Chapter 11- First Dance

I started speaking to Elina in an effort to break through her shell and make her more comfortable around me. Although I wanted to stay away from her as much as possible, that's nearly impossible and it wouldn't hurt to be on her good side instead if she's the protagonist. In reality though, I saw myself in her and couldn't help but want to help her. I wanted to help her change where I couldn't help myself. A bit unfair, I'm aware, but I can't help it. We speak together with both of our brothers joining us. I'm thankful for that because they served as a useful intermediary and when we didn't know what to say, they filled in the space to avoid awkward silence. Thanks to that the atmosphere around us was very bubbly and she quickly got comfortable with me in the presence of her brother. Maybe today was good or maybe I was in a good mood so I was seeing everything through rose tinted glasses, but the entire party seemed to be roaring with laughter and excitement. 

Strangers came and introduced themselves to us and our parents before congratulating Adelphos and Helios for their acceptance to the academy. Gifts were given, and talk was exchanged. It was evident that many nobles were attempting to build connections by building relationships with our parents and sending their children our way. I couldn't care less about it, I already knew that the two wouldn't become good friends with anyone who would harm them or their family. After half an hour I became tired from the hustle and bustle of people trying to join our conversation so I excused myself and left towards the balcony. 

The sun began to set and I could see the sky being slowly painted in reds, oranges and pinks. I brush my fingers through some of my hair appreciating the similarity of it with the warmth spreading around the setting sun. I close my eyes and breathe in a big lungful of fresh air, making me feel lighter. On days like this just breathing makes me feel better. Like it's emptying me out to fill me anew. Like I've shed my skin and have come back a clean slate, starting all over again. I can still hear the murmur of the party from behind the closed doors but here, I'm alone. Distanced from others I feel worlds apart from those beyond the door. Part of me is still aware that these people only exist according to the game but part of me is struggling to understand that. I myself was the exact same until I recalled my past life. What makes me any different? What is the line between these fictional characters being real people? It can't just be living, because I hear them breathe, see the white smoke forming around their mouths on winter days as their faces as splashed with red from cold. Some questions I can't find the answer to. Amongst my noisy thoughts I hear the door behind me opens and I turn around to see Elina, Adelphos and Helios enter. I smile at them. Suddenly the distance between us doesn't feel so great anymore as the sun glows on all of us with one giant brush stroke.

"You should've taken us with you so we could also take a break." Helios says as he walks to my side to face the garden. The other two then come and stand next to us and we watch the sun set together in comfortable silence. I feel the warmth of them on the sides of my arms and it feels like I'm being embraced. 

"What are you thinking of?", Elina asks as she looks up at me shyly. 

I hold out my arms and she carefully approaches me. I engulf her in my arms and rest my head on her shoulder. "I'm just thinking of what a good day it is", I whisper into her shoulder.  At that she hugs me tighter in silence and our brothers don't say anything and instead remain quiet, preserving this comfortably silent atmosphere. It feels like they know that I'm not saying my true thoughts but they don't say anything. Leaving it to time, for me to express myself at my own pace. After the sun finally finishes setting we enter the hall again.

Theodore approaches us with some familiar faces, though I rarely paid attention to them since they always hid behind him. Beside me Adelphos stiffened and started moving so that he now stood between me and Theodore. That's when I realised that he was trying to protect me because of what I had previously told them. I turn to my right and I see that my family is intently watching what's happening in case they need to intervene. 

"Congratulations to the both of you", he starts, extending his hand for a handshake. Helios shakes his hand but Adelphos stands still, staring a hole into Theodore who moves his head to the side and makes eye contact with me. "You must be sad that your beloved brother is going away now. If you're lonely you can come play with us again, it's been a while." I could hear the mocking tone coming through. He was clearly unaware that my brother and I are on good terms right now. Unsurprising since I hadn't left the house for a gathering for a couple of months now.  Adelphos seems to get ready to say something but I hold his hand to stop him. 

"I'm glad you're aware of how much I care for my brother. He's done exceptionally well and I'm proud, but I'm also sad he's leaving. Putting that aside though, I don't think I need to go to your little friend group. I'm going to stay with my new friend Elina" I smile as I turn my head to her and she blushes in response. I giggle, it's strange seeing how different she is from the Elina I know from the other side of the screen. 

"I thought you liked hanging out with us? You used to follow me around everywhere. It was quite sad that you couldn't fit in". He mocks again. 

"I guess I was slightly interested in you because I thought you'd grow up to look and be like your older brother. But I soon realised you're not anything like him so I lost interest." I respond in a matter of fact manner. "Rather than saying I liked you, it's more accurate to say I liked your brother. But obviously he's too old and married so I thought I'd settle for you. But alas, you're extremely disappointing."

His cheeks go red in shame as he starts shaking with anger. But before he can begin yelling at me I hear Helios laughing loudly behind me. "You were interested in his brother?" He asks while wiping the tears from his eyes. 

I shrug my shoulders, "he's good looking, smart, kind and reliable. What more could a girl want?" 

"Is that your criteria for a good man?" His tone sounds more serious than I expected but I ignore it.

"Something along those lines." I shrug. "Though I'm not really picky. As long as it's someone I can trust my life with, I'm happy." 

He silently looks me in the eyes like he's trying to decipher something before he responds. "Sometimes you don't sound like yourself." Before I can respond to that, he abruptly changes the topic. "Sorry Theodore, it looks like she's got extremely high standards when it comes to people she's interested in". 

"Of course. Thats why I'm friends with you and Elina." I push Elina's hair behind her ears. "Isn't she pretty?" 

"I-I'm not". She stutters as she stares at the floor. 

Theodore realising that he doesn't fit in here with us, and would only make a fool of himself through staying, excused himself and left with his entourage. 

The rest of the party went without a hitch. Everyone was enjoying their time while Theodore stayed on the sidelines with a solemn face. He kept sending me death stares but I feigned ignorance and enjoyed the party. As the final song started playing I stood directly in front of my brother, bowed down with my hand extended towards him while maintaining eye contact. "May I have this dance?"

Everyone was staring at us as it's odd enough for a woman to ask for a dance in this manner but even stranger considering my previous disastrous relationship with him. Even Adelphos had a blank face as he apprehensively placed his hand in mine. I smiled and led him to the centre of the hall where Helios and Elina joined us for a siblings dance. All of my efforts paid off as I was able to dance well without making any mistakes. Everyone was watching us and I could hear murmurs of how I look entirely different from what they thought of me. Compliments were whispered about how lovely Elina looked and how well Adelphos and Helios had grown up. In comparison, all comments about me, though positive, were always followed by my last behaviour and actions. A backhanded compliment. But it's unsurprising and at the very least it signifies a change, so I remained unbothered and continued dancing. I could see Theodore looking at me with a strange face that I couldn't quite understand so instead I focused on my brother who looked to be thinking intently while dancing. How he could afford to do both at the same time was beyond me when I was struggling to dance perfectly even with most of my attention on it. Seeing his puzzled look was somewhat precious so I started laughing.

"There's no need to pull that face. I practiced very hard to surprise you and I guess it paid off seeing how you look right now."

"It's surprising." He replies, face remaining straight. 

"My dancing?"

"That you are dancing with me."

As the song finishes I let go of his hand and step back while thanking him for the dance. 

"Isn't it more surprising that you accepted. Not only did you never invite me to dance, if I had asked you a few months ago, you would've openly rejected me." He looks pained at the reality I forced him to accept. I smile. "I think it's time for us to head back now". 

I say goodbye to Helios and Elina before approaching my parents to signify that I'm tired and wish to go home. Shortly after that we leave the hall and head home. Once home I take a quick shower and with heavy eyelids I drift into a deep sleep. For the first time in so long I went to sleep without any thoughts weighing on my mind.