Chapter Two

Ella

December 5th, 2017.

This past weekend we had our winter formal. The week beforehand I was having lunch by myself like I always do before Chase Adkins, quarterback of our football team, came over to the table. I had a huge crush on Chase at the time. He's got these piercing blue eyes and his hair is this shaggy blonde that all of the girls would die to run their hands through. Anyways, Chase came up to the table and asked if I would go to formal with him. I asked him about several times if he was sure, but I should have looked behind him. Maybe if I had I would have seen the rest of his table laughing their heads off. I didn't do that though because I still believed that there was good, genuine people out there, Chase. I thought maybe in this terrible world there would be one genuine person who wanted to make my day.

I spent hours on my hair that night. Two days before that, my mom had spent all of her paycheck on that one dress for me. It was a knee-length black one with a ton of silver sparkles plastered all over the place. It was perfect until you ruined it Chase. Do you know how many hours I spent crying that night when you never showed, or even realize how much what you did affected me? Did you hear them taunting me at school this past week? Of course not, Chase. Because while I spent hours crying that night, you got praise from every single one of your friends who more than likely dared you to do this to me. Maybe it was your idea. I'll never know. I've made the decision to drop out of high school and finish my last year at home now though. It wasn't all because of you, just everything piled up together into one.

I'm not sure why I'm writing as if I'm speaking to you, because you will never read this, but I guess I'm writing a letter out to let you know how much you hurt me. Not for you to ever read, but for my future self to read. Because I'm the one that has to live with this painful memory, not you.

_________

Last week Aaron called to tell me that my first day would be today. I'm running a few minutes late, but that's probably because I spent about twenty minutes looking at how this dress made my body look like an egg. Thankfully the apron covers my stomach, so that's why I'm even showing my face right now. There's a girl behind the counter, and when she sees me she gets this huge smile on her face, little dimples poking out on her cheeks. She's got bright red hair that falls to the middle of her back in ringlets. I'm guessing she's around my age, and when she walks over to me I notice the freckles that are crossing her nose and onto her cheeks.

"You must be Ella!" She says excitedly, clapping her hands together. "I'm Jessica."

"Hey." I smile back. I wish I were better at meeting people, but I'm not bubbly like Jessica. I'm not outgoing or cheerful. I'm just me. Jessica looks like she's a cheerleader because she has this bounce in her step everywhere she walks. I wish I could look like that. Confident and fearless.

She giggles and sticks her hand out to me. "I'll be training you today. I've been a waitress here for the past two years. I love it." She gushes, and then giggles again once I shake her hand. Jessica is starting to annoy me. "We're working the morning shift, so it shouldn't be too busy."

I follow her over to the registers, and as she begins to teach me how to run the credit cards I start to become more nervous. I'm going to have to talk to these people sitting at the tables. I'm going to have to become Jessica. These customers are going to expect me to be talkative, outgoing and assertive. I'm none of these things.

"When we open you can just follow me around to see how things work, okay?" She asks. I realize I have no idea what she just said about running cards. "You seem nervous."

"I am." I admit. "Sorry. This is my first job."

"It's totally fine!" She reassures. "Believe it or not I used to be super shy when I first started here. Over time you open up though, trust me. Give it a week here and you'll be a natural." Then she goes around and places wrapped up silverware onto each table, passing some to me so I can set up some too. Jessica seems really nice, and I can actually see myself being friends with her. She's a little too peppy for my liking, but as long as I have a friend down here I'll put up with it.

"What school do you go to?" I ask in attempt to make conversation.

"Oh, I just graduated." She replies. "Myrtle Beach High. What about you?"

"Same here. Well, I just graduated too. I'm from D.C. though."

"Oh em gee!" She shrieks. "I've always wanted to go there." She hands me some plates. "So you must be new here then?"

"Kinda," I say. "My grandparents own this place. I'm visiting them for the summer, but I told Aaron I'd work here for some extra money."

"Oh em gee!" She shrieks again for the second time. I'm starting to reconsider the friend thing. "Your grandparents are the sweetest people I have ever met. Everybody loves them. They're like legends around here."

I watch her tie her red ringlets up into a ponytail on top of her head with ease, her hair ending up looking like it was professionally done. My hair is tied up too, except mine is so frizzy that little pieces are flying everywhere.

"Yeah," I laugh, trying to pick at my hair to fix it. "They're pretty awesome."

She stops putting plates down, ties her apron behind her waist, and smiles at me again. "Hey," She says. "There's this beach party tonight. It's this thing our school does as a last hoorah before we all go our separate ways to college. You should definitely come, that way you can meet some people to hang out with this summer!"

"Oh, no." I immediately reply, a loud laugh escaping my lips in disbelief. "Parties aren't my thing. Trust me, you'll have way more fun if I'm not there."

"C'mon." She pleads. "I don't have anyone to go with tonight. I'm not a party person either, but it's the biggest event for our high school. Everyone goes. We need to put ourselves out there Ella. I know we just met, but I could really use someone to go with tonight." Her eyes have the same look my mothers did before she sent me off to come here. It's a look that's hard to say no to.

"I don't know..." I trail off. I've never once been to a party, ever. Correction: I've never even been invited to a party. Then again, what better time than to say to hell with it and go? It's summertime in Myrtle Beach. Did I plan on just sitting on the bed in my grandparents guest room for my time here? Maybe I should go out of my comfort zone and attempt to have fun. Ignore my fears, ignore my insecurities, to hell with them. For once I'm going to go out and attempt to have fun. "Alright," I agree, giving in. "What the hell? Let's go."

"Awesome!" She shrieks in that high-pitched tone of hers. "Your grandparents have us over to their house for cookouts all the time, so I'll swing by around nine and we can go there together. Sound good?"

Before I'm able to say anything back, Aaron comes out from the kitchen and wipes his hands on his disgustingly dirty apron. "Everything all set to open?" He asks.

"Yep!" Jessica replies, taking a look around at all the tables. "Are you ready Ella?"

I'm not ready at all. My stomach feels like it keeps churning with nerves and anxiety, but instead of running for the door and heading home, I swallow my nerves and send them both a smile. I'm not sure if I'm ready for this first day of work, or ready for my first party tonight, all I know is that I'm ready for change.

"Ready." I finally say. "Let's open."

_________

Jessica and I are standing on top of a sand hill watching the rest of the party go on down below and I feel like I'm going to puke. There's a loud pop song blaring from a speaker that I can't see, and high-pitched screaming of laughter that's echoing all the way up here. I honestly don't know if I can do this.

"Do I look okay?" Jessica asks. She twirls around and sticks her hands up in the air so I can get a full view of her outfit. She's wearing black shorts, black vans, and a red and white polka dot bikini top. Her body is muscular and toned, looking as if she works out every day. I haven't even seen who's down there yet, but I can already tell that she's going to fit in.

"You look great." I say, fumbling with my necklace. I'm wearing a long-sleeved black and red floral print dress, my hair is half up in a ponytail on top of my head and my lips are painted with red lipstick to match the flowers on my dress. After looking at Jessica I know I'm going to stick out like a sore thumb.

"Thanks." She announces proudly. "You look so cute. I love your sandals."

Before I can accept the compliment she starts heading down the sand hill towards the party. I could leave right now. I could head right back to my grandparents house and skip this whole night, but I don't. Instead, I reluctantly follow her down the hill and jog a little to catch up with her. There are coolers filled with alcohol, all different types of people rummaging through them to pick out the best ones.

"Look out!" A guy yells over towards us, a football heading this way. He jogs over to retrieve it as the other guys he's playing with laugh their heads off for no apparent reason. I, on the other hand, immediately want to leave.

Jessica grabs a drink out of the cooler, holding one out to me. "Want one?" She asks.

"No thanks." I reply. "I don't drink."

She gives me a puzzled expression but just shrugs it off and leads us over to the huge bonfire that everyone seems to be surrounded by. There's a bunch of s'mores on a fold out chair and I really want one, but if you're self-conscious like I am you won't dare eat in front of a group of people you don't know.

"Hey Jess," The guy that retrieved the football nudges her on the arm and sends her a wink. "Wanna come play?"

I'm clearly standing right next to her, but of course he doesn't acknowledge me. I'm standing here awkwardly feeling like I'm getting in the way of a hookup he'd like to have.

"No thanks Kyle." Jessica says, sending me a reassuring look. "This is my friend Ella. She's new here."

"Cool." He replies, not even looking in my direction. "If you change your mind let me know." Then he runs off to go play football again as Jess and I take a seat by the campfire.

I start to wonder if I'm standing in the way of letting Jess get to know Kyle. Maybe this was a guy she's interested in and I just ruined her chance tonight.

"You can go play football with Kyle." I say to her. "I don't want to stand in the way or anything if you like him or something. I'll be fine."

When she looks at me again it seems as if I'm missing a joke. Her eyebrows arch up before a smug look appears on her lips. "Oh, Ella." She giggles softly and pats me on the arm. "I don't play for that team."

"Oh." I purse my lips together from being caught off guard. "Sorry, I didn't know. I just thought-"

"Don't worry, it's fine. A lot of guys at school think I'm straight and then when I tell them that my girlfriend's in college they just don't know what to do with themselves. It's pretty funny actually."

We both take a seat at the campfire and what felt like a cool breeze seconds ago gets replaced with warmth. Jess tells me her girlfriend, who I now know as Nina, goes to Coastal Carolina University. She rarely gets to see her during the school year, but now that it's summer Nina is coming home this weekend.

"How long have you guys been together?" I ask.

Jess takes another sip of her drink before the cheesy smile is plastered on her face again. I can only hope that one day someone hears my name and smiles about me like that. "Four years. We've been together ever since we were freshmen. We met during gym class, actually. She had just moved here from Texas, and this guy was trying to hit on her. I pretended to be her girlfriend to get the guy to go away, only to find out that she was actually gay. It felt like the luckiest day ever for me. She's so beautiful. Just wait until you meet her."

"I'm looking forward to it." I say truthfully.

All of a sudden the speaker stops playing music and the tune of a guitar starts to surround the fire. I look over to see who's playing, and lo and behold it's the guy from the diner the other day. The one who looked like he wanted to apologize. He looks deep in thought as his fingers strum the chords, his music sounding so beautiful that I can't seem to look away. It doesn't help that his hair is buzzed down to perfection, his dark skin practically gleaming from the flames. I don't want it to look obvious that I'm watching so I look away, only to see the blonde from the diner who insulted me glaring directly at me.

"What's she doing here?" She asks, stumbling slightly from being drunk. Some liquid out of her bottle of Jack Daniel's splashes onto the sand and a couple of guys try to stable her since she's so close to the fire. Her hands swat them off of her and she finally plops down next to the boy playing the guitar, resting her head on his shoulder. I'm assuming they're a couple. "What are you doing here?" This time she's asking me.

"I invited her." Jessica sticks up for me. "She's new here."

My stomach is twisting up because now everyone is looking at me. I want to leave this party. I knew I shouldn't have come here because I don't belong. Nobody wants to talk to me, nobody wants me to play football with them, I'm not wanted here. Granted, maybe that's just my anxiety talking. Maybe if I put myself out there and asked to play football then they'd let me, but that's not who I am. I don't think I'll ever be that person.

"I'm the one that threw this whole party together." She begins, her voice completely slurred. "Did I invite you? I don't think I did. Nobody wants you here so just leave."

The boy stops strumming, pausing to look at her in disbelief almost. I want to just sit here at the fire and listen to him play. That's all I want to do. I'm not here to bother anyone, but clearly I'm not wanted. I'm not sure why I even thought I'd actually be able to go to a party and have a good time.

"Rosie..." Jessica says quietly to the girl, who I'm now assuming to be Rosie. "Stop."

Everyone is still looking at me, and I keep having a conversation with myself so that I don't cry. I'm going to be okay. Regardless of tonight, I'm going to be okay. I've gotten through worse. If anything, tonight I realized that Jessica and I can definitely be friends. She's stuck up for me multiple times when she doesn't need to.

"Look," I say to Jessica. "I'll see you tomorrow at work, alright? I'm just going to go."

"I'll go with you." She replies, immediately standing up with me.

"No, please." I beg. "Just stay here. I kind of just need to be alone right now."

I walk away from the bonfire, avoiding the stares and embarrassment until I'm finally alone on the beach. The sounds of the waves are relaxing me like they always do, but I still can't help but let a few tears fall onto my face. There must be something about me that makes people not like me. I don't know if I'll ever figure out what it is, but it's slowly killing me.

Taking a seat onto the sand, I stick my feet out so that the waves will brush up against them. The water is freezing cold, but I let it happen anyways and let out a huge sigh. I don't want to go back to my grandparents right now. If I do, I know they'll still be up and they'll probably ask me how the party went, and then I'll probably start crying. I'm pretty good about being emotionless in front of everyone else, but not so much at hiding my emotions from myself. Still trying to work on that part.

"Shit."

Alcohol pours onto my lap from someone bumping into me, the bottle falling down onto the sand beside me. I look up into the darkness to see who it is and it's the guitar guy from the diner, except now he doesn't have a guitar, he just has one beer. Well, two beers until he dropped one.

"Lovely." I groan, trying to wipe the remains off with my sleeve.

Normally boys like him wouldn't apologize. Normally boys like him wouldn't even give me a second thought, but when he sits down beside me and tries to wipe the sand off of the bottle that has fallen onto the ground I don't have anything to say. This wasn't in my plans for the night by any means.

"Sorry." He says, and then he smiles. A smile that is probably brighter than all of the stars combined in the sky right now, and all I can do is stare at him. Maybe I'm staring at him out of anger for not saying something back there, but I still can't say anything. Instead, I look down at the bottle and grab it from his hand when he passes it over to me.

"For what?" I finally manage to ask.

"For the bottle and, um, also on behalf of Rosie. She doesn't know how to treat people at times."

"You don't say?" I laugh sarcastically, shaking my head in disbelief.

He can tell I'm hurt no matter how much I'm trying to act okay right now. I don't know how he knows that, but I think he does because he continues to stare at me before he finally nudges me with his elbow. "Sorry." He mumbles.

"You don't know me," I say. "It's fine."

"Well that doesn't mean I can't be sorry."

"Is this a joke?" I laugh, setting the bottle down into the sand. "Did that girl want you to come over here and be nice to me or something? You're a real lunatic if you think this is a nice way to treat someone, because it isn't." My fears tumble out of my mouth without being able to stop them. Once they're out I can't shove them back in, so I just stare at him again as another smile comes onto his face. I don't find any of this funny.

"Rosie doesn't boss me around, and I certainly wouldn't do something mean like that. I'm not her."

"You might as well be." I mutter.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

People like him honestly don't get it. God, I can't stand popular people. I don't even want to explain myself or my thoughts to him, but maybe if I do he'll eventually get the hint and stop being such a jackass in the future.

"It means that you're just as bad as her." I say. "The people who sit back and watch people get made fun of might as well be the bullies. You know, if she really doesn't boss you around then maybe you should have stuck up for me back there and said something. But instead you sit back, watch her hurt people, and don't say a damn thing because then what would it do to your precious reputation if you two break up? It's bullshit and I'm sick of watching it happen to people. Especially me." I pick the bottle up again and throw it into the water, wanting it to wash away just like I want him to. I don't need him to be next to me and I don't want him to be. He's an egotistical asshole who only cares about himself, and when he lets out a laugh I want to kick him where it will hurt. I'm so close to getting up to leave until he taps me on my arm so that I'll look at him again.

"First of all," He laughs again, his fingertips moving carefully along his jawline. He seems to do that a lot. "She's not my girlfriend. Second of all, you think you have me all figured out but you don't know me at all. You feel like I judged you back there, yet you're doing the same thing to me. In fact, you're judging me as we speak and I've been nothing but nice to you tonight. Now that's what I call utter bullshit."

Why am I laughing right now? Is it because he's right? Is it because I'm so angry that laughter is the only thing I can let out right now to express my feelings? "Okay," I laugh again, unsure of what else to do. "Thanks for the apology. You can go back and enjoy your night now."

"I am enjoying it." He smiles again as he puts his beer bottle in my hand and instructs me to drink it. I shake my head no. "Why not?" He asks.

"I don't drink."

"You don't drink?" He asks again. "Why not?"

There's the question that yet again, makes me want to crawl into a hole and disappear to wallow in the depressing thoughts of my past. He's being somewhat of a nice asshole, which surprises me, but he's still an asshole. This could very well still be a joke, and this could still be some bet he's made with his friends at the fire, so I'm not going to give this guy my full blown life story. Handing him his beer, I stand up and wipe off the back of my dress with my hands. "I'm gonna head back I think." I say. "I'm kind of tired, and I have work in the morning."

"Damn." He squints up at me before he looks back down at his hands. "Can I have your name at least?"

"Ella." I sigh, turning back around. "Have a nice night."

"So, you don't even want to know my name?"

I turn to face him again and I swear his eyes look me up and down. I feel like I want to have a sheet or something to cover every single inch of me from how self-conscious I feel in this moment. I'm not sure why I'm feeling self-conscious because there's no way a guy like him would ever check me out. He couldn't be. "What is it?" I ask flatly, a smile tugging at the corner of my lips.

"Patrick." He smirks. "Patrick Connelly."

I want to turn around and leave so that I can stop staring at him but he's still smiling at me. He has the brightest smile I've ever seen, and in this moment I've determined that his smile is his best feature. Everything about him is nice though. The way his jawline is so sculpted, the way his lips are the perfect shape. He's also got this red tank top on that emphasizes his skin that looks like it's made of pure hershey's kisses. Dammit, I need to stop.

"Have a nice night, Patrick." I say quietly. "Maybe I'll see you around."