Shit show

Aisha

The drive is quiet but I can see the eagerness in his expression. Most boyfriends are terrified to meet their girlfriends' parents—not that I am saying Salam is suddenly my boyfriend. He just is always so happy to spend time at my house. It is annoying, to say the least, but I have never been able to keep him out.

"We don't have to go; you can just make an excuse. Please call him and give him an excuse,'' I beg him desperately.

He turns to me "I want to, why would I make up an excuse?''

I don't even think he believes or even feels the need to even avoid coming to my house. to him, this just brings him closer to me. I don't know if that even makes sense. I don't want him all chummy with my family because I don't want them to think that I even plan on spending the rest of my life with him. My father wants me to marry him and even though I have told him numerous times that it is not going to happen, he has this hope that I will eventually see how great of a man Salam is. I don't want to argue with him. I have a plan. I have said it to myself, this year is my year. I am going to go out, I am going to be open to relationships with other people. I am going to get out of my introverted shell and find someone.

The problem is I have been single for so long that my father is scared that I will end up a spinster and alone. He doesn't think that I have the capabilities to find a husband on my own because he was forced to marry my mother.

"Because I don't want you at my house.''

He turns to look at me and I see the hurtful expression on his face. I am being rude to him right now. this is just with the hopes that all this will sink in and he will get the message. No matter what I tell Sal, he keeps the thick skin and keeps fighting. I don't know how else I am supposed to go with this.

"That's cruel Aisha. Why would you even say that?''

I sigh "Because it is true. You know how my parents feel about you and you know how I feel about you. why would you continue to give them false hope?''

"I love you… how is that false hope?''

Damn, I don't know what else to say. He doesn't love me; he just loves the idea of me and him together. it is easy. Getting married to me is the easy route and he wants to be like our parents' generation and do things the way they did. I am not like that. I don't want people to tell me who I love and how I should love. I want to decide for myself.

He is not helping me right now.

"Let's just get to the house,'' I sigh even louder. The longer I drag this conversation, the more uncomfortable it is going to be at my house. He doesn't respond to me, but I see the strain in the veins on his neck. Somehow, I have already upset him.

******************

We get to the gate of my house and I jump out of the car. The security guard Joel opens the gate immediately when he sees me "Good evening Ma," he greets me as I walk into the house through the small gate. I don't wait for Salam as I enter the house. this is not the first time he has come to my house. he knows his way around and I guess that is another reason why he is so comfortable. I enter the front door and my mother is the first person I see. She is at the dining table, setting it up. we never eat together at the dining table. Baba is the only one that eats here. Most times, I eat in my room while watching tv. So, this is all just a lie.

Eat on the dinner table like a family.

Ha.

"Hello mama," I tell her as I walk further into the dining room. All the lights are on, the big generator is on. We never use the big generator because diesel is very expensive. Most times, if there is no light, we put on the small fuel generator but because of Salam, they actually put on the big Gen.

Wow.

Mama is dressed in a dark purple abaya and she has her regular black hijab. Her brown eyes are wrapped around black mascara. This is her go-to makeup. black eyeliner and nude lipstick. "Where is Salam?'' she asks not even interested in me.

I roll my eyes while she is not looking "He is coming in.''

She looks up from the plates "Why didn't you bring him in. what is wrong with you?'' she walks over to me and out of the dining room. I know what she is going to do so I walk up the stairs until I get to my room. Hussaina is on her laptop, still in her nightgown.

"Did you even get up from bed today?'' I ask her.

She looks up for a second and shrugs "I had a lot to do on my computer today.'' With that, she goes back to it and ignores me.

"Aren't you having dinner with us?''

"Why would I?''

"Sal is here, somehow baba thought it was a good idea to invite him over.''

She drops the laptop to the side of the bed and sits up "How did he invite him? why would he invite him?''

Hussaina is the only one that knows how I feel about Sal. She knows that he is not the one for me and I will never settle for marrying him. "Because I made a mistake of telling him that I was with Sal. It is all my fault."

I blame myself because, at the end of it all, I am the cause of all my problems. I am the reason why things are the way they are for me. I just need to grow some balls, tell my parents the truth. "Couldn't you make up an excuse? Did you have to tell Sal? I swear sometimes I wonder how you are my sister." She slaps her forehead and stands up from the bed.

I watch her walk over to her cupboard.

"What are you doing?'' I ask her confused.

She smiles "Oh, I have to see this shit show for myself."

Yeah. It will most definitely be a shitshow.