A Spirit’s Envy

[Chapter 1 - Lover]

"Stranger by day, Lover by night."

I don't remember how it happened, but it did.

The co-worker I never talked to, the one that always gave me sharp glares, is now a secret romantic of mine when dusk falls.

The one blinded by shadows is no longer my co-worker, but someone completely different.

It's like she has been possessed by a spirit.

And it seems to me, that I have fallen in love with that spirit.

We walk around the dimly lit trails of the ghostly park and ride the canals within the calm river.

We share the same meals and bond over the stars in the sky.

Your hair reflected the moonlight.

My first kiss was stolen by her.

But my lover was stolen by her vessel.

When the sun rose, she was no longer my lover but just the same old colleague.

My stares of warmth are repaid with ice cold eyes.

A familiar face with a unrecognisable demeanour. I felt like I could talk to her but didn't know what words to speak.

Those lips which I had touched before made me look perverted.

A silent mouth by day and a giggling smile by night.

I asked for her name.

She replied, "Seolhwa".

[Chapter 2 - Night]

"Heya Dokja, I can't seem to remember what happened during work."

"Really? Nothing at all?"

"Yeah, no matter how hard I try I can't seemta' remember what happened during the daytime. I hope I'm not unconsciously skippin' work.."

"Oh. Nah, you're not skipping work."

"Phew ~ That's a relief. It's like da' only times I can remember is when I'm with you."

Yes, Seolhwa. That's because you only appear at night. Every night you've spent is with me.

And every day is spent with you asleep.

Your face lit up by the moonlight, sitting on a dimly lit plain of grass.

The cosmos spins around you like an aura.

I don't know who's the real Seolhwa.

The one in the day seems like a blur of memories whenever I look at her.

Whichever is the real one.

I'm glad I'm able to spend the night with the Seolhwa I love.

"Heya Dokja."

"Yes?"

"Can ya promise me somethin'?"

She look into my eyes solemnly.

"Of course, Seolhwa."

A small grin escapes from her expression.

"Promise me that you'll always love me."

The skies rains its comets across the horizons.

[Chapter 3 - Day]

Ugh.. Was I drunk last night..?

I can't remember anything that happened the night before.

No, wait.. I can't remember anything that happened the previous nights too..!

Wait, shit! Did I finish the report?!

Oh no… I shouldn't have drank last night, today's the deadline!

"!"

Phew… Good, I finished it.

Well, not completely. I can finish it up in an hour.

Hm? It says here I logged off at 6pm?

I don't remember drinking that early…

Damn it, Seolhwa.!!

Use your memory! Your head may be useless but your brain isn't!!

…

What is this? Dokja..? Who's Dokja? And why did I keep spamming it onto the document?

Dokja.. Dokja… Dokja…

DOKJA!

[Chapter 4 - Your name]

"Seolhwa."

The name of my lover.

"Seolhwa."

The name of the one who can't stand the look of my face.

She's the one that gazes softly into it but hardens it I gaze back at her.

I wish you'd remember me even during the day.

Guess that's too much to ask.

I should be grateful I could speak to you when you remember me.

I should be grateful you'll remember me at all.

The sunlight feels repulsive.

Daytime disgusts me.

Even with the shining sun, it can't compete with how bright your light is.

Seolhwa, I know you're in there somewhere.

You're no longer the Seolhwa I used to know.

You've forgotten about me.

A different posture, a different smile, a different person altogether.

Careful and collected, just like how a office worker should be.

You're meticulous about everything.

Files organised on your table, post-its as reminders of meetings and tasks.

Fast and agile movements, even when using a keyboard.

It seems that you're really not the person you are at night.

The Seolhwa I knew was more fun than you.

She wouldn't hesitate being a little less careful.

In fact, she was downright careless.

She's spilled her own ice-cream on her shirt because she was distracted about a butterfly.

That's why you had to do the laundry earlier than you wanted because you didn't have an extra shirt.

She laughed more than you.

She smiled more than you, and she took the time to get to know someone unlike you.

A different person altogether.

If what took over your body could take over me..

I don't care what happens to me.

I just want you to be here with me.

As the days pass by, I wait for your return Seolhwa.

Why can't you remember me?

…

Maybe that's why.

If it is a spirit that I love. It could be that your name's not true either.

You lied to me.

Tell me honestly, what's your name?

[Chapter 5 - Envy]

I'm so sorry Dokja…

It seems that our journey ends here.

We could only go so far.

Your smiles will not be forgotten.

I'll miss you.

I envy that Seolhwa, who can spend her lifetime with you.

I wished that I had met you while I was still alive.

Our meeting was far too late it seemed.

Thank you for giving me a life I never would've dreamed of.

"Seolhwa."

…Huh?

"I know this isn't you. Stop trying to pretend."

Heh, guess you've caught me.

"Cmon, finish your ice-cream before it melts all over your hands!"

{Woahh butterfly, it's so pretty!}

"Are you a child?"

{Nah, I'm super old! And mature- get back here you butterfly!}

"Hey Seolhwa."

{Yah?}

"Do you promise you'll remember me?"

{Yes! Of course! Why would I forget ya in the first place- oop}

The ice-cream fell on my shirt.

"Ah-! See! This is why I told you to finish your ice-cream first!"

{Sowwy Dokja!!}

Heh.

I'll truly, truly miss you.

Dokja.

[Chapter 6 - Confession]

What is all this?

What are these memories?

All the nights I had been knocked out cold… why is he the only person I see?

The faint voices of a distant familiar lover.

"Seolhwa! Get back here- Are you really going to make me carry all of these by myself?!"

{Whaat~? You're the man right?? So you should carry everything!}

"Urgh… At least hold the souvenir you bought!"

{Nahh.. That was for you, you know? Be grateful!}

"Geez- To think I'm chasing around a woman-child holding ice-cream on one hand and a crepe on the other.."

{Oh, you want this~? Come catch me, jerk!}

"Who's the jerk in this situation?!"

Ahh.. ahh… why are all these memories only appearing now.?

All the nights I thought I had forgotten…

Was just me living a different life.

[ Dokja.. DOKJA.. "DOKJA!!" ]

Who is Dokja?

Is it the man I keep seeing?

And why did I keep spending my nights with him?

Damnit! I knew there was a reason my reports were not finished on time…!

I just barely could complete them before the deadline…

It's all because I've been going out with him…

Wait.. why am I going out with him in the first place..?

[Dokja?]

Dokja.

"I love you, Seolhwa."

{I love you too, Dokja}

I kissed him…?

My first kiss… was taken by him…

Why..?

{Because I love you}

…

Dokja..

I thought you were just my co-worker.

An average office worker who had just enough qualifications to work at a company.

It seems that I was wrong.

You had way more qualifications.

Which qualified you to be key to open my heart.

I know the one I am night isn't me.

That's me from another world, someone way more carefree then I'll ever be.

But if that what it takes to be by your side.

I'll try to be more like your lover.

The one you knew and the one who knew you the best.

The Seolhwa you knew will be here forever, I promise you.

[Chapter 7 - Manifestation]

I've found a body I could possess.

It took a while, three months to be exact, but I finally found one suitable vessel for me.

I can't wait any longer, I need to see Dokja once again.

He must also miss me too.

I'm sorry I was so incompetent to leave you behind when you needed me the most.

I tried searching for you in the park we used stroll through.

The silent winds seem more so without your presence.

I tried to look for you near the rivers we used to travel through on our canals.

Only a reflection of myself on the still water awaited me.

I tried to look for you at the ice-cream store we used to go to.

Only a line of impatient customers is what I saw.

There is only one more place left in mind.

I sprinted towards the cafe we'd used to relax at.

The wind followed behind me, and so did the leaves laid in my path.

I stopped right by the entrance.

My legs were trembling and my palms were sweaty.

I turned to the window we used to always sit by.

Expecting to see you mourning the loss of our relationship yourself.

{Huh..?}

{Seolhwa?}

{What is the real Seolhwa doing with Dokja?}

{I thought she'd have lost her memories of us together.. Don't tell me…}

Did she regain her memories?

No..

There's no way..

Did she..?

This wasn't how I expected our reunion would happen.

She surely has fallen in love with him by now… Now that all her memories of me going on dates with him were recovered…

He looks so happy…

His smile is as wide as I'd always see when we spoke together.

I stared through the foggy windows of a cold night.

The laughter of two lovers could be heard even past the walls.

It's like… he no longer needs me.

The real Seolhwa loves him.

Does he love her back? I did take over her body, that's the only Seolhwa he'll recognize.

And it looks like she's adapted well into her new personality.

I don't know what to do.

The moonlight shined darker than it ever had before.

My eyes could not tear apart from him and my eyes could not lay on her.

Damn it, just because I was too late with finding a body I could use..!

Well, whatever…

I guess it's better this way.

That body never belonged to me anyway…

…

Why do my eyes sting?

Why is my heart aching?

And why are my fist clenching?

Heya Dokja, if you really do love me..

Do me a favour, yeah? Never stop loving Seolhwa.

[END]