Chapter 8.1 (18)

Aftin: Okay, hold on a second. You gotta wait here for two seconds. We're almost ready. Just stay back there and wait for a second...

Markus: Okay, Aftin. Yes.

Aftin: I just need you to wait-

Markus: Don't fall- don't fall down!

Aftin: Ohhwohh..

Markus: Don't fall down.

Markus: That man is ridiculous.

Gregor: That's our leader.

Aftin: Okay, go on in!

Gregor: Yay!

Ashe: I-

Aftin: So I...

Ashe hesitantly steps forward

The golem speaks up

Golem: So I see you went through the test. Markus passed?

The golem glances the eyeball which has landed on Alexander's shoulder choosing not to comment on Alexander's performance

Ashe: He passed

Golem: Surprising

Ashe: Why is that surprising?

Markus: Hey, does it sound like someone has a downer of a philosophical conversation over there? 'Cause she does.

Aftin: Shh, shh, shh!

Aftin claps his hands over Markus and Gregor's eyes

Afton: Okay. I'm gonna need you to turn around slowly...

Markus turns around, slowly

Gregor turns around fastly!

Aftin does not take his hands off their eyes

Aftin: Okay, and three, two, one... SURPRISSSSSE!!!

Markus: Oh, wow you shouldn't have...

All the paladins yell and raise a mug of ale

Gregor: Woah! Dirt!

The floor of the fort is dirt a proper flooring was either never installed or was removed leaving only a dirt floor

Paladins: Congratulations! You're paladins!

Markus: Ahh, thank you!

Paladins: It's great to have more comrades! Drink! Drink!

Markus: Oh, well. I suppose...

Gregor: NO, no.

Markus: Yes, yes!

They quickly surround Markus and Gregor...forcing multiple mugs of ale into their hands. Many hit the floor.

Gregor just pours each out and is handed new ones.

Markus holds one mug in each hand and a third levitates around his head, suspended by a mage hand.

Aftin: Oh man, so... OH. Yeah, The best part is, now that you're apprentices, I can tell you the big secret of being a paladin.

Afton: The biggest, best part of being a paladin.

Markus: Oh, I love big secrets! Do share!

Aftin: The biggest, best part of being a paladin.

Ashe narrows her eyes.

Aftin: This is... the BEST...

Aftin looks completely excited. The talkative Golem from behind Ashe and Alexander just says

Golem: Oh, this is the worst part...

Afton: Okay! So, get this: You know how We hired you to go on some big quest?

Gregor: Yeah!

Aftin: Yeah! We already did it! And we already know where the head is! We're lying!

Markus: Explain.

Aftin: Aw, man, okay. So, every year we're given a large amount of money to keep on this quest. So, we found the head. We found the head a long time ago. But we keep lying...

Aftin: Saying, that we didn't find it and we get the money and we just spend it on alcohol.

Markus: Okay, okay, okay. Aftin, hold up.

Markus: Are you telling me...

Aftin: Yeah!

Markus: That you're getting paid a ludicrous sum of money...

Aftin: Yeah! Yeah!

Markus: ...to do a job that you have already completed and can continue...not completing...

Aftin: Yeah!

Markus: ...for the foreseeable future.

Aftin: Yeah!

Markus: You...are...a genius!

Aftin: Thanks! I thought so.

Gregor: So you're saying, that, we are your slaves and get to live in this... alcohol...dirt floor..place...

Aftin: Partying forever!

Markus: Better get started!

Marcus downs one of his mugs of ale

Ashe shimmies through the crowd and pull Gregor out

Gregor's heels drag.

*dragging sounds*

The paladins surround Markus and drag him over to do an ACTUAL keg stand

Ashe glances at the one paladin and the Instructor that are still by us.

Ashe: Go on!

Ashe shoos the paladin away

Tiller: Grumble, grumble...

Ashe: Not you Tiller!

Tiller: Fine.

Tiller: Can tell him I'm not wanted.

Ashe: Wow! Sensitive.

Ashe turns to the golem and Gregor

Gregor: Looks like we have to stage a coup.

Ashe: I was just going to suggest that. And honestly? It's not as bad as it seems. We have to complete the cl- quest to gain our freedom. We complete the quest... and...we're- we're set!

Golem: Oh.

Ashe: They've already found the golem head. We get the information out of them, we go and get it. Easy.

Golem: That's...

Gregor: And then we kill the party forever.

Ashe: The what?

Gregor: Oh! Oh, not ACTUALLY killing...

Golem: Yeah, I...

Gregor: It's a metaphor.

Ashe: Basically.

Golem: When you...

Golem: When you said a coup... I thought you meant literal. A literal coup. As in 'We Would slaughter...

Alexander: I considered the option but I'm with Ashe it should be easier to just get the head then kill them

Gregor: Hurt?

Golem: No, no, no. Like a slaughter of all of these drunken paladins. The process would be quite simple.

Alexander: simple but it wouldn't solve are problem as we have would still have to complete the quest to be freed

Ashe: I don't...

Gregor: Totally.

Ashe: But...simply because I find them ABHORRENT doesn't mean that it gives me reason to slaughter them. They are drunk. They are...ABSURDLY obnoxious. And they are Irresponsible in the utmost degree.

Golem: Sir, you're...

Ashe: But!

Golem: You are currently overturning the basis of human history.

Ashe: Not everyone is obnoxious, loud and irresponsible. Some people are only one of the above.

Gregor: Well, and i'm sure you could find one. Somewhere.

Golem: So... your strategy is simply to...undercut the goal of these paladins to...effectively complete the quest for them. To spite them. And...

Alexander: and free ourselves from enslavement

Ashe: Yes!

Gregor: Not simply...

Gregor: To spite them.

Ashe: Yes!

Gregor: Well...

Ashe: Yes, to spite them!

Ashe: But also to complete it to gain freedom

Gregor: Okay, Ashe wants to do it to spite them.

Gregor: I want to do it, 'cause it's the right thing.

Alexander: I want to be free

Golem: Interesting. I...

Gregor: And also to get out of here.

Golem: I have yet to meet humans who act for...reasons that are not purely emotional. Greater sense for honor or justice is a...rarity in these parts.

Gregor: See?

Golem: If you wish, I can take you to the... spot that they've sealed away the, uhm... the golem's head.

Ashe: YOU know where the golem's head is?

Golem: Indeed, I was there when they found it.

Ashe: That's wonderful! Saves us the trouble of talking to Aftin or these other drunken fools.

Markus: Whoo!

Golem: What of- what of the horned one? He travelled with you.

Ashe: I'll pull him aside

Gregor: Yeah, he just needs a little- a little talking to.

Ashe: He's, uhm..I'm sure he's really just in it for...

Gregor: The money.

Ashe: The excitement. The fame.

Markus: I did it for the booze!!!

Ashe: *cough*

Ashe clears her throat and crosses her arms