Congratulations you got [1x Used Condom] Used personally by Andrew Tate! -
The used condom materialized mid-air above the guy's face and spills all over his face.
- ~DING~ Title unlocked! [JizzLordZ 9000] To unlock this, have the first item you get be a used condom and have it spill on your face -
JizzLordZ 9000: "... … … … HEY YOU SIMP BETA CUCK SYSTEM, IT'S [SUPREME OVERLORD TRUE HAREM GOD] GHOSTYZ TO YOU!" He pointed to the thin air like a schizophrenic who hasn't taken their meds today, his shout scaring away the wildlife while he was at it.
- Nah, you are now [JizzlordZ 9000] as your title. And per the rules set by the goddess I can't call you anything else until you get a new title and you can't change it until you get a new one. NYEH-EH-EH! -
JizzLordZ 9000: "Fuck! Stupid fucking soy-boy fucking system! I WANT my Dark System! Fuck!" He cursed, kicking the nearest tree and hurting his foot. His heavy breath not doing him any favours as his neckbeard swayed slightly in the wind taking his smell away for but a second.
Grabbing his balls through his greasy stretched-out sweatpants, he continued on his way to the nearest heavily populated area. Which, just so happened, to be Kuoh. The territory of the devils. Eager to bag some easy submissive and breedable bitches, he wiped the drooping snot off his nose and waddled forth.
# POV Switch: 3rd Person #
It was a nice and calm day, quiet even in the ORC clubroom at Kuoh Academy. The window left opened, allowing a nice breeze to filter in the room bringing along blue motes of light, which slowly but surely settled in the room before combining and imploding on itself as a small white and fluffy creature appears, standing in the centre of the carpet.
It turned its head this way and that way, taking in its surroundings, as voices coming closer to the door were slightly muffled.
???: "So what is on the agenda today?" One of the female voices asked.
???: "Well there's a stray that wandered into your territory. Plus the Fallen activity. Koneko said she smelt something off that boy you noticed. Something.. dragon-like" The other female voice replied.
???: "Hm.. Okay. Keep an eye on him but don't do anything besides having Koneko keep watching" The female voice said, opening the doors to their clubroom and seeing the white, fluffy creature on their carpet.
They stared at the creature for a couple of seconds as it stared back, this staring contest went on for a couple more seconds before the creature crouched. The female that opened the door had long brilliant red hair and a voluptuous body that would seduce many a man.
The one behind her had long, black hair with a bluish tint to it, and an equally voluptuous body. They both watched in wonder as the creature crouched and stood up again before repeating the cycle a few times. The redhead looked at the small, adorable ball of fluff and blinked. The action looked familiar but she couldn't quite place it.
???: "Rias..? Is that a familiar?" The other girl asked, pulling the redhead's sleeve.
Rias: "I don't… know... I think it's trying to tell us something.." Rias rubbed her chin and watched until she snapped her fingers.
Rias: "OH!" She then repeated the gesture back at the fluffy creature with an appreciative smile.
???: "What was that..?" The other girl asked, clearly confused.
Rias: "A language popular in first-person shooters. Clearly a distinguished individual, Akeno.." Rias replied with absolute confidence, the creature nodded in agreement.
Akeno: "Ara... I forget what a nerd you are sometimes" Akeno tittered, covering her mouth as she chuckled.
The creature stopped its "Language", before trotting over to Rias who crouched down to their level. Stopping right in front of her it sat down, it looked up at her with a small smile as it communicated.
Fou?: "Fou!" The cute 'Fou' it produced sent Rias into a cooing fit as she picked it up and started to rub their cheeks together, only eliciting more 'Fou's' to come from the creature.
Rias: "Whose familiar are you? Doesn't matter... I have to keep him!" Akeno rubbed the bridge of her nose and sighed at this.
Akeno: "Clearly he's intelligent... Why don't you try to figure out where he came from and what he wants first, since apparently, he comes in peace?" Akeno reasonably asked, looking at the small fluff ball in Rias' arms.
Fou squiggles out of Rias's arms before scampering to her desk, jumping atop it, and grabbing a sheet of paper and a pen. The girls walked up to the desk as he wrote with the pen in exquisite cursive.
Fou: "Hello. My name is Fou. I am here to find a person titled "JizzLordZ". He is to be brought in dead."
Akeno: "I almost don't even want to know what a JizzLordZ even is.." Akeno replied, smile twitching.
Rias: "Is it some kind of supernatural entity in Kuoh?" Rias asked, taking his words seriously.
Fou: "He is, and he's come to Kuoh to and I quote 'bag some easy submissive and breedable bitches'". Fou quickly scribbled his response.
Rias & Akeno: "Ew.." Both said at the same time with revulsion.
Rias: "Sounds like a disgusting individual. Do you know where he'll go?" Rias asked the small creature.
The small creature wiggled its head in a so-so gesture before scribbling something that unnerved both her and Akeno; it was a scarily accurate drawn picture of a human, one that looked very repulsive.
Fou: "You" He grabbed another sheet of paper and scribbled something before the bell rang and distracted the girls, when they turned their heads back to the desk all that was left was the picture and final words of the creature.
Akeno: "I really hope he dies before he even gets close" Akeno said with a smile.
Rias: "Ugh.. maybe he's not as bad as Riser?" Rias replied, pulling Akeno with her to their class.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The final bell rang signalling the end of classes, students put away their things, leaving the school, cleaning the school or staying around for study groups was the norm.
Students were disgusted as they walked past a fat man openly wearing in public a non-censored ahego hoodie, he was drenched in sweat as he rested his hands on his thighs.
- Congratulations, JizzLordZ 9000: you have exceeded your weekly exercise quotient by 700%. Data indicates that masturbation was your favourite activity - The smug tone of the system ticked GhostyZ off, he was a "SUPREME OVERLORD TRUE HAREM GOD" goddamn it, he deserved to be called as such.
JizzlordZ 9000: "Fuck! I wasn't masturbating... I was making love to my sock" He clarified, saying it out loud as a brown-haired boy passed, looking at him in complete shock and utter disgust.
???: "What the fuck…. Is this what people think I do...? I have to stop being an open pervert... That's disgusting.." He concluded, heading home to improve his character.
- Doesn't matter to me [JizzLordZ 9000], anyway in celebration of the absolute insanity that my previous sentence is you get 2 rolls for doing so, enjoy~ NYEH-EH-EH-EH -
JizzLordZ 9000: "FUCK YOU YOU SMUG CATBOY SOUNDING SHIT SYSTEM!" he screamed to the sky gathering attention to himself, and more than a few concerned looks at his schizophrenic-off-his-fucking-meds behaviour with his Yee-Yee ass hair cut and no shave.
- Rolling~! Rolling~! Rolling~! Rolling~! ~DING~ You got- EH!? EH!? EHHHHH!? NOOO! I LOST THE BET! -
JizzLordZ 9000: "Well!? What did I get, Cuck system" He spat out in impotent rage, his spittle flying from his mouth, causing even more people to deliberately avoid him and some had even drawn out their cellphones.
- Awwww man… you got [I.D. Create & Exit] and [Rope of Entanglement] this is sooooo not cash money right now -
GhostyZ smiled so sinisterly that a passing mother and child both turned around and power walked away as he creepily slurred out the word Perfect, the mother discreetly pulled out her phone and started to call the police.
As he neared the school building with the sinister smile plastered on his face he was able to spot the familiar duo of Akeno and Rias at the front of the building, speeding his waddle up to a slow walk he quickly(Took 5 minutes to walk there) arrived in front of the ladies
JizzLordZ 9000: "Hello.. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…." Easily forgetting how to talk to real women, he was too busy staring at their chests as a 3-centimetre bump rose from his pants.
Behind him, the white creature appeared with a 20-sided dice and a sign that read "Roll for Chrisma", casting the die it landed on a Natural 1 failing his Rizz check.
Rias: "Oh it's so much worse than I imagined…" Rias cringed along with her Queen as he brought out a shady-looking rope.
Quickly thinking on his paws Fou somehow gained a bunch of lego and spread them around on the ground around the Fat man, before throwing a handful of dice moderately lightly at the back of his head getting his attention.
JizzlordZ 9000: "GUEEEEEE!!!!" Squealing like a pig, he trips mid-scream and falls face-first into more dice while rolling around, causing even more pain as the lego sinks into his protective flubber.
Akeno held her face and took an incredible amount of enjoyment from this. Though she was reluctant to even go near him, she revelled in his pain. Rias just stared and died a little on the inside that such a person even existed.
JizzLordZ 9000: "I-I-I.D. CREATE!"
The world shimmered around him and the girls Fou who wisely touched Rias on the foot was pulled into the I.D, just in time to dodge the rope of entanglement which trapped both Rias and Akeno in the 30ft rope.
*INSERT FGO BATTLE START AND FIGHT MUSIC*
Rias: "Oh hell no.." Rias struggled against the ropes, her mind realizing his intentions and her face showing disgust.
Akeno: "Rias, calm down. Our little friend is still here" Akeno said, looking at Fou, who had come with them.
Turning towards them as GhostyZ continue to roll in the lego, Fou continued the crouch cycle anew before facing the "Man" the "Myth" the "Legend" JIZZZZZZZZLOOORRRRRDDDDZZZZ 9000~.
Who was still stuck even after 5 minutes of rolling around on the ground like a fucking turtle, he tried to get up but only caused himself more pain until he rolled out of the lego minefield. Where he successfully raised himself up enough to stand up.
Fou seeing this meandered through the minefield expertly and arrived at the huffing and puffing man, a light blue arm sprouted from Fou's back tilted toward the ground. The fat man took notice of this and before he could say anything a metal dagger appeared in the blue hand and swung upward at a frightening speed. (Frightening for GhostyZ, for Fou and the Girls it was swung very slowly.)
He dodged by falling on his ass, only to roll to the left at light speed. (He moved slightly faster than normal because of his weight) Narrowly avoiding his death by the foul tiny creature. (He rolled twice and was well out of the slow swing of Fou, who was toying with his prey)
Rias: "Wow… I'm ashamed to even have thought of him as a threat before" Rias commented with a sigh of disappointment.
Akeno: "Throw more lego, please?" Akeno asked with a sadistic giggle.
A double crouch in response was all she got as more lego appeared in the blue hands that were appearing out of his body, slowly the entire floor was covered with despicable bricks of pain-inducing magic enchanted onto them. (Fou was just covering the floor with legos which elicited screams of pain from the degenerate)
Akeno: "Fufufu... Thank you" Akeno thanked the creature with an eye-shut smile, in return he gave a cute little salute with his paw.
He crouched on the ground before blasting off into the air, a wooden baseball bat in his paws, he flips and starts falling towards the screaming idiot.
Fou: "FOU KYU! (NINE LIVES!)" He speeds up his falling with a burst of mana, he aims his bat at the prey.
Fou: "FOOOU-KYUUU (ANTI-HORNY BONK)" With one final flip he lands his bad directly on the man's jewels causing him to pass out from the pain and die of shock, landing on the ground the bat stays in an upright position on the man's crotch.
*BATTLE END - MMUSIC STOP*
Rias: "Hey… can you untie us? It's starting to chafe a bit…" Rias commented, while Akeno fainted from sadistic joy.
Trotting over to the girls, Fou had another hand pop out of his back with a switchblade, quickly cutting through the rope, allowing Rias to get up and rub her wrists in gratitude as he spelled out a message in Lego.
Fou: "Please destroy the body with P.O.D."
Rias: "Gladly" Rias replied before engulfing the body in the Bael's power of destruction, obliterating every molecule that was ever a part of him.
The world shimmered again, depositing them just where they were, quickly seeing the issue with Akeno in her current state… She quickly picked up her Queen and dragged the fluffy creature by its scruff.
Gently placing Akeno down on the couch she turned around to look at the white fluffy creature, as it continued its crouching routine, only for it to stop abruptly and fall on its side.
Rias: "Fou? Fou!? FOUUUUUUUUUU!?" she quickly rushed to his side and picked him up, a white paper fell underneath him that she gave a quick read.
Fou: "Miss Gremory, I don't feel so good…" while holding him in her arms he slowly smiles as he disintegrates into blue motes of light, carried out the window and leaving a crying girl. But he didn't leave without a gift for her, a small tuft of hair remained unbeknownst to the creature itself.
What would this creature turn into? We may never know.