CH-27

Lupin led all of the Order members from Grimmauld Place, except me, to meet some more fighters who are staying with Xenophilius Lovegood, who regained the will to fight after losing Luna to the Death Eaters at the Leaky Cauldron.

If Malfoy's map is accurate, they should be battling Death Eaters on the outskirts of Nottingham even now.

I can't stand being unable to help!

Lupin told me that I have to stay safe, at least for now. If Malfoy's information proves to be dependable, I'll become very valuable to the Order. This doesn't make sense to me—if I die, they can always replace me with a different contact. If we should be worried about anybody's life, surely it should be Malfoy's, shouldn't it? But Lupin didn't give me time to argue, and I didn't want to distract him from his work.

A smaller reason for staying here is because we always have to keep someone inside, so that they can let the others in. Before Kreacher died, we could always rely on him to open to door for us and ask the correct questions—it's amazing how much his relationship with us improved after we treated him better. But now, we always have to keep someone back at headquarters.

And Seamus is officially missing.

Earlier today, Fred and George left for a few hours to go looking for him because he hadn't returned this morning, as he said he would. The twins returned without a clue as to where he could be.

For now, we're just hoping that he'll turn up on his own, injured but alive. After the fight at Nottingham, we might send someone out to search again, but to risk lives on almost futile missions is, realistically, a waste of time and energy.

Of course, I hope that Seamus will turn out to be all right, but as always, I don't like to give myself false hope. If he didn't return when he said he would and couldn't be found by the twins either, then there's a large chance that he's been killed or captured already. And really, there's not a large difference between the two fates. The former outcome may even be preferable to the latter.

I hope fervently that the Order members will make it out of this skirmish all right—all of them, even Ron. He apologized to me this morning as soon as he saw me, but I could tell that he only did so because Harry asked him to. I accepted the apology anyway. From Blaise's expression, I knew that he didn't approve, but it really was my choice, not his.

My mind wanders back to last night, and that heat swells in my belly yet again as I recall the feeling of Malfoy's lean, hard body pressing me into the wall.

I haven't told anyone about the kiss. I almost told Blaise this morning, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't know how I would explain it. I can't see why Malfoy would ever…

I find myself wondering if he would ever tell anyone that he kissed me. He'd probably avoid it. I'm sure he wouldn't be caught dead kissing a Mudblood like me. But that brings me back to that same question. Why? I make up my mind that I'll ask him the next time I see him, and I won't let him leave without answering me.

Then there's a knock on the door, and I hurry out of the kitchen to open it. Fred's on the doorstep, carrying an unconscious Angelina in his arms. I point my wand at him nevertheless.

"Why did your mother place an Imperturbable Charm on the kitchen door?"

"Extendable Ears," he grunts.

"Who did you first try the Ton-Tongue Toffee on?" I ask.

"Dursley—Harry's cousin."

"Dudley," I correct him, stepping aside to let him in.

I pull the door shut and follow him quickly into the kitchen, where he sets Angelina down on the kitchen table. I transfigure it into a stretcher and conjure several more while I'm at it before leaning over to look at Angelina.

"What happened to her?" I ask, unable to see any blemishes on her.

"I don't know—some curse from Dolohov," he says worriedly.

"If it's from Dolohov…" my voice fades off.

I've been on the receiving end of that particular curse, but it had been cast nonverbally, and still I took an excruciatingly long time to recover.

But at least I have the combination of potions on hand that will help Angelina. I flick my wand numerous times, Summoning a number of bottles in a variety of shapes and sizes from the potions cabinet. Fred looks at the collection, eyes wide.

"These—she'll drink all of these?" he asks. "How can you know what they are? They're not even labeled."

Then I feel the burn of the charm on my skin and curse aloud.

Fred looks at me, alarmed. "What? What's wrong?"

"It's… nothing," I reply.

I flick my wand once, and the thirteen bottles that were floating in the air arrange themselves in the correct order. I conjure a small table beside Angelina's stretcher and let the vials come to rest on it.

"Give her a drop of each of these potions—only a drop, no more—in this order."

Fred glances up at me. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure," I snap at him.

He immediately picks up the first bottle. I turn and take a few steps away from him. I know that he'll be too distracted with helping Angelina to pay any attention to me, but I still glance back quickly just to make sure.

Then I pull the charm out and see that the word "now" has materialized yet again. I tuck the charm back into my shirt and sigh, frustrated.

"What is it?" Fred asks.

He's holding the third bottle over Angelina's mouth, which has been charmed to stay open.

"Malfoy. He wants to see me now."

"Now? What could he want with you now?"

"I have to go," I say. "If he has information…"

He nods. "I'll watch the door, don't worry."

"How is it out there?" I ask as I head for the kitchen door.

He grimaces. "We're doing all right. No one's dead yet, at least," he finishes with a small smile.

He hasn't looked at me during our conversation, concentrating on making sure Angelina gets only one drop of each potion.

"That's always a plus," I say before leaving the room.

Damn Malfoy. What does he want now?

I sit down on my couch and rub my temples. My head aches from Voldemort's examination. He was extremely thorough this morning when I presented him with Finnegan's head.

But I succeeded in hiding everything that I wanted to, and that's all that matters.

He taught me a new trick this morning. I'll probably be told to use it on prisoners in a day or two. Oh, won't that be so very fun? I summon an herb from the garden and hold it beneath my nose. Naree told me that it's supposed to help with headaches.

Fuck that, it's not doing anything for me.

I know I should be more patient, but I toss the herb on the table in front of me and heave a sigh.

Granger had better not be caught up in the fight at Nottingham. Knowing her, she'd refuse to be left alone at headquarters. She's not exactly heroic, but she won't sit aside and let others do all the work. It's an admirable quality, but when it means she's putting her life in danger, it irks me to no end.

I ball my hands into fists. Why the hell do I care so much?

I pull the charm out from beneath my shirt. If I want her out of the way that badly, I should just ask her to come here, distract her with some bit of information.

But I don't have any new information to give her. Wonderful.

I suppose I could claim that I wanted to talk to her about last night. Just the thought of tasting her lips again has me gunning for this new idea.

But if she really is out on the battlefield, distracting her with this charm is the last thing I should want to do. Then again, with all the protective charms I cast on that necklace, she should be—should be—safe.

No, I don't want to take that chance.

Fuck! If I can't just let go, I'm doomed. I'll be worrying about her all the time. I should just let her be. No more summoning. That's it.

But even as these thoughts cross my mind, I know I can't leave her alone.

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