Chapter 36 - Sophia

It's now been a while since I've entered the academy and I like to think I've adjusted to it quite well. There was always the concern that I wouldn't be able to keep up with all of the lessons, especially considering there was a high drop out rate, but I stuck through it just fine. People are really good at adjusting to new situations so what was previously exhausting, has now become my norm. It's easy to see why this academy has a high reputation, because those who stayed on their course long enough to do well, were those who were be able to handle all of the pressure that came with being a student here.

The first holiday had come and gone and I realised how much I took my free time for granted. Quite different from the past when I was homeschooled, I didn't have the privilege to do what I wanted when I wanted it. Instead I had to wait for a one week break to be able to relax. One week was much too short but who was I to complain when everyone else is able to put up with it? During that time, we all went back to our respective homes and I was finally able to see my family again. It was eye opening to have been away from them for a while. As people say, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and that held true for my parents and I. The little bitterness I held towards them before I left had been washed away with time. I had come to the realisation that I was bigger than my past, and so too were they. I finally had enough strength to move forward and put everything behind me, finally had the strength to call them mother and father. Though it was undeniable that my mother had passed away, I was secure in my knowledge that I could have another. For the longest of time I hid behind the prefix "step-" to somehow separate the two of us, but I no longer needed distance. On the contrary, I craved acceptance. Throughout the week there was little I did except spend time with those back home. I was also able to visit my mother's grave with my parents which was a change I would have never expected.

The days leading up to the holiday I was excited and planned a multitude of things to do, but when the time came I just wanted to rest. There was too little time and too much to do that the priority was to do nothing. I needed a proper break away from the busy life of being a student, so although I was throwing all of my plans out of the window, that much was fine. Like that, very little had happened but I was grateful that I was able to feel refreshed before going back to the academy with Adelphos. For the past couple of years, Elina and I had been by each others side, more so now than ever before, but this time I didn't see her at all over the holiday. I sparsely went outside, sometimes going to the garden if that counted as such. Maybe time had passed by so quickly as I had spent almost all of it, lazing around in my room and sleeping in. You would think I had been away for half a year without a break by how I was acting, not a mere 6 weeks.

But anyway, I was quickly back to the academy and living a mundane, repetitive life. There was little to it. While it was enjoyable being around people I liked, it would be a lie to say I enjoyed it in its entirety. Every day was the same as the last and boredom was holding me captive. At times I could feel myself wanting to be reckless, seeking trouble, just so that something could happen in my bleak life. It was obviously when I wanted something to happen that everything was stagnant. Even the constant rumours I was surrounded by had ceased to exist after Theodore had refuted the initial rumour. Now everyone was minding their own business, having moved on from me. I would no longer be someone worth considering entertainment so although people may speak behind my back, as they do others, nothing ever came of it. It was peaceful but it wasn't happy. It was so boring I wanted to run away for a while, do something better with my time. I wanted to break away from the time tabled life I was living, feeling less human under such restrictions. Rather than living according to the rules, what if I just slowly started breaking them? I thought it over many times, but I was always too anxious to do anything about it, too afraid of failure. So I sat with my dull life and waited for something to happen, just patiently waiting. 

I wish I could say that it was difficult to keep track of the days as they went by but that would be a lie. If anything, I couldn't stop myself from checking the date. On the worst of days, I would struggle to fall asleep as my mind was too busy counting down each second. The voice in my head trumped all else, I couldn't hear anything above the ticking in my ears. Well, not that it mattered anyway. My knowledge or obliviousness of the passage of time would not be able to change anything. Having nothing to do didn't help with it either. My mind would constantly run back to the countdown, wondering what would happen at the end of it. Would my life finally be filled with excitement once it was over? Was it going to be a tragedy? When the days blend together, it's easy to feel happy in the moment, but after everyone is gone you're left with this strange feeling that none of it was real. All the laughs and smiles and joy, they're suddenly hard to remember and feel forced. It's as though I needed to constantly be doing something just to have the reassurance that I was real, that what I was feeling was real. It's strange how a little over two years ago I felt that I was the only person in a place with fictional characters, but now I was the odd one out. I was the anomaly among these people who had the human essence of emotions. 

Over the last couple of years I'd been trying to figure out whether it is possible for me to change anything or whether everything was outside of my control. The answer never came until now. A new student was introduced today, one who I knew should not have been here. To put it simply, my time of peace and boredom was soon to come to an end. I could feel I'm my bones that this would likely not be good, but I couldn't put away excitement. I had a healthy relationship with that which was bad for me, knowing that I needed anything to break me out of normality. It was a bad habit to crave individuality through allowing myself to fall victim to all of the harshness the world could offer, but bad habits do not tire. I find myself, yet again, awaiting difficulties that I had initially begged to be free from. I dare say I have learnt to base my worth on what I have managed to survive, so I needed trials to feel accomplished. 

"Hello, my name is Sophia Dietrich. I'm the second princess of the neighbouring Albard Empire. I'm aware that I'm starting a couple of months late but I hope we'll all get along well."

It's hard to forget her. She was good at making an impression. While I was the villainess of the prologue, she was the villainess of the main game. Her actions would put my attempts at terrorising look like child's play. She cared more about doing her all to harm those she disliked, caring little about giving them an easy death. She was far more intelligent and calculating than Perspehone could have ever been, most likely due to her position as royalty. Sophia had grown up with the knowledge that anyone could be a threat, so it goes without saying that she should learn to do whatever it takes to get what she wants. Despite that, I had spent too long pushing aside my prejudice and treating people based on their actions rather than their roles, it wouldn't be fair to be any different when it came to her. In fact, I have no idea what she was like at the age of 16. She had only been introduced into the game at age 18 when she was already an unlikeable person, but would anything change now that she was here? Was she someone I could trust and befriend or was I finally going to learn that not everyone has the same view or morality? 

All I knew about her current self was her appearance and how she interacted with others. She was highly attractive, in a way that I couldn't take my eyes off her at times. While Elina looked so pure and fragile that people feared looking at her for too long, Sophia drew attention to her like a magnet. One couldn't help but stare in awe at the way she carried herself. She had wavy purple hair that fell just below her shoulders, and grey eyes that were hard to see through. Although her expression would say one thing, her eyes would not feel like they were saying the same. For that reason I often found myself unable to understand exactly what she was thinking, or the kind of person she was. It wasn't that one thing that made it hard to locate the origin of the feeling, but she looked like she was harsh. Despite her constant smile and warm nature, something about her felt undeniably cold. I disregarded all of that since looks really didn't mean much. I mean, I myself looked like someone evil, so who was I to judge? Although the tone of her voice and the way she spoke was rough, she spoke kindly.

While I set aside trying to figure out what she was like so early on, I just couldn't understand why she had appeared already. Maybe my memory was failing me but she shouldn't have been introduced to Elina until a couple of years later. I'm unsure of what could have caused this change. But this was proof that things were changing and that was enough. Somehow, my actions had snowballed until others began to act in unpredictable ways. My unwillingness to stay in my role had left us all finding our own identities. It was all well and good but since things were little by little, getting out of my grasp, I couldn't tell why she was here, and whether it would be good or bad. At the very least, she didn't have a two dimensional presence. She was overwhelming in a way that sometimes my heart would clench for no reason. Occasionally I found myself forgetting to breathe when I was too preoccupied trying to see through her unreadable eyes. Again, I'm getting distracted. What would it matter whether she was good or bad if I wouldn't be able to survive to see the truth? 

As soon as she joined the academy, she immediately became popular, easily loved by others. Not because of the power she could wield, but because of the outgoing personality she had. It was uncommon among nobles to act in this way, being regarded as inelegant, but people couldn't help love her friendliness. I might have been one of those people had I not been constantly on guard around her, refusing to take things at face value. I didn't want to but it was a necessity. Everyone would do the same if they had just shy of two months before their predetermined execution, right? Or was I unnecessarily anxious over every little thing? Regardless, l stayed away from her so we rarely interacted. The only times I would have to greet her was when she was with Adelphos and Helios. It's strange that she was around them since they weren't in the same academic year, but maybe it was because of the fact that Helios could understand her. Though it still wouldn't make sense why she was mostly interested by my brother or why she wouldn't instead speak to Elina. I couldn't make sense of her but I guess I don't need to. They're old enough to make their own conclusions about who to spend time with. I had spent most of my time acting as somewhat of a guardian for those around me but given that I don't know what the future would now hold, I don't deserve the position. I was the same as those around me. Only time would tell exactly who Sophia was as a person, outside of her role. I would just have to wait again. Isn't that what I am good at? 

Time remaining: 59 days