Can't stop thinkin'

Pan POV

The night is at peace. The serene sound of the crickets courting lively from the leaves of the grasses can be heard from inside. I'm in my room lying with a notebook on my right hand. I have to prepare for an exam 2 days from now. I don't want to procrastinate. I don't want to be caught up with a lot of things to do. I cannot concentrate on studying though I am about to finish reviewing my messy notes. Yes, I cannot concentrate this time primarily because I cannot stop thinking what happened this morning and it is driving me exaggeratedly foolish and more often impolite.

I'm looking at the ceiling remembering and flashing what had happened in Nee's office and in the dining hall. The word 'cheese' has mixed up with the terms I am familiarizing. Surely, I did something wrong or I acted like I am a total stranger. Well, to correct me, he is an alien. I am not xenophobic but my actions could promptly classify me as one.

"Whatever!" I told myself. I am probably acting weird because he's freakily treating me differently. I am totally aware that he is not a typical History major and that he has something hidden inside his sleeves that would make him stand out from the other students and even to me. But he is not my type! I swear to myself.

Can't stop thinking his face that halted the girls' strict breakfast diets and gossip agenda. I reached my notebook with a blue cover in my drawer. I had written on every page the standards I wanted for a perfect guy. Scanning the first five pages, I remembered the day I wrote it with blushing cheeks and a dancing imagination. I was watching the live performance of Shawn Mendes somewhere in New York or LA where he sang a song that went all women crazy for minutes and more. I am a big fan of Shawn Mendes though I'm a little bit turned off because he got tattoos which I believe would restrict him from donating blood if in any case, I need a blood transfusion (just thinking we have the same blood types).

Moreover, a man with tattoos looks hot and masculine; however, I grow up thinking that tattoos aren't good sometimes even though it is a form of self-expression. If a guy will have a tattoo on his right chest not really covering that part of his pecs, maybe smaller than the size the thumb, well, according to my standards, he is cool and knightly and buff and extremely sexy. Just one tattoo. I am wondering if Ryu Sebastian Nin has one or that rascal named Claude.

I randomly read the words on the first page and I read like the words: dimples, face, and eyes that thaw the cheese on an enchilada. I was figurative the time I wrote it.

"Foolishly, at a touch of attraction, everyone becomes figurative." I quoted. Thanks Plato...

Then I thought of his face and I wish I could see his eyes longer to see if it's blue or brown or black or red...wait...red?

His hair is permed like Oppas in a Korean series I was addicted 2 years ago. The curls in it were sprayed to stay in place and to look like they behave in glory praying not to ruffle them messily. His eye melts and his hair's curly. And his dimples molded while his smile extended from ear to ear.

I normally have standards in the aspects of beauty despite the fact that I was not given with such oozing features though girls were flocking and sending their winks and lip bites on me. It's like I prefer people who have what I didn't have, who are gifted with something I was deprived, at the very least. I am not handsome, I am just cute but people often have a negative connotation with the word 'cute'. Nee said I am handsome. Mama agreed. Papa said I am more handsome than Nee. But I think they were so biased because they are my family. I can't count their opinions because their perspectives are always positive. PP is so savage because she thinks I only have the body but not the looks. I guess she's just insecure because I am way sexier than her. 😁😁😁😁😁

I do not have dimples on my cheeks but I have them on my back. My eyes don't sparkle and allure just bright and pure. My hair is just a standard haircut since grade six though I am planning to have curly fringe in the summer. Not like Nee's pubes-like slash armpit-like hair.

I flipped the next pages when Nee sneaks in to bolt me out of the blue. He suddenly pulled the pillow that's comforting my head towards him and it feels like my thinking is shaken and all the things I have reviewed were deleted. I am used to that witless gag. I throw him the other pillow and it missed him. He throws the two pillows back to me and I cannot dodge them softly stroking my arms and tummy.

"What's the matter, Nee?"

"Just want to check if you are still awake."

"I need to review some notes. Exam two days from now."

"Yeah, better to bury your nose in the books. Exams here are challenging, better to be on top of things."

"I'm on it. Don't worry."

"....🤷‍" Nee shrugged.

"You don't believe...?"

"Let's see your score first..."

"😤😤���😤😤😤."