Chapter 32 - Rumours

You would think that after such a long day yesterday, I would be allowed to have a relaxing day, but no. Entering the academy was the same to stepping onto a battlefield, as everyone around me started staring daggers at me. It hadn't taken long for me to figure out what had caused this resentment as people began speaking about me, purposefully loud enough for me to hear. Venom they had no intention to hide was making its way towards my ears. As I walk past to get to my first lesson, there was not one curse word that was missed out. 

"Look at that XXXXX walking around shamelessly."

"I can't believe we have to breathe the same air as that XXXX."

"What a XXXXXXX XXXX, jumping from one man to the next."

It appears someone had seen Theodore and I entering the classroom together and had watched our entire interaction from the windows. Though they should have been in the wrong for such strange behaviour, they were quick to spread rumours about me. So they were quickly forgotten as I became the main focus of attention. It was increasingly frustrating hearing the rumours continuously increasing in severity. That was the problem with rumours, they would never stay the same. A mouth would say one thing and the ears would hear another, and before you know it, things would be blow out of proportion for the enjoyment of the spectators. Everyone claims to be a good person but they find themselves drawn to the downfall of others. People were complicated like that. Overnight I had become a traitor hated by both Nicholas' and Theodore's admirers. Yet there was no blame placed on Theodore for coveting someone 'taken'. Why would there be, when the same standards are never applied to men and women? Was he also not extremely well liked while I was often hated? People didn't need to waste their time to know that I must have been the one in the wrong. After all, there is no smoke without a fire, so I must be a dreadful person to always be surrounded by rumours. I was simply glad that I had prepared for such situations before hand, readying myself for unjust treatment and harsh criticisms. I would always prepare for failure, ever the pessimist, I practiced comforting myself should I fail to restore my reputation. 

With countless judgements coming my way, I was able to keep my head held high and feign ignorance. I knew that I had done nothing wrong and that the rumours were malicious in intent, solely trying to harm me since I seemed like an easy target. It would have been easy to retaliate but it would've proved fruitless when the rumours were so widespread. They were spreading like a wildfire because of those involved. Even if I wanted to hide in the shadows and avoid standing out, it was entirely impossible when I was surrounded by the most influential people of our generation. If I said anything to refute the statements made about me, I would have been seen as a pompous liar, but if I agreed the rumours would have had ground to stand on. It was a lose - lose situation regardless of my decision. At times the best thing to do was to stand tall and wait for everything to die down. Rumours were like that, they would harm people for the fun of it but as soon as the enjoyment faded away, it would find a new target. It wasn't something I was proud of but in a way, I was relying on the downfall of others to lift myself back up. 

We entered the classroom with 10 minutes to settle down. In that time my friends had dragged me into the corner to figure out what was going on. 

"What's everyone talking about? When were you with Theodore?" May asks as the others patiently wait for my response. 

"At the beginning of lunch yesterday. He wanted to ask if I was okay because I was injured. That's all it was but people are making it out to be what it wasn't." 

"Is this when your lip was bleeding because you fell?" Elina asks, putting two and two together. 

"Yes. Just before I came to see you I bumped into him, so he wanted to make sure I was fine."

"Then why are they saying things about you cheating on Nicholas?" May was adamant to try and understand exactly what had happened. Although I wasn't telling the complete truth, there wasn't a need to. First and foremost was my safety. 

"You know, that's actually frustrating me. Are me and Nicholas like that? Are we in any relationship to begin with? No. We said we'd consider each other. So even if I did date someone, I don't see how that's cheating. But putting even that aside, talking to a guy alone means I'm flirting or interested in them? Doesn't everyone know what our relationship is like? Why have we gone from sworn enemies to lovers in the span of a day, shouldn't people say something a little more realistic?"

After a short silence, Elina spoke up. "Why don't you say anything?" 

"Would that be beneficial for me?" It was a simple question but it was enough. The silence following my question meant that they had understood the disadvantage I was in. A woman's purity was sadly of great importance, once a rumour surfaces it's difficult to do anything by herself. 

"Don't worry about it, let's just go and get seated." 

They still don't respond, thinking everything over, but do as I said and get to their seats. 

The main concern running in my mind was the continuous count down I couldn't run away from. For me, anything that wasn't perfect was something that could lead to my death. The original Persephone was hated by many which is why it was natural for her to be the first suspect when Elina was poisoned. I couldn't stop myself from wondering whether this was something bound to happen. If I couldn't save my reputation, how would I save myself? It was hard to stop the negativity. At the end of the day, there was nothing concrete that could tell me how far I had steered away from my original role. As a result, I was continuously fretting over how each action would shape my future. Was that any way to live? I wanted to busy myself to stop myself from thinking. If I allow myself to falter, I'm allowing myself to be eaten by the wolves. Questioning myself was not something I was willing to do so I began hanging on to every word the teacher had said, obsessively taking notes even when I knew they weren't needed. If I focused enough on my teachers voice and the notebook in front of me, maybe I could ignore the hateful glances and vengeful whispers surrounding the room. It took a while but eventually I was able to drown out everyone else's existence and maintain the false bravado I had aimed for. Would it not have been great if I could maintain this until the end of the day? But that was asking too much. The moment class was over Theodore approached me and the attention I had tried so hard to pry off me, had returned like leeches.

"Can I speak to you in private?" 

I sighed and began packing my things up, not looking at him. "If you want to speak, do it now. I'd rather not have more rumours needlessly circulating."

"I'm sorry." It was the first, and likely would be the last, time I heard him sounding sincerely apologetic towards anyone, let alone me. With sincerity like that, it was hard to ignore him so I finally lifted my head to look at him. 

"It's fine. You're not the one spreading false information so you're not my top priority at the moment. Let's get back to this conversation when I have time to think." 

"... Don't worry, I'll clear everything up. I'm sorry again." He had his head down and was refusing to look me in the eyes.

As he began to leave I quickly grabbed his hand and made him look me in the eyes so he could understand what I was going to say. Would we be able to understand each other with a single glance? I hope so. 

"You didn't do anything so don't worry, okay?" I looked at him with a firm gaze hoping he knew what I meant. I couldn't go around saying one thing while he said another, I'd lose all credibility instantly. Out of the two of us, it was obvious who people would believe.

"Okay", he replied simply before leaving. Now there  was nothing I could do other than have faith in him.

Over the break I had my brother, Helios and Nicholas approach me individually to ask what was happening. It was a tiring process repeating the same things over and over, but there was nothing else to do. I was glad that they believed every word I said but their comforting fell short. It's simple enough to say that it would be forgotten soon but what about the next time? If I was already being chosen as a target, there was no guarantee that this would not repeat itself. My insides and outside have never matched well enough to allow me to truly be myself. In the midst of being frail but presenting myself as confident, I was finding it increasingly more difficult to keep up my act. At some point lies begin to blend in with the truth, and I was slowly drifting away from the security in knowing who I was. With a mask of carelessness, I went about the rest of the day in an anxious state. It wasn't until I was left alone that I allowed it to spill out of me.

Time remaining: 121 days