Chapter 38

Aliyah and I talked more frequently on the phone, and she chatted with Calen as well. Each time I thought about it I was filled with joy. An actual member of my family knew about me and still loved me. There was neither hate nor judgement. She did however think I was a coward, had said it straight to me during one of our phonecalls. She thought it was easy carrying around such a secret. Such a painful truth, but it was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. And she expected me to just up and confess it to my parents, I wondered how she could expect me to do that. She knew our father, what he was capable of, and I did not want to taint our family name. 

Two months, yet something remained unsaid between Calen and I. Words I wished he'd never tell me because it would hurt all the more. Words I never planned on uttering since they'd just serve to cause us more pain. He wanted to say them though, I knew he did. A few times he had been on the brink of telling me those three words, but he never did.

I was thankful for that. 

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The first of October.

It was a Saturday like any other, I had kept Calen company that evening as he practiced his swimming moves. Sitting on a lounge chair at the poolside and finishing up on composing a new tune. 

After he was done he asked me to go over an essay he had written, but it was back in my quarters where he had left it that morning. On our way there we came across Rajeev and two other students. Marcus and Christian were their names. It was Christian's birthday and he had thrown together a little party at his quarters to celebrate. We were invited. I was planning on saying no and politely turning them down, but they insisted before I got the chance. Turning to Calen I raised my brows.

" I suppose we can drop in for a few minutes," he agreed and I guessed it was okay.

Christian stayed at The Delta, his father was some sort of politician I believe. I assumed it would just be a small group of friends and maybe a cake and some music or something.

How wrong I had been. 

The party started out innocent, but with each minute that passed it grew a bit more wild and more students came flooding in. The room was grand. Grander than mine even, with some kind of play station in one corner and music system concealed inside the room. There were a number of snacks set out on the table and I busied myself with a potato chip, Calen standing beside me, his gaze on his surrounding. He was looking around with this stern look on his face, and I assume it was because he was the students representative and he sensed that things would soon get out of control. Then he'd be forced to call off the entire thing. The potato chips had my throat going dry and I told Calen I was going to get a drink. So I headed to the kitchen area where I met these other two boys with plastic cups in their hands. We were in the same Geography class. I only wanted some water, but one offered to pour me some " fruit punch " instead. 

I had never had it before, but I was weary about what exactly it was. I refused but one of them asked me not to worry.

" It's not alcohol Jerald. Christ! Loosen up a bit, will you?"

I frowned and took the plastic cup once it was offered to me.

Turns out the boys lied. The drink was just normal orange juice, but it was mixed with alcohol. And i'm pretty sure the ratio of juice to alcohol was greatly imbalanced. 

Now I had never had alcohol before, but by the second sip I knew quite well what it was and that I ought to stop drinking it at once. 

But I didn't, instead I gulped it all down and felt it as it flowed through my body. Warming the blood in my veins.

" Wow, who'd have thought. Kid actually has some balls on him. "

One of the students said but I wasn't there anymore. I wasn't drunk, not nearly, but I was back to thinking about the two months, about the end. And it filled me with rage and pain and all these emotions all wrapped up into one. Calen came over to where I was and asked me if we could leave. I said I didn't want to. 

" What do you mean?" 

" I think I'll just stay for a while longer, but you can go ahead and wait for me in my quarters. I won't be long, " I said. And he angled me to look up at him and asked me if I was sure. Whether I was okay. 

" I'm fine, really. I just wanna stay. "

" I'll stay with you then. "

" You don't have to, " 

" I want to. "

I gave him a curt nod. The boys offered each one of us more rounds of the alleged orange juice. I gladly took mine while Calen shook his head, heading to the couch on the other side of the room, I drank it all down, then another...and I think another as well. 

" You must have been really thirsty, " he joked, but by then I was in this fuzzy world of my own where everything was spinning. I don't know what really happened, I recalled him calling out my name and grabbing the plastic cup from my hand, I think he either sniffed or took a sip, then he cursed and started to shout out commands. 

Drinking was prohibited on school grounds, everyone knew that.

I knew that. 

The music was turned off and after he shouted some more, I felt him as he helped me up, his hands wrapped around me as he led me out of there and towards my own quarters. 

I couldn't see anything straight and all I wanted to do was sleep. But I was still very much in agony.

" It's not fair, " I kept saying over and over. " It's not fair, "

" Such is life, " I heard him say as he took off my shoes and covered me up with the blankets, then he pushed back the strands on my forehead and placed a soft kiss on the spot. 

" You're forcing me to be the stronger one, yet I'm in just as much pain. But anything for you my J.R. Anything. "

Despite my drunk state I heard those words.

I've never forgotten them either. 

I heard him make a phonecall to confirm whether the party had come to an end,and I assume the report he got wasn't to his liking, so after making sure I didn't need anything, he left.

 I had heard about how alcohol could boost a person's confidence, gifting them the strength to dare things they normally wouldn't. And that night I became a victim of that particular effect.

So after Calen had gone I took out my phone and dialed my father's number. There was no thought put to the action, I was functioning from the influence of some high quality alcoholic beverage that was asking me how much longer I'd suffer in silence. And my response was a simple," No more. "

I had had enough and I would no longer be a puppet in my father's circus.

Turning to lie on my side I heard the phone ring,then his firm voice as he called out my name. I froze for a bit, not knowing what to say, and he called me two more times before I squeezed my eyes shut. And for the first time in my life I uttered the words, 

" I'm gay. "

It was the first of October.

It was the beginning of the end. 

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Calen's POV

Most of the other students hated the fog. The way it clouded the space and made it impossible to see, the freezing chill it brought along with it and the dullness that accompanied it. But I thought differently. I had nothing against the fog, actually, I rather found peace in it. The knowledge that I could stand in it and not be seen despite being in the midst of a crowd. I liked the loneliness of my own company just as much as I liked the grey daze of fog. It was a shield I suppose, a barricade made of vapour yet strong enough to keep everyone away.

He had thought it was a bad dream at first, when he woke up that morning with a splitting headache and the worst feeling of dread in his gut. He thought the entire thing had been a sort of nightmare.

That there was no way he could have done what he suspected he had. But a check of his call log, of the five phonecalls to and from his father assured us that it was indeed the terrible reality.