Ep. 106 - Encounters, Coruscant, Senate

Less than ten minutes after the 'worm milkshake', we were in front of Watto's shop. I could see Qui-Gon accompanied by Padme and R2-D2. We waited for them before I entered the shop. We wouldn't fit otherwise. I whistled, loudly, and got the Toydarian's attention.

"We need a T-14 hyperdrive generator. I guess you would have one?"

"Why, yes! I have many parts! Come, customer, come! I show you!" he said, and waved at me before calling Anakin. I looked at Qui-Gon and gestured towards the child. He nodded, so I guess he understood that there's something about him. Good.

I followed the insect through his shop, until he said: "Ah! I have parts, but they very costly! Would be easier to buy a new ship! How you going to pay?"

I spoke in his native language, since I couldn't bear his broken speech. "There is one thing I have… A very valuable thing, which I wish to trade for the generator…"

"Oh, you speak my language! This makes it easier. I don't usually dabble in barter, but I am curious. What is the item you speak of?"

I took out my lightsaber, stroked it a little. I saw his eyes shining. I ignited the blade and pointed it at the merchant. "Your life. I am the owner of your life right now, and I want to trade that ownership for the generator. Deal?"

"Deal! Deal! Just take the thing!"

"Oh, throw in the kid as well. In exchange, I'll make you a decent helper." I said, and took the parts we needed, including the hyperdrive generator. I also made him a Terminator-like robot to help with his shop in place of Anakin. He relaxed a little, since the robot was obviously of high quality and the kid didn't have much value. The parts weren't an insurmountable loss, even for a small business like his, so he could let me have this 'win'. I didn't tell him that the robot is programmed to kill him after Anakin comes back for his mother.

Oh? Why do I not save Shmi? Well, I have no reason to. I will just give her a 'Jedi blessing' that will teleport her to 30th Haven when the Tusken kidnap her. I will just substitute her body with a clone at that time. Like so, I will have Darth Vader in the making while saving an innocent. A good boost for my ego.

I returned to the shop and saw Qui-Gon talking through his 'sci-fi walkie-talkie'. I could see that he had a little of Anakin's blood in the receiver, so he's probably having him tested for midi-chlorians. Padme was talking with the child. Aw, so cute: two children playing around! Makes me want to vomit.

Qui-Gon ended his call with a surprised expression.

"I guess you found your little 'treasure'. I already took care of everything. I have the parts and the kid. You should talk with his mother though."

"You 'have' the kid? Ah, a slave, I see. Thank you." He then started talking with Anakin a little and got invited to his house. Now, if this was a normal place, I would have called the police: an old man talking to a child and basically extracting an invitation to his house? It's kinda sus, not gonna lie. But he's Qui-Gon, honestly the only Jedi I can respect, along with General Kenobi. Not padawan Kenobi, he's not even worthy of the lightsaber, for now.

Anyway, seeing as there was no need for us to stay here, I transported the parts, which I slightly modified and enhanced, to the spaceship. I let Padme follow the Jedi, as she would have a chance to make the future Sith Lord fall for her. Feels kinda strange, being the wingman for a child… What level have I fallen to?

Since I had time to spare, I made the common room a little bit better and comfier for me and the gang. Obi-Wan walked in while I was refurbishing the room.

"Woah! What was that?!"

How do I answer this? Ah, yes, messing with him, of course. I might also give him a hint towards becoming more powerful. "It was an application of the Force. You can do pretty much anything with it as long as you work hard enough."

"Well, I have an average level of midi-chlorians, so I don't have much hope in reaching a level where I can enlarge space like you just did."

"Well, there is a Dark Side ability that lets you control biological life. You could theoretically use it to multiply your midi-chlorians."

"You are proposing that I use a Sith technique to gain power?! Aren't you a Jedi, or at least a sympathizer?! How could you even entertain that thought?!"

"Power is power. If you can control it and make it yours, you don't have to become a Sith. It's similar to what the Gray Jedi did in the past. Balancing the Light and Dark without falling to temptation. You need extreme mental fortitude, or you will surely be enticed by the Dark Side, but I am confident that you can do it.

I mean, my apprentice/wife here managed to do so in a millennium after becoming a Sith and having basically zero talent in the Force."

"I-I don't think I will live that long…"

"No, you won't but I guess that twenty years will be sufficient for you."

Yes, fall to the Dark Side and provide some entertainment for me… Or become a better version of yourself and become the beacon of hope for the galaxy. Either is fine, to be honest.

Qui-Gon and Padme crashed at Anakin's place, apparently, so they directly returned the next morning with the child in tow. But, surprise, surprise, Maul arrived! Wow, totally didn't expect him… I could have killed him, but I need Qui-Gon to 'die' in order to motivate my favorite 'negotiator'. Well, that doesn't mean I can't play with him. I want to bring Scheta with me, but she'd just cut him up, and I can't have that, yet.

I teleported in front of Maul and caught his lightsaber with my finger.

"You are weak, Maul. The ancient Siths had much more 'spice' in them. Is this all that Darth Sidious' apprentice amounts to?" I said. I then turned to Mr. Neeson. "Qui-Gon, you can go to the ship and start heading to Coruscant. I will entertain this child for a little."

"Will you be able to reach Coruscant?"

"Depends, will the ship reach the planet?" He didn't seem to understand perfectly, but inferred that I had a way to leave, so he went to the ship and departed.

I turned back to Darth Maul.

"Come on. Attack me. I won't kill you today, but I can still hurt you, badly."

He was enraged and ignited his other blade. He started slashing at me and doing all those useless acrobatic jumps. I created a pointy stick and started poking holes in him at all possible angles. I focused on his knees.

"As I said, you are weak. Incredibly so. Darth Sidious, Palpatine, considers you cannon fodder, and I can't say he is wrong. A real Sith is a few times more powerful than our friendly neighborhood Senator, but he can still pass. You are nothing but a failure."

My words seemed to hit a sore spot as he grit his teeth and prepared for another onslaught of slashes. I started breaking his bones in multiple spots.

"Come on, you can't be done already. No wonder a mere padawan can kill you." At this point, I am just abusing him. His skills with the double-bladed lightsaber is quite high for this era.

I sighed, then pointed my stick at his throat. "I will see you soon. My wife will enjoy cutting you up. She's really good at inflicting pain, you know?" I teleported to the common room in the Nubian starship.I found the gang having a tea party with Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padme.

"Am I invited as well?"

"Sure. Come here, I will use you as a seat." said Yang. Oh, I will punish her. But still, I obliged and wrapped my arms around her. I completely ignored the stunned mortals. What? Just because the ship is in hyperdrive, I can't teleport myself here? What low-level thinking. Weak, so weak.

We arrived at Coruscant in a matter of hours. Hyperdrive lanes are fantastic, I must say. Well, this also shows just how far 30th Haven is from Naboo.

"So, do you want to visit the Jedi Temple after so long, or do we stick to the queeny here and cause some chaos among the Senate?" I asked. I kinda have an idea on how to have fun in both cases, but we'll see.

"Hm… Jedi are kinda boring and I honestly think that I would slash at them. Let's go to the Senate and wreck some havoc. Maybe we can piss off that Dork Lord wannabe." said Hinata

"Mhm, I will surely slash those stuck-up brats apart." added Scheta.

"I am fine with anything, you know it." said Jaune.

"Ok then! We will stick to Padme and do some stupid shit." I said while raising my fist for no reason whatsoever.

The ship landed and Sabé and company descended. We followed soon after. I saw Palpatine's eyes twinkle and his lips twitch ever-so-slightly. I guess that he didn't expect so many people to be here. More witnesses to silence.

"Your highness, who might your guests be? I do recognize Jedi Master Jinn and his Padawan, but I do not recall these people." he said after his pleasantries and greetings

I sent Sabé a mental message: 'Repeat after me: ...'

"They are my new personal bodyguards. As you might have noticed, Senator Palpatine, my Royal Guards have not survived the Trade Federation's droid army. It is unfortunate, but these bounty hunters will be sufficient as escorts." she said. Perfect acting, I must reward her. A head pat will do.

"I see… Let us make haste, your highness. We must talk to the Senate about our 'situation'. There are a few procedural matters to assess, but I am confident in our success. Will your bodyguards follow-"

Hoho, you shouldn't have given me the opportunity to interfere, Sidious.

"Why, of course we will follow our employer, old man. Oh, what's with that frown? Are you unhappy with something? Deal with it." I said with a smirk. We all summoned our thrones and started levitating around the group of mortals.

Anakin had literal stars in his eyes and said: "Wow! They are flying!" Hm? Do they not have floating chairs here? I guess that Tatooine didn't have those. Oh well, I smiled at him and winked, then made him float a little. He was laughing like a madman, but I had to put him down, otherwise we would never move on. The Supreme Chancellor was just kinda hanging there next to the Jedi and didn't contribute anything.

Anyway, Sabé and co. got on the transport and went towards the building reserved to the diplomats and such. It was a pretty nice building, to be honest. Well, not exactly my cup of tea, but it was surely nice. It was nice compared to the polluted air on the planet. I saw that Ruby and Sara grimaced a little due to the pollutants, so snapped my fingers and made the air clean. I also made it so that some nanobots would ensure that the air stays clean in the future. I didn't care about the confused looks of the mortals. Padme and Qui-Gon were the only ones that tied us to the primordial beings of legend, so they inferred that we had something to do with the changes. Well, Padme was staring at me, so she got some good instincts.

The mortals spent an hour or two just getting ready for their boring talks, so I decided to mess with a little Dork Lord.

I teleported right behind Palpatine and followed him around until he noticed me in a window's reflection. He instantly pulled out his lightsaber and tried cutting me down. I stopped it without even looking, or touching it.

"Chill, little Sidious. I still need you to play your part so that we can have our fun. However, I must say that you are extremely weak. I still remember the Ancient Siths around four millennia ago. They weren't anything special, but surely stronger than you. But, I must say that your lightsaber hilt is nice. I will be taking it for my collection. Oh, your spare as well." I said and took his lightsabers. He had two nice-looking sabers, though I prefer a more cylindrical style. His were more ergonomic, so to speak.

"Bye bye, child. Play your part well, my pawn, and you might just survive another decade or two. I might also help you become Supreme Chancellor, depending on my mood." I said, then went back to the gang. They were just lazing around on their thrones while waiting for Padme to get changed. Obviously, I joined them and hastened time a little. That way, we only had to wait a handful of seconds. Oh, I was using Omniscience to check on Sidious-chan and some other universes.

The olde boi was raging in his office while contemplating what to do, but decided to follow through with his plan as I didn't kill him and actually encouraged him to do so. Well, I did kinda subtly threaten him.

As for the other universes, there was nothing interesting going on, so I just 'tuned in' on the destruction and birth of new universes. I must say that it's a marvelous sight. A giant explosion and an infinite number of possibilities are created. What if this is too close, what if that is too cold, what if there isn't enough of that other thing? All these questions, these possibilities will eventually lead to something beautiful: either unadulterated, lifeless planets with their own solitary beauty or planets filled with various kinds of lifeforms and, far off in the future of that universe, people. Nature is a wonderful, perfect machine indeed.

I snapped out of my existential thoughts due to Padme snapping her fingers at me. I totally saw her coming, I just wanted to personally watch those universes some more.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm awake. Let's go." I said and created a portal to Naboo's floating disc or whatever they want to call that doughnut.

"What's that?" asked Padme. I smiled evilly and pushed the girl through the portal. She was screaming like a little girl! Oh, she is…

Anyway, the gang decided to just monitor the situation from 30th Haven and enjoy the show, so I am the only one who will be guarding the queen. I also stepped through the portal and found myself on Nabooìs flying doughnut. I found a seat and waited. I ignored Padme's nagging.

"Padme, shut up. Your big-wig meeting is starting." She immediately became silent and put on her serious face. Oh, she was wearing less makeup as I suggested. Good choice. If anyone dares question my aesthetic sense, I will slit their throats.

Well, Valorum started his piece about why the Senate was called in and all that stuff.

"The Chair recognizes the Senator from the Sovereign System of Naboo" he said, giving Palpatine the stage. While I do not commend the man for his actions, I must say that the Dao of Bullshit is strong in this one. He doesn't even show his fear of me. Only his lips are sometimes twitching if I move. He gave his own spiel and the Trade Federation tried interrupting.

"This is outra-" the alien started saying. I threw my ignited lightsaber at him, stopping it only a couple of millimeters from his throat.

"You ugly motherfucker… Shut up. Or I will kill every single member of your Federation. Child, continue." There was an outburst of 'Outrageous!', 'Guards!', 'Who the fuck is he?!', and a lot more. Eh, I don't care. I silenced them all and applied some pressure on them. "Did I allow you to speak? I said 'shut up', did I not? Palpatine, continue with your spiel, before I make the Senate cease to exist."

"Y-yes, sir! Uhm, where was I… To state our allegations, I present to you Queen Amidala, recently elected ruler of the Naboo, who speaks on our behalf." What an actor… Respect.

Padme turned and looked at me, but I just winked. Oh, I also took my lightsaber back. She started her speech, which was soon cut off by the Trade Federation, although they were struggling under the pressure I applied on them.

"I object! Urg… There is no proof!"

"Oh? You want proof?" I said, making everyone of the Senators shiver. I transformed the inside of the Grand Convocation Chamber into a copy of Naboo and started showing the arrival of the droid army and all that happened next. I excluded me and the gang just strolling around, followed by the droid army. I did, however, change the scene to the interior of the command ship, when the Viceroy talked with Darth Sidious and decided to kill the Jedi while sending more troops to the planet's surface. I even showed how they fired on the ship while leaving.

"Is this enough proof? Or should I just take you all to Naboo in the flesh?" I asked while stopping the illusion.

"Tha-that is fabricated! I pro-"

"Wait, wait, wait. You, ugly fucking alien, are saying that my evidence is fabricated? Even if it was, I can just make it a reality. For example: 'you are a female'." I said and turned the Trade Federation's Senator into a female, shocking everyone.

"See? My words are laws. Unshakeable and undeniable. I just need one word to destroy this entire galaxy, so why should I fabricate evidence against something as unimportant as a bunch of aliens?"

Everyone was sweating at this point. The kind of wold sweat you get when you know that death is right next to you and is currently smiling ear-to-ear.

"T-that is more than enough evidence, thank you. The Ch-" he stopped mid-sentence as the ugly, blue, horned motherfucker started whispering in his ear. I didn't even care and just Force Choked him.

"Continue."

"Yes! The Chair recognizes Naboo's representative's claims… The Senate shall immediately provide support to the Naboo and demands an explanation from the Trade Federation." Hehe, choking someone right next to your ear is a magnificent incentive.

However… "I am not done." I said, causing silence to fall in the Chamber. "The Senate, is extremely corrupt, in particular in recent years." I stood up and started walking in the air, in the middle of the 'room'. "I have witnessed the creation of the Old Republic, along with its fall. I have witnessed how a group of hippies became the protectors of peace throughout the galaxy and how a single one of those Jedi became the first Sith, the embodiment of what they swore to destroy, bringing along thousands."

"Impossible! The Old Republic was created millennia ago!" shouted a Twi'lek representative.

"Why do you think I called Palpatine 'child'? Now, shut up and let the grown-ups speak. Seriously, in all my millions of years I have never seen someone so disrespectful… Anyway, the Republic, more like the Senate, isn't working as it should." I started projecting several holocrons that I just created. "Almost every single one of you Senators, representatives, or whatever you call yourselves is a corrupt bitch. I don't say that corruption is the problem. No, corruption is a part of a functioning government. The problem is that this corruption makes it impossible to make decent decisions. Take Valorum and that blue idiot. Even if they were corrupt, the evidence is here, undeniable at that. They should have directly sent aid to Naboo, but someone wanted to stall."

I stopped walking and started playing with my lightsaber, just to scare them a little.

"We will all make two changes today. First of all, Valorum here will step down and Palpatine will replace him. Any objections?" I asked while igniting the blade. Seeing that there was no response, I continued. "Good. The second change is something that doesn't even require you to put in effort: I will cast a curse on the concept of 'Senator' and 'Representative'. If your corruption becomes too much of an obstacle towards the advancement of the galaxy, you will die. If you bring benefits to the galaxy, your race will enjoy some benefits."

I could see many skeptical faces. Just as the Federation's Senator was about to speak, he died.

"See, the curse is already in effect. Good work, ladies and gentlemen… And droids or whatever you identify as. What was that thing that the Jedi usually say? Ah, yes: 'may the Force be with you.'" I said and returned to my place on Naboo's flying doughnut. I smirked knowing that I just made Palpatine's life much harder, but much more interesting for me.