7. By Hook or By Crook
Kai stood in shock for a moment before re-checking the spellbook in outrage.
At the very end of the ritual was a tiny asterisk. Finding the corresponding note in the margins, Kai found a passage explaining the situation.
Evidently, a summoned familiar may reject a wizard they dislike and return to whence they came, causing the ritual to fail. Crabshaw briefly notes that the requirements for a successful familiar contract are rather simple, the familiar must either make a proactive attempt to bond with the summoner or must remain until the ritual ends, forming the contract.
Crabshaw also mentions that a wizard's appearance and personality play a role in compatibility, with familiars being particularly sensitive to the summoner's psyche. While Kai was not exactly a model, he thought his face was actually quite handsome.
He had thick slanted eyebrows, an aquiline nose, a sharp jawline, bright blue eyes and an incredibly thick head of dark brown hair.
While Kai's features were quite pleasing, his overall impression was quite negative. His eyes had a habit of narrowing and darting all around the room. Combined with tall stature and spindly limbs, Kai's visage made women clutch their purses whenever he walked past. Not to mention his personality…
Feeling quite miffed, Kai decides to repeat the ritual for good measure. It must have been a fluke, what kind of familiar would pass up on a magnificent wizard with a heart of gold like Kai?
[3 Months Later]
Apparently, lots of familiars were willing to pass up on Kai.
After repeating the ritual a few times with the same result, Kai was sure there was something wrong with the animals. They must not be very good judges of character.
Thinking back, Kai felt wistful. He had started out so hopeful, but he eventually grew numb to the rejections. He had gone through an entire emotional journey in the past three months.
Denial - At the end of the first day, half of the heavenly feather was completely bare. Kai had gone into a frenzied state, repeating the ritual for over ten hours straight. His pettiness and spite fueled him until he passed out from blood loss.
Anger - In the second week, Kai started to take things seriously and tracked his attempts. He recorded every animal that appeared and timed how long it took for them to disappear. He actually gave himself a migraine trying to crunch the numbers, only to end up with a meaningless mess of incorrect math. He proceeded to parade around the tower, screaming at any woodland creature unlucky enough to catch his gaze through the window.
Bargaining - By the fourth week, Kai had scoured the tower and its surrounding area for food. Kai stripped the surrounding woods of acorns and cleaned out the pantry's measly contents. He even braved a trip into the herb garden and stole some unknown fruits from the thorny vines and fleshy flowers.
He tried to bribe the familiars but only ended up being scammed or nipped. He even set aside his pride and tried begging. His efforts were entirely ignored.
Kai started getting desperate at this point, he even managed to convince himself that the skeleton-wizard's soul was haunting his robes and scaring off the familiars. Attempting to summon a familiar naked only resulted in a floating cat being scarred for life and deep feelings of shame.
Acceptance - After seven weeks, Kai decided to take a break and practice some magic. He set up a practice dummy in the library by draping a bear rug over a spare chair. Despite making no noticeable progress, Kai spent at least four hours a day practicing his magic just to take his mind off his failures.
The balding curse was quite relaxing to practice anyways, Kai enjoyed waving his hands around and yelling vaguely arcane insults at the stuffed bear.
Ten weeks after his first attempt, Kai still hadn't made any progress whatsoever. Everything from glowing shrimp to purple sloths refused a contract with him.
His magic wasn't any better either, despite his diligent practice. Once, Kai swore he could feel his mana twitch, but couldn't replicate it at all.
In the last two weeks, Kai took a break from all things magic and just started messing around. Practicing juggling, origami, basket weaving, and even exercising out of pure boredom!
Eventually, things started looking up for Kai. After impaling a finger while learning how to sew, a drop of Kai's blood smeared across the table and touched the plain ring he wore on his middle finger.
The plain looking ring flashed with a soft light before morphing into the shape of a horned snake biting its own tail. The design was quite cool if you ignored its tendency to catch on fabric and occasional sharp pokes.
The ring turned out to be a space ring with a 3x3 meter storage space. Kai only had to pass a little bit of mana into it before an image of its contents appeared in his mind. Kai no longer had to keep his valuables in a crummy leather sack or in his briefs.
After discovering the ring, Kai spent a week smearing blood on every vaguely magical item in the tower.
Some items bonded with him, such as a device in the kitchen which summons running water, or an ottoman that slides under his feet whenever Kai sits down.
Other items reacted poorly, like a trash can that tried to bite his finger, or a broom that smacked him in the leg.
By far the most useful though was the amulet found in the loot box. Whenever mana was pushed into it for at least ten seconds, the user would be teleported to the location it was bonded. Describing the sensation as unpleasant would be an understatement, the first time Kai used it he felt like someone tossed him in a washing machine and put it on spin cycle. He was then unceremoniously sent flying across the kitchen, where he had tested the amulet.
After three months of failure, Kai felt like his mind was tempered by adversity.
He had already taken drastic measures, such as trying to catch the familiars in a net, or knocking them unconscious with a stone and kidnapping them. Nothing worked.
Like an enlightened monk, Kai decided to let go of his obsession with one final attempt. If it didn't work, Kai would just abduct a squirrel from the forest and glue on some horns, proclaiming it his magical familiar. This was no longer about legitimacy, it was about dignity.
Kai stood in front of the lectern once more and decided to go all in.
Gritting his teeth, Kai tossed in the anemic-looking feather as well as the bone comb, before using his teeth to draw blood caveman style and dumping blood all over the circle.
The ritual proceeded like it had hundreds of times before, the air warped and twisted as a shape began to emerge.
After a few moments, Kai saw a light brown monkey step out of the haze. It was about 2.5 feet tall and had a long tail, which flicked around in curiosity. Its ears were pointed like an elf's, and it had shockingly human eyes that flicked around with awareness.
In a shocking turn of events, the monkey didn't immediately run away and instead inspected its surroundings. Eventually, Kai noticed the monkey staring at him with eyes full of desire.
Nearly crying with joy, Kai almost forgot about his primary goal. Keeping his expression full of passion, Kai secretly balanced himself and prepared to lunge at the monkey. All thoughts of enlightenment left his mind, he wanted that damn monkey and he would get it by hook or by crook!
The monkey's eyes eventually settled on Kai and it suddenly morphed its face into a mask of cuteness, slowly stepping forward towards Kai.
It almost fooled Kai, but as an orphan growing up with thirty other hungry children, Kai could easily recognize the greed hidden in its watery eyes. While it pretended to lovingly look at Kai, its true aim was the table of unknown fruits behind him.
Suddenly the monkey dashed forward and juked Kai, nearly breaking his ankles. Kai tried to grab it, but that damn monkey was quick.
Surprised, Kai fell to the ground as the world started moving in slow motion, his heart thumping in his chest and adrenaline coursing through his veins. He could see the monkey snatch a few fruits off the table and start fleeing towards the warping space. His final chance was slipping away!
Months of cursing at a bear rug suddenly bore fruit as Kai's emotions peaked, his mana twitched and a translucent bolt of energy leapt from his hand directly at the monkey. The monkey may be quick, but the encroaching spell was quicker.
Passing over the monkey's head, the spell left a shiny, bald scalp in its wake.
Both Kai and the monkey froze. Kai was shocked that his spell actually did something while the monkey was processing the new chill it experienced atop its head.
Dropping the fruit and turning around slowly, the monkey felt its smooth scalp as it gave Kai a deadly glare.
After a moment of eye contact, the monkey charged at Kai and leaped towards his head.
Man and a monkey fell to the ground as the monkey pulled Kai's hair. Kai retaliated by tugging on the monkey's ears and trying to stick a finger up its nose.
They rolled around on the ground for a few minutes, locked in an intense battle. To Kai's surprise, he was evenly matched with the monkey. Both appeared to use the same playground fighting style, perfectly countering the other's moves.
Dodging an eye poke, the monkey slipped behind Kai and attempted a finger poke to the rear. Kai countered by tightly clenching his cheeks and gave the monkey a precise donkey kick, sending it flying backwards.
The two circled each other for a few seconds, respect growing in their eyes.
As a child Kai had been undefeated on the playground, dominating all challengers with ruthlessness. Kai was certain that if given a chance, his devious moves could have defeated even the ruffian angel. The fact that a mere primate could match his devious fighting techniques was a massive shock to him.
The monkey appeared to feel the same.
Rushing at each other once more, they each decided to finish the fight with their most powerful moves.
The monkey slid between Kai's legs and then leaped over his head, tail grabbing Kai's underwear as the monkey performed an atomic wedgie. At the same time, Kai snatched the monkey's wrist out of the air and began to rotate his hands in opposite directions, performing a textbook snakebite.
Both combatants fell to the ground, writhing in pain.
After a few minutes of laying on the floor, both Kai and the monkey glanced over at the ritual circle. It was completely still, the ritual having ended a long while ago.
Slowly, Kai rose to his feet and snagged a relatively undamaged fruit off the floor, extending his hand and offering it to the monkey as a sign of respect.
The monkey mirrored Kai's actions, slowly rising to its feet and taking the fruit, completing the familiar contract.
[A/N: This chapter needs a few more edits, errors will be fixed tomorrow]