Chapter 14

" I like you. " he said, so full of honesty I didn't know what to say in return. I could have regarded it as a casual remark, but the way he said it restricted me from doing so. That depth in his eyes when he uttered the three words made it clear that he meant them in the way I thought he did.

" Those words make me uncomfortable. And you vowed to not do anything that would make me uncomfortable. "

" And the discomfort you feel is as a result of your culture I assume. "

" I can only offer you my friendship, anything other than that you'll have to seek elsewhere. "

But I didn't want him to seek it elsewhere... because what if he found it? 

" Why would I seek it elsewhere when I only want it with you? We have six months left here J.R, after which we'll both go out separate ways. "

" And you're suggesting that I forget what I've learnt in seventeen years for the sake of six months of....what exactly? "

He reached out and placed his palm on my cheek. And I hadn't expected it to be as warm as it was against my chilled skin. But more so, I hadn't expected my body to react to the slight touch. I leaned into his palm as he flicked his thumb over my skin repeatedly.

" Mystery..." he told me " six months of mystery. You must realize that I'm as clueless about the future as you are J.R , all I wish is that you'd be as willing to explore this mystery as I am. "

I didn't want to, but I thought about it. I was in a place away from home, a place where no one knew me. And I would only be there for six months before I had to go back to my responsibilities. Back to the rules that governed my life. Was I willing to bend those rules slightly now that I was here?

I looked into Calen's eyes and prayed for some sort of firm grounding. I even tried to think of my mother and her trust in me, but the images were shady in my head. All I could think about was Calen, and six months and possibilities. Lifting my hand I wrapped it around his wrist. The intimacy of the moment was getting to my head. And his scent wasn't doing anything to help the situation.

I liked him too....I liked him a lot actually. But if I agreed to this then I doubted there would be going back. And the worst part was that in six months I would have no choice but to do just that.... I'd have to go back.

Calen inched closer, and along with the closeness came more warmth, and along with the warmth came all these complex feelings that I could not navigate at the moment. He ran his thumb across my brow before wrapping his hand around my nape.

" I'm not asking you to forsake anything J.R. I simply want you to be willing to give whatever this is a chance. "

I said nothing. I had a million thoughts on the matter but in that single moment I had absolutely nothing to say. 

" I decided against tennis, " I finally said. I suppose he had gotten used to my diversions as far as conversation was concerned.

" Oliver shall be greatly disappointed, "

" Polo. They failed to mention that the school also offers polo. "

I was a decent player. Had trained in the game a few years back when my father had bought horses and insisted that I learn how to ride them. He had afterwards found me watching a clip of the game on my computer and I suppose he mistook my fascination for interest, so he got me a personal coach.

" It does. Are you planning on joining the team?"

" I am. I had a brief talk with the team's coach and he asked me to go to practice tomorrow. "

" That's nice to hear J.R, I wish you the very best. "

I half expected him to let go and perhaps take a step back, but he did the exact opposite. 

He scared me sometimes, when he inched closer with each passing second. When he touched me so leisurely yet with such hidden passion. 

" Let me sleep on what we've discussed. Then tomorrow after my polo practice come find me.... I'll give you my answer then. "

He gave me a curt nod. Seeming releaved that I hadn't said no. 

He then stepped away from me and began to walk around the place. We had about an hour before the time allocated for sleep. Which was an hour more I got to spend with him. But I concluded that it would be wise to part soon, lest I get overly used to having him around.

I walked towards the stream and went down on my haunches next to it. Then I began plucking some wild flowers from its bank and laying them gently on the waters surface. Watching them float and flow away. 

" Is a stream not a large mass of water? " Calen asked some time later from behind me.

" Surely not. I thought Chemistry was the only subject you held a grudge against...now I fear geography suffers the same fate. "

I heard him chuckling, then a flyer some seconds a pebble splashed onto the water and showered me with a few of the droplets. I turned and threw Calen a warning glance.

" I don't take Geography, I dropped it after realizing that though the natural world keeps evolving, the subject does not. "

I grew amused and stood.

" Oh please do share this line of thought. "

He casually shrugged, dusting his hands before letting his concentration skip to some insect flying by. He observed it keenly as it flew around him.

" It's limited, the subject. Only focusing on a small section of the world and leaving other more interesting and exotic places out. And like I said, the world keeps evolving. "

" So you've heard of new mountains growing and new seas emerging from nowhere in particular?" 

" No, I've heard of new magnificent places being discovered, yet they never make it to the textbooks because that would mean having to reprint them. And who wants the extra hustle?"

I couldn't argue with that. I watched a a few leaves fell from a jacaranda behind him. And I had this urge to run and catch them all before they made it to the ground, but I stopped myself and simply watched. 

" You haven't answered my question though, do you consider a stream a large mass of water or not?"

I figured he was only asking me that because I had initially confessed to being scared of large water masses. But something told me he also asked because he wanted to hear the type of response I would give. 

" A young child of three would consider it so. And a ten year old considers a river to be large. A wild teenager looks out into the sea and only sees infinity. And someone scared of water masses considers a pool to be threatening. It's all a matter of perception Calen Silverstein. "

I had gotten used to using both names when referring to him. Calen simply wasn't enough.

" I like talking to you, " he confessed. It was almost strange how he just randomly confessed such things. But I found the strangeness of it to be quite intriguing. It meant he was honest. And honesty was a trait I appreciated a lot.

" We should probably start heading back, I still have an essay to write before tomorrow and I haven't even done the research. "

" Are you never going to reply to any of the remarks I make ? "

I began walking away, knowing that he would follow closely behind. Which he did.

" I respond to everything you say. "

I knew what he meant , but then there was the whole aspect of discomfort that I had mentioned.

" Everything casual that is. I said I like you and you said nothing...I just told you how much I enjoy talking to you and you still said nothing. "

" Because I have nothing to say--"

" Because you're scared of saying anything back. You assume that doing so would amount to admitting how you truly feel. Something you're focused on not doing. "

His tone was even. His voice as cultured as always,and I was sure that had it been anyone else telling me that, I would have probably run off. But it was Calen. 

" Let's play a game, " he then said and I threw a suspicious glance at him.

" What kind of game? "

His eyes focused straight ahead and I saw him smile to himself. Then he turned to me and explained the concept of this game of his.

" After each encounter we have, one of us will have to confess something to the other. "

" And by something you mean? "

" Anything as long as it's true, a secret thought you would have otherwise kept to yourself. "

The game didn't sound like something I would want to do, yet it still managed to appeal to me. Because I wanted to hear all the thoughts he had about me. All those details he wouldn't have told me otherwise. But could I tell him anything in return?

" I've already made two such admissions tonight. Meaning that the next time we depart, it will be your turn to share your most private thoughts. "

I was well aware that this was a tactic he had devised to try and get me to open up more to him. 

" Shall we shake on our agreement then?"

" But I haven't yet agreed. "

His gaze when he looked at me this time was entirely introspective. I felt the hairs at the back of my neck rise. Only a selected number of people could communicate so clearly with their eyes. And I knew for certain that Calen led the list. 

" I think you already have, " he uttered before stretching out his arm. I stared at his hand for a few seconds before sighing and shaking it.

A game, I thought. We had our own private game.