Chapter 16

Yuki Haku was at his happiest in months, and it was for two reasons.

Mei just gave him a nude, in celebration for her ascension as the Mizukage.

He giggled perversely, but most of all and appropriately he was just so happy. His master and lover just won their biggest war, and he was happy for it. And in all honesty, who won't be happy to see the unclothed body of the hot Terumi Mei? Even many girls and gay people appreciated that someone that beautiful existed.

Slowly, he ripped apart the envelope, and when he saw the sultry look of the Mizukage, he almost blew his nose's blood vessel. Somehow wanted to torture himself further, the boy decided to pull the photo slowly instead. He blew steams when he saw further of her body. He then pulled it even further, hoped to see that darkened area of her breast and-

"Hey Haku!" Haku quickly hid the photo, and his mood darkened just as fast. That wonderful photo got wrinkled, all to hid it from a fellow pervert that won't judge him for what he's doing now. "Want to get that ninja license faster?"

The ice user's disappointment quickly dissipated. "I would like to. What should I do?"

Hanabi smiled as she summarized everything that just happened: her arrogant cousin had been decimated, by a super loser. Not only it would be a good mockery material for her, it also meant that she didn't have to beat him to show that fate was nonsense. Even her more stuck-up side agreed that he became even more annoying after he beaten big sis, and someone had to beat him out of that fatalist mindset. It was a good thing that it had to be someone else, since she was sure that even if she beaten him, he would only said something about the fate of the oppressor or some sort of other bull. The only bad thing so far, was that her sister ended up missing the scene where she got avenged by her crush. Then again, she might've went into coma after seeing his erect-

"Hehehe, you shouldn't be smiling so much, Hanabi-chan. Something bad may coming soon, after all..."

The young girl's smile turned into a frown as someone greeted her. An annoying boy at that. Worst of all was that Hanabi couldn't just beat the boy off like every other pricks in her school, for he was the grandson of Hokage. She knew that Hokage won't mind it much, but her reputation would be ruined for attacking other nobles. "What do you want, Konoha-baka?"

"Oh, nothing. Except I remember an old bet that we made. Something about...Uzumaki and his honey?" The grandson of the Hokage reminded his younger acquaintance, who proceeded to growl in frustration.

The bet was, to put it mildly, ridiculous: Konohamaru bet that Naruto would be able to swoon more than a dozen of female in Konoha in one year. Knowing his status as dead-last, his stunted growth, and overall lack of tact and manners, Hanabi easily took that bet and hoping for easy money and a wish. Unfortunately, not only Naruto actually looked kinda cute with that whiskers, his new jutsu turned him into a hunk that made everyone fainted. Nevertheless, she had one last card up her sleeve, "Oh, I don't know, Konohamaru. I think most of them fainted because they found his new power to be too disturbing."

"But everyone in my stand whispered about how great the boss is! I even recorded them!" Konohamaru, still with that shit-eating grin, played a recorder of what happened around him. Only two voiced muttered about Naruto's disgusting 'package'. The rest of them were talking about that big, sweaty muscles, or praised that 'package' instead.

"Okay, I get it!" Hanabi turned off the recorder, not wanting to heard anymore about it. All of the praises reminded her of that disturbing red district palace when she sneaked out of her training. They were exactly what the prostitutes said to their customers, who frankly, had their attributes' claims...exaggerated rather blatantly. "One month allowance, and?"

"I want a kiss from the pretty princess here." Konohamaru demanded as he puckered his lips, while deliberately used transformation jutsu to make his lips looked even bigger. That was too much for the heiress, who slapped the boy and numbed his jaw in the process. She then stormed out into the bathroom, planned to never being seen by that kid again.

Also, she wished that no one see that red color on her cheek. Last thing she needed was for everyone to mock her for something that's similar with her sister.

"Dammit, woman! Don't you know that uncontrollable temper can make them deduct your points off?"

"Shut up, you sexist pig! Who's the one can't fight, huh?"

As Shikamaru ran from his opponent, who still lashed out at him for what she perceived as sexist comment, Naruto couldn't help but to think about other stuffs.

Why I keep thinking about it, man?

Just after the fight...

"Ah! Finally, the lizard have been tamed..."

"Damn that fox brat! Why did he have a better equipment than mine at this age?"

"Oh, Sasuke-kun. You and Naruto are so big..."

The Jinchuuriki got freaked out, and soon ran away from the toilet. It was weird enough that someone got jealous by his pee-pee, but for a girl to fantasize him with Sasuke over it? He knew he just showed how awesome he was, but why they became obsessed over his equipment? "People were weird," which was his current conclusion about it.

Just when he stopped, he nearly bumped into someone, who didn't say anything to the boy.

"Sorry, sor-Eh? What are you doing, Shino?"

"I am looking for bugs around here. Why? Because an ANBU who built this stadium probably stole some of ours."

"Eh? Yamato stealing them? Why would he?" Naruto asked, flabbergasted that Yamato turned out to be even more eccentric than what he already showed.

"That's something we want to search. Anyway, can you send ten of your clones here and there? I need them so my beetles can get the necessary chakra feed."

"Okay." Naruto accepted, and sent his clones to ten locations by following Shino's tracker bugs. "Hey, what kind of bugs we're looking anyway?"

"Gear Locusts. They can use their chakra to form into a sentient solid structure, and with proper training they can operate like gears, joints, and other mechanical equipment."

"It doesn't sounds too applicable in battle..."

"Yes. It was more for infiltration and stealing intelligence." Shino answered concisely, and his friend just accepted it. Five minutes later, the bug user got one of his tracker back.

"Got it. Let's see...He created a new species...Applicability to kinetic power in addition to chakra, incredible..." After seeing the report, he made his decision. "Very well, Yamato-san. I don't think my clan will mind what you done in that case."

"You sure? I mean, you have the proof he stole your properties. And they're important, right?"

"Well we can always make a deal with him later. A new species will always be useful for our village."

"Whoa! You're really cool, Shino! Even I won't be able to see the best of the situation that much!" Naruto exclaimed, and made Shino slightly smiled inside his jacket.

"It was nothing. And by the way, thank you for the help. Also, I am sorry that you have to see that one of your acquaintance may have done an illegal act."

"Eh, it's okay. I will even ask Yamato about this bugs stealing problem. He get a bit weird lately, but he's still a good guy."

"Then I am in debt even more. Anyway, let's go and watch the next match."

"Yeah! I want to see how much Sasuke has grow!" Naruto shouted to himself.

Oh yeah. I have to know what happened to Yamato-sensei. He became weird after he became obsessed with infrastructure. And what's with the bugs? What they're for? Were they responsible for his spinning stadium?

However, Naruto's concentration regarding the subject popped out after someone else noticed that Shikamaru just used the tunnel's shadow to extend his range against Temari, and he went to cheer for his friend loudly.

"Get her Shikamaru! Make her forfeit, oh yeah! Raise her arm, shove that kunai to her neck and threat her to-"

"I forfeit."

"WHAT?" Nearly everyone screamed in disbelief, especially Naruto who made two people near him almost deaf.

"Yes! Free money and snack!" Chouji muttered to himself, more motivated than ever. The only one who would understand his line of thinking was his dad, who agreed to give Chouji 30% of his betting money after Chouji confirmed to him that his friend was really that lazy to throw a fight.

"I'm going to run out of chakra, so I'm not looking to fight any sooner since I'd have to forfeit earlier, which means that it doesn't matter if I win or not. Also, I think it'd be better if you get a second chance to prove yourself, Mrs. Sabaku."

"For a man who don't want to lose just because I'm a woman, you're pretty considerable." Temari sneered.

"Yeah, I just don't want for you to stay mad at me for not wanting to lose to a woman. I am not a sexist. It's just that my mom would be mad at me for losing, and there will be something extra from her if I lose to girls."

"And losing by forfeiting isn't the same?"

"At least I can argue that I made the right decision." Shikamaru retorted before he walked into the stand.

"They're already fighting like old couple." Ino whispered to Sakura and Ten-Ten, who just giggled in agreement, the latter already satisfied by the humiliation that Shikamaru did to Temari, so she had no complains. Unfortunately for the lazy genin, there were many who did.

"Come on, Shikamaru! You almost took her out, why quit all of sudden?"

"I am tired, and in no shape to fight any sooner. Isn't that enough reason for you, Naruto?"

"But you missed your chance to become a Chuunin!" Ino shrieked to her teammate, and Sakura couldn't correct her due to her promise with Kakashi-sensei. Luckily, Shikamaru wanted to cover it.

"Ino, Mitarashi-san and Hayate-san said you can become a Chuunin without become the winner of the tournament, so it's possible that they can make someone a Chuunin without a victory. Luckily, my laziness will prevent them to give me that."

"Y...you're actually making an extra effort to fail?" Ino gasped in disbelief over her teammate's legendary lacks of work ethics.

"I've told you he don't want it." Chouji said after he swallowed his last chips, and that was the last conversation from him since he ended up looking for a snack stand.

"I see. However, your method is flawed. Why? Because the proctors who have alternative interpretation will use it to add more points for you instead." Shino said.

"...Oh no, you're right."

"Eh? I don't get it."

"Naruto, I surrendered easily to make them thought I don't have enough drive to continue mission when I have to. But since I decimated Temari easily, and I really about to run out of chakra, they'll see my action as smart decision, especially if they got impressed with my strategy. So instead of getting my points reduced, it served as another positive points of my leadership." Shikamaru explained.

"That's not fair! How can they choose a leader that lazy? Worst of all, how can they thought of you as a good leader with that attitude? And here I already showed restrain by not using any exploding clones! I know sensei have told us that the weaker ninja can get promoted, and surrender can be a good thing, but for someone this lazy?"

"Naruto, you missed the part where my laziness can be mistaken as instinct for survival, which is important for Konoha ninjas. And do you think getting promoted will be sunshine and rainbow? Even if I found how to do the least work in missions, I still have to deal with the paperwork as the leader."

"Now you talk about it, it kinda suck! Good thing I have clones that can take my place in paperwork, bwahahaha!" Naruto boasted, which made Shikamaru groaned and wished that he had big chakra reserve like his loud friend. More chakra means he could do his work without feeling tired, and being tired was really troublesome. Oh well, at least he won't have to take another troublesome and life-threatening test.

"It's one of these moments that reminded me that no matter how hot Naruto will become, he's still a big idiot in the end." Ino muttered to no one as she looked at the loud idiot, but Sakura still nodded in agreement.

"Eh, I just want to ask; why's well beings of our teammates become such a high priority for us? I thought as ninja, we know a little exhaustion and body harm here and there is inevitable. Also, the old man's words about this exam being a substitute for war make it look like they expected everyone to fight to the death."

"It became our priority after we have several ninjas committed suicide over being turned into pariah after choosing the survival of their friends over success of their mission, even by their friends. It was called...the Sakumo ruling, after the highest profile ninja who committed suicide." Shikamaru explained.

"That's horrible! Why do people in this village can be so cruel?" Ino asked, and her opinion could've been taken as the truth considering what happened to their Jinchuuriki, most overweight kids from Akimichi family...you name it.

"Not everyone had the same vile opinion, Ino. In fact, many people tried to talk Hatake-san out of it. But why it still affected them? Because the amount of hate were just enough to make them suffer, and in their cases, their despair made them never see people who still love or respect them."

Everybody agreed with the explanation, and Naruto's question had more to do with something else regarding the same subject. "Eh? Hatake-san? Was he related to Kakashi-sensei?"

"He's his father." Shino tactfully said.

"O, oh...I didn't know. He must be don't like to talk about it."

"I never heard about it either. It's...not written anywhere, isn't it?" Sakura asked.

"It's more of story between clans, since the death of Hatake-san was humiliating for us. One of the greatest ninja, defeated by our ungratefulness."

"Um, we're sorry for interrupting, but is any of you know where Uchiha Sasuke is?"

Nobody dared to give an answer to the ANBU, but one brave Uzumaki did.

"I don't know where he is now, because even sensei made it a confidential information to me, but I know one thing. Sasuke won't ditch us here, he promised to me that Gaara guy will be defeated, and he won't chickened out of it! Besides, he won't ever hear the end of it from me if he really did it! So don't worry, sir. Sasuke will arrive soon!"

"So in short, you have no idea where he is, but you're sure that he will be here."

"Yup!"

Twenty minutes later...

"WHERE THE HELL IS THAT DUCK-BUTT?!"

"Um, should we just disqualify him? I mean, they already retracted many points from Sasuke for this tardiness. It'd take a very extraordinary performance for him to get promoted."

"Sakura," Ino shook her friend, who got rather tense due to her crush's lateness and curse mark, "I don't want to scare you, but it's possible that with the bye you'll have to fight Gaara since they reshuffled the match order."

Sakura went from scared for Sasuke to be terrified for her own safety. "SASUKE-KUN! IF GAARA KILLED ME, THEN I WILL HAUNT YOU FOR ETERNITY!"

"Woah. You know it's bad when Sakura threatened Sasuke."

"Does that means I have a better chance, Sakura-chan?"

"GET LOST, BUSHY EYEBROW! I WILL BE THE ONE WHO HAVE A CHANCE FOR SAKURA-CHAN'S LOVE!"

"SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU! JUST BECAUSE I LOVE HIM, THAT DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T GET MAD AT HIM!"

Suddenly, everybody saw a bizarre phenomenon: five elements of ninjutsu, sometimes with glimpses of snow and woods, suddenly appeared at the center of the stadium.

"Water. Wind. Fire. Lightning. And Earth. These five natural elements are elements of ninjutsu, used to enhance our jutsu into something even more powerful."

"And two combined elements, can create something even more powerful."

"Ice? Another Yuki in Konoha?"

"No. Look at those woods... It might be something even worse. Get ready, guys! This guy sounds pretty nasty!"

"Indeed. To control five elements and combine them so easily..." Said Shino as he prepared to fight the intruder.

"It's good for everyone to take me seriously. Now I will be able to show my true form..." The thing boasted to everyone in the stadium, and ANBU struggled to tell everyone to not panic. Soon the elements started to disperse, and...

"Wahahaha!" Everybody face-faulted as they see who made their appearance. Even Shino had to hold himself from falling over.

Kakashi, Sasuke, and Yuki Haku, was the source of that phenomenon.

"Kakashi! Don't tell me you're late just to make this intro!"

"Maa, maa, don't judge me like that, Genma. I simply looked for several of our friends and acquaintance that may missed this day. And it turned out that Teuchi mistaken today as yesterday." I said, and Teuchi, who just arrived, blushed slightly in embarrassment as his daughter scolded him. Soon, Iruka and Ebisu entered the stadium.

"Well, seems like some of Naruto's friends missed their battle. And there are other new audience that missed the previous matches too. So why don't we show the recaps while our most awaited contestants making their preparations?" Yamato, suddenly barged in the stadium, suddenly stole the show, and the big screen turned into replay of highlights between Naruto and Neji's match. Man, nice sauce trick, Naruto.

Haku and I couldn't help but to groaned when Neji hit Naruto's balls, and he got a little scared when the scene after showed the bulked up Naruto at his second wind. It was almost the same thing that he faced back in the bridge, so he now knew Naruto really had something on him. Just after he reassured me that he won't see Naruto as something inhuman, we couldn't help but to notice several shrieks from the footage, and many women ended up with nosebleed or green face. The scene ended up bugging both of us so much.

Come to think of it, why did Naruto's crotch getting censored? And why did Sakura blushed? Did Neji's hit opened a hole in his pants? Maybe my clone knew something about it.

The next one was Shikamaru vs Temari. It went like the original...except Temari screamed bloody murder for what she perceived as sexist comment. Man, good thing Shikamaru got out of it without too much scratches. Woman's scorn could be a real bitch.

After the recaps ended, Temari approached us and asked Sasuke to not hurt her brother too much. Good job, girl. Sasuke would've tried to kill Gaara if no one would miss him, and your action just saved him. Now he'll go with my original plan.

"Sensei! Sensei! We're here!"

I eyesmilled at them, before I walked to where they were.

However, I met Gai first, looked dead-serious for the first time in years.

"Only eight ANBU in this stadium. What's Hokage-sama thinking?" Man, it was kinda weird seeing Gai being all serious.

"Orochimaru wanted destruction of Konoha, and probably wanted to kill Sandaime-sama by himself. We think they're better to be prepared on the outside."

"Have you or anyone else found the bases? Invasion is not youthful at all, especially if they were from our ally."

"Jiraiya-sama and Yuugao are on it." Gai nodded in satisfaction, before I finally walked to my students.

"Maa, sorry, Naruto, but Jiraiya's on the borders. He found some troubles on those area that need his cleaning."

"Aww..." My little brother slumped for a while, but in his fashion he bounced back just as quickly. "But it's okay! At least Sasuke's here."

"And look hot as hell..." Sakura drolled at the sight of Sasuke in tight black pants. I already told him that shorts was a bad idea.

"Hey, sensei! How strong he is?"

"Just watch. All I'll say is that he managed to learn from experience really well."

Alright, Sasuke managed to show that he copied Lee's ninjutsu really well. Now, we would see what he would use against that super armor.

Hmm, what's this? Seemed like Gaara rested on the top of that hole from Neji and Naruto's fight. Would Sasuke noticed it?

Yup. He did, judging by that scroll he dropped on the other hole. And just after he got into the tower of the stadium, there was a sound on contraption from Gaara's side.

"What's this? A...a coffin? I am trapped inside a real coffin?!"

Then after the red-headed Jinchuuriki finished his words, he exploded from the inside. And Sasuke finished him off with his chidori.

After he stabbed Gaara with the chidori, the mad boy opened his sand shield, now looked burnt up in addition to a wound in his shoulder that came from Sasuke's attack.

"Whoa! Teme got him real good."

"Gaara!" Temari dropped off to carried her brother, before pointed her finger in anger against the Uchiha. Kinda justifiable since her brother was burnt badly here, "You-!"

"Go to the hospital, and drop your brother off. I didn't use my most powerful coffin, so he should be safe. Just...burnt a bit."

Temari stared at Sasuke for a while, before she dropped it off and jumped with her brother on his back. Kankuro stayed, and tried to unleash his new puppet on Sasuke before his sensei told him to drop it.

"Save it, Kankuro. Your siblings need your help. Let me handle Mr. Uchiha here..." Baki said with a sickening smile before he unleashed his wind jutsu that would've cut Sasuke's neck...if he hadn't prepared for some logs outside the stadium.

"Hail log-sama." I said as I dropped to where Sasuke just substituted himself.

"Uh, I don't understand. What's happening here?"

"Relax, Naruto. Now, Baki-san. Why don't we have a nice little talk..." I said as I dropped my mask to show him my mangekyo, where he ended up into my own super strong genjutsu...

"W...what is this?"

"Yo." I said to the poor Jounin, who now forced into T-pose statue. And yes, he wasn't staked into a cross, he's just there, unable to move out of animation's default pose. "Welcome to Kakashi-world no jutsu, motherfucker."

"Release me. Now!"

"There's no rope." I deadpanned.

"That's not what I meant-"

"If you're telling me to release you, then answer me this:" I said as a map of all the known whereabouts of Suna and Oto were. "These are the places where your hidden ninja are waiting for order. Is there something else?"

"You...you already know?" I nodded, and my mask protected me from his spit. "I won't answer you, leaf filth!"

"As far as I concerned, you're the filth here. We would gladly ask your daimyo to stop giving us far too much mission if you complained, maybe even making excuse like running our soldiers thin. But no, you got greedy and decided to invade us instead. By collaborating with our favorite snake traitor. For what? Even if you succeed, our daimyo would retaliate by blocking your food supply, you fucking idiot." I dropped the bomb of truth on him.

"I, I...AAAAGH! JUST DO YOUR BEST, YOU TREE HUGGER!"

"Looks like his brain just fried out! I think we need to straighten his mind first. Guys!" Suddenly, thousand of me appeared. "Let's show him what happened on the average day in Kakashi world!"

Dude should've chose to just spill it, because this genjutsu's too sickening for even Mr. Traitor Obito, because somehow the average day in Kakashi world meant that a stranger trapped in T-Pose had to get his balls smashed by every citizens up there, voluntarily or not. Motocross racers fell from their bike? They landed on Baki's nuts. Kakashi-chan stopped Kakashi the old stalker? She demonstrated why he should stop by kicked Baki's jewels for five times. Little Kakashi goes to grocery? He lost his grip on his trolley and it ended up smashing his groin. All in all, it was a nonstop balls smashing, and the guy's scream didn't get any less loud by every hit.

The first step in saving our village was started by smashing a guy's groin for one day. And it couldn't get any better.