Ep. 104 - Final Confrontation, 33 BBY

You know, listening to other people's thoughts is incredibly entertaining. I was struggling not to laugh my ass off as I was hearing this girly. It did seriously irk me that she initially thought that my wives were prostitutes, but she's been thinking along that line since the beginning, so I struggled to convince myself not to kill her. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts. Ruby pinched me and smiled. Ah, she doesn't care, so it's fine… Yes, no need to care about the little girl's comments.

Hm… What to do with her? I seriously just did it on a whim without thinking… I could take her in as an apprentice. It also seems that we kinda killed off her family, possibly…

I took her lightsaber and handed it to her, then stood up and went a few tens of meters away from my wives' spot.

"Attack me, Sara. With all you've got." she looked on the verge of a mental breakdown, then stood up and ignited her lightsaber. I just made a little stick out of wood. She looked… Dubious, confused, worried. What a strange girl… First the Togruta that dared speak haughtily to me, then her. This universe is interesting.

She started swinging her lightsaber like an absolute amateur. Well, it checks out with the amount of training she had. I went full drill sergeant mode and started tapping her with the stick at every occasion, sometimes I would sidestep and spank her ass, just because I could.

"Stand still, fucker!" she shouted, then covered her mouth. Her expression… It was hilarious!

"Pfft! Sure, I'll stand still. Come on." I said and raised my stick in a very loose stance. She attacked me again, just that this time I started tapping her wrists and shoulders, subtly correcting her posture while doing so. It took about half an hour of beat- Ahem! Half an hour of instruction for her to stop going for wide swings or leaving obvious openings. She even half-started making some better movements with her feet.

I stopped her and passed her a bottle of elixir.

"You might actually have talent for combat. However, I should explain something important: Force. I guess that your 'master' never told you anything specific, right?"

She responded in between breaths. "Y-yes, my master only told me to let loose and give in to the Dark Side…"

"You are lucky then. He was a pretty bad Sith.

The Force is basically an energy field which stimulates certain symbiotic little fuckers in your body, allowing you to use some 'supernatural' powers, like the Force Healing you are quite proficient in. You are Force-sensitive, which means that you can consciously use these abilities with training.

Now, onto Dark Side and Light Side. There are two 'main' factions among Force-sensitive beings: Sith and Jedi. Jedi were the 'first' to harness the Force and call themselves the peacekeepers of the galaxy. In reality, they are just as good as a moody teenager who can't handle alcohol and is given a powerful weapon. Sith are the 'bad' guys that separated themselves from Jedi in search for more power.

The Force has a 'spectrum', which goes from Dark, to Grey, to Light. Jedi tend to be on the far end of the Light side, while Sith are on the far end of the Dark side. The 'Dark Side', which your master talked about is something similar to a primitive conscience formed by the entirety of Dark Force-sensitive beings. It tries to corrupt your mental state and make you more thirsty for power, revenge, wrath, all those negative feelings. You should have already experienced it.

You are a little special for a Sith apprentice/barely a Sith: you are still quite balanced in the Force spectrum. You are a pretty dark shade of Grey, but not fully Dark. For now, you will be my apprentice, just like Ai An. You will meet her-"

"I'm here, old man!" shouted my dear apprentice from behind me. I grabbed her cheeks and stretched them. "Don't call me 'old man'!"

Then, I talked to Sara again: "As I was saying, you will be my apprentice, just like Ai An here. I will first teach you how to use the Force decently, then you can choose whether you will continue or not. For now, give me your lightsaber and relax. Your training will begin tomorrow."

Sara was indeed a natural in combat and in regards to the Force, with the right guidance. She didn't have an exceptional number of midi-chlorians, but I can fix that after her training is done. I started teaching her the perfected techniques I learned thanks to my crystal and gave her a holocron with some instructional videos I created on the fly. Her first test was to create her own fighting style based off of her preferred lightsaber.

I searched through her subconscious and found her 'perfect' lightsaber. It was quite similar to mine, probably because she recognized it as her 'master's weapon, so I made it for her, with a personalized new crystal. I told her not to meditate on it just yet, and to just use it as a power source. The weapon was black and golden, with an orange-yellowish, thin blade.

She took almost five centuries to create her perfect fighting style from a combination of thousands of different styles. I sparred with her once she was happy with the result and perfected her style, then taught her that. She was quite amazed and pissed at the amounts of errors in her style. Well, it was a good attempt for a mortal. I then had her meditate and attune herself with the Grey side of the Force, to become perfectly balanced. It took her a millennium to stop being a Sith. Her eyes returned to a beautiful metallic grey.

There was one instance where she wondered why she didn't age all these years.

"Oh, that? I removed the concept of time from you. Until your training is done, you will always be a little girl, without a single blemish due to age. I'm so cool, right? You can thank your master, you know?"

She dismissed my words as rambling, as she had seen many crazy things on 30th Haven, but would never believe us to be Gods.

Oh, Sun has summoned Quinella and educated her. It was actually pretty hilarious seeing this haughty woman appear, get taken to the bungalow, and return after a few hours completely changed into a submissive woman… Sun has his own techniques, and I respect him for his 'strength'.

Well, one way or another we arrived to the day of the final battle between Sith and Jedi, where Darth Bane will be the only survivor. I went with Sara to the battlefield and saw how the Jedi and Sith were at a standoff. We teleported to the center of the formations.

"Apprentice, come here."

"I am, like, right next to you."

"Point taken. It is time for your final exam. Go, slay all of the Sith and any Jedi that opposes you. Oh, except that guy. Do not fall to the Dark side, do not fall to the Light side. Perfectly balanced, remember. Once you are done, you will have completed your training." I said, while pointing at a Sith in particular.

"Got it."

I levitated above the battlefield, ignoring the blaster fire that I encountered on my ascent. I then spoke loudly to the people below.

"You insignificant mortals. Feel honored, for my apprentice will use you as stepping stones. Struggle with all your might, and you might just survive. Amuse me, and the survivors will receive some rewards. Fail to do so, and you will see. Fight."

I popped open a packet of chips and got comfortable. I should probably talk a little about my dear apprentice. Her fighting style was appropriately called 'Beckett Method' and focused on switching from all-out offense to defense and counters. Blasters, lightsabers, common weapons, everything was useless against her now. As for Force powers, she could use every single kind of ability and even created a couple, which took inspiration from me and the gang. For example, she started summoning Force-sensitive creatures she had analyzed to fight for her. Theoretically, she could also summon a weaker version of me.

Anyway, she ignited her lightsaber and received several wary and dubious looks from the Jedi. However, they stopped once they remembered my words: her test is killing the Sith, but she was allowed to retaliate against the Jedi. We were allies, or at least not enemies.

Sara dashed to the Sith frontlines and started cutting down every breathing thing in her vision. She then passed to defense and parried several strikes from her back while using Force Push on those in front of her. A counter slash eliminated the nuisances from her back. She went back on the offensive and started cutting down more Sith. No one could touch her, no one could stop her, no one could survive.

There was a little problem though, namely Darth Bane. He took my words as some sort of assurance that he would not be killed. He tried sneaking up to Sara and strike her down, but she swatted his blade out of the way and penetrated his heart.

"Idiot. I just didn't designate you as a target, but my apprentice will obviously defend herself." I said, loud enough for all of the people on the battlefield to hear me. The Jedi took that as a signal to get involved and started aiding Sara in her test. How kind they are.

There were probably a couple thousand Sith, so I guess that an hour will be sufficient for Sara to eliminate them all. I was also collecting the lightsabers of the fallen Jedi and Sith. These were much more 'standardized', probably due to the fact that we are at the end of the Jedi-Sith War. They must have exhausted their resources or almost.

I silently watched on as my dear apprentice fought, just to make sure that she wouldn't seriously die. I have noticed that she is a great distraction from my slightly insane thoughts, so she's important. A couple of stabs were a little too close to hitting her, so I created very small barriers to deflect the blades. I will reprimand her later.

'Wait… These two match the description from the battle of Malachor… 'First Ghost'!'

Oh? A Jedi recognized me? Well, that was the only interesting thought from all the combatants. Except for Sara, of course.

'I will ask that stupid master of mine for belly rubs. This is so tedious, why can't he just tell me to conquer a couple of planets? That would be easier.' Ah, yes. How entertaining she is. I doubt she knows that I can read her thoughts and probably doesn't even know that she spent more than a millennium and a half training. I transformed her into the ultimate OP MC with no common sense! Kukuku, all according to keikaku.

As I thought, a little over an hour from the start of the massacre, Sara was done with her test. I descended next to her while clapping.

"Bravo! My apprentice is so great! From now on, you have completed your training. You are free to continue and learn more about this universe or just do your own thing. You will receive all the support you could need. Also, you can now meditate on your crystal."

"As if! You know perfectly well that I'm addicted to belly rubs now! And it's all your fault! I'm continuing my training, master." she said with a smile. I sneakily revived Darth Bane far from the battlefield and made sure to implant in his mind the 'right' ideas. I can't ruin the fun for the future…

"Uhm, I beg your pardon?" (*sips tea in British fashion* commune with me, young lad) said some random Jedi from behind me.

"Yes?"

"Would you, by any chance, be the 'First Ghost'?"

"Hm… Yes, you referred to me as that a millennium and a half ago."

"Wait 1500 years ago?" asked Sara

"Well, you spent five centuries just perfecting your lightsaber style, so yeah. You have trained for exactly 1638 years and a few months, but who counts those?" I said with a beaming smile. And I got punched in the gut. I ignored the Jedi in front of me as he was just repeating '1500...1500… 1500…' over and over. Seriously, what's with these flesh bags being so conscious of age around here?

"Then, are you an ally or an enemy? Jedi Master Rykraal specifically designed you as an 'unstable psychopath', but you seem quite normal…" asked another Jedi

"Rykraal? You mean the little Togruta girl? Anyway, calling a possible 'unstable psychopath' like that would usually spell death, but I am in a good mood today. I am neither on your side, neither on 'their' side. I am an impartial party that just wants entertainment. If it means slaughtering your Order, so be it. However, you are safe for the next thousand years as some interesting events will happen in the future centered around the Jedi Order. Also, you should eliminate all information on Ahch-To, just to be safe. Now, we should leave, Sara." I said, then teleported us back to 30th Haven.

When we arrived, Sara jumped on me.

"You fucker! What do you mean that I've been training for over a thousand years?! How is that even possible?!"

I smirked and caressed her cheeks, then pulled them gently. "You have legends about primordial beings, right?"

"Y-yeah, it's an old legend from my home planet. Apparently a wandering old man that professed himself an apostle came and spread information on the '30 Primordial Beings'... No…"

"Yeah, that would be us. That wandering old man must have been one of the first Jedi around eight millennia ago. We are all Gods, that's why you didn't age, and that's why I told you that I can teach you about this universe and many more."

She shook her head. "You're an asshole, not a primordial being! Ugh, well, I am stuck with you since I said I would continue being your apprentice… I just remembered that you never actually introduced me to anyone except your other apprentice. Not even you."

"Oh, that's right! That was what I was forgetting all this time! I just had too much fun teaching you. Ahem! Let me introduce myself properly. I am Tula, Origin of Knowledge and Love, too old to keep count, powerful as hell, a few screws loose."

"And I would be his first wife, Weiss, Origin of Glyphs." said Weiss, popping out of nowhere with the rest of the gang. One by one, they all introduced themselves.

"Wow… You are a pervert with so many wives!" said my apprentice.

"Of all things you could say, you just had to go with that?! Ugh, no, happy thoughts, happy thoughts. I am a cultured being that can love equally no matter the number-"

"So I can join in?" she asked

"What?"

"Sure you can, kid. Just become an Origin like us then you'll be one of us." said Weiss.

"Wait, this is the second time that this happens. Does my opinion not count anymore?"

"Shut it. We all know that you enjoyed your time with your apprentice. If she makes you happy and helps you control your loose screws, it's fine by me. Plus, she does hold some love for you, so I can bear with her." said Ruby

And so, I got a Jedi waifu. I gave her a cultivation technique and had her become an Origin by the end of the day: 'Origin of Life'. Her connection to life force apparently helped her not get corrupted by the Dark Side of the Force. How cool is that? I gifted her Nero Claudius as her Spirit and I also continued to train her, since she's still my apprentice and has much to learn about the Omniverse. Ai An directly studied from the Tower of Knowledge, so she was a different case. Like so, time passed and the year 33 BBY arrived.