Day 1 (IV)

"Oppa!" I called as I walking towards him.

"Hey!" He greeted me with a smile.

"How are you?" I asked before I sat down beside him.

"I'm fine. I'm happy." Johan answered.

But his eyes say the other way around. I remember that he was diagnosed with depression. Johan was not afraid to open up about what his situation was. He's a brave man indeed.

Depression is real and it will never be a joke. Only a few people can overcome it. It's not easy to say that you have depression because you're afraid that other people might judge you. The people who are depressed tend to keep silent about they really feel and they always show that they are genuinely happy. But let's look clearly in their eyes, we can see that they need help. They live in the dark world and it seems that they are slowly used to living in it. It's kinda sad that we live in a society where when we say how we feel or we cry in front of them they will just say we're a drama queen, or they will just simply ignore you. Some people or let's say some of your so-called friends, they will show that they're listening but they don't want to understand your words. So as much as possible let's reach out to those people who are happy because they are the most vulnerable people. And also let's choose to be kind to every human being because that's the only thing we can do in this world. The world needs good people and not fake ones.

"Let's walk and talk about life Oppa." I smiled at Johan and offered my hand.

He reached for it and we stood together. We took a walk while our feet were getting wet.

"It sucks to live in this world. I thought I would be happy but I was wrong. But still, I'm grateful for my life." I said while smiling sadly.

"You're alive but deep inside you're dead." I heard Johan say.

"Hays! It's hard to pretend that you're okay but you aren't. I'm sad for a long time but I can't show my vulnerable side because I know nobody wants to listen to me." I looked down and controlled myself from crying.

I felt his gaze but he didn't speak. We just kept walking while feeling the cold breeze.

"Let's continue living. Even though it seems that it's hard to live in this cruel world. Live our lives to the fullest. Let's make a lot of happy memories with our loved ones. Chase our greatest dreams. Stand up alone because nobody will help you but only yourself. Be brave to face the storm." I stopped speaking and looked at the sky. "And live with a good soul and a happy heart."

I looked at Johan who was next to me. He smiled but this time it reached his eyes.

"I'm beyond proud of you Oppa. You didn't be afraid to express your feelings and you used your platforms just to bring the importance of mental health. I've read a lot of comments about you being their primary source of encouragement. You're still one of the best leaders in the K-pop industry. " I smiled at Johan. "You're strong that's why your fans are grateful for having you as their favorite K-pop star. They have no regrets about stan RealSeven." I continued.

Johan and I just stared at the sunset. Fortunately, I read what I said to Johan. Just kidding. I mean it. He's still one of the best leaders in K-pop.

"Let's go back to our friends." Johan said.

I just sat on the sand and watched the waves of the sea again.

"You go first. I want to watch the waves." I said.

"If nobody listens to you, I'm already here to be your rant person and shoulder to cry on. Your words mean a lot to me. You have a pure heart and a brave soul, Louise." Johan smiled at me before turning his back on me.

Before he could get away, I called him first. "Oppa!"

Johan turned to me again.

"Thank you. E-Everything will be fine!" I shouted before I waved at him and faced the sea again.

My tears were flowing when Johan left me alone. I couldn't stop crying. Why am I crying? Why can't I apply to myself the pieces of advice I tell to other people? Why is it so hard to say how I feel?

I have the freedom to cry because I'm the only person here in the middle of the night. I hugged my legs as my tears kept flowing. I carried the sadness I was feeling for a long time and no one knew how I feel. Until now I can't open it because I'm afraid I might be ignored again. I've learned not to bring out how I feel. I want to be strong even just emotionally.

My tears flowed incessantly. It flashbacks everything that happened in my past, how weak I was, how ignorant I was in life, how scared I was to be alone, and how worthless I was. I got on my knees to cry. I cried harder because I used to sob quietly every time I went to sleep. This time I want to cry with a sound because I can express how I feel even just by crying.

I just kept crying until my tears were gone, until I released the heaviness in my heart. I stayed outside of the hotel for a few more minutes and then I decided to wash my face with seawater so that I would not cry obviously.

When I got back inside the dining area they are already there. These people here didn't know what I was struggling with in the past because I didn't say anything. I just sighed and wear my smile as I walking towards them.

We had a lot of fun while eating our dinner. Marie is our sunshine. She has a lot of jokes on her sleeves and she makes me laugh all the time. I don't know if she knows that I treasure her and am thankful for having her as one of my sources of happiness. She means a lot to me.

After we ate we just took a walk on the beach. We just laughed and talked with our friends as we walked slowly. We don't know where RealSeven is.

"ANNYEONGHASEYO!" We just heard Ivan shout from where they were stationed.

We were startled when he shouted.

"Let's have another bonfire party!" Marvin shouted also.

We looked at each other as if we were talking about going and joining their bonfire party.

"There is nothing wrong with joining them again. They invited us." Andrew said while hugging Haye.

"And we're the only people here." Laura said afterward.

So we went to them to join the bonfire party. The atmosphere was very different when we sat in a circle. It's like we've all known each other for a while. It's not so quiet anymore and everyone is talking.

"Hey, are you all right?" I was surprised by Marvin's sudden question.

He sat beside me again and we both stared at the fire.

"Yeah always fine." My answer.

Marvin immediately fell silent. I don't know if he wants to say anything to me or not. He had always been quiet before. Sometimes his members can't read what's running through his mind because it seems like he's mentally absent, even when they're in interviews.

Next to my right is Ivan so I feel like I'm just laughing this whole night. There are no such dull moments when you are with Ivan Tsu. He's unintentionally funny.

"So guys, we invited you all to this party because we just want to say thank you." Ivan said.

We frowned because we didn't know why he was grateful.

Are they leaving?

"You guys are amazing. You allowed us to join you all even though we don't know each other." Jacob said.

"A-Ahmm. Are you guys leaving already?" Emmanuel asked skeptically.

"Not yet. We have a one-week vacation in this resort." Justin replied.

"Weeee?" I suddenly asked. I remembered that they didn't understand the Filipino. "I-I mean is it true? That you have a one-week vacation in this resort? "

"Yeah, we left in WGM Entertainment a long time ago right Louise?" Jacob looked at me so I nodded. "So we have the freedom to do what we want to do. Besides, Ivan and Marvin Hyung are the CEO of their own company and studio. Johan Hyung, Yohan, Karl, Justin, and I are in good company now. They let us do what makes us happy and I think that's pretty cool." Jacob said as he smiles widely.

I'm glad they're happy and they're free to do what they want.

"So we've decided to have a vacation in the Philippines and we chose this place because it's secluded but fortunately we bumped you here." Yohan said.

"It's kinda unexpected also to our part." Laura also said.

"Hmm ... Why are you thanking us?" Lovie asked while cooking marshmallows.

I was envious so I took a marshmallow and cooked it. I just stared at the marshmallow while listening to what they had to say.

"Because you didn't treat us as K-pop stars. You treated us like ordinary people and I missed that feeling. Even though we have a fan here." Ivan pointed to me. "She didn't cry or be hysterical when she first saw us. And I guess that's awesome. I'm comfortable around you." Ivan said while smiling.

I raised my hand. "Objection, your honor. He said that I did not cry when I first saw them? Do they have any evidence to prove that?" I laughed at what I said.

"Yah! You're not a lawyer, you're a teacher." Ivan said but it seems like he wants to throw me at the sea.

We burst out laughing because of his reaction.

"Ehem. We want to ask the same question you've asked last night." Johan suddenly said.

"What is it?" Sheena asked.

"What is your ideal type, girls? We're just curious." Marvin replied as he gazing at me.