Remorse

Dhruv clenched his hair tightly, trying to rip them off his skull. He couldn't believe what he had done today.

Guilt, remorse, regret...Everything cluttered in his heart.

Dhruv knew that he loved to take lives and make people suffer. But raping women wasn't a part of it. Rather, he was against raping. Because he was a product of it too.

All his life, he despised the man who raped his mother. And now, he turned into one like him.

"Noo!!"Dhruv hit his fists in the ground, his eyes tearing up. Why did he do this?

He didn't understand that why his emotions skyrocketed whenever it came to Meenakshi. Be it happiness or anger, he wasn't in his control anymore. And that's why he wanted to get rid of her more.

He feared what she could do to him. How he was deliberately becoming powerless!

But she didn't deserve this! No woman in this world deserves such treatment, like the way he did with her!

Maybe that's why his mother hated him. Because she knew that he would turn out just like the man who destroyed her.

Dhruv groaned in pain.

He needed to pay for what he did!

***********

Meenakshi was startled at the knock on the door. She moved back in her bed, covering herself with the duvet. Her senses came back shortly after the incident.

She remembered what happened and feared to move outside the room. She felt completely broken from inside.

Why did he do this to her?

Bitter tears trickled down her eyes.

The door opened this time, revealing her worst fear. Meenakshi immediately gasped and pushed herself towards the end of the bed, her whole body trembling in fear.

Dhruv didn't had the courage to look at her, so he slowly walked into the room with his head bowed down. Meenakshi carefully observed his every step. She flinched with his each step towards her.

Dhruv stood at the corner of the bed and then kneeled down on the floor. His head was facing the ground while he pulled out something from his suit.

It was a gun.

Meenakshi widened her eyes in shock. Why did he bring a gun?

Dhruv placed the gun on the bed and spoke

"I know that what I've done, doesn't deserve any forgiveness. And I don't have the guts to ask for it.Meenakshi, I maybe a ruthless killer,but I'm not a rapist. I moved away the moment I realised what I was doing. I don't even know why I did it,in the first place. You're the first woman in my life,who made me so impulsive and vulnerable. I guess I couldn't accept that.I put this gun here. It's loaded. Shoot me with this if you want revenge. I won't stop you. I deserve to die after what sin I made. I should pay the price."

He stood up from his ground and retreated towards the door. He stopped there for a while, remembering something.

"You're the strongest lady I ever came across. It's me who doesn't deserve you. You deserve love. I'm sorry that I couldn't give that you."He walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. Meenakshi kept staring at the door,as if a ghost was standing there.

She never encountered this side of Dhruv! Did he just say that she's worthy of love?

Meenakshi engrossed her mind deep in thought. Maybe,what she thought about him was right. There was a vulnerable boy living behind the facade. And today's act brought it out.

She exhaled deeply, realising that she was holding her breath for so long.

What he did was not the right thing, but he could've done more wrong if he wanted. And if he was really bad, then he wouldn't have apologised like that to her.

She remembered what he said about his past. She knew that he suffered a lot too. Maybe that's why, he turned out to be so twisted and dark.

Maybe,he just needed a hand to guide him towards the light.

The thought again crossed her mind.

What if she tried to show him the right path?

*******

All the cars were loaded with suitcases and there were a few trucks with tempos that loaded the other stuff. They were changing their main base, as it was a tradition to do between every five years. It made the work difficult for the police to track them. Dhruv planned to make it Dubai this time, as he had captured and dominated the mafia there. So, all the possession was his. And he liked the luxurious atmosphere it offered.

Meenakshi on her room was dressing herself up for the shifting. A week had passed and there was no such conversation between them. But it was making her even more restless, so she thought to talk to him that day...

Flashback

Meenakshi knocked a few times before she got permission to enter Dhruv's room.

Dhruv was sitting on his couch, reading a book with his reading glasses. Witnessing Meenakshi entering the room,he became tensed. The guilt resurfaced in his mind. Although,it churned in his head all the time.

Meenakshi settlrd near him on one of the couches and placed the gun on the table. She covered her neck with a scarf to avoid any suspicion about what happened that day.

She looked ahead,at the sunny weather outside,the birds chirping. Her eyes fell on the book that was in his hand. It was Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

"Pride and Prejudice is actually a romantic story." she said.

Dhruv looked at his book and sighed with realisation.

"Yeah,I was just trying to see what's there so much about romance that people bicker about."His voice was soft and not the usual cold tone he used.

Meenakshi stared at him for a moment. The sunrays falling on his face through the glass made him look more human.

"Dhruv?"

"Hmm?"

"Why did you hate me?"

Dhruv looked at her face with shock.

"You-"He gulped in the raging storm that was building in his heart.

"You remind me of my mother."

Meenakshi was quite astounded to hear this.

"You were her choice. She said that you're my real soulmate and you'll give me all the love she could never give."

Meenakshi blinked her eyes a few times, thinking about what he said.

"You loved your mother, didn't you?"

Dhruv widened his eyes. She looked straight at his eyes, as if reading his soul. She was the first person who asked him this question, more like confirmed it.

"Why do you ask?"

" Because I can feel it within you. You know, someone once told me that hate and love are two poles of the same magnet. They are the most extreme emotions a person feels about another. In both the situation,the person matters to you.

I don't why, but whenever I look through your eyes, I see a sweet little boy who just wants to be loved by his mother."

Dhruv stared agape at her. He felt as if his emotions were lying naked infront of Meenakshi. How could she know?

Meenakshi looked down at her fingers.

"I'm not saying that I am right. It's an idea. Something I feel when I see you.

And you told that day, that I don't know how it feels. I so wished your words were true. But unfortunately, I do know how it feels to not be loved and cared by the person you look up to most. I know how it feels to be hated and cursed all your life. I know how it feels to be sleeping with an empty stomach for days. I know how it feels to be lonely ,to not have anyone by your side to lend you a hand."

Meenakshi suppressed her tears from flowing down her eyes.

"But I believe that making someone's life miserable doesn't change how we feel or improve anything. It's the fear that needs to be removed."

She sighed. With more resilience in her heart,she asked him the question she had in her mind for so long.

"Tell me one thing! Do you still hate me?"

********