Chapter 4

"Ay ala! Pareho tayo grade 10 din."

Huminto ang tricy sa tapat ng gate ng village namin kaya naman bumaba na ako.

"Dito ka nakatira?!" gulat na tanong niya.

"Oo." nag-abot ako ng bayad kay manong. Medyo sinobrahan ko dahil mahirap kumuha ng iba pang pasahero dito. Kawawa naman si manong.

Tinanguan ko lang siya at tipid na nginitian. Bakit kung dito ako nakatira?

Oo nga pala. Muntik ko nang makalimutan na ang village na ito ay madalas tinitirhan ng mga taong... Mayaman. May kaya.

Agad kong ngumiti sa guard nang kumaway at ngumiti siya pagkakita sa akin.

"Uminom ka nanaman no?" tanong niya nang pumasok ako sa post nila. Makikiupo.

"Ano pa nga ba. Saka dami kong art project at assignment eh." sapo ko na ang noo ko ngayon at nakapikit na.

Narinig ko siyang tumawa kaya dumilat ako sandali saka tinignan siya.

"Kaya pa ba?"

Napailing nalang ako sa kaniya at ngumiti. Ilang minuto akong nagpahinga doon saka lang naglakad papunta sa bahay nang makaramdam ako ng uhaw.

Agad akong pinagbuksan ng katulog pagkatapos mag doorbell. Tuloy tuloy ang pasok ko hanggang sa kwarto at diretsong ini-lock ang pinto.

Malawak ang loob ng kwarto ko, actually kusina nalang ang kulang parang buong bahay na. But it feels so empty...

The room was painted with white and gray, has an LEDs at the corners of the ceiling. My lavender queen sized bed was at the right corner, at its left was the lavender study table, katapat ng isang sliding window, katabi nito ang purple bedside cabinet with the white lampshade, above it was a hanging wooden book shelf. Sa baba ng kama ay purple sofa, a soft lavender carpet and a black glass coffee table above it, katapat ay ang malaking flat screen tv.

At the upper left corner was a sliding door covered with a thick gray curtain para hindi pumasok ang liwanag, it leads to a small terrace, where you can see our garden outside. The wall at the right has a DIY bulletin board like made by me with the mixture of colors white,lavender, baby pink, gray or purple. It also has fairy lights all over it and a banner of pictures of me and my parents since my first birthday celebration up to my fifth and after that, I was now all alone.

Bago ang study table ay ang sliding door papunta sa walk-in closet at banyo. I love things that is associated with the color purple that is why my room was colored either purple or lavender, sometimes white or black, and even baby pink.

I feel so alone in this beautiful and big, wide house. I feel lonely and empty here. Just like a world colored in black and whites. I don't know, I just feel that way.

Kumuha ako ng tubig sa fridge kong nasa tabi ng pinto. Tulad nga ng sabi ko, my room is like a house without a kitchen. I almost have the complete sets of almost everything in here.

Pagkatapos uminom dumiretso nalang ako sa banyo para magshower saka nag blowdry ng buhok sa banyo na rin. Nagsuot lang ako ng simpleng navy blue short shorts and a plain white shirt. I put on my pink fluffy slippers and got to bed.

Nag scroll lang ako sa mga social media accounts ko but I ended up more lonely when I saw pictures of a family, complete and happy. I wish to have that before.

I don't know. It's just that I do not feel comfortable with my parents like how I was used to before. They were almost gone for years, 10 years actually. I forgot how I used to feel to have them beside me, the feeling of warmth of a mother's hug, and even hearing them say we're home. I almost forgot how they look like if not just because of their recent picture that was sent yesterday, I totally forgot what do they look like and probably asking myself if I really have parents.

But anyways, I don't even bother asking them to come home because they will just ignore and say we work for you to live honey and I am SOOOOOOOO sick of that so I stopped asking. They were just busy making our, their money grow and grow until they ran out of banks to hide it. Fuck this wealth. Fuck money. Fuck this stupid freaking damn money.

I wonder if Hannah already at her home. So I decided to call her instead of texting. Hindi nasagit yung unang tawag kaya sinubukan ko ulit, telling myself that if she did not answer this one, I will stop bothering her phone but happy heavens, she answered.

"Hannah? Nakauwi ka na ba?"

[ Ah sorry di ko nasagot agad, kumakain kasi kami kanina, katatapos ko lang. Ah o kanina pa ako nakauwi. Bakit?]

"Family?"

[ Uh..... Yes. Ikaw ba?] napangiti ako ng mapait. Thinking how I would also feel having dinner with my parents.

"Katatapos ko lang magshower eh. Mamaya pa ako kakain, hinihintay ko pa na tawagin ako."

[ Oo nga pala. Yayamanin ka pala ateng! Sana lahat!] masaya pa niyang sinabi. Maybe dreaming how billionaires life is.

"Well...." Sinadyang bitinin iyon dahil hindi ko na alam ang idudugtong.

[ Sige, kita kita nalang next time or usap nalang ulit. May mga assignment at projects pa kasi ako eh...]

"S-sige."

Ako na ang naunang nagbaba ng tawag at tinitigan lang ang screen ng phone ko.

Ang swerte naman niya nakakasama niyang kumain ang pamilya niya sa hapagkainan...

Buntong hininga lang ang nagawa ko sa isipin kong iyon. Nalulungkot na mag-isa akong namumuhay sa palasyong ibinigay para sa akin pero iyong nagbigay, wala naman dito.

Hindi ko alam pero bigla nalang bumigat ang nararamdaman ko. Nalulungkot ako at hindi ko maipaliwanag kung gaano iyon kalungkot. Like I feel hollow, and dull. Surrounded by black and whites.

I feel so empty that no one could ever imagine.