Chapter 13: Ch12: Gone Fishing

AN: As always before we get started, Reviewer Replies!

Reptil:Glad you liked it, I was a little tentative about how to go about that chapter, so I'm pleased that it went over well. As for a weapon, Jerry's strongest weapon is and always will be his mind, but that doesn't mean he won't pick up some weapon or other as the story goes on. You'll probably be able to guess what it is before it's confirmed, but that's going to be quite a ways off yet.

Raidentensho:The Mira pairing will stay for at least a while longer yet although as I said in one of these notes a few chapters ago, I can't guarantee that it'll be the 'end pairing' because of Mira's firm stance on 'nothing serious', but in regards to Jerry x Mira, I think you're going to really like this chapter. He won't date Juvia, but they will get along extremely well. Yes Pirates of the Caribbean will likely be Jerry's first major motion picture, and yes Hisui will be a fan (along with most of Fiore). No gold dust on Erza's armor, too expensive, especially considering how insanely vast her collection is. Regarding the poison armor, she just might procure some, but it won't be Jerry's idea. Can't let him have ALL the good ideas. It's much more likely that she'll meet a certain someone and think, "Wow, poison is scary. I need something to fight that..." which I'm pretty sure is the reason for about 99% of the armor and weapons she's got. Erza nearly gets her butt kicked, Erza decides 'Never again', Erza goes out and gets some armor and weapons to make damn sure it never happens again.

Chapter 12 – Gone Fishing

…

…

I was a bit surprised when Elfman showed up at my apartment the next afternoon, but I invited him in. He stepped in, having to duck his head to fit through the door. I tugged a chair out with my foot in passing as I led him into the kitchen, "Care to sit? I'll feel weird sitting if you stand."

Elfman sat at the small kitchen table and was quiet until after I had fished a drink from the fridge, offered him one, and sat across from him. "So," I asked with an amiable smile, "What brings you by Elfman?"

Elfman studied his cup for a moment, "What are your intentions towards my sister?"

I was quiet for a moment and then I nodded and exhaled, "I figured that's what it was. Mira's…amazing. She's probably the most beautiful woman I've ever met, she's smart and sweet and I honestly very much enjoy being around her. If you're asking do I intend to have sex with her, then the answer is only if she wants to. No man would force himself on a lady. If you're asking do I intend to marry her, then the answer is currently no. I have no plans to marry her or even ask. The founding premise of whatever relationship we have is that we are just intimate friends. I asked her before we even began if she would accept and reciprocate romantic attachment from me, and she asked that I not harbor such feelings. Until such time as she decides that she wishes for our relationship to be more than just intimate friends, I'll not violate the trust she's put in me by letting my heart fall into her lap. If she wants to give me hers, then I'll accept and return the favor as the happiest man in the world. Otherwise, she is just one of my very dearest friends in the whole world."

I looked up from my drink and across the table at Elfman, "Does that answer your question Elfman?"

Elfman crossed his arms and looked troubled, "I wanna say it's unmanly of you to not marry Mira before you have sex with her, but at the same time, it would be even more unmanly to do exactly what she asked you not to."

"You know we haven't had sex yet right?" I asked him bluntly.

He actually flinched in surprise, "Huh? But I thought…I mean everyone's saying…"

I barked out a short small laugh, "No, she's probably seen me naked because of the fact that she's helped Ms. Porlyusica bandage my wounds and take care of me, but we've never gone beyond heated kissing." I took a drink and clarified, "Not that I don't want to go further, I am a man after all, but as I said, a real man would never force himself on a lady, so I'm leaving the ball in her court. I'll play whenever she wishes, but it's entirely at her discretion, and I think she likes it that way. She loves teasing you know."

Elfman barked out a small laugh, "Trust me man, you have no idea. Let me tell you about when we were younger…" And so we spent an hour discussing Mirajane's previous mischief. Apparently, she was actually quite the little hellcat back in her heyday.

I was quite surprised, and Mira was mildly mortified when she learned Elfman had told me about it.

Then I kissed her and told her that I thought her mischievous side was kind of hot. She blushed for a moment before grinning mischievously and proceeding to push me down into a chair to show me just how good she really was at teasing. Of all the cartoony anime quirks to not inhabit the Fairy Tail world, I think nosebleeds are the ones whose absence I am most glad of, as I would definitely have bled to death through the nose before she finished detailing the first of her fantasies. I couldn't have imagined how much I had underestimated Mira's dirty mind, but her excitedly whispered fantasies and the feel of her breath on my neck and her body in my lap were enough to thoroughly convince me that if I ever did get her naked it would be the ride of a lifetime.

Then I voiced the thought and she asked if I wanted to try it. The answer of course was yes and we then proceeded to make the rumors about the steaminess of our relationship not only true, but a bit of an understatement.

…

…

I cracked my eyes open and the grin that hadn't left my face for…I wasn't sure how long, widened a little at the head full of snow white hair lying on the pillow next to me. I had no idea how long Mirajane and I had been at my apartment. At least a few meals, two or three extremely steamy showers and a lot of in-between sleep had passed, but I hadn't been keeping count.

I wasn't sure what had woken me, and just as I was about to nod back off, I heard the knock on the door again. I raised up a little and frowned in the direction of the front door. I gently disentangled myself from Mira and gave her a kiss as I whispered, "back in a sec…" I got up, retrieved my pants and headed for the door.

My hand was less than a foot from the doorknob when Natsu blew the door down and burst in, "JERRYYY! Oh hey Jerry! Are you alive in here?"

My eye twitched at him, my hand still extended to where I had been about to open the door. "Idiot," I declared after a moment, "I was less than two feet from opening the door."

Natsu scratched his head, "But we've been knocking for half an hour…"

I blinked, "Oh…sorry, I was having a really good sleep, but you still shouldn't have knocked down my door!"

"We were worried," Erza declared as she poked her head through the door, "You haven't been by the Guild Hall in nearly a week, and Mirajane's been missing as well. The only time Mirajane's not at the guild regularly is when she's out on a job or gone on vacation. She would've let us know if she were going on vacation, and she hasn't gone on a job in years. We were wondering if you'd seen her? We've been asking around, but even Elfman doesn't know where she is."

I blinked, "Wow, Lucy's really good at keeping quiet. There's no way she didn't know. I don't think these walls are that sound proof…"

"Know what?" Gray asked with a frown.

"That I've been here shagging my new boytoy's brains out for…how long did you say?" Mira declared from the bedroom door. I glanced over my shoulder and saw that she was dressed in nothing but my fuzzy black bathrobe and her hair was still gloriously disheveled from the near week of constant lovemaking. She looked so luscious with that smug little grin as she leaned against the door frame that it was all I could do not to toss our friends out, prop the door up and pounce her…maybe even skip the tossing our friends out and propping the door up thing.

I turned back to Natsu, Gray, Happy and Erza and grinned from ear to ear as they all gaped at me. Then Mira looked at Natsu, "I'm kind of surprised you didn't figure it out. Your nose is usually pretty good."

Natsu looked puzzled and then he went ghostly pale, "OH MY GOD! THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SMELLING WHEN I COME TO VISIT LUCY?!"

Mira walked over and draped her arms around my shoulders as she set her chin on my shoulder, "Yep! Now would you mind letting us finish? I've only got a few more safe days this month, so I'd kind of like to finish working through that bottle of lube we started. There's only a little bit left." Natsu, Happy and Gray's jaws hit the floor as Erza blushed as red as her hair. Then Mira winked at them, "So Natsu, Gray and Happy, go home. You can stay and join us if you want to Erza."

Erza somehow blushed even more crimson and nearly fainted as Mirajane laughed. I was immediately ready for the next round and quickly shooed Natsu, Gray and Happy out. Mira guided Erza out and I set the door back up into its frame before forcing the broken hinges and lock back together with my magic.

Mira leaned against the wall with a smile and a sigh, "I guess we had better hurry and finish huh? We must've been going at it for a while now if they got so worried they sent those three to check on us. How long did they say we'd been going at it?"

"Nearly a week," I replied with a touch of embarrassed pride. Best. Week. EVER.

Mira went pale and quickly counted on her fingers before sighing with relief, "Alright, we'll have to finish today and tonight. Even as amazing as you are, we don't know each other nearly well enough for you to be getting me pregnant." Then she wrapped her arms around me and added with a kiss, "Yet."

I kissed her back and then I remembered something, "Oh, by the way Mira, I almost forgot…" I kissed her gently, "Thanks for the birthday present."

Mirajane blinked at me in surprise, "Birthday present?" I nodded and explained that the day we'd started our little multiday marathon had coincidentally been my birthday. "I wasn't even thinking about it at the time," I admitted, "I was too focused on you, but now that I think about it, today's the seventh. We've been going at it for five days, so…" I kissed her again, "Thanks for the best birthday ever."

Mira looked thoughtful, "I wish you had told me, I would've made a cake." I kissed her, "Then next year, we'll have cake," I leaned in close and added in a mischievous whisper, "and I'll lick it off you." Mira gave a little squeak of scandalized excitement and we didn't make it back to the bed before we started again.

…

…

I was not expecting to be greeted with cheers when Mirajane and I walked into the guild hall the next morning. I thought the sheer volume was gonna blow my cape back like a gale force breeze. Mira blushed as pink as her dress. After my face managed to pull itself back into its proper position from where the hurricane force cheering had all but pushed the flesh and bandages off my skull backwards, I grimaced, "They told everyone didn't they?"

"Yep," Mira replied as she eyed her guildmates. Then she sighed, "Well, guess it's a good thing I don't mind them knowing."

"Should I keep the details to myself?" I muttered out the corner of my mouth.

Mira shrugged with a smile, "You can if you want to, but you don't have to. It's nothing worth getting worked up about. I gotta go make sure Wren and Katy kept everything under control while I was out, see you later!"

She strolled on across the guild and I was immediately swamped by a tidal wave of guys wanting details. I was immediately uncomfortable. I like entertaining, I do not like being surrounded by lots of people clamoring to ask me questions. I resisted the urge to simply blow them back the way I had Eisenwald and instead sprang to the ceiling, using my telekinesis to cling to the ceiling, "Keep ya leerin' to ya selves!" I shouted, "Ya ain't gettin' squat outta me!"

I flew down to the bar and landed by Master Makarov as the guild's entire population of horny males groaned. Then they tried to follow me over anyway and were met with a bomb shot aimed right at them, "MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF. SEE WHAT HAPPENS."

I don't think I've ever seen that many people come so close to shitting themselves in unison. They immediately dispersed and went back to what they were doing. Things were quiet for a moment and then Cana, who I hadn't realized was sitting next to Master Makarov, looked up from her drink with a lecherous grin, "Wow, was it really that bad that you don't wanna talk about it?"

I snorted, "Three thousand three hundred and forty seven. Archive lets me keep count of anything I have memory of."

Cana frowned, "What's…" then her eyes widened as she realized what I was talking about, "Was that you or her?"

Mirajane grinned over her shoulder as she made her way behind the bar, "And I didn't fake a single one." I seriously thought Cana's jaw was going to legitimately hit the ground. Cana looked at me and sized me up quickly before turning back to Mira, "Is he just that good?"

"That's about half of it," Mira replied as though it were the most mundane topic in the world, "The other half is that for some reason his magic can directly induce pleasure for whoever he's using it on. To his credit, he doesn't rely on it nearly as much as you'd think he would. It's a supplement, not his entire style."

Cana looked over at me, "So you could make a girl cum just by hitting her with your magic?"

I thought about it, "I'm not sure. If you'd like to try it and Mira doesn't mind, I could try." Mira smirked and told me to go ahead before reminding me that we weren't exclusive. I nodded and turned back to Cana, "Ready?"

Cana downed the rest of her drink and turned to face me with a mischievous grin. She leaned against the back of her chair and crossed her legs, "Hit me handsome."

"Never done it with just my magic before, so it might not work, but you should feel something," I declared, "And I'm probably going to stare. It helps." Cana told me to look all I liked. I nodded, "Alright, here we go…"

I started taking in every detail of the gorgeous young woman in front of me. Her eyes were a purplish blue and they twinkled with mischief almost as much as Mira's. Her face was very nicely shaped and the dark chocolatey brown hair was just begging to have fingers tangled in it while those full pink lips were having the booze kissed off them. That long neck and collarbone I wanted to trail kisses down on my way to the main event, good grief what a rack! Perfectly taught and full orbs of flesh that I was just dying to test the sensitivity of and, dear god were those her nipples poking through? My lust went through the roof as I noticed that and I'm certain I blushed as I imagined tasting them. Then Cana gasped in pleasure and I knew I was on the right track with this whole pleasure magic thing.

I imagined running my lips down those perfect sexy abs to her waistline and sliding her pants off while copping a feel of that gorgeous ass and long lissome legs at the same time, and then Cana shook. She let out a little gasp of, "Oh god…" and nearly fell off her barstool. I blinked and shut the magic off to observe Cana's flushed red face, the heaving chest and slightly stunned, starstruck expression as she looked at me like I was from outer space.

Then, right before the guild hall erupted in whatever over the top reaction they were about to have…the guild hall had been so quiet while I did my thing that I knew they were watching intently and were probably going to have some sort of over the top reaction…a wave of magic washed through the guild hall. I heard Makarov mutter, "Mystogan…" Then the entire guild was suddenly groaning complaints and falling out in short order.

I leapt up as Mira collapsed, "MIRA!" "It's fine…just a sleep spell…" Makarov mumbled, clearly half asleep himself and struggling to remain conscious, "He always does this…Why aren't…you…being affected?"

"A good question," A deep rich voice asked from behind me. I whirled and saw a man with five staffs, four on his back and one in his hand. His face was covered by a pair of navy blue bandannas even more thoroughly than mine was by my bandages, and he wore a cape over some strange shirt like garment and a mess of bandages that seemed to cover every inch of him. He had the oddest pants I've ever seen, they looked almost like big stiff cloth tea cups rising up from his knees.

I raised a glowing hand and growled, "Master, who is this guy?" Do I need to blast the ever living hell out of him?

Mystogan raised a hand and lifted the sleep spell from Makarov. Master Makarov popped up fresh as a daisy, "Ah, that's right, you haven't been here long. Jerry, meet Mystogan, he's one of our S-Class wizards, like Erza and Mirajane. He has a very annoying habit of putting everyone in the guild to sleep whenever he comes in to get a job," he added with a pointed glare at the masked wizard before continuing, "Mystogan, this here's Jerry. He's from another dimension on the other side of Edolas. He just arrived recently."

Mystogan's eyebrows went up, "So you're…" Then he nodded, "Ah, I see. That explains why my magic doesn't affect you." Then he pulled down the bandanna covering his face and smiled, "It's nice to meet you." He quickly pulled it back up and glanced over his shoulder as I gaped at him (the resemblance to the picture of that guy I'd been told was one of the magic council was not lost on me). Then he turned back to me, "If you'd like to discuss it more, we can. I have a little time to spare."

I nodded, "I think that's probably a good idea. We shouldn't stay here with a sleeping spell on all of them though. It's a little rude you know." Mystogan nodded, "Yes, let me grab a job right quick and we'll head somewhere a bit more private."

"Wow. You really do look like him," a voice drawled from upstairs. Me, Mystogan and Master Makarov turned and saw a blonde man in a furry coat that he wore like a cape with an asshole grin leering down at us, "So that's why you cover up your face all the time. I kind of suspected you know, but now that I know for sure it makes total sense. I wouldn't want to look like that guy either."

Then from halfway across the guild hall where she'd finally shaken off the effects of the sleep spell and returned to her feet, Erza said, "Well Mystogan, it's nice to finally meet you. I have to say I quite agree with Jerry though, the sleep spell thing is very rude."

Mystogan suddenly looked like a turtle as he pulled his head down inside his cape and hissed, "Not one word."

I blinked as I realized he had an absolutely neon blush going on. It took a second and then I grinned, "Ahhh! THAT makes sense!" I laughed, "Don't worry if he doesn't turn around Erza, it's not that he doesn't want to meet you, he's just shy. Apparently somebody's got a thing for redheads." Mystogan gave me an absolute death glare as the asshole blonde guy I later learned to be Laxus and Master joined me in howling with laughter.

Erza blushed in surprise, "Oh, well…I'm…very flattered. Thank you Mystogan," she said with a smile.

Mystogan was blushing as red as Erza's hair, I could tell even through the teeny little gap in his bandannas. I grinned, "Duuude, turn around! She's smiling at you!" I kid you not, steam erupted out of Mystogan's mask from the heat of his blush and I couldn't help cackling. Then Laxus started singing, "Mystogan and Erza sittin' in a tree…" Mirajane snapped awake to join him in the chorus, "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Apparently, Mira's teasing instincts were vastly more powerful than Mystogan's sleep spell. Then she realized what was going on and leaned across the bar excitedly, "Oh my god, are you Mystogan?!"

Mystogan waved timidly, "Um, hello." Then he started side shuffling towards the request board, "I'm…just going to get a job and go hide somewhere now…" He ran to the request board, grabbed one, turned to us, "I'm taking this one!" he declared in a panicked voice as he waved the flier at us. Then he bolted out the door and his sleep spell went with him.

I blinked as I realized possibly the most interesting person I'd met since arriving at Fairy Tail was getting away, "WAIT FOR ME!"

…

…

After catching up to Mystogan and having a chat that lasted probably two or three hours as he detailed Edolas's magic problem, their crazy king's plot to fix the problem, and the reason why he was so panicky around Erza, I headed back to the guild hall, thinking hard about what we had discussed.

The instant I got back, "Hey Levy! You still here?!"

The entire guild turned to look at me and then Levy called back, "Yeah I'm still here! What's up?"

"Got a brain teaser from Mystogan I need your help with!" I declared as I walked over, "How are ya with making lacrima?"

"Making lacrima?" Levy asked curiously, "Why does Mystogan need a lacrima? More importantly, what does he need one to do?"

"Basically we're trying to make a Blackout Mode lacrima," I explained quietly, "Mystogan's actually a Holder Type wizard. A Blackout Mode lacrima would help him out big time." That was nowhere near the extent of what he needed it for, but if we could get him even a small one, then he'd be able to solve Edolas's magic problem.

The entirety of Team Shadowgear looked like I had just told them that the moon actually was made of cheese, "MYSTOGAN'S A HOLDER TYPE?!" There was a roar of disbelief from the rest of the guild as Team Shadowgear's incredulous shout registered with them.

"That's incredible," Levy declared after a moment, "Holder type wizards usually have a really hard time competing with Caster types, but Mystogan's S-Class anyway! That's amazing!" Then she spun on her barstool, "GAAAAAH I WANNA PICK HIS BRAINS SO BAD NOW! He must be a freaking genius!"

I grinned at her, "Bet if we make him that lacrima he'll let you pick his brains all you want."

Levy caught my hand and had me flapping along in the breeze like a kite behind her as she excitedly dragged me, "TO THE ARCHIVES!"

…

…

That night, I headed home grinning from ear to ear. It had taken me and Levy all day, but I was pretty sure we had figured out a spell to make the Blackout Mode lacrima. Master had come and told us that if we were successful then we had to be super secret about it, we weren't even allowed to tell anyone what Blackout Mode was for fear that somebody would try to steal what would be basically a source of infinite magic power thanks to the nature of Blackout Mode. He didn't stop us and was actually quite interested to see if we could pull it off, so we chugged right on along.

Now though as I found my apartment door slightly open, and I was certain I hadn't left it that way, I conjured a bomb shot into my hand and cautiously probed the room with my telepathy before I prepared to enter. I sighed and snuffed the bomb shot out as I recognized the mental signature.

I pushed the door open with my shoulder and went in, "Hey Cana, what brings you by?"

Cana was draped over my couch, looking supremely wasted as she laid there with one arm dangling over the edge with a bottle still tangled in her fingers. She lifted her head weakly and groaned. Then she sat up and rubbed some of the sleep from her eyes, "Hey Jerry, sorry for breaking in. I wanted to come by and apologize for being such a bitch to you the other day. It's not your fault you've got the same magic he does, and then you even showed me how to use it and I just felt really bad for treating you like it was some sort of crime just to have that magic…just wanted to apologize…"

She got up and started staggering towards the door. I had to lunge forward and catch her as she almost tripped, "Easy there Cana." It wasn't easy to pull her back to her feet, she was limp as a noodle and I really only had one arm and my telekinesis to work with, but I did, and then I pushed her back over onto the couch. She landed with a little grunt and the springs in the couch squawked in protest. I gave Cana a slightly critical gaze, "Cana, where do you live?"

She mumbled that she lived across town and I shook my head, "No. I am not letting a beautiful young lady like you stagger her way home after dark. Some jack ass would get ideas and might hurt you. No way in hell am I letting that happen. You're staying right here tonight and if I have to knock you out to keep you from leaving I will."

"You're not the boss of me," Cana slurred in annoyance as she tried to get up again despite her legs not cooperating.

I sat down next to her and wrapped my good arm around her before pulling her into me, "No, I'm your guildmate. That means I'm going to take care of you, and I am most certainly not letting you go rambling off to get yourself raped by some random asshole in a dark alley." Cana tried to pull away, but she was so weak I was able to easily pull her back, "Cana, you're drunk. Please, just stay with me tonight."

Then she looked up at me and was quiet for a minute before grinning in a way that I could tell immediately meant a very bad idea had just crossed her mind, "Oh yeah… *hic* … haven't… haven't paid you back yet…"

I frowned and before I could ask what she was talking about, she raised her head up just enough to kiss me. My eyebrows went up in surprise and she tried to push me down onto my back. I caught her shoulder and pushed her back down before declaring firmly, "Not until you are completely sober and in full possession of your mental faculties."

Cana looked surprised and a little hurt as she pulled away and pulled her knees up to her chin, "Oh…okay…s'rry…jesht…jesht wanted to thank you…"

I pushed her back onto her back and leaned over, "Cana, you are a gorgeous young woman and when you are sober again, I will very happily go at it with you just as hard as I did with Mira. If you want to, then we'll get so drunk, naked and wild that even if we're blackout drunk, we'll never forget it. Until then, I am a gentleman, and I will not have your first time with me be a drunken one night stand that you'll regret in the morning. Do I make myself clear?"

Cana was quiet for a moment as she looked at me with an utterly starstruck expression, then she smiled softly and reached up to stroke the side of my face, "Why can't more guys be like you?" she asked quietly. Then she closed her eyes and swiftly began to snore.

I sat there for quite a while, just thinking. After a while, I got up and got busy.

…

…

When Cana woke up the next morning, she found a note in her hand instead of the bottle she'd had the night before.

Cana,

We didn't do anything last night. Feel free to have whatever you want out of the fridge and cabinets, and please lock the door when you leave.

I'm Going on a little fishing trip as it just occurred to me that I have yet To Find a good fishing hole in these parts. want to get some big fish with big Gills to cook up for the guild sometime. not much left of the summer, it would be a shame if we didn't throw a beach party. booze, Darts, games, the works.

I'm not sure when I'll be back, if you could please pass this note along to Mirajane and Master Makarov I'd be grateful.

Back soon with the biggest fish I can find,

Jerry

...

Next time, onMad Little Slice of Heaven...

HALLOWEEN SPECIAL, Chapter 12.5: Terror

Cana stared in horror for a moment and then snatched the cards back up and began desperately shuffling as fast as she could, "No! NO! THERE'S NO WAY! I MUST'VE DONE IT WRONG!"

She threw the cards back out into formation and even though they were a little bit sloppier this time, they were still in place. Cana flipped them all at once with magic and froze as she felt her heart stop in horror, the exact same awful pattern right where it had been a moment before. Cana sat back, her eyes wide and then she snatched up her cards and ran out the door, "LEVYYYYYYYYYYY!"