Calmness

As i am standing here finally , there were many things going through my mind now. But was I feeling sad about the decision that i made or was I scared of the step I am going to take now.The Answer was a straight 'No'.

I have longed for this day for many years. Was my life really this miserable to make such a decision? I guess many people will think that i am mad if I said 'yes'. So who am I?

I am a successfull person. I have money have a good guy who loves me madly. I have 2 adorable dogs. I have a good and loving family. I know a lot of peoples who are good to me. So then why am I here now?

THE answer is simple " I am unhappy."

But can unhappiness despite having so much good things in life make me do what i am going to do now?

That's a tricky one!! But I dont think its a bit tricky. Have you heard one thing " What you see from your eyes always dont show the full truth. Likewise each coin have two sides. "

So here am I standing alone in a beautiful yatch in middle of beautiful blue sea. If people see me they will think i might be feeling lonely . But now I cant help but say out loud" I cant be this lively ever."

The lady standing with a lively expression was staring at the deep sea like she is going to get a treasure here. She was smiling like a little child who got a choco lottery. This can be the most genuine smile she ever had. Their was a certain relief on her face. She was dressed in pure white long dress. Her long red brownish hair were shining like several diamonds were embedded in her hairs. She was holding a beautiful wine glass in her hand. She sipped a bit then She said " Finally " And then she closed her beautiful eyes standing at the corner of the yatch towards the rim. She took a step forward and then turned with her back facing the blue sea. Her eyes were still closed. She then jumped without any hesitation and with a relieved smile on her face.

With a splash sound , her body started drowning , she didnt even struggeled to get out as the water entered her lungs. Even in such a choatic moment, her mind was calm. Her eyes were open , it seems soon she will die. During her last breaths she was not crying in her heart but instead her pain in her heart started vanishing. This pain has been with her for a long time. She always wanted to forget so that this annoying pain can get less but reallity struck her hard. She wasnt a person who can forgive her loved ones easily. Was she cruel or evil? In her heart she knew better than anyone that she was really damm good. She was good to that point that she could only hurt herself and suffer in silence so that others can't get hurt due to her.

She thought many times that she should leave and run away from her loved ones. But sometime you cant just shun off the responsibilities of being a good daughter , of being a good sister, of being a good lover. Among all these identies she could not help but forget herself. If someone says she is really damm weak that she couldnt stood strong for herself. Then guess what?

I think the same. I was weak so weak that i loved them to the point i forgot myself. Did i loved them this much ?

This question is the right one to ask?

For me this question holds a great value" Did I really loved them that much???"

For the answer well .... I think i am the most selfish one here..

For me nobody ever really catched my heart. For me they were my loved ones but not my life. Their mistakes pained me thats true but never made me fall into abyss.

So the next question arises " Why the hell then i am taking my life?"

I think its simple. " I was pretty bored of this pain given by my loved ones. But most important i never found anyone for who can make me stay in this world. The world is simply boring and always try to crush my little fragile heart. "

" Do i really have a fragile heart?"

"hehe I guess NO BUT YES."

People will think i really have some loose screws in my mind. They cant understand me then. Every one is different and i am really really different. So at the end of my little boring and sad life what i really wanted.

The lady who was looking like a beautiful painting who was currently getting swallowed by the beautiful deep sea who was having her eyes opened so that she could witness her life gripping surrounding had only one answer to the last question in her mind. She always thought that,will she be able to sort out her thoughts when she will be calmly leaving the world. Will she ever get the answer to her question mostly the last one? Then really it worked.

She closed her eyes and tried to smile and let her drift calmly downwards. In her heart she got the answer " I only wanted unconditional love. I only wanted one person who could capture my heart and make me go crazy . I just wanted one loyal love in my life. Just one will do."