Interlude 1 - Misconceptions

Update: Decided to move all current "flashback" sections into one place to smoothen out the flow

1994

Fuyuki, Japan

It was hell on Earth.

Blood-red flames kindled the sky in an unholy shade of red. The screams of despair echoed through the inferno. The cries for help turned to begs as they burned alive in agony. People lost hope as the fire slowly swallowed them. The smell of burning flesh and the stench of death was palpable, clinging onto everything form as a terrible specter.

The smell of cinders and death filled the air. A malevolent evil, the collective sins of humanity ate away at all in reach.

Despite this environment, life persisted. Among the devastation, a child walked through the hellscape, a gentle soul thrown to the wolves. The odds of survival were against him in this burning maze. As the boy continued marching forward, one by one, thoughts and feelings that caused any hesitation was cast away.

The memories of a life once lived.

Fear of the dangers all around and the unknown path ahead.

Sadness over loved ones left behind.

The cries of those suffering around him.

Anger at the world for allowing this to happen.

Thoughts and feelings of fear, sadness, compassion, anger, and everything else were all thrown away. All that mattered was moving forward to survive.

His expression was devoid of any feeling, the boy was a husk of his former self. Burns and wounds covered his body. Exhaustion started to set in as he trudged forwards, his steps getting slower as he tried to escape this hellscape.

Not long after, his legs gave up on him, and the boy fell to the ground, unable to walk any further. The boy turned his eyes to the red sky with a black moon. He cut away everything he had for the chance to survive, only to fall still. The redhead boy's hand reached up, past the smoke in an act of desperation. Darkness covered the sky, but there were still stars that shone through. A piece of humanity remained, still reaching out for hope against all of the world's evils.

The arm was about to fall until another person caught them instead.

A man, clutching the boy's hand like it was his only lifeline. He seemed so happy. This brought light back to the boy's eyes. It was almost as if he, not the boy, was the one who'd been saved. The man gratefully said, "Thank you." In a way, by saving one person, he'd saved himself.

If the boy did the same, could he one day be as happy as the man before him, regaining what was lost? The boy looked at the man, searching for an answer. Unfortunately, he would not know until much later.

1999

Fuyuki, Japan

The young boy sat in a robe, much healthier than before. Another person was near him, the man who saved the boy from the fire, now his new father. He didn't change physically, but he was reaching the end of his lifespan. His eyes were blank, empty with just a small bit of life, resigned to his fate and accepting death.

These two were bathed in moonlight, the full celestial body glowing brightly in the night sky.

"If you're gonna sleep, do it in your bed."

"Right…" Kiritsugu answered. "Naw, I'm fine." His voice weak and barely audible, the man gave the boy a reassuring smile before it vanished, and he looked lost in his thoughts once again.

"Did you know, when I was little, I wanted to be a Champion of Justice?"

"You wanted to be one?"

The little kid muttered, noticing the way his savior worded his phrase.

"What do you mean that you "wanted" to become one?" he spoke.

"Yeah, being a hero is a limited-time thing. When you grow up, it's hard to call yourself one." This man was already a hero in the boy's eyes. "I should have realized that earlier."

This boy trusted each of this man's words without question. For him, anything he said could not be wrong. "That's just too bad then."

"Indeed," his voice continued to weaken by the second, yet he managed to let out a small laugh. "Yeah, it couldn't be helped." Kiritsugu could already feel himself at death's door. His life hanging by nothing but a thread about to be snapped off at any second.

"The moon's nice tonight." It was indeed beautiful, the two comforted by its presence.

"Hehehe." The man chuckled at the offer.

"Since you're an adult, you can't do it anymore, but I can. Leave it to me, your dream."

His expression softened. "Yeah… I can be at peace now." After saying his last words, the man closed his eyes as his life ended. Even the boy had not realized the passing of his father, thinking that he merely went to sleep.

"I will become a hero."

201X

Fuyuki, Japan

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Shirou blankly stared at the grandfather clock in the corner of the room. Filled bookshelves covered half the walls. A series of knocks brought his attention to the door.

A man older than him entered, greeting the other adult with a small smile. "Ah, I see that my assistant let you in." He sat behind his desk, placing a binder in front of him. He gestured to himself. "Doctor Jack Curtiss. Thank you for coming."

The magus shrugged. "Didn't have much of a choice. You said it was important."

The elder frowned at him. "We all have a choice, Mr. Emiya. Never forget that."

Shirou looked away. "Sure…"

Jacks shook his head. "In any case, you're probably wondering why you're here."

"I can't say I do. I haven't been causing trouble. Have I?"

"Rest assured, Mr. Emiya, you haven't done anything wrong."

Shirou sighed tiredly. "Since I haven't done anything wrong, I guess that means I didn't do anything right either."

"Before we get to the matter, I should probably preface this. As you know, your emergency contact Ms. Fujimura admitted you here a while ago."

"Much to my disapproval, yes, she did."

"If that's so, why haven't you tried to leave?"

The magus' eyes went glassy. "I've already hurt her enough, Doctor. I don't think I can handle seeing her like that again if I leave without her knowing."

The man simply nodded. "From speaking to her, I can tell she cares for you very much. Do you recall the last time you spoke to her?"

Shirou nodded. "It was a few weeks ago. We talked a bit, but what does she have to do with my visit today?"

"Yes. When she first came to us, she notified us about your condition following the accident." He looked at him with a calm expression. "Since your admittance, we've received notes about your developing behavior, and some of us are worried."

Emiya blinked at the statement. "Really?" He raised his missing left arm and shook his right leg stump. "As you can see, I'm hardly a threat to anyone else."

Jackson shook his head. "Mr. Emiya, our facility does our best to assist those physically and mentally. They aren't worried for themselves. They are worried for you."

Shirou closed his eyes and took a breath. "They shouldn't be concerned. I'm fine."

"'Fine' is a very relative term." He put down the paperwork to close the spatial gap. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but you haven't been sleeping well, have you?."

Shirou paused before simply shaking his head. "No… I've been having nightmares."

Seeing the young man's expression, Jack stood up and walked to Shirou and placed a firm hand on his shoulder.

"Are these dreams related to why you've avoided contact with the other patients in the recreation center?"

"... Something like that."

"There's nothing to be ashamed of here. Acknowledging that there is a problem is the first step in solving it. It is worrying for your mental health. With this in mind, we would like to propose counseling sessions with me. "

Shirou frowned at the word. It only reminded him of how broken of a person he was. "I can't say I'm very fond of the idea."

Jack's eyes softened. "It will be a difficult road moving forward, but I can guarantee that once all the work is done, you'll be feeling much better than you do right now."

The magus slouched in his chair. "What happens if I refuse?"

"If you refuse, nothing happens. However, should this behavior continue, and heavens forbid worsen, you may be put on the watch list and lose certain privileges, including access to the kitchen and equipment."

Shirou paled at the thought. He didn't feel confident that he could avoid the issue much longer. "I'm willing to give it a chance…"

Jack smiled at him. "That's all we ask."

Later that Week

Shirou rolled into Doctor Jack Curtiss' office, a silent greeting between the two.

"Welcome to your first session, Shirou."

The red-head looked at the wall. "Yeah… I'd prefer if we get this over with."

Jack frowned. "Pardon?"

"Let's just skip to the part where I tell you my problems, and you start telling me how to fix it."

Hearing this, Jack simply shook his head and sighed. "I think you have a misconception of what therapy is, Mr. Emiya."

Shirou raised a brow. "How so?"

Jack put his hands together. "Tell me. What do you honestly think we do during a therapy session?"

To be frank, the only experience with therapy Shirou had was from what he occasionally saw on television sitcoms. Shirou shrugged and answered honestly. "I figured I'm going to come in, and I'm going to go over one of my problems. I'm going to acknowledge the problem. You're going to congratulate me on that. Rinse and repeat."

Jack put a hand to his head at the common assumption. "I'm afraid therapy is more complex than that. First off, most therapy happens between sessions. Regarding acknowledging your problems, I consider that insight the booby prize of therapy."

Shirou blinked. "I recall you saying acknowledging the problem is the first step."

"It is. However, you can have all the insight in the world, but if you don't make changes out in the world, the insight is useless. Suppose someone comes in and says, "I got into that fight with my partner again this weekend, and I understood why." I would say that is good, but I would also ask if they did something different. Most of the time, they reply, no."

"So, it's not just understanding why. It's also doing something different."

"I suppose a beginner's understanding of therapy is getting a second opinion on your life from someone who isn't already in your life," surmised Jack

"Wouldn't someone I know be beneficial?" God knows how long Taiga wanted him to talk with her.

"To an extent, but it offers a different kind of therapy. The person must be someone who's not already in your life. Simply put, there is a difference between idiot compassion and wise compassion.

Shirou made a face at the name. "Idiot compassion?"

"Yes. Now, idiot compassion is what we do with our friends. We come to them with a problem. We tell them what happened. This person did this, and we say they're wrong and that we're right. Friends back up other friends because they think that's being supportive."

The younger man had to blink at the thought. "Isn't it?"

"If you listen to your friends, over time, you might hear a pattern. For example, if a fight breaks out in every bar you're going to, maybe it's you. However, we don't say that to our friends. We might not have friends if we say that."

"I take that you're going to do the opposite, wise compassion."

"Indeed. What you get in therapy is wise compassion. We hold up a mirror to you, and we help you to see something about yourself that maybe you haven't been willing or able to see."

"Seems a bit blunt."

"On the contrary. There's a reason the word compassion is in there. We deliver our input, but if you can't see your role in what's not working in your life, you don't have the opportunity to make changes and improve things."

Shirou reflected on the past few years. What about him wasn't working? He narrowly avoided continuing down the path of Archer, but he still didn't feel satisfaction.

"On the other side, the idiot compassion is something I see happen often. Someone like myself would always want to be truth-seeking. So, did you do something wrong in this situation? Here's how we solve it. Often, people just want that friend's compassion and don't even want a solution to the problem. They just want to be able to air their grievances or stresses."

Shirou couldn't help but think of his previous friendships and how they turned out in the end. Rin wasn't one to take criticism lightly. Perhaps things would have been better with Sakura if things between them weren't a facade to her pain. "So is being a good friend only giving the hard truth or being supportive?"

"There's always a time and place for one and the other. I don't believe in absolutes. There is a balance between the two." Jack Curtis leaned closer to Shirou. "So, is this something you're interested in continuing?"

Shirou looked into the man's eyes for any sign but found none. Taking a deep breath, he calmed himself. 'Perhaps I could find the solution that Archer desperately searched for.' His expression grew stern. "I am."

The good doctor smiled. "Let us begin."