Interlude - Onoki

Chapter 15: Interlude - Onoki

If one were to ask the Sandaime Tsuchikage if he had ever made any mistakes in public, one would quickly find themselves of a scathing verbal response before being told to fuck off. But if you were to ask in private - and were a friend - he would comment that one of his more prolific mistakes would be the handling of the ceasefire with Konoha at the end of the third war.

He would admit that he had let his emotions get the better of him when he issued threats to the young Uchiha girl that had been brought along by the Sandaime Hokage and the Murderer. He would even admit that he found her response to be humorous once he managed to cool down and never even planned to send assassins her way - not that he would shed a tear if she were to die.

Of course he had his spies keep an eye on her since then, it was quite obvious that the old monkey was grooming her for something if he had brought her along for the treaty signing. Things became a bit clearer when she was found to be one of the Murderer's personal bodyguards and was attached to his side almost constantly.

It was around that time that he got his first missive from her.

To the Sandaime Tsuchikage

While I am not completely sure if you had sent those assassins for me or if they were simply after my bounty - they were rather rude with their response when I asked them for clarification - I decided to err on the side of caution and have these sent to you as promised.

If these are not from one of yours, then I do apologize for the mistake.

Yours truly

Yuriko Uchiha

With the letter had come a small package that contained a set of bronzed ballsacks - and one set of ovaries - set within a professionally done glass case.

He was so surprised by it that he couldn't hold back the guffaws of laughter from the sheer audacity of the girl to actually follow through on it. Granted, he didn't send any assassins after her or anyone else in Konoha, and a quick investigation told him that it was a group of chunin who had been on 'leave' for the last week.

He actually had the small display put up across from his desk because it did bring a chuckle from him every time he looked at it, and, to be polite, he even wrote a letter to her thanking her for dealing with a bunch of idiots and sent her a bounty pay for about a C-ranked missing nin.

The reply letter held a very nice thank you. Politeness, so rare these days amongst the younger generation.

The nest missive he had received was a singular set of bronzed balls of another - unsanctioned - assassin whom she had encountered while on a mission, with another polite letter explaining the circumstances.

After placing the new set with the old he wrote her a polite reply back thanking her for dealing with another idiot.

Thus, he was rather surprised when the next time he got a letter from her, he found out that a rather… suicidal idiot had decided to try and take her charge hostage. A blonde child he was seventy five percent sure was the Murderer's son - not that he was going to do anything about it, it was war, of course he was going to use that damn teleporting jutsu if he had the opportunity, Onoki would've done the same in return given half the chance.

Either way, he sent an apology to her for the actions of his former shinobi, and offered his condolences for the loss of the Yondaime and his wife - he may not have liked the man, but he could respect him - before wishing her luck with raising her charge. He placed the rather… gruesome result of what she did to the man's sexual organ on display to serve as a warning for people who fucked with him.

The reply letter had been grateful and included a baby's handprint, most likely her charge's.

A few years later his odd pen pal sent him a scroll containing the body of one of his missing nin with a letter praising the man for his skill, strength and politeness along its a request to bury the man in his homeland. Of course the body showed signs of investigation for any secrets it could provide, not completely unexpected considering that every nation did the same with any foreign missing nin they caught, but he still acquiesced with her polite request and buried the man next to his family in an unmarked grave.

He very nearly blew a gasket when he learned of the Yondaime Raikage's downright stupid attempt to acquire the Byakugan by kidnaping the clan heiress while they were in Konohagakure as guest to sign a treaty of peace with said village. He had sent a missive to the brash musclebound idiot stating in no uncertain terms, that if it came to war, he would be tempted to side with Konoha in this one.

When he heard about the massacre of her clan from one of their own and her subsequent promotion to Clan Head, he felt it necessary to send her a letter congratulating her on her promotion and his sympathies for the death of her clan, the reply she had sent was a rather brief one, but still polite as always as she thanked him for his kind words.

And that brought him to today, considering something rather… surprising even for himself, a peace treaty with Konoha. The communication he shared with the new Uchiha Clan head had given him the idea, and he was only somewhat reluctant to admit it was a good one as while they do have a bloody past with one another, one could always count on Konoha to uphold its deals and treaty and kept its word.

Kumo had lost his respect after their attempt to subvert the signing of a peace treaty. Yes, they were shinobi, but one could hardly get work if the client was always expecting to be backstabbed by the one they hired. Kirigakure made him nervous, especially since their Yondaime began his genocidal campaign. He always felt that Sunagakure was weak, especially for one of the 'Five Great Nations' so that left them out for a treaty in his opinion.

So, that left the tree huggers who placed an emphasis on quality and teamwork over quantity, plus they had been at each other's throats for generations now, and if they could actually set aside their differences… then who knows what they could accomplish?

So, while there were some voices of discontentment at his proposal and reasoning for it, his council of advisors - each one selected carefully for their loyalty while making sure they weren't simple 'Yes Men' to curry favour - agreed with his assessment and he began drafting a diplomatic missive to be sent to the old monkey.