When Can We Go Home?

When Chen Mu entered Susu's room, he saw that she was awake. Her eyes looked tired and droopy as if she would fall back asleep any moment.

Her small lips broke into a sweet smile, "Chen Mu." Although her voice was low, his ears caught her words. He smiled, walked over to her bedside and held her slightly cold hand. "Hi sweetie, how was your nap?"

As usual, he rubbed her hands in his to warm them up. He kissed her forehead to make her feel less overwhelmed with seeing a crowd in her room.

"Mm... I feel so drained. When can we go home?" Since she woke up a few minutes before Chen Mu walked in, everyone didn't have the chance to say much to her. When she opened her eyes, the first thing she smelled was the strong scent of disinfectants in the room. Everything felt cold and odd to her that she wanted to get out of the hospital.

Her question left his lips parted with no sound coming out. He knew that he had to spit out these words eventually, but when the moment came, he couldn't do it. The words formed an enormous rock in his throat; suffocating him slowly. His eyes gazed gently at her optimistic face, yet his heart ached painfully; trying to squeeze the truth out of his mouth.

How could he tell her that she wouldn't be going home anytime soon? How could he look at her and tell her that she would only feel more tired as days go by? He couldn't, at least not at the moment.

She looked up and blinked a few times before Lin Que cleared his throat and interrupted their conversation. "Ahhh, Susu. Let's give you a body check again to make sure everything is fine, alright?"

Susu frowned at the thought of being wheeled out of the room and taking many examinations that would take up another half a day. Her left hand tugged Chen Mu's sleeve to get his attention. "Do I have to go?"

He forced a bitter smile even though he was sure that she could see through his fake curved lips. "It's best to make sure that everything else is fine with your body. Be good and go with Lin Que. We have to do some scans for your right arm too."

Even though she disliked the fact that these exams mean needles and super long titled machines that would make her dizzy, she said, "okay. Promise that you'll be here after I finish?" She lifted her left arm and stuck out her pinky. He felt a whole weight leave his body as he crossed his pinky with hers and stamped their thumbs together.

Actually, she already noticed that something was off with the heavy atmosphere in the room. Ariana and Lily were way less lively and cheerful compared to their usual selves. When Chen Mu failed to answer her question and faked a smile to hide his sorrow, she confirmed her suspicions. She pretended that everything was alright just to buy some private time with him.

"Ready, princess?" Lin Que asked with his arms placed on the wheelchair handles.

"Wait. Hold on a minute." she faced Chen Mu and stretched out her arm to caress his cheeks, "carry me?"

"Anything you want." He carefully picked her up and hugged her close. Zi Yan noticed that Susu's arm was in an uncomfortable position, so she reached out to help. Susu avoided Zi Yan's touch and asked Lily to position her arms instead. Lily nodded and quickly adjusted Susu's right arm to around Chen Mu's shoulder while her left arm was already set on his other shoulder.

Subconsciously, Susu formed a fist using her left hand and only Lily had noticed it. Susu whispered, "thanks, but my friends could help me." Zi Yan could only step back to the side and watch as Chen Mu exited the room with her in his arms.

Lin Que pushed the wheelchair and followed them from behind just in case Chen Mu gets tired along the way to the examination room. Susu whispered, "I really hate the hospital smell."

"Mmm.." He replied.

"I really hate sleeping in a foreign bed where it is always cold and uncomfortable for my back." She continued her complaints.

"Mm..I know.." He felt that it became more and more difficult to talk as she continued mentioning things that she disliked about this place. If he had a choice, he would bring her back home.

"I hate the hospital meals and the number of times that nurses have to take my blood." She leaned her cheeks against his warm chest.

"I know.." The heavy lump that lingered in his throat followed his saliva and gulped down to his stomach. He knew how much she hated the sensation of needles entering her vein and feeling dizzy after treatments.

"But even though I hate all these things, I...have to stay here. Am I right?"

He paused his steps and said, "only for a little bit. I promise that I will bring you home." As he moved his left leg forward, she asked, "Chen Mu, you've always been honest with me. This time wouldn't be an exception. Was my-"

His hands tightened around her body and pulled her closer to his embrace, "shhh, let me carry you to the examination room first, okay?" his voice weakened as she nodded in response. Petrified by the fearful thought of losing her, his mind turned blank as he made his way to the examination room where he placed her on a sanitized chair.

He didn't know what he would say to her and how to explain it either. Lin Que gave the couple some time alone and turned around to return the wheelchair after making sure that Chen Mu had enough strength to carry her all the way down the halls.

On the way to this room, Susu sniffed a few times and closed her eyes to trap her tears from forming. At the end, her tears still floated to the surface of her eyes; irritating it. He bent down when he noticed that her cheeks and nose turned pink, "what's wrong? Does it hurt somewhere?"

Closing her eyes, she caressed his cheeks with her functional arm. She felt a tight knot in her chest and a heavy weighing lump in her throat as she opened her eyes once again to meet his stare. She asked, "am I dying?"

At that moment, time seemed to have stopped for the both of them. The last barrier that held back his tears gave away. His breathing quickened as he took deep breaths and took her cheeks in his hands, "everyone will die eventually, but I won't let it happen to you anytime soon. I'll try my hardest and if that doesn't work, I'll work even harder. Your body reports came out very well today, but it's my fault. If I didn't leave you alone, Karen wouldn't have been able to have someone switch the drug for your treatment."

"If herbs don't work, I'll come up with a different medicine. I'll make you better. I'm not ready to give you up yet. I'll-" His tears flowed out of his eyes and his voice started to stutter. He wanted to remain hopeful and act strong in front of her, but he couldn't. It hurt so much inside of him as he wiped his tears and covered his mouth using the back of his hand.

Her tears fell the moment his heart broken voice rung her ears. She forced a smile and wiped away his tears using her fingers, "promise me one thing okay? No matter what happens to me, never blame yourself. You've already tried your best and given me the best times of my life. I will always want to see your joyful smile. So, just for me. Okay?"

Her hand continued wiping his tears away as he broke down in front of her. "Okay?" she whispered to him and let her tears escape her eyes. His hands held onto hers as he kissed her palms with his eyes closed. Finally, he nodded and replied, "I promise."

After several body exams were completed, Susu was carried back to her room where everyone waited with heavy hearts for them to come back. Once they saw the couple entering the room, Lily and Ariana were the first to rush over and give her a tight hug. Chen Mu supported Susu from behind as the girls shed tears on either side of her shoulders.

Unfortunately, only her left arm was functional to comfort them. Susu's eyes reddened from the warmth of their hugs, "it's okay. Everything will be alright. I will be strong and fight everything that comes my way. I love you all so much."

Chen Nan and Lin Que looked up to the ceiling to control their tears while the girls cried. Of all the hugs that the girls shared, this was one that they would never break or interrupt.