Chapter 42

Calen and I were still in bed at that time. 

Four am. Barely even dawn, the birds hadn't began their routine chirping and the sky was still blanketed by darkness. Everything was silent, and I had actually found a place within myself where I could be calm. Wrapped up in Calen arms as I was.

Then he...my father, with his lectures on etiquette and his insistence on morals. The same man who never failed to remind me and my siblings to do everything in the ethical way it ought to be done...he burged into my room like a violent thief in the night. 

" Jerald! " he barked out harshly. 

I gasped and Calen was startled awake, he turned to the door and I assume he saw the same thing I did. He saw an expression full of anger and rage, grey eyes that seemed to glow with fury. My father's nostrils flared and he fisted his hands, then he looked from me to Calen with a look of utter disgust.

Yes, that's what it was. 

It wasn't even disbelief as in the case with Aliyah...it was pure loath and hatred. He stared at me with the same look he used to stare at killers. The same look he had used when he condemned that rapist to death back home. Like he couldn't bring himself to look at me. There were no escorts with him this time, it was just him and his over pouring anger.

I got off the bed and so did Calen, and we just stood there. Neither of us uttering a word. 

" I knew it was you, " was the first statement my father made. And it was directed to Calen. 

Shaking his head he began taking slow steps towards the only person that had ever understood me without the need to explain myself.

Calen stared him right in the eye as he did so. Standing his ground and not moving an inch.

" I didn't want to believe it, that my son could commit such a despicable act...but I knew that if it was then it was BECAUSE of you!" 

The bitterness in his voice and his tone had reached an entirely new peak. I had never witnessed it before. I wanted to speak out, tell him how wrong he was...but I just couldn't.

" I should never have brought him to this wretched place to begin with!" It was a wonder how he managed to layer each syllable with razored heat. With hushed violence. Finally he got to where Calen was and he stopped one step away from him.

I feared for him. And I hoped that he'd just stay quiet, that he wouldn't be tempted to talk. But I also knew that this was Calen, and he held a confidence that was woven inside of him. He also held words. Always had and always would. Words were to him what my violin was to me, they were his refuge. His safe ground to fall on when his imaginary wings broke.

But I still prayed that he wouldn't talk. Because that would only serve to anger my father more, and who knew what he would have ended up doing then.

" I desire nothing more but to end you!" he spat the hateful words at Calen's face. I could no longer just stand there and watch..and listen.

" Father.." 

" You shall not speak! Do you understand that Jerald? You shall stand there and I don't expect you to utter a word!"

Calen turned to me then, but I looked away. Keeping the distant tears at bay since they wouldn't serve to do any good at the moment.

" You're lucky this happened here...this wrong act of yours. It renders me helpless to take any action against you but understand this boy..." my father took that one step that had him standing toe to toe with Calen. He was taller, and he looked down at the beautiful dark brown of Calen's eyes with spitfire in his own. Then he said, "...the likes of you are what is wrong with the world! And I shall not let you damage my son any longer. "

I closed my eyes with the impact of that statement.

The likes of you.

Wrong.

Damage.

Those words stuck out the most. Damaged is what you refer to a broken down car, to a three tear cake that had fallen over....to a doll no one wants anymore because it got crushed under the tyre of a vehicle.

He thought I was damaged. Unworthy.

He wanted to say something else, and I assumed he had arrived there loaded with countless rounds of insults to fire at us both. But then Calen put up his hand and stopped him, his eyes still on my father who could not imagine the nerve of him. 

He was used to people listening to him and following his instructions without question. Yet this eighteen year old had cut him short. It only served to strengthen his hate for Calen.

" My apologies for cutting you off Sir, but I can only tolerate so much disrespect before it starts to chill my blood. "

Calen took a polite step back, maintaining distance between my father and him, then he clasped his hands together behind his back the same way he did whenever he addressed a teacher or the principal. But I doubt he was doing it out of genuine respect, he looked angrier than I'd ever seen him before. 

" You dare to-"

" I do dare, " Calen cut him off again. Then he grit his teeth as if to stop himself from saying something he didn't want to say.

" You are Jerald's father and for that reason alone I won't highlight your many flaws, "

" You call me flawed? You? " My father asked in an almost humorous tone.

" You lack a soul, " were Calen's next words. My father kept quiet and grew tight lipped. I know he wanted to reply harshly, but Calen had said the statement so casually it must have caught him off guard.  

" And I only take regard to things that have a soul. Such a sooty spirit you must possess to be able to speak with such a vile tongue. " Calen turned his head to the side and I noticed this vein throbbing in his neck. I couldn't understand how he managed to speak with such calm when he looked as if he wanted to smash his fists through a wall.

" Is this your idea of parenting Mr. Amir? ' Oh I'll just rip out my son's heart and stomp on it without mercy!' ? " he asked my father. Then he chuckled sadly and quickly licked his now dry lips, " Of course it is, " he concluded for himself. 

" Let me ask you something, do you even know your son? Aside from his name and his age and his academic prowess do you actually know him? "

" I won't stand here and be insulted by a disrespectful child!"

" The one who lacks respect is you, and as far as being a child goes, I know more about the ways of the world, and about the standards of humanity than you'll ever do. It's truly a shame, is it not? "

" Get. Out! " My father commanded. 

Calen was reluctant to do so, he turned to me and he was silently asking me to just voice what I felt, to give it to my father straight.

The same way he had. But again, I just could not. That was a level of bravery I was yet to achieve.

" You're not being fair to him. How can you be blind to that plain fact?" 

" I said leave! "

" He needs to graduate in two months, otherwise all his progress will inevitably be lost, if not for him then do this for his future. "

" He already has a future. One you almost ruined when you led him into the dark. "

" There is only one source of darkness in this room and it's neither me nor Jerald, " Calen said, his head bowed and his tone even.

My father strode to the door and held it open for him, ordering him to exit the room right that instance. 

Calen ran a hand through his brown hair,his anger starting to get replaced by distress. He wasn't ready to let go just yet. 

" You have to let him stay, I promise not to go near him ever again but you MUST let him stay."

" Out! "

" How can you be so heartless-"

" Calen," I finally called out to him in desperation. I just wanted it all to end already. He shook his head towards my direction and refused to hear me out even before I spoke, because he sensed what I wanted to say.

" Just go...please?" 

He stood rooted to the spot for about a minute longer, then he let out a sharp exhale. So sharp it sliced my heart into two. And then I watched him as he exited the room. And with each step he took, I felt more and more drained of whatever element it was that gave people the desire to live.

Afterwards my father swung the door shut and looked around, noticing that my things were still in place.