Not Another One

Our hero, being quick on his feet, sharp, witty, and full of banter had all the answers at his fingertips. Smiling brilliantly at the princess, he offered a half bow before replying smoothly, "Ah, you're actually both awake and out of bed..."

Trailing off, our hero was forced to admit that his response might not have been smooth at all. What was with that panic in his voice and did he squeak halfway through that?

"Do tell. I'm waiting, patiently I might add. Servants need to be quick to answer their masters, don't you think?"

"Ah, no wonder you were quick to arrive," Ian daringly replied, grinning impishly. "I was worried for a bit there that you thought you could beat me."

"You... You did not just... Did you really just... YOU!"

"Cat got your tongue, princess?"

"Oh-ho!" the princess' attendant cut in swiftly, "Someone is feeling full of himself this morning. Well, never worry, no matter how good you think you are, nobody can beat Lunaria's princess with a bow."

"Probably not," Ian agreed laconically, then flashed an impish grin, "But I already warned you I'd be using a different weapon altogether. Ah, I should warn you, it's a bit loud for dainty girls. You might want to have a servant cover your ears for you."

"What did he just say?"

"I haven't even fired it yet and you're already deaf? I'm shocked! Not surprised, though. I've heard it said that selective hearing is a royal's specialty."

"I hope you enjoy mucking out the stables," the princess threatened darkly, "I'll have you knee deep in it for your insolence."

"I think your fate will be kinder. I'll tell you what! I'm doubling down. I'll call off the bet for you. Aren't I nice? Now come along and prepare to have your royal highness spanked publicly."

"How dare you!" followed our young idiot, erm hero rather, as he began whistling and leading the group onward. It was a good thing they had an escort, mind, else he'd have been lost all too soon.

"I wonder if they'll end up married," he heard a throaty voice ask in an undertone, followed by choked noises from Michelle. He rose above the need to call them on it.

"So," the youth asked after a moment, "That wooden target, do you know if it's in place yet?"

"Hardly, but I did send a man," the cheeky ginger replied cheerfully, "I'm sure it'll be there by the time you need it."

"Most excellent," the youth responded, eyes alive with mischief. "Honestly, I'm looking forward to this."

"Indeed? Any particular reason for that, m'lord?"

"Sure, Sarge.. I mean Zeke! Zeke? Sarge Zeke? Sergeant Zeke the Zekie?"

"A-ah... Just Zeke is fine," the flustered youth cut in, before our hero could hit him with an even more embarrassing nickname.

"You really have a way of gaining people's trust, don't you?" a spiteful voice broke in with a hint of wonder about it. "You speak to princesses and soldiers in exactly the same way."

"Nonsense! I'm sure I at least pretend to pay attention to formalities. Usually. When I'm in the mood."

"Maybe you should find the time to get in the mood, then," Mitchi cut in, "Before her Highness has you drawn and quartered."

"Oh no, I don't think she'd do that," the boy said seriously, "She seems like the kind of girl who plays with her food awhile before she eats it."

"What are you saying about my princess?" a certain attendant asked, outraged even as that princess gaped at him.

"Nothing I haven't said behind her back already," Ian admitted, stretching, then walking on with his hands resting on his neck a moment. "What, you don't think so, too?"

"You can't ask her attendant such a thing," Ellea noted clinically, "If she agrees with you she'll have to either lie about it or embarrass her Lady. If she disagrees, she might have to cut you down a peg or two."

"You wouldn't do that, would you, dearie? I mean, after all, aren't I someone else's toy?"

"What exactly are you trying to make me say!"

"Hmm? What, do you really need me to spell it out for you?"

"Watch your words carefully, boy," the princess in question warned him, eyes narrowing.

"I've always wondered about that phrase? I mean, if we're talking, how can we watch what we're saying? Isn't it invisible? Ah, maybe with magic... But why would I want to watch something I've already said when I can watch all the pretty girls, instead?"

"Wow... someone thinks highly of himself," his guardswoman interjected. The choking sounds from his guard were probably coughs. Yes. Coughing fits. Poor guys...

"So how about it miss Attendant? Want to run away with me? We can go somewhere tropical, just the two of us!"

"Wait, did you just-"

"Well, technically it'd be more than two of us. I mean, there's my guard, your guard, our closest friends, my bondswoman and her guard, do you have like handmaidens or something like that?"

"Will you shut up a minute!" Princess Laluna shouted at our hero, "How... how dare you!"

"Listen, you'll be fine. Look at all your toys, they would love to step in and attend to your every need! I just want to borrow the one for a year or twenty. Why are you being greedy about this?"

"Greedy is it!? How about I try and recruit your guards and attendants right in front of you?"

"Rude," he replied, snorting. "As if I'd speak for them. My belief in my hanger's on is high. Besides, if someone like you can steal them away, I'd rather know about it sooner than later. I'll only keep those people I can trust."

"Not for hire," the half elf cut in quickly, seeing the calculating eyes of the Princess.

"I'm watching over the elf," his guardswoman cut in.

"We're supposed to be the worst unit in Maris," Zeke added, "But if you offer me enough, I promise to think it over."

"See?" Ian said, smiling beatifically. "I trust my people. What, don't you trust yours to answer on their own?"

The Princess screamed in a fit of rage, "I can't stand you, sometimes! I'll see you buried neck deep in the foulest trash you've ever imagined for this slight!"

"What's a slight?" he asked, looking interested.

"I think it's something that's kind of light, innit?" Zeke opined.

"No, no, I think it refers to like a build. Someone whom is slight is, you know, like really skinny."

"So... she just kind of complimented me, right?" Ian asked, looking excited.

"I think she's talking about you making fun of her," Mitchi pointed out, reasonably.

"So she complimented me for making fun of her?" He frowned, then looked at the princess, "Hey, are you some kind of masochist?"

"What!?" several individuals asked at once.

"Of all possible things to say, of all the conclusions available, that is what you went with?" Ellea asked, scathingly. "I've made a terrible mistake..."

"It's not too late, my Princess is looking for talent, you know?"

"Oi! Isn't someone going to answer me?"

"NO!" the Princess herself shouted, looking highly embarrassed. "There is no hell worse than the future I have planned for you, boy..."

"What's with all the shouting," a familiar voice asked grumpily. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

Ian glanced upward, as though looking at the sun. "I'd say nine of the clock, something like that?"

"It's far too early for you to be getting into trouble," Sunny said, coming completely into view, a cute little frown on her face.

"What's this? Another one?" Michelle asked, looking less than amused.

"Ah right, introductions are in order!" Ian began, a broad smile on his face. "This is her ladyship, Sunny Parteru, Lord Parteru's favorite daughter, first of her name, and my bri-"

"Ah, stop! Stop right there, or else!" the lady in question cut in abruptly, obviously embarrassed. "Also, you're the only person that gets to call me that. Ah... Sunny I mean."

"I'd really like to hear the end of that," Michelle said, even as several ladies nodded firmly. Zeke looked especially interested, though perhaps he was just doing his job. The light in his eyes suggested that there'd be new gossip, soon.

"If you do, I'll embarrass you too! I know about that secret you've been hiding from our Princess, even if it's obvious that you're doing a poor job of it."

"Now, now," the boy said, innocently enough. "There's no need for threats, my Lady. Your humble manservant shall strive to his utmost to keep your secrets of his own accord."

"Oh Ian," she purred, sidling up to him and stealing his arm. "I love this side of you. Come meet my father real quick, maybe we can..."

"Oh no you don't!" the half-elf cut in, "Our Good friend here isn't going to get out of his bet with the Princess of Lunaria that easily!"

"Indeed," that worthy added, sniffing disdainfully. Then she offered a bright grin to her newest rival, "Afterwards, the loser will belong to the winner. I've never owned a boy before, I'm sure I'll break him properly."

"Oi! The loser will serve the winner were the words, and there wasn't a timeline in my recollection. Besides, I offered to break that bet just for you."

"Afraid to lose? It's showing... and trying to run away, too."

"Uhm... Honey, don't worry about that foreigner, father will make sure to keep you safe. Now then, shall we?"

"Wait, you do know I can win, right?"

Everyone stared at him a moment before most looked away.

"HEY! Have some faith in me. I've got this."

Doubt met him from every front.

"Right, we're almost there anyway, come with me Sunny, I'll show you all how amazing I can be."