Chapter Three

Ella

March 6th, 2016

I don't think anyone understands how hard it is to watch someone you love be controlled by something as stupid as alcohol. It's hard for me to accept the fact that my own father would rather have liquor over his own child. How am I supposed to feel like I'm worth anything when a drink is more important than me?

I remember the night I first realized that liquor owned you, dad. I was only ten, and you should have known better than to come home piss drunk at four in the morning. I heard dishes shattering from my room, and then I heard the yelling. Mom was crying because she didn't want me to hear, and you kept screaming back at her that I wouldn't know any better. Little did you know, dad, that I had my ear pressed up against the wood of that door listening to every single word you said.

Mom kept crying and begged you to just go upstairs to bed, but you didn't want to. You just kept screaming at her to shut up and stop crying until you finally lost it, the sound of that slap echoing all the way up those stairs. If I had known any better I would have stayed right in my bedroom, but I bolted down into the kitchen to see mom huddled in the corner by the stove. You were standing over her, nostrils flaring and fists clenched as she cried.

The both of you saw me, and mom started to cry harder when she realized I now knew what you did to her. All I could do was stand there in shock, the tears seeming to be frozen in place behind my eyes. You looked so scary, dad. You didn't look like yourself.

You started to mutter some cuss words under your breath before you flung more dishes off of the countertop, all of them breaking once they fell to the floor. I was shaking in fear then when you looked at me, hatred in your eyes. Then you proceeded to scream that it was my fault you broke those dishes. I shouldn't have come downstairs. I should have just stayed quiet.

You tell mom that I probably just wanted another snack, and that it's mom's fault that I'm overweight. I never thought I was fat, but you made me put my head down in shame that day to examine my stomach and my arms. I was only ten, dad. You made me begin to feel worthless at the age of ten, and for that I will never be able to forgive you.

__________

Jess called a couple days ago because she felt bad about the night at the bonfire last week, and to make up for it she invited me to go with her to watch a game of basketball some guys were playing at the park. I did everything in my power to come up with excuses as to why I couldn't go, but after she reassured me for the billionth time that Rosie and her friends wouldn't be there I finally gave in.

I get into the passenger seat of Jess's yellow punch bug as soon as it pulls into the driveway, the heat from the leather immediately burning the back of my thighs. It's almost a hundred degrees outside, the sweat already starting to trickle down the back of my neck.

"Hey!" Jess says excitedly, sending me a wide grin. "I'm so glad you're coming with me today."

"Why?" I ask.

"Because you're finally going to meet Nina!" She exclaims. "She's with some of her friends at the park watching a couple guys from school play basketball. I told her we'd meet her there and then we can go grab some ice cream or something."

I arch my eyebrow up and send her a smile as if I'm interested, when in reality I'm trying to figure out why on earth people would want to run for fun. "So, guys just play basketball to play? In this heat?"

"I guess so." She shrugs, shoving a couple of chips into her mouth. One hand of hers is on the steering wheel while the other keeps digging in and out of the plastic bag on her console. She offers me some, but I turn her down. I need to watch what I eat.

"What guys are going to be there? The whole basketball team?"

"I'm not sure. Nina didn't say." She says.

"Oh." I say, analyzing my chipped nail polish.

"Would you stop being so nervous? Everything is going to be fine. It'll be way better than last time. I promise."

I don't respond to her, I just stare out the window at the palm trees and let out a sigh of frustration. She just doesn't get it. I never know how people are going to be. They could be nice, but they could also be mean. My anxiety in social situations is a bit absurd.

The drive is about ten minutes before we finally pull into an almost empty parking lot. The car turns off and I feel the coldness from the air conditioner quickly become replaced with nothing but humidity.

"It's so hot." Jess whines, seeming to read my mind.

There's a ton of shouting and laughter as we round the corner to the basketball court, a bunch of guys I've never seen before are at the other end as they yell a bunch of terms I'm not familiar with. The last thing I want to do right now is sit in the hot sun and watch a sport I know nothing about.

"Nina!" Jess exclaims and flees towards the bleachers. She envelopes a tall pale girl with black hair, who I'm assuming to be Nina. She's got red streaks throughout her short bob, and I have to take a second to grasp that this is actually Jess's girlfriend. They look like total opposites.

I swallow the lump in my throat when I reach the two of them, and when Nina glances behind Jess she gives me a small grin. "Hey." She says. "I'm Nina. It's nice to meet you. Jess has told me a lot about you."

"Likewise." I smile back.

I'm then introduced to the other people Nina came here with, all of them seeming completely out of place. Nina has a half sleeve tattoo with what looks to be a dragon wrapped around her forearm, and she's got multiple piercings all over her face. Jess and her can't seem to stop smiling at each other, and to be honest it's extremely refreshing to see a not so average couple be happy and not care about what anyone thinks. They seem like they could give two shits about my opinion and I love that.

Just as I'm about to tell Nina about how much I enjoy working with Jess at the diner, I freeze dead in my tracks once I hear the voice I've been trying to forget for the past week.

"Drew, you're an ass!" I hear him laugh hysterically. "That was my ball. Give it back."

I sit down next to Jess on the bleachers and finally allow myself to look at him. He's not wearing a shirt, each and every ab is covered in sweat. He's got a towel around his neck, and he takes it to quickly wipe his forehead before he laughs again, that smile leaving me in complete awe. I don't want to admit it, but he's attractive as hell.

"That's Jamie." Jess says, pointing to a guy across from Patrick. "That's the guy that tried to hit on Nina freshman year." This guy is tall and scrawny, paler than a vampire with bleach blonde hair.

"Cool." I say to attempt to seem interested. I move my gaze back on Patrick and watch the way his basketball shorts are barely clinging onto his hips, the way it seems like they'd fall off at any given second.

Ella!

I snap myself out of my dirty thoughts and try to look anywhere but him. It doesn't work though. All I can focus on is the way his arms flex when he shoots the ball, the way the sweat looks dripping down his stomach. Why does he have to look like that? Like a chocolate bar that is just begging to be unwrapped?

"That's Patrick." Jess raises an eyebrow up to me, glancing over towards him on the court. My cheeks go completely red, biting slightly on my bottom lip. "Don't be embarrassed. He's nice to look at, but he's a weird one."

"A weird one?" I question, waiting for her to clarify.

"We've been best friends since kindergarten. Patrick's nice and all, but he's never had a girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, he's had girls, but none of them ever really stuck around. I'm just saying that if you're looking for someone to have a relationship with, it probably won't be him. I wouldn't waste your time."

"Ah." I reply, nodding in agreement. This isn't news to me. I could sense the fact that he was a player the moment he spilled that drink on me. He's way too good at flirting to not be. "Well, I'm not really looking for anybody. I wasn't looking at him either."

Jess laughs, pulling out water bottles from the backpack she brought and passes one over to me, then to Nina. "Okay, you may not want to be with someone, but you sure as hell aren't blind. Do you see him? I'm gay for crying out loud and even I notice a snack when I see one."

"A snack?" Nina giggles and stares at him on the court. "Baby that's a whole meal."

We all erupt into laughter before Nina tells me that when she was a senior at their high school, a lot of her friends wanted to be with Patrick and he was only a sophomore at the time. This information doesn't surprise me again, because I can clearly see him. I'm definitely not blind, but I know it's stupid for me to even think about him like that. I don't have a shot in hell.

Patrick sees us now, pausing for a second when his eyes lock with mine. This allows someone to steal the ball back from him, all of them erupting into laughter once more. I want to ignore the sweat trickling down his stomach, the way his muscles contract as he runs up and down the court, the way he dominates every single person playing right now. He's clearly the best out of all of them, and I can tell that he knows he is. He's confident when he shoots, hardly ever missing. It almost always goes into the net with a clean swish.

It seems like they all call a timeout because everyone heads off the court, Jamie heading straight towards us. Jess and Nina start to giggle again when he approaches. I guess they're friends with him because they immediately dive into conversation, leaving me to sit here awkwardly like I always do. I watch Patrick drink from his water bottle before he pours a little bit onto his chest to cool off. Nothing can take my eyes off of him. They are completely glued to his chest as I watch the little droplets of water slowly head to the elastic band of his shorts.

"Oh my god, yes!" Jess shrieks, tapping repeatedly on Nina's shoulder with excitement. "Ella, let's go swimming! That's the perfect way to cool off."

I now realize that everyone is grabbing their bags. Everyone is now going to go swimming, and I officially think I can't breathe any longer. I cannot go swimming. I will not.

"I don't have a swimsuit." I immediately reply. "I didn't bring it with me."

"Oh." She pouts. "Well, we can always swing by your grandparents to grab it."

Patrick takes a towel from Drew and starts to wipe the combination of sweat and water off of his torso. I can tell he's eavesdropping on this conversation because he keeps looking at me as if he wants to know what I'll say.

"I'm just honestly not feeling that good." I tell her. "I can just wait in your car though until you guys are done. I don't mind."

"Are you sure?" She asks. "I can drive you home first."

"Go." I urge her, looking at Nina. I know she's been dying to hang out with her today. "Seriously, it's fine."

"Okay..." She trails off, reaching into her backpack to grab her keys. "Here you go. Thanks! We'll be back soon."

I watch Nina take her backpack from her so that she can carry it, desperately wanting someone to be into me like that too. Jess strips herself of her tank top to reveal her bikini top underneath, all of the guys in the group immediately staring at her. Patrick isn't though, he's still staring at me for whatever reason.

"Yo," One of the guys turns around to look at Patrick. "You coming?"

"In a sec." He says. "My mom wants me to call her. I'll meet you guys there."

When they leave he goes to grab his knapsack off of the bleachers, so I take that as my cue to head back to Jess's car.

"That's a nice dress." He says when I begin to walk away. I turn to look at him, giving him a puzzled expression. "What?" He asks. "I can't compliment your outfit?"

"Um, no." I mutter, feeling utterly scrutinized. I can't tell if he's being serious or not.

"It's Bella, right?"

I stare at him completely dumbfounded as he has that same stupid smirk plastered on his face he had on last week when we met. "I'm just kidding." He laughs, throwing the knapsack over his shoulders. "Hi Ella."

"Hi?" I reply, it coming out as more of a question.

He begins to bounce the basketball he's got in his hands and heads over towards the court, looking back as if I'm supposed to be following him. I eventually do, wandering over to him like some lost puppy. I'm pathetic if I can be honest, but Jess and Nina are right. Look at him.

My eyes are still drawn to his chest even though the sweat has disappeared. He notices because he clears his throat and says, "My eyes are up here."

"I wasn't looking at you." I shoot back quickly to try and defend myself. He can see right through me though because he rolls his eyes before he shoots another successful basket, chasing after it to retrieve it.

"Okay..." He jokingly says, clearly not believing me. "Well, I'm about to head out. They're going to be swimming for awhile just so you know. I wouldn't count on leaving anytime soon."

"I thought you were meeting them there." I state, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I can't change my mind? Maybe I just feel like going home."

"I mean, you can..." I say. This conversation is starting to become pointless to me, so instead of embarrassing myself further I just clutch onto Jess's keys and start to head towards the parking lot.

"I can give you a ride." He suggests, twirling a set of keys around in his fingertips as well. "Unless you genuinely want to sit in a parking lot for five hours."

"Hm..." I jokingly contemplate, running my thumb across my jawline to mock him. "Hang out in an air conditioned car happily by myself, or get driven home by a stranger I barely know? Tough one."

He stops at a really nice SUV and opens up the passenger door. It's as if he's not taking no for an answer. "It's my parents if you're wondering." He explains. "I'm borrowing it for the day."

I stare at the open car door, suddenly feeling as if my body is unable to move. I don't understand why he's doing this. Is he just trying to be nice? Maybe this is just his way of welcoming new people to the neighborhood or something.

"Ella." He sighs angrily, leaning his back against the car. "Just get in. I will bring Jess's keys back to her before they leave. I know you don't want to be sitting here for that long."

"I can just walk." I shrug. "I'm okay."

"You're going to walk." He laughs, scoffing in disbelief almost. "You'd rather walk thirty miles in this heat than get a ride home from me?"

"Maybe." I shrug, a smile tugging at the corner of my lips. He seems to notice because he opens the car door wider until I finally give in, sliding into the passenger side of the SUV. It's really clean in here, freshly vacuumed. Thankfully the seats in here aren't leather.

"Good choice." He chuckles, buckling his seatbelt. He leans over to turn on the radio to a pop station, glancing up at me for a second. "Any requests?"

I'm too busy staring at his lips to focus on the question. The way he keeps licking them ever so often to wet them, or the way they're so perfectly shaped and full.

"Eyes." He says again, laughing loudly that he's caught me staring at him for the second time today.

"Just drive." I mutter.

I give him the directions to the best of my ability to my grandparents house, but on the way there he asks me questions about myself that I'm not prepared for. He asks why I came down here for the summer, and when I tell him I used to live here he asks me why I moved away in the first place. I don't want to tell him why, so I just say my mom got a new job.

I'm not used to a guy wanting to get to know me. I don't know what to say when all of these questions just keep coming out of his mouth. It's almost like he's been thinking of these questions to ask me for awhile now.

"I need food." He says after there's an awkward silence. "Mind if I swing through somewhere?"

"I don't care." I reply.

He pulls into a Mcdonald's drive-thru that's just down the road, the line being wrapped all the way around the building. I haven't had Mcdonald's in an extremely long time.

"Want something?" He asks.

"To eat?"

"Yeah. Do you want a cheeseburger? That's what I'm getting."

I think it's sweet that he's offering something, but I just know that I'd never be able to eat a burger in front of him. It does sound really great though, I'll admit that.

"No thank you." I politely decline. "I don't really eat Mcdonald's."

He groans and steps on the gas to pull up closer in line. "Don't tell me you're one of those salad girls."

"Salad girls?" I ask.

"Yeah. Like, the girls who could damn well eat a burger but choose not to just to impress a guy."

"I'm not trying to impress you." I say, fumbling with the ends of my dress from being so nervous. "I just like to watch what I eat. I don't need the extra calories."

"Have you ever had a cheeseburger?" He looks over at me, his eyes alive with humor.

"Um, yes." I say, clearly stating the obvious.

"Do you like them?"

"Yes," I say again. "But that's not the point."

He rolls down his window once he gets to the ordering screen and requests three double cheeseburgers. I have a feeling all three aren't just for him.

"Here you go." He says proudly, handing me one from the bag once he gets it. He pulls into a parking spot and puts the car in park, beginning to unwrap one for himself. I'm staring at him in shock or disbelief, I'm not sure which, but when he disgustingly shoves the burger in his mouth I begin to laugh.

I still haven't touched mine, and when he sees it sitting on my lap he shocks me and reaches his hand over to unwrap it, his fingertips gently scraping my thigh. He looks up at me when he does that, almost to see if he's getting a reaction out of me. My body is numb from head to toe.

"It's simple." He laughs, bringing his burger up to his mouth. "In order to eat a burger you have to place it into your hands like this..." Then he tightens his grip around the burger as if there's a correct way to hold it, causing me to laugh again. "And then..." He pauses for dramatic effect, his eyes growing wide. The burger gets shoved into his mouth again and he laughs even harder from his mouth being so full, grabbing a napkin from the bag so he can wipe his face off. "Then you eat it." He finishes, smiling widely at me. "Magical, isn't it?"

I take the burger into my hands and take a small bite, enjoying every second of the taste.

"It's good, huh?" He asks, beginning to down his second one. I take another bite of mine and shrug, feeling like my stomach might explode from the amount of butterflies in it. I'm not sure why he's being so nice to me.

There's silence for a couple of minutes while we both finish up our burgers, and then he takes our trash and gets out of the car to throw it away. He still has his shirt off, his skin glowing in the sun. He's already caught me twice checking him out, so at this point what does it matter?

"Man, I'm tired." He says when he gets back into the car. "I need a nap."

"Don't you have to call your mom?" I ask suddenly, remembering the conversation with his friends from earlier.

"What?"

"You told your friends you had to call your mom." I say.

"Oh, it was nothing. I already texted her about it."

We don't say anything more for the five minute drive to my grandparents house, and when he pulls in the driveway we both are still sitting here, unsure of what to say. I should probably get out, but I really don't want to leave. I'm having fun for the first time this summer.

"You're gonna bring Jess her keys before you go home?" I ask. "She'll kill me if she can't leave."

"No problem." He nods, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel. He turns the radio down so that you can hardly hear it, the awkward silence overwhelming us even more. "So, this was fun."

"Was it?" I laugh.

"You're telling me you didn't have fun?"

"I was just force fed a burger." I giggle, letting him know I'm only joking. "I mean, this was strange, but somewhat fun. Thanks for driving me home."

I step out of the car and shut the door behind me, turning to give him a small wave before I begin to head back inside. I don't even get up the porch steps before he rolls down the window and calls out my name.

"Just so you know," He stares intently at me, for the first time of the day being completely serious. "You don't need to watch your calories. I think you look great."