08

"Ganda ata ng mood natin today ah"

Isla said while making herself comfortable in front of me. Monday ngayon at nakatambay kami sa cafe habang naghihintay ng next class namin.

"Siguro may bumisita ano? Kasi may nakita akong lalaking pumunta sa bahay niyo nung Saturday eh ang alam ko sa Manila nakatira yun." She said.

I just chuckled. I don't have to tell her kasi alam na naman niya. When Isla found out that Psyche and I were together sobrang nagtampo siya kasi bakit daw hindi ko sinabi na nanligaw ulit si Psyche sa akin. Sinabunutan pa ako ng gaga.

"Himala, wala ata yung boyfriend mo ngayon." I said changing the topic.

"Busy sa site yun." She said.

"Okay. Well anyway, order ulit ako. Wait here."

I went to the counter to have my second order for today. Then I saw tita Lucy walking towards my direction. She seems so lost with her thoughts because she didn't noticed me. Pumasok lang siya agad sa mini office niya dito sa cafe. I heard about Miru having a leukemia. Check-up kasi ni Lola yun tapos nagkita kami ni tita sa hospital. I approached her to say hi pero hindi pa man ako nakakapagsalita ay niyakap na niya agad ako at umiyak lang ng umiyak. She told me everything, how Miru wanted to stop the treatment, how Bella; the wife of Miru, kept on forcing him to get treated, and how she's slowly loosing every hope she had. For a mother to cry that hard, only means she's really hurting inside. And I pity her because she doesn't have anyone na masasandalan niya.

After that, Psyche offered help because his tito is an oncologist pero tita Lucy declined saying na ayaw ni Miru. Siguro ganun talaga, kahit gusto mo pang lumaban kung ayaw na niya, then you just have to let him go. You can't force someone to do the things they don't want to do. Similarly, you can't force someone to believe in something they don't believe in. Dapat kasi manggaling mismo yan sa tao. Like me, before I was so eager to stay away from relationships but now, because of Psyche, I finally found courage to let myself fall in love.

"Ihahatid ko nalang po ma'am" The waiter said.

I nodded and went back to my seat. Isla was busy reading kaya hindi ko na ginambala. I was about to read when my phone beep. I got a message from Psyche. Bumalik na siya ng Manila kaninang madaling araw. Kung hindi ko pa siya pinilit ay talagang hindi siya babalik doon.

Babe:

I'll be having a meeting babe, and it'll start in 5 minutes. Baka matagalan kasi medyo may problema sa site. But I'll call you as soon as I'm done, okay? I love you, always.

I replied.

Ako:

Okay babe. I love you.

That became our routine until November. Hindi na rin nakakabisita si Psyche dito sa Cebu kasi natambakan siya ng trabaho. Nagka problema kasi sa bagong hotel na pinapatayo nila. Part of it crashed which caused serious casualties. More than ten construction workers were injured at tatlo ang namatay. It was all over the news, the families of those workers wanted them to pay for what happened. Tinakbuhan din sila ng engineer nila kaya mas lalong nagkapatong-patong ang problema nila.

We can't even do phonecalls anymore dahil sobrang busy siya. But I understood. Naging busy din naman kasi ako sa pag-aaral eh. Last year ko na 'to. My goal is to graduate with latin honors kaya wala akong pinalampas na babasahin. I'm also preparing for my revalida, kahit next year pa yun pinag-aralan ko na agad. Mahirap nang sumablay.

I'm a bit guilty na din kasi hindi na ako masyadong nakaka-uwi sa bahay. Parati nalang akong nakatambay dito sa condo ko para mag-aral. Okay naman sa bahay kaso lang mas malapit yung condo sa school. And I can't afford to waste my time because of traffic. Buti nga at naiintindihan ni Lola. Pero I always see to it na uuwi ako kahit once a week lang. Just to check on her and her medications.

She has high blood pressure kasi. Lately nakakaranas siya ng chest pain and dyspnea. She also experienced dizziness and constant coughing. I wanted her to go to the hospital and have her check-up pero ayaw niya naman. I wanted to force her pero sabi ni daddy wag nang pilitin si Lola baka daw kasi normal lang yun.

I'm a medical student so I know for a fact that it wasn't normal. Frequent chest pain and dyspnea isn't normal kaya napagpasyahan ko na pilitin si Lola na pumunta sa hospital this weekend. Baka kasi ano na yan, for her age and her medical history baka connected na pala sa heart niya ang mga yan.

_____

"You think we aced the exam?"

Isla asked. Kakatapos lang namin mag take ng exams. Actually it was only a pre-finals exam kasi next month pa yung final exam namin for this semester.

"I think so, grabe din yung inaral ko doon noh" i said.

"We deserve to rest hahaha I deserve to have a date with Iñigo!" She said while laughing.

I am actually jealous because Iñigo's just around Cebu. Isang tawag lang ni Isla darating agad si Iñigo. Unlike me, na kahit gusto ko man tawagan si Psyche at sabihin sa kanya na miss na miss ko na siya ay hindi pwede. Baka kasi biglang pumunta yun dito tapos iwan niya lahat ng trabaho sa Manila. For once I wanted to be selfish, pero sa tuwing na-iisip ko ang tambak na trabaho ni Psyche ay nag ba'back out agad ako.

Kaya ko pa namang maghintay eh. Ilang buwan nalang graduate na ako and hopefully after that hawak ko na ang oras ko. For sure sa mga panahong yan nakalipat na si Psyche dito sa Cebu. Naantala lang ang pag manage niya ng business nila dito dahil sa insidente. But if they'll resolve everything there, lilipat na siya dito sa Cebu.

"Hey, I'll go ahead na. Inaantok na ako eh" I said.

"Huh wait, mag dinner muna tayo. Parating na si Iñigo." She said.

See what I mean.

"Wag na, kayo na lang. Gusto ko nang matulog talaga." I said.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Yes"

She nodded. After that umalis na ako. Gutom din naman ako pero yung antok ko talaga ayaw patalo. My original plan was to go home but my eyelids really wanted to shut off kaya sa condo nalang ako dumiretso. Tinawagan ko si Lola na bukas nalang ako uuwi. She insisted for me to go home now dahil dumating daw si mommy kanina. Pero inaantok talaga ako kaya sinabi ko bukas na lang.

So umuwi na siya. It's been years since she last visited me. The last time was, I don't know, five years ago? Honestly, I lost count. Noong naghiwalay kasi sila ni daddy umalis agad siya papuntang Canada. Tapos bumalik lang siya para papirmahin si daddy sa divorce papers. The reason kung bakit pwede silang mag divorce ay dahil sa Canada sila kinasal. That was actually an impulsive wedding dahil nagbakasyon lang sila doon tapos naisip nilang magpakasal. So they got wed without asking permission from their parents.

Simula noong naghiwalay sila ni daddy, gusto niya sumama ako sa kanya sa Canada. But I refused saying na ayaw kong iwan si Lola dito. She forced me kaya nagalit ako sa kanya which led me not answering her calls for months. Simula din noon hindi na niya ako pinilit gawin ang isang bagay na ayaw ko. Natatakot kasi siya na baka hindi ko nanaman siya kausapin.

Nagkausap kaya sila ni daddy? Ang alam ko kasi they stopped talking right after daddy signed the petition. Siguro daddy shut mommy off to guard himself. Marupok kasi yun eh at isang kalabit lang ni mommy, bibigay agad yun. He was really hurt when he found out that mommy wanted a divorce. Kaya kahit ayaw niya, pumayag nalang siya kasi doon daw sasaya si mommy.

Laking gulat ko nung pagbukas ko ng pinto ay nakita ko si Psyche na nakatayo sa labas ng balcony. He was leaning on the railings. Wall glass kasi kaya kitang kita kahit nasa doorway pa ako.

I checked my phone kung nag message ba siya or tumawag pero wala naman. Nilagay ko muna lahat ng libro ko sa countertop bago ko tinapik tapik yung pisngi ko. Inaantok na talaga ako pero hindi pwedeng matulog kasi nandito pala si Psyche. I missed him so much that I'm willing to ditch my sleep for him. I fixed myself first before I walked towards him.

When I opened the glass door, tinignan niya agad ako. I smiled at him pero he didn't smiled back. He just moved closer and hugged me tightly. Seconds had passed pero nakayakap lang talaga siya sa akin.

"Babe, why didn't you told me na pupunta ka dito?" I asked.

"Hindi yun totoo diba?" He asked in a soft voice.

"Ang alin?" I asked slightly confused.

I waited for his answer pero hindi na siya sumagot. I caressed his back to let him speak pero wala pa rin akong nakuhang sagot mula sa kanya. Kaya lumayo ako ng konti para makita ko ang mukha niya.

"Alin ang hindi totoo?" I asked.

He just stared at me and shooked his head.

"What is it?" I asked again.

"Nothing." He smiled and give me a peck. "How was your exams?"

I can feel it. Something is wrong. But he's persistent on changing the topic kaya hinayaan ko nalang. I pulled him to go inside kasi medyo malamig ang hangin dito sa labas. Ber months na kasi and just a week from now, December na.

"Exams were okay. Naka sagot naman ako sa lahat so no worries. Wait, kanina ka pa dito?" I asked.

"Medyo." He said.

"Why didn't you told me na pupunta ka?" He didn't answer, he's just standing there staring at me. "Anyways, have you eaten your dinner na?"

"Nope."

"Okay. I'll cook carbonara and chicken breast. What do you think?"

"Ikaw bahala." He said.

My forehead creases a bit but I composed myself quickly and started to cook. Baka may problema nanaman sa site kaya medyo wala siya sa mood. At kahit antok na antok na ako, pinilit ko pa ring magluto para sa amin ni Psyche.

While cooking I kept on glancing at him pero still, nakatingin lang siya sa akin. Eyeing my every move. May nagawa ba akong kasalanan? As far as I can remember, wala naman.

"Babe umuwi pala si mommy." I said. Trying to create a topic.

"Really?"

"Yeah I called lola kanina kasi. Tapos ayun sabi niya umuwi si mommy... Uhm gusto nga niyang makita ako eh kaso lang sabi ko bukas na kasi inaantok na ako." I said.

"Inaantok ka pala then why are you still cooking? Why don't you sleep na."

I faced him.

"Kasi po nandito ang boyfriend ko at hindi pa siya naghahapunan kaya nagluluto ako para makapag-dinner na siya."

"You're tired babe, bakit ginagawa mo pa rin 'to? Pwede ka namang magpahinga na, ako nalang ang magluluto." Sabi niya sabay tayo.

"No. Stay there. Ako na nga diba. And why am I doing this?

Babe, I'm doing this because I love you. No amount of fatigue can make me stop doing these kinds of things for you." I said while smiling.

"Really? You love me?" He asked with a soft smile.

"Duh di pa ba obvious?" I chuckled.

He smiled. Hindi umabot sa mata niya pero at least he smiled na. Siguro sobrang pagod lang siya ngayong araw.

***

:)