Repression...

"Never let the pain from your past punish your present and paralyze your future."

-Anonymous

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Gauhar's POV

"Why do you always have to be the wet blanket?" I heard the sullen voice beside me ask. I turned and raised an eyebrow at him, feeling a bit put off by his words. But all the anger swiftly melted away as I beheld the smile that he had on his face.

I sucked in a deep breath as the cerulean eyes shone mischievously at me, reminding me of a similar smile that was so infectious that it managed to lighten even the grumpiest people.

I felt a sharp pang as the memories flooded my mind, but I bit my lip to stop myself from letting the darkness overwhelm me. I was stronger now, I could handle it.

At least that's what I hoped.

I grit my teeth as I pulled in a deep breath. When I opened my eyes, I noticed that Jacob was looking at me intently, no doubt he had seen the grave expression that my face had assumed. I ruffled his sandy brown hair and smirked at him "You got some nerve huh? Show some gratitude you little imp, I just saved you from getting into trouble."

He stuck his tongue out at me, shaking his head to get my hand out if his hair and messing them up even more in the process "I wouldn't have gotten into trouble had it not been for you."

I clicked my tongue impatiently, this kid was too smart to let me continue having the upper hand. But talking with this child was a lot better than talking to many adults...adults who judged every word you spoke and who made you feel worthless.

I pinched his cheek as he glared at me "Stop being a nosy little mouse, and most importantly let people eat in peace. You have no idea how rude it is to stop people from eating something, they could very well be starving...and moreover I nearly died from choking because of you." I adviced in the gravest voice that I could muster which was my most adult voice.

He rolled his eyes at my words, rubbing the cheek which I had pinched. His nonchalamce at my words caused me to stick my tongue out at him.

So much for me trying to act like an adult. Reason was shaking her head in disappointment but there wasn't much I could do.... twelve year old me approved wholeheartedly. And she was way cuter than reason was.

"Damn Haru you need to really start act like an adult." he solemnly pointed out to me, acting more like a grave old man than a ten year old. I rolled my eyes at his words at which he burst out laughing as he turnedvaround and ran out into the evening.

I smiled to myself as I wrapped my arms around myself and followed him outside. As I stepped into the balmy evening, I felt the warm evening breeze ruffle my hijab. The stinging smell of pine and oak filled my nostrils as I walked along the paved stone pathway. The dry grass crunching under my feet as I walked.

The sound of the hundreds of excited little voices and laughter that filled the air, coupled with the distant chirping of the birds filled me with a weird sense of contentment. The leaves of the oak and birch trees rustled in the gentle wind, making it feel as if they were joining in the fun, whispering animatedly.

I sat down on a bench, closing my eyes. I let out a deep breath as I let my mind wander. I felt my heart clench in pain as I thought how unfair life was for these children. They were rendered alone, either due to cruel fate or because those who were supposed to take responsibility of them were not adept enough or thought of these precious little souls as mistakes.

I felt myself shudder at the fate these kids would have met had it not been for a place like this that accepted them without any question. Their parents would have very likely killed them, thinking of them as a burden. It was never these children's fault but they had to pay for their parent's mistakes.

Being labelled as mistakes themselves...and paying the price of the mistakes of their parents by giving their lives. I felt a chill pass through my spine as I thought of the numerous little souls whose lives were ended yearly...monthly...daily. Because the people who were responsible for them were goddamn cowards.

I felt a renewed sense of respect for the old woman that was now laughing along with the little children. She was doing something that others weren't brave enough to do themselves. She took responsibility of them when nobody else was willing.

Not even the ones who had given birth to them.

The thought that these children were alone in this world sent a sharp pain through my heart. I clutched at my jacket, my knuckles whitening. It's seldom that anyone comes to meet them, only for the pleasure of their company I remembered the words which Mrs. Singh had said when I had handed her my first paycheck, the bitter smile that had formed on her lips then spoke louder than a million words.

So many unsaid stories....no wonder her wise grey eyes held so much depth in them. She had witnessed the shallowest forms of human behaviour.

I could guess what had brought on that smile. People came to help, of course they did but it always had an ulterior motive.

Greed. Pure unadulterated and immensely ugly.....greed.

Most commonly they liked the positive image and popularity they got from 'helping' these children. Of course what they were actually doing was helping themselves, using these little children's bad fortune to push themselves up in society. And once they had gotten what they wanted, they never looked back in their direction, not caring if these children needed their 'help' again.

It filled me with disgust to think that they even had the audacity to claim that they 'cared' about these children....when in all honesty they were just using their pain as a stepping stone for their own petty motives.

What they didn't understand is that they didn't want their pity, and their superficial help. These kids were left alone, stripped barren of all the warmth that love had to offer. They were hungry for love….an affectionate pat on their head meant more to them than the entire riches of this world.

I sucked in a breath, the crisp smell of the grass and the mellow scent of the earth calming my senses. As the children turned towards me, smiles lighting up there tiny little faces, I couldn't help but smile back at them, marveling at the openness of their expressions. Their faces didn't hold any secrets, they didn't hold any ulterior motives. Their innocent eyes shone with sincerity and warmth.

They didn't want anyone's charity, what they yearned for was love. And if anyone showed them compassion, they returned the love with a million times the fervour. They gave unconditionally and only asked for little in return. I wanted to give them all I had, I wanted to give them my love. I wanted to do to them what I was once unable to do to those who were important to me.

And more than anything I wanted to pay back to Mrs Singh who held my hand when I was truly lost...blinded by pain and hopelessness. I knew I could never repay what she had done for me, but I would help her in whatever meagre way I could.

In my eyes, they were richer than the wealthiest billionaire in the world, because they had what the others did not- the ability to be content. They were not greedy for this world and its riches. Love was all that mattered to them. And kindness was the only language they appreciated.

With a pang I realized that my own actions were not selfless, they were backed by selfish motives. I felt guilty for that, but I knew one thing for sure and that was that I would never leave them wanting. I couldn't live with myself if I failed...

Once more.

"Hey you spineless git, will you stop picking on her?" an angry little voice floated up to me, shaking me out of my thoughts.

I looked towards the source of commotion, my eyes widening as I saw Jacob defending a golden haired girl who had a bleeding lip. The children that had most probably caused the bleeding lip were towering over them, but I didn't detect any trace of fear in those cerulean eyes of his.

"Ha, look at this little fry trying to act all strong here." one of them laughed, pushing Jacob by the shoulder. But that didn't seem to deter him at all, on the contrary the fire in his eyes multiplied tenfold.

"Let's show him who's the boss here." A boy with messy brown hair announced, advancing threateningly towards them. The determination in Jacobs eyes morphed into a pair dark brown almost coffee like eyes.

***"Don't you dare think she's weak, none of us is weak. The real weak ones are you who need to steal what's ours from us to feel stronger. You hit us when we are powerless."***

The words that rang in my head made me lose my breath. I felt dizzy as I remembered the reassuring smile, the laughter of bygone times ringing in my ears.

Haunting me.