Chapter Twenty-one

"It isn't like that," I protested I held my hands which had been behind Theodore's back up in the air in front of me. Both Draco and Daphne looked at me confused at my position. "Why are you holding your arms in front of you like that," Daphne questioned. I wanted to smack myself.

They, of course, did not know about 'put your hands up in the air' phrase used by muggle policemen. I put my hands down awkwardly and laughed softly. "It's nothing just a reflex," I made up not lying but not telling the whole truth either.

"All I am saying is that Theodore and I became friends he wanted to see the library so I lend him some books," I rambled trying to explain hastily. Daphne and Draco looked even more upset while little Astoria came running towards me with a pastry in her mouth. In between bites I heard her scream excitedly while jumping in my arms. "Pansyyy!," She laughed.

I could have blessed her little soul a thousand times for saving me. Daphne immediately forgot and tried to peel Astoria off of me because she was not supposed to use so much energy. Draco seemed worried as well and since I had not been told about her illness I merely acted like nothing was wrong. I just crouched down and put Astoria on the ground who pouted and still hugged me.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Theodore slipping into the ballroom away from us. I wanted to him so hard. What was the betrayal I had just given him two books! I felt the anger boil. I was caught in a situation where I got Daphne and Draco mad at and on top of that He left when I called him my friend.

I was pulled back into the ballroom by Astoria who held my hand. Daphne took ahold of my other arm while Draco walked next to Daphne asking me how I had been over the time spend after his visit.

I smiled and said I was well but it was a fake smile, I was brimming with anger. I easily get angry it was not my best trait but it was one I had managed to hide for a long time. I was able to hide it behind a facade I had created.

The facade was still me but it had just all the perfect things about me, while behind my flaws were shoved. It was all going to unravel, soon as well but till that time I had to control my flaws and act the part. It was a habit something I had learned in the hospital bed.

When my parents were crying, upset, scared, worried or any other negative word that describes their mood I would try cheer them up by laughing and talking as if I was not in any sort of pain. It made my days even more tiring, but I held the facade till the very end. It was probably the fact that I needed to keep up the facade that made me keep my life as long as I could. It was the only thing that I could grasp on.