Now where the fuck am I?
I swear to god if that motherfucker Brad decided to drop me on the sidewalk again I'm gonna rip that son of a bitch in to pieces. Then again, I don't think even he is willing to find a forest to drop me in.
"I swear I'm gonna stop drinking." I said out loud for the hundredth time in my life.
I get my hung-over ass up and look around, still about as confused as a virgin buying condoms. I'm still wearing what I last wore, some black cargo joggers and a grey hoodie along with my white New Balance 550s. Yes, I am about as basic as a Starbucks-drinking blonde and I don't give a fuck. My whole "I don't give a fuck" vibe has done me well enough in life, friends and women sufficient enough to once again not give a fuck.
I had jet black hair and black eyes, I have never been the type to experiment with crazy hair colors and shit. Always made people seem like they were gonna have an identity crisis.
Now I wouldn't say I'm the most handsome bastard around, but I can tell ya I'm a solid 7 out of 10. The reason women come to me is apparently that they love it when someone just doesn't give a fuck about them, which is weird as fuck but aye Brad knows his shit.
Now back to the creepy ass forest that I'm in, bloody hell is this the suicide forest in Japan? Logan Paul get the hell out of here!
I look around and notice a bag placed right above where I woke up, well it looks like I just got a new bag. Prayers up to the poor bastard who lost it because this thing is HIGH quality.
Wait just a second here, I'm by no means short after, all 6'1 is pretty damn tall. So why the fuck does this tree look like a skyscraper?
"Did I do acid yesterday?" I questioned looking up at the tree.
"Ah fuck it, lets check this bag first." I decided and grabbed that expensive little fucker.
Inside were a shit ton of things, firstly loads of documents and ID cards.
"Carlos Davis, Age 14. Originally from the Paldea region but moved to Sinnoh at the age of 2. What the fuck is this shit?" I read in disbelief.
I continued to read the documents, and apparently I'M CARLOS DAVIS?! The fuck kinda name even is that?! Oh and how do I know I'm supposed to be Carlos? It's elementary my dear Watson, its my god damn picture on every one of these damn ID cards. Granted it's me when I was fourteen, so back when I was around 5'8 and had longer hair.
Back then I was in my whole anime phase so I pretty much leaned into the whole anime hairstyle vibe, by that I mean my fringe was long and spiky. It worked wonders back then but as I grew that style didn't fit with being a grown up so I ended up cutting it to an undercut.
But lets forget about the past for a minute, wanna know the kicker in the story? Apparently I am in the Pokémon world, now that sounds very believable didn't it? . Which brain dead little nerd thought this prank would work? That motherfucker Brad is who!
The lore of this Carlos fella is that he moved to Kanto to start his journey but his dumbass couldn't even get a starter, so his bright ass idea was to run into Viridian forest. Someone get this desperate guy some help! Let's not forget this fella is an orphan that was so annoying that Professor Rowan told to him to stay the fuck away from his lab. Gotta say Brad keeps proving he's got talent for this nerd shit.
"Fucking hell, that bastard Brad, did he have to write my lore to be this brain dead?" I sighed as I put it all back in the bag and opened another pouch.
What I find are 12 red and white balls with small buttons, some nice ass pokeball props to add to this clusterfuck, there was also a badge case and contest ribbon case. Finally I found a phone, looks weird as fuck but aye it should work.
"I can finally call that son of a bitch and tell him to come get me." I said exhausted. I just woke up and am already about ready to go back to sleep.
Instead this piece of metal shit is apparently a fucking pokedex? Now this shit is just getting out of hand. I just shove it in the bag and get up, time to get out of here myself.
"When you don't know where to go, always go towards water." I said out loud recalling those survival videos I watched in my teen years.
I decided to climb up the big ass tree in front of me, and it seems I didn't do acid because this tree really is bloody massive. I got to the first branch of the tree and looked around, I spotted a lake just a bit away. While up there I found some blue colored berries that seemed pretty edible so I decided to take them with me.
I started walking towards the lake I spotted while looking around, the lake seemed unusually clean. These days you don't find clean water unless it benefits some capitalistic hunger of some obese bastard. Leaving aside my rant against capitalism, as I got close to the lake I got jump scared by some little orange otter looking creature. I stepped back and looked at the creature properly. It's a fucking Buizel. It's a fucking Pokémon...
The Buizel looks at me and I look at it, both of us seem as confused as the other. I don't know why the hell he is confused but at this point I don't even give a fuck.
"Well shit." I said with a deadpan expression.