Chapter 8.2 (19)

Gregor: Welp! It's now or never.

Ashe: Yeah, let's... let's leave. This place reeks...

Gregor: We gotta get Markus...

Ashe: Yeah, I know... I know.

Ashe stares at the crowd of boisterous paladins

Everyone is watching, as Markus... repeatedly jumps THROUGH the fire. Shouting about how he is "impervious!".

*fire crackling*

Ashe: Wow. Real hit at parties.

As Markus jumps over to this side, Ashe attempts to catch him as he stumbles... But Marcus was already beginning his jump across to the other side.

Marcus trips and falls face-first into the bonfire

Marcus: That was very rude, Ashe.

Ashe: Oh. And he is compleeeetely shitfaced.

Ashe: Oh. And he is compleeeetely shitfaced.

Markus slowly lowers himself out of the raging fire.

Marcus: Very rude. Extremely ru- I was in the middle of something and now you have disappointed all of these fine gentlemen

Ashe: Uh, Markus, your face Is kind of... Looks like you caught it on the edge of the bon fire...

Markus rubs the ash out of his eyes

*Chuckling at the pun*

Gregor. Speaking of...leaving..

Ashe: Of metaphors...

Ashe grabs both of them by the collar and pull 'em, Alexander follows after her

Markus: Where're we goin? Back outside? That's good. I... might've drank too much...

Ashe begins to pull Marcus outside faster

Gregor: Come on, Markus.

Markus: What do w- do now?

Gregor: This is what you get, when you poison your body.

Ashe: We're going to go and fetch the golem head. They've already found it. This golem...

Ashe stops and turns to address the golem

Ashe: Do you have a preferred name? It seems rude of me to just call you 'this golem'.

This Golem: I...I don't have a title. The paladins did not bother... with giving me one

Markus extracts a pen from his coat and writes the word 'Rudy' on the golem's forehead

Rudy: I do not... need a title. I... have... no...

Markus: Rrrrrruuuuuuuuudddyyyyyyy...

Markus: Rrrrrruuuuuuuuudddyyyyyyy...

Rudy: emotional... desire...

Gregor: You just did that because she said 'rude'.

Rudy: For identity...

Rudy: unlike you humans...

Markus: Theeere we go.

Rudy: Would you stop writing on my head?

Gregor: I don't like that name.

Alexander: could always be worse

Markus: It's toooo late.

Ashe pulls Markus away from the golem now know as Rudy

Rudy: Rudy...

Markus: Congratulations... Now you're a real boy.

Rudy: Rudy is a horrific name... That I will bear because I have no emotional misgivings about this completely... horrible title.

Gregor: No, no, no, no...

Gregor kinda...smears his still gaping thumb wound on Rudy's forehead...turning the 'R'...into a 'B'. Making him now Budy.

Budy: The name... Budy...

Ashe: I- I apologize...

Gregor: 'Cause we're gonna be buddies.

Budy: It is- It is... adequate, though the human juices are not.

Ashe winces at the golem

Ashe: I'M sorry...I even Brought it up. Would you be so kind as to direct us to... the...golem... head...And I will avoid ANY further discussion... of naming conventions

Markus: Stick it to all those stupid drunk paladins, right?

Ashe: Yeah. Yeah, we will.

Markus: Wait a minute... waiiit a minute.. I'm a drunk paladin now...

*laughter*

Markus: Oh no... oooh...Oh no

Budy leads the group through the marshy woodlands. About an hour later you reach the edge of a great chasm

Markus: Lovely scenic route, Rudy. Lovely.

Budy: I... my only regret is that you... seemed to expel the entire way here and if the paladins were to follow us, they would have a perfect trail.

Markus: I wouldn't say perfect. I aimed for the bushes.

Alexander: to be fair they already know the way here

Budy: Regardless... about- this was the, uh... this was the resting place of Varindyr. Aftin came here about ten years ago back when HE was still an apprentice

Ashe: He's been drinking for ten years?

Budy: For ten years, yes.

Ashe: He's still alive. How? How...

The golem shrugs.

Budy: Regardless...

Markus: So, we've gotta get across this ravine somehow, then?

Budy: Uh... no I believe you've misunderstood. It's at the bottom of the ravine.

Markus: I see!

Budy: Aftin discovered it after a particularly nasty fall.

Budy: Aftin discovered it after a particularly nasty fall.

Ashe: Did he survive the fall?

Markus: Really, Ashe?

Ashe: Look! You can ascertain the depth...

Markus: I'M the one- I'M the one who's been drinking today.

Ashe claps her hand over Markus' mouth

Ashe: You can ascertain the depth of the chasm if someone is capable of surviving the fall from the top to the bottom.

Gregor claps his hand over Ashe's mouth.

Ashe glares at Gregor and steps back

Markus jumps into the chasm

Gregor: See? If-... If I had Still had my hand, on his collar, I could have prevented that.

Ashe: *takes a deep breath*

Gregor: Sorry about the blood on your face.

Ashe: Oh, gosh.

Ashe attempts to wipe it off

Ashe: irch...

Markus vanishes Into the darkness below. Everyone hears a thunk

*thunk*

Markus: Oh, great. Argh!

Gregor: Well if he says the water's great...

*falling*

*thunk*

The party lands in a... chamber.

Darkened by natural stone walls. However, the floor seems to be man-made

Stretching before you is an expanse of vaguely lit tile

It appears, that there are torches scattered around, keeping the area lit although only dimly

Ashe pulls a torch out of her bag. It's unlit, so Ashe holds it out to Markus

Ashe: Would you be so kind?

Markus: Of course!

Marcus.. take the torch...Snap it over his knee, light both portions of it and hand one of them back to Ashe

Ashe: That's not how torches work... okay?

Markus: Now we have twice as many torches.

Ashe: Okay?

No, we have a torch and a broken piece of burning wood.

Markus waves the broken piece of burning wood around

Gregor: That's what a torch is!

Ashe: No, I...

The fire- the fire quickly spreads, biting away at Markus' hand, he doesn't care.

Markus examines this room...

Marcus and Ashe begin to explain the room that we are approaching as we continue into this cave

A column.. a column sits in the middle of the floor. Its surface is rounded and flat. The party can see no markings on the sides of the column. To our, immediately right, the party sees

a stone, sticking out of the ground. It glimmers in the darkness...with a dozen runes. in the center Is a Symbol, that seemingly...matches the shape of a human hand.

Markus' hand is already in it.

Ashe doesn't yet notice this

Alexander quickly pulls Ashe to cover before it can activate

A shout rings through the cavern.

Golem: Dartspinner activated!

the sides of the column fall...revealing many, many narrow openings. Darts whiz from them

*shooting of darts*

[traveling down the passage.]

Markus is immediately nettled with them. Gregor Is safe behind a stone

Ashe grabs Marcus and pulls him back around the corner

Markus: Ow, ow..

Markus slides behind Ashe.

Ashe yanks the darts out, examine them to make sure that they don't have any sort of chamber...that could contain poison aaand..

Luckily finds they don't have such a function

Ashe throws them onto the ground violently...and begin shouting at Markus

What the fuck is your problem?

Markus: I don't know why you're blaming me for that.

Ashe: Why would you do that?

Ashe: Why would I NOT blame you for that?

Markus: Because if I hadn't put my hand in there then Gregor would have?

Ashe: What do you wa- Would you have?

Gregor: Yeah...You Guys okay?

Darts continue to whiz over the group.

*dart sounds*

Ashe: Maybe, how about don't go sticking your hand in things. What if it had cut it off? Actually...

Ashe looks at the wounds

Ashe: That would have been a lot better.

*aggressive sigh*

Ashe: *pain*

Gregor: Listen,

Gregor: We're all on edge right now.

Markus: Not the time for hyp-...

Gregor: Just take a deep breath.

Markus: Not the time for hyperbole like that, Ashe.

Ashe: It's NOT hyperbole. I would have much preferred your hand getting lopped off to being covered in darts!

Ashe pick another dart ou- off of Marcus

Gregor: It's okay to be angry but when you start saying hurtful things... People... People, don't like that.

*rattling*

Ashe: I know!

Ashe and Alexander notice the number of darts in the back of Gregors head is slowly building up.

He doesn't seem to notice

Ashe pull him aside

Markus: Uh, Rudy. Would you be so kind just do me a favor?

Budy: What's that?

Markus: Can you pick these darts out of my chest?

Gregor: His Name is Budy!

Markus: Hmm! Oh-...Thank you Rudy. Now, if you would kindly just take...

Gregor: He's being a buddy!

Markus: a step forward?

Markus: Take a step forward, another step forward. And we're just gonna keep doing this, you and me...

Ashe: *sigh*

Markus: Whoa!

Markus: Agh! Ahhh!

Marcus missteps causing the left half of his face to be covered in darts

Markus: Ouch!

Gregor: Oh, oh. Wait, wait, wait for us?

Markus: No, go Gregor. I have a plan.

Gregor. ...Okay!

Markus examines the dart trap noticing the golem is seemingly targeting the trap

Markus first checks to make sure he is safe

Marcus: Good

The darts wiz over Budy/Rudy

Markus is basically clinging to Rudy

Causing the darts to wiz over him. Marcus worries a little bit

Markus: Uhhh...

Marcus raises one hand, calls up an Eldritch Blast and lob it lazily at the golem atop this column.

Marcus' Eldritch Blast hits the golem, its head detonating violently.

*explosion*

The dart spinner, which was previously...

seemingly aimed and controlled by the creature, begins to spin, firing off darts wildly.

*dart sounds*

*dart sounds*

Markus: Uh-Huh

*dart sounds*

Ashe: *sigh* Ohh...

Markus: Okay, guys.

I think, I fixed it.

Ashe observes the darts now flying, ricocheting about the room.

Ashe: That's Great! That's great, Markus I'm glad you did that. I'm glad you did that thing before that too! I'm glad that you've generally just improved our situation over and over again!

Markus: You're sounding more and more sarcastic, Ashe.

Ashe: No, this Is earnest! I being- I'm being completely 100% truthful With you!

The two can barely hear each other over the sounds of whistling darts.

Markus: Just...follow...my...follow my lead!

*running*

Markus makes a mad dash to the end of the room

*pain and darts making contact*

Markus takes shelter under this dead body.

Not Dead body: I'm not dead!

*laughter*

Markus: Oh, thank god.

*continued laughter*

???: Oh, so the dart spinner got you too.

Markus: Sure did. Okay, We g-...

Markus: I'm sorry. Let me get out from under you. [ja]?

???: *pain*

darts still flying down that corridor over top Marcus and the new mans head

They both lay on the ground luckily not getting hit

???: Okay, I kind of realized when slumped over here due to the blood loss t- the darts, don't really hit us if we're lying on the ground. That's pretty great. Ohh...

They both just lay there moaning for a second, bleeding out.

???: So, what brings you, to a, uh... Magical Golem Cave like this? Are you...

Markus: Uhhh, we were too cool for school so I guess sold Into slavery to some paladins and now we have to prostitute ourselves and get the golem head.

???: Ah, that's pretty crazy I'm a Paladin too and...might just be blood loss but I think you have horns. Did you know that?

Markus: Ah... haha.

???: Oh, that was crazy...

Markus: Heh... yeah!

*slightly pained laughter*