Chapter 4

"Hi!" I say, my expression and tone as bright as possible, trying to hide how desperately hide how nervous I am.

"Hello. You look nice." I life my eyes from the ground to meet Ayaka's gaze. Her eyes are soft and kind, as they always are.

Don't stare at her.

I rip my eyes away from hers, and reply.

"Thanks! You look nice too."

You look amazing, honestly, I can't even put it into words.

She chuckles softly. "We're only in casual wear, yet we're acting like the other is a goddess or something."

Oh, I'm not acting.

"You're right!" I laugh. It comes out a bit forced, but I hope she can't notice, because my heart is beating too fast for me to notice much at the moment.

"So… where is this festival?"

"Oh- Did I forget to mention?"

"Yeah- Here let me- there." Ayaka stands beside me, our shoulders brushing, and holds out a map.

"You brought a map?" I say meekly. Really, what I want to say is,

You want to be this close? Is this okay? Will you be okay if I want to stay like this for the entire night? Would you like that? Because Ayaka, my heart can't take much more of this.

"Yes silly. I'm the prepared one, obviously." She snorts softly. I raise a shaking hand, and point where the festival takes place. "Your hands are shaking!" Worry clouds Ayaka's tone.

Don't do anything that upsets her

"Oh! Sorry- It's cold." I say, my mind thinking of an excuse quickly, because I can't very well say: "I'm a lesbian disaster for you, and just brushing shoulders puts me well on edge."

Ayaka grabs my hand, whispering quietly,

"Let me warm them for you then."

"I-" I really like you. I'm so nervous, I could probably run away right about now.

Hold her hand

"Alright." Is all I say.

We walk in silence, except for me occasionally directing Ayaka somewhere. We get there in one piece.

"Here we are! The festival. It's pretty here isn't it!" I feel more at ease now that we're here. I practically grew up at festivals. I love it here. The stalls are lined up, and the first people are just flooding in.

"Yeah. Why are we here so early?"

"Well, I need to help out a bit with the fireworks first. I was hoping I could take you to one of my favourite spots to watch the fireworks, and you could wait for a bit?" I cringe at my own words.

So does Ayaka. But not physically, her eyes just flash for a moment, with some emotion resembling dissatisfaction, or sadness.

Don't do anything that upsets her

"I'll try and get out of it." I immediately promise. "Or, I'll go really fast! I promise. Don't look sad." I can't keep the worry out my voice then, and bite my tongue.

Ayaka's face brightens a bit. "Okay." She says, smiling.

"Give me one moment! I'll be right back!" Since it isn't crowded, and likely won't be for awhile, I leave Ayaka for a moment, running to the fireworks stand. My father smiles.

"Don't even ask Yoimiya. I took care of your job."

My mouth falls open in disbelief.

"You- What?"

"Heard you had a date. Couldn't mess that up with petty work." He grins and winks.

"I don't- It's not- Well- Okay! Thanks!" I run back to Ayaka.

"Got out of work… Kind of?"

Confusion paints Ayaka's face. "Kind of?" She echoes.

"My dad heard I was coming with you and did my job beforehand."

"Oh! How nice of him."

I think It's only because he wanted me to finally tell you how I'm feeling.

"I think it's only because you came with me though. Didn't want me leaving you alone," I pause, "Of course, I didn't like the Idea of leaving you alone either. People at festivals can get really drunk sometimes."

"Mhm." Ayaka only makes a noise of confirmation, showing she's listening. "Where's that spot? The one you were talking about."

"Oh! It's right over there." I point. It's a bit of a ways off from the festival, but it's the best place to watch the fireworks. "Are you hungry? Lets get some food first. If you want to, of course."

"Do you want food?"

I think for a moment.

"Doesn't really matter." I decide aloud. "We're here to make your night the best ever."

"Okay, well a good night would be you expressing your opinions." Ayaka's eyes narrow.

Don't do anything that upsets her

"Okay. Well, I have snacks at our firework spot, so unless theres something you really want to try, we can head up there and eat?"

"Sounds good to me. Lets go!" Ayaka regains her smile, and I silently exhale with relief.

I lead Ayaka on the path towards the cliff. The cliff is our watching spot. No one really knows about it except me. And, well, Ayaka now, I guess.

"Here we are!" I crouch down at a tree, and pull out the plastic bag I put there. I leave it there, and take it in winter. It's got snacks, and lots of good things. I take out a picnic blanket, and set it down on the ground.

"M'lady." I bow dramatically, and Ayaka's breath hitches softly before she sits down.

Did I make her uncomfortable? I probably did.

Don't make her uncomfortable

I am speeding through these at a remarkable pace. I sit down next to Ayaka, and busy myself with rummaging through my bag. I pull out some cupcakes. Thats right, I bought these a few days ago. I only put them out today, so they should still be good. It's a vanilla cupcake, with vanilla frosting and snowflakes sprinkles. I was tempted to just go with pale blue frosting, for obvious reasons (the reason being the magnificent girl next to me) but decided against it, figuring it might be hard to explain.

"Ayaka, what's your favourite season?" I wonder aloud.

"I like summer."

"Really?" I raise my eyebrows. I make a sound that I can only hope sounds like: 'Oh! Cool!'

"What's yours?"

"Winter."

"Why's that?"

"I don't know." I pause, then continue. "I suppose it might have something to do with a person I met once. They looked like winter, I guess. I… don't really know how it happened. What about you?"

Ayaka pauses.

"Summer… what do I like about… Summer? Well, It's breathtaking, and hot. It feels so energetic, but it also looks and feels like home."

"We're, ah, still talking about the seasons, right?"

"Of course we are. What else would we be talking about?" Ayaka questions, her eyebrows raised.

We sit in silence, and my nervousness comes rushing back to the forefront of my mind.

"Have you ever been in love before, Yoimiya?" Ayaka asks suddenly.

"Yeah."

Only ever with you though.

"What did it feel like?"

"Falling in love? Well, you start to notice them a whole bunch more, and sometimes you'll catch yourself admiring them from afar. Why?"

"Oh, I don't know exactly..."

I wonder for a moment when the fireworks will start. I'm not usually this anxious, but being there with the girl I've secretly admired for almost three seperate years will do that to you, I suppose.

"You look nervous, something wrong?" Of course Ayaka has picked up on my pure nervousness.

"Not quite." I respond, choosing my words carefully. If I say the wrong things...

Don't mess up

"Have you ever had a list of things you couldn't do?" I suddenly ask, instinct taking over.

"Um... Sometimes? I mean, it really depends. But if it's actually a list of things you can't do, wouldn't that be more like rules you set for yourself?"

"I suppose."

"Why? Do you have a set of rules you wish to break with me?" Ayaka's soft blue eyes glitter with mischief.

Very much, you have no idea how much I want to break these rules.

"I- wh- what?" I stammer, my heart pounding.

"My, my, are you flustered Yoimiya?"

"wh- No! You must be imagining things!" I say, my face heating up, obviously indicating that I am indeed VERY flustered.

"I don't think I am-" Ayaka gets cut off as the fireworks start. A loud, echoing bang indicating that the fireworks are starting. My head turns towards the fireworks immediatley. A bright purple light engulfs the sky, and I hear a small intake of breath from Ayaka. A million things race through my mind.

I really want to break my rules now. It's the perfect time, perfect setting.

Don't kiss her

Nope. Don't break the rules. That'll ruin the whole thing. It'll end horribly, and- and what if she just flat our rejects me? Pushes me away, and says, "You're disgusting, I can't believe you like me. Thats...thats weird. Please don't talk to me again."

I look at Ayaka as the fireworks go off. Her pale blue eyes glint with happiness, and a tad bit of awe.

I feel a genuine smile stretch across my face. She looks so happy. No, not happy exactly. But at peace. Like everything in the world has stopped for a moment. I wonder what would happen if I interrupted that moment.

I don't really know what happens next, to be honest. I'm staring at Ayaka, and she's staring back suddenly.

"Yoimiya, what were your rules?" She asks, and her voice is just so damn cute that I lament and tell her honestly.

"Not to make a fool out of myself, help you have a good time, and not kiss you." My mind goes blank after that, not even registering what I said.

The moment Ayaka's eyes widen is the moment the realization hits me.

"O- oh. I didn't mean- I- haha- I didn't mean it- um- you uh- don't need to worry." My brain is stuttering, and my breath comes out in short bursts, and whenever it does, a nervous laugh follows.

"You didn't mean it?" I look away from Ayaka, forcing my face to brighten.

"Yeah! It- It was a joke! You don't need to worry about me falling in love with you. Because,"

I fell in love with you a long time ago.

"Because that'd be totally weird. I mean, not to be that person, but you're like, way out of my league. Not to menton smart, funny, pretty- but don't worry. I didn't mean it."

My brain is spiralling. It feels like a tornado is raging in my skull, words surfacing to say, but fluttering away just as quickly. My face and ears feel as if they're burning in the sun.

"So… you don't want to kiss me?" Ayaka's voice is sort of feeble, which makes me look at her again. Her eyes aren't open. Rather, they're screwed shut all too tightly. Her mouth looks twisted, as if she is in physical pain.

"Wh- Ayaka? Hey? Hey! Look at me!" She moves to cover her eyes, but I catch her wrists, holding on gently. She opens her eyes and looks at me, her eyes oddly empty.

"You didn't mean it? Because Yoimiya, I'd really love to kiss you at some point. If that's okay with you."

"I- You- wh- you what?" My brain is short-circuited in an instant. My mouth just hangs open slightly. I let go of her hands.

"Wow. That sounded sappy. Forget I said that, I should rephrase that. Give me a minute." Ayaka puts a finger to her lips, tapping them pensively, if not a bit mockingly. Her eyes lock to mine, and they glitter with amusement.

"Hah…" I exhale slowly and close my eyes, leaning back. The fireworks stopped. I don't think I noticed. "I need a minute as well."

"Whatever for?" Ayaka's voice hints at a wide smile.

"To prepare myself to break the rules?" I ask.

"Thought you said that kissing me wasn't a rule?"

"Yeah. I did. But I am most definitely going to make a fool out of myself." I take a deep breath, my resolve hard. "Ayaka, truthfully, this isn't the first time I've noticed you. I was always a tad aware of you, sometimes making note if you passed in hallways. I- Then I started to like you, I guess. I looked at you a bit more, I wanted to know you. Then- Then this opportunity opened up, and thought, 'Hey! A way to not completely make a fool out of myself while talking to her!' But- Ah- here I am."

Ayaka suddenly starts laughing. I startle, my eyes widening. She snaps her fingers and smiles widely.

"I know how to rephrase the question right!"

Ayaka takes a deep breath and says her eyes shining,

"I love you!"

A pause. Then,

"I- I like you too."

"Is that all I get?" Ayaka's eyes dance softly. "No 'I love you too' or anything?"

I bury my face into my hands. "Archons. I don't think I can say that right now. My heart will explode."

"Well mine certainly almost did." We sit in silence for a moment. "The fireworks stopped." Ayaka notes, more of an observation than a statement.

"Mhm." I hum, my eyes closed again. It's dark outside, and my body feels tired, suddenly realizing how exhausted I am from worrying so much.

"And… here we are, I guess."

"Yep… So… kiss. You wanted to… kiss me?"

"Are you kidding? Of course I- I mean you-" My voice dies in my throat. "You… You're just…"

"I'm just?" Ayaka's eyes gleam. "I'm just what? I'm just… beautiful? A goddess, perhaps? Maybe the love of your life?"

Ayaka sure knows how to sense the blush on my cheeks, even if it's dark outside. She also knows how to tease me quite well, because my heart is thumping in my chest, and my face is burning.

"No. It's because you're just… you."

"Because I'm me?" Ayaka seems caught off-guard at this, her eyes widening, and pink tinting her cheeks.

"Yes! You're- now stay with me, This'll make me sound like a romantic dork, which I am, but that's not the point. The point is, you're an amazing person. Your smile, your eyes, your presence, just you. You being here is enough for me. So yes, if possible, I would like to kiss you. Please. You're so beautiful."

Ayaka's eyes widen further, and she says softly,

"You're a romantic idiot. But…"

Ayaka leans closer, her eyes closing.

"But I love you."

Don't kiss her

I meet her halfway, and it's like heaven. Her lips against mine, it's just us here. The noises of the background fade into nothing, and I open my eyes. I'm staring into her eyes, and even though I think you're supposed to close your eyes, the fluttering in my stomach stops as I look at her eyes, as beautiful as ever. They're pale blue, and filled with an emotion I recognize now.

Her eyes are filled with love.