Contest of Whimsy

At last, the growing party found themselves at the archery range. A number of soldiers had gathered, largely to see the princess no doubt. Our hero flashed a broad grin at the crowd.

"Hey. Now, which one of you sorry sods is my artisan?"

"Sorry, what now?" a muscular older man asked, adjusting his thick glasses.

"Never mind, friend, come with me a moment, hmm? I'll be showing off lost technology, don't you know, my personal possession."

"I'm interested, but... Forgive me, young man, but the rumors about you are uhm... less than flattering."

"I should hope so," the youth responded, flashing a grin at the older man. "I've been cultivating those rumors on purpose. Nobody would believe me smart enough to be dangerous this way, which works to prolong my life, don't you know?"

"Is... Is that so? Well then, what do you have for me?"

"Right," the young man said, drawing the revolver. "I've unloaded it at present, which is why this piece here is empty. Notice the barrel here, this long, hollow 'rod' here. A projectile will be launched out of it using explosive force."

"Do go on?" the artisan murmured, eyes coming alive as our hero took the time to explain what he knew of firearms in general and this particular revolver.

Some time later, the pair rejoined the rest of the party. Sunny and Princess LaLuna were in a fierce argument, the guard in charge of the timepiece trying to arbitrate their dispute.

"Ah, is it my turn?" Ian asked, intentionally interrupting them. Neither paid him any notice, even after he carefully loaded the revolver.

"Right... I will begin on your mark, then."

"Hmm? Oh, right. Ready? And... go!"

The youth drew the now loaded revolver from his hip and fired five quick, though clearly individual, shots into the wooden target set up in the back row. As the fifth sound faded, he was stared at by several shocked looking faces.

"What? It's not like you all haven't been warned. What, did you think I made it up? Well then, Time?"

"Y-yes... You certainly have the fastest time, but how is your accuracy?"

"I dunno, you tell me." Ian nodded at his target, smirking all the while.

"Ah... Ian..." Sunny was looking at him, her expression between awe and fear, "What ah... what was that?"

"Gunfire. Obviously. You can tell by the recoil, the noise, the flash of flame, the reek of Sulphur..."

"N-no... Well, yes, but, why did you... Rather how did you do that?"

"Oh, that's easy. I used this weapon. See?" Lifting the now emptied pistol, he flashed a smile at his stunned allies.

"Ah... Is that... so... Where did you get that?"

"I mean, I had this when I rescued you. Remember?" He pouted, looking discouraged, "You didn't even notice."

Even as he was saying such things, a large number of guards began flooding into the area, looking panicked. Several of Princess LaLuna's sycophants arrived as well, looking pale and concerned. Ian, disdainfully refusing to acknowledge the commotion he had raised, removed the spent cylinder and replaced it with a loaded one.

"Say, who won our little contest anyway?"

"E-erm... It's hard to be sure, let me ah... Let me just measure..."

"If it would suit her Highness, I'm fine calling it a tie. I wouldn't want to embarrass her by making her do such things as that bet called for."

"Bet?" Sunny asked, eyes wide.

"Sure. Hey, can I call it off as a win? I mean, I wouldn't really be so depraved as to make the Princess of Lunaria, you know, actually serve me day and night for the rest of her life."

"Wait, wait... wait!" Several of her male hangers on were shouting, "How dare you suggest that..."

"No, I've lost," the Princess in question said, lifting her nose, though her eyes were suspiciously bright. "I guess I'm actually going to marry this... peasant... after all."

"Wait, wait," Ian was back pedaling now, "Marry? Who said anything about that!?"

"You did," she replied whimsically. "Remember? That whole 'So if I win, that means you'll be mine?' bit?"

"I swear I called this bet off."

Laughing, the Princess stalked up to him, whispering lightly in his ear, "And you will play along or all sorts of things will get out, hmm? About a certain bath, dear Ian son of James and Megan Maris?"

"H-how long have you known that?" the youth asked in a choked voice, looking pale.

"I've known all along," she replied, teasing him, even as her assistant said, "Your mother spoke with us after the baths last night."

There was a long silence from every girl there.

"So wait... You actually found him... in the baths last night?" All eyes turned to Michelle a moment.

"Oh-ho, you knew he was there! Well, this will make things easier," the conniving Princess said cheerfully. "Would you like to know what else we talked about? And what he showed me?"

"Wait, wait, I don't like where you are going with this."

"Shush you," Sunny cut in, "The ladies are speaking. So then, he bet... his hand in marriage... on beating you here this morning?"

"N-" Ian started to deny, but was instantly shushed and banished from the conversation.

"Oh more than that," the Lunarian Princess said wistfully, "Our pending marriage wasn't even the contest. We were betting on whom would move in with whom. I promised to follow him anywhere should he win, and the reverse if he lost."

"Really now," a scathing voice murmured right next to our hero's ear.

"What's more," she continued, "He was showing off his... Well, it was in the baths. Then he got close to me, like almost touching even, and he whispered naughty things in my ear. I shiver to think of it... There was a promise of many heirs. I'm sure my father will be interested in hearing it."

"I know you are making up things!" the 'he' in question sang out, but he looked confused. "Wait... did... Did you actually trick me? Wait, wait... I don't remember... No! No, you have to be..."

"Uhm... I think you broke him," Ellea pointed out helpfully.

"Does this kind of thing happen often?" another voice asked curiously.

"More than you'd expect," Sunny said, sighing. "He's been like this since he was a kid. Unfortunately, he can't marry you. He's mine already."

"I've already taken this opportunity to speak with his parents," the princess' attendant cut in, "We're throwing in a lucrative trade deal per his Majesty's request."

"W-wait, weren't you interested in Hal?" the youth asked, sincerely even.

"No, the Hero of Deimos is far more interesting."

"I made all of that up!" he exclaimed, "Yep, all lies. In fact, I was the one rescued!"

"Oh? I like a man that can admit he needs saving sometimes."

"I meant I'm a freaking hero, praise me."

"I don't dislike this part of you either."

"N-new bet? Loser has to do whatever the winner says?"

"Oh, someone is feeling brave... Tell you what, how about I take your bet and, win or lose, tell my father all about our wonderful time in the baths last night? I'm sure he'll be so interested in hearing about it!"

"I'm kind of interested in hearing more about it myself," came from a few of the girls and even some of the soldiers nearby were nodding in agreement.

"Why me?" our youth asked in abject surrender.

"Well, you did try to lie to me, of all people."

"I didn't lie! You assumed things all on your own!"

"And you never once corrected such assumptions, it was a lie of omission!"

"That... can't possibly count. I'm too young to d-erm-marry, I'm too young to marry!"

"What are you talking about? You're a noble, act like it! Why, I've heard of marriage partners as young as nine years old!"

"That... That is both wrong and morally repugnant," he pointed out, quite firmly.

"It's not my place to judge such things," said princess said airily, sniffing. "After everything that happened last night, no other man will ever want me."

"Lies, I can name a dozen 'men' off hand that would kill for the chance to marry you."

"You will take responsibility for your actions!"

"I didn't do anything!"

"You were in the bath with me, not a stitch of clothing between us, and the things you saw alone, let alone your touches, your kisses!"

"Kisses!" that was the voice of an older woman cutting into their conversation. "Ian! What exactly did you do to a royal guest!"

"M-Mother, I swear, I didn't do anything!"

"Now you're calling me a liar! ME!?"

"Ian..."

"M-mom, wait just a minute, you know you raised me better than that!"

"Hmm... He was talking about something called 'obligatory fanservice' as I recall... Something about being a pervert?"

"You're mistaken! Wait, are you on my side or not?"

"You are the enemy of all women," Sunny declared firmly.

"Why am I the bad guy here?"

"It's been decided... I'll clear it with your father, of course. To think, my favorite son would do such things to a visiting member of the Royalty..."

"But I really didn't do anything!"

"Don't you worry dear," his mother said, comforting the smug looking princess, "We'll clear everything with your father. So, how do you feel about a spring time wedding? I'm sure it will help bring our kingdoms closer together."

"Oh..." Princess LaLuna sniffed, pretending to cry as she rushed to embrace Megan Maris, but the look in her eye was one of unabashed triumph, "Can I call you mommy? Oh, but it probably makes me seem childish..."

"Nonsense, your future husband calls me the same rather often."

"Oh, thank you mommy!"

"What... just happened?" Ian asked at last, dazed.