1:Two attempts: Bombs and acids.

You are Anonymous and after dying you were reborn in Horseland, read Equus.

Except that you are not even close to being a pony or a human for that matter...

You decided to not do it since death is not something you want to experience again... -You tried tough- Apparently you are some kind of humanoid demon... you guess? because its kind remind you of Baphomet but with more fur.

You were about to live with the ponies until you noticed how sexist they are and how reverse the sex roles were, it was so exaggerated until the point it wasn't even funny anymore.

So, you decided to go live in another country.

The Dragons had shit for brains until the point they don't have the concept of building houses or products, they kind of gave you some type of tribute, but when you don't have anything to spend on that is not food or water the entire thing became the equivalent of shiny rocks.

The yaks were a little better but... they were annoying as fuck, always taking your words out of context or overreacting to everything.

Cat or dog people reminds you too much of furries, so it was a hard no. It reminds you too much of what you are now.

After wandering the world for some time you Arrive in griffonia, it was a lot better than any place you saw before on this planet, kind of reminds you of humans if not for anything else because of how much of an ass they are.

There, even men 'Cocks' in their language could be the lead of their "flock" if they had enough power or money. They are also less sexist than ponies, so that is a plus.

You are a towering humanoid goat(?), so you must be anonymous, and as much as it hurts you, you look exactly like a fucking generic fursona.

But hey, things could be much worse, like being stuck as a quadruped with no hands or magic, you must admit that magic is nice and all, but you wish you still had feet and not cloven hooves.

But you suppose that when you die and miraculously reincarnate you can't exactly choose your body, not that remember asking to be born like this... or maybe God messed up since you ended here and all that.

But you are losing the point now.

The point is that you are living in the "no griffin land" ever since you arrive here in Griffonia, convincing the close matriarchies and their actual leader was quite the headache, thankfully when you gave them part of your treasure, they left you alone.

Where did you get the treasure? Again, it was the tribute that the dragons gave you for some reason.

Why you didn't stay with the dragons? It is true that it was quite nostalgic living with them having in mind how much of assholes they usually are but their land was scorched to the point that would be fair to call it a wasteland, and you were not very interested in eating gems for now, you prefer an actual balanced meal.

Goddam it, you are rambling again.

The point of the point is that you are a good distance to the capital of Griffonia and very close to a very big town, you also are in a good place to go into the dragon lands if you want to pay them a visit.

Right now, you are watering your front garden since even if Griffonia was a lot better in the farming industry, they still lack a lot of actual flora.

It is true that there are some forests where you can get some small and big resources, but for some reason close to their towns the grass was a lot yellowish Which means it is dried and an overall fire hazard oh and most trees are dead there too.

If you didn't know better you'd say the soil was cursed.

So, you decided to add some green to your lands, and for an amateur, it was ending pretty nicely, it is true you don't have anything fancy that needs special care but for some reason, the grass and trees that you planted were growing extremely fast and in a perfectly lush green, the mere scene of it was breathtaking.

One part of you wanted to know why the hell the griffon lands were so "devoid" of life if it was this easy to grow a garden, and the excuse of "There is no water" doesn't work -probably- since it literally took you about 2 days to find an underground river with potable water.

So, you file into the "Magic is bullshit" category of your brain since you are too busy actually making a decent home... and you may have gone overboard since it is closer to a mansion due to how big your plans for making it are.

But if you are correct, it shouldn't take you more than 1 month to finish it, but then you get out of your trance with a frown on your face.

You were pretty sure that you shouldn't have the minimum idea of architecture knowledge, but here you are doing a good estimate in the fairly advanced structure you were building...

You also shouldn't know how to find an underground river, but you managed just that in a pair of days... Neither should you know how to treat stone and wood so your home wouldn't fall apart.

Ok, maybe you should have started to question these facts a lot sooner.

You shook your head and concentrated on the task at hand -You still have hands, so piss off ponies, and no, they are not claws.- After all, caring for your garden all alone in silence was pretty relaxing even if it is pretty gay, but having in mind that you were in gay magical land you could probably overlook this.

---

You are a griffon with a crossbow in claw and looking to your objective, so you must be Adelgunda or Adel for short.

You must admit that you really didn't want to take the mission to kill a "cock", no matter how influential he was, but the decently large amount of coin convinced you.

But now that you see him watering his garden with a smile on his face makes you doubt again, it is true that you hated ponies and how soft they were in general but seeing a male doing this was quite appealing.

His shapely flanks and long legs only made him more attractive.

His short tail surely wouldn't hide anything if he were to walk on four legs, even standing you could see his very toned ass cheeks.

You could see it now, you coming home after killing a noble bitch only to see him watering your garden, you use the same grass and bushes that he grew to hide in until you were close enough, then you pounce on top of him and ride him in the soft lush grass of your weird-looking husbando until he is spent.

His fur touching yours, his well-defined muscles very similar to a minotaur had no chance of fighting against you even if he wanted.

unfff...

You shook your head, it was not time to be a horny chick, that was for sure, so you prepare the firebomb arrow and Aim at his head, It was goanna be a waste of a good cock in both senses of the word, but you had job to do.

At the bare minimum, you could give him a quick death...

So, you steady your breath and light up the arrow...

.

.

Then you shoot

The bomb whistles through the air, he looks in the direction of the sound, big mistake, now the arrow will hit him right in the snout.

As the bomb explodes and the grass is set ablaze, you notice a decent amount of smoke from the explosion covering your sight, you wince, way to go for a pretty face.

You still don't move, you want to make sure the work is done, at any moment the dust will disappear and you'll see the body of a colt laying in his own blood, his face if not utterly deformed for the explosion, then it would be nothing of it thanks to the direct hit.

Any second now...

Aaanyy seeecoond noww...

...

What?

The dust finally disappears, and you see him, he was not on the ground, he didn't even move from the position, his eyes were closed, and he was scrunching his face, a... intact one, just like it was before... His fur wasn't even scorched.

The only thing damaged was his watering can.

...

What?

He peeks through an eye and looks around, a surprised edge on his face, then when he finally opens the other and furrows his eyebrows.

You gulped... Now you probably know why they would have to pay you so much now. You see how he looks at the ground and his eyes open wide, and you can see why, his garden was on fire now.

While he runs here and there getting water to put out the fire, you start to move away, you were probably goanna try again later... Now you kind of had to make a better plan, if a bomb to the face didn't do anything you'll have to up your game.

---

You are a very annoyed abomination, so you are probably Anonymous.

For some fucking reason, your exploded and almost burned down your fucking garden, apparently your face can spontaneously combust in a no harmful way to you...

That or someone had lights cheap fireworks close to your lands because you were pretty sure that you should have a bloody face right now.

Or maybe being this thing that you are now made you immune to explosions/fire? It would be pretty fair since dragons were literally immune to heat in general.

But thankfully, whatever had happened, you managed to save your garden from being a new dragon's land.

After taking care of it you fixed the damaged patch of grass and checked the surroundings to see if you could find the asshole that decided to light up pyrotechnics in your territory.

Luckily -for them- you didn't find anyone, so you decided to archive the event into the 'this world is bullshit' part of your brain.

---

Be Anon again after a few days,

Your construction had progressed a lot faster than you expected, so fast that you actually decided to do some side things, such as making glass for various uses, like the glass of water that you had now.

Again, you weren't sure how it happened, but the knowledge of how to do it just came to your head... this time you noticed, you were thinking of how nice it would be to have some glass and it just came to you -The knowledge of how to make it that is- but since you were in guard you felt the sudden change.

It was like a lost dark memory that came randomly out of the back of your mind to the front, it felt right that you had it, but you knew how wrong that was, but the more you thought about it the more of a headache you got.

So, you decided to fuck your brain out when you actually got some alcohol to forget the pain.

Anyways, right now you were sitting in a chair -that you made- admiring your handy work, by your side, there was a table with a water pitcher and two glasses, you felt the cool breeze of whatever season of the year you are, you proceed to serve yourself more water, once you put the pitcher back to his place, you drink slowly.

Your home was ending pretty neatly if you said so yourself, after drinking half of its contents you stop hold it by your chest and take a deep breath.

This time the water tasted a little spicier than before, but it kind of added to the flavor so you just ignored it.

You were not a nature man before, but now... Something changed -If you can still call yourself a man but that was beside the point- You move again the glass of water to your weird lips with the intent to finish the contents.

But when you close your eyes and tilt the glass to drink, your expectations were crushed when you tilt it ninety degrees and nothing came, confused you open your eyes... to see there was a hole in the bottom of the cup.

What?

Even more confused you inspected the cup and look down, sure thing, in your chair and lap were the contents of the glass of water.

...

Which was slowly eating away the wooden chair that you made with so much love.

You were so flabbergasted that you just kept looking at it for a good moment, then you turned your eyes to the table to see the same thing happening to both the pitcher of water and the table.

What

THE

FUCK

---

You are a dumbfounded and utterly confused killing machine, so you are probably Adel.

You just saw how the weird bipedal goat cock just drank one of the strongest acids [b]and[/b] poison combinations that the black market had to offer as if it was spicy water.

How?

Why?

...

You already put yourself in the line when you came close enough to put the contents of your metal container into his weird pitcher, but again your plans were destroyed because for some reason he appears that the cock is either immune to the damn thing or just incredibly hard to kill.

You are now screaming at your past self for signing up for this mission. You see how the goat thing just put his weird claw in the middle of his forehead and squeezed, after taking some big breaths he grabs the chair and...

He hits the table with enough force to destroy all his furniture, your eyes open wide in shock as you see all the little splinters flying like some kind of homemade grenades.

You open your eyes even more when he proceeds to split in two the closest tree, a pine that was a little taller than him with a swift kick.

You were wrong, holy fuck you were wrong about those muscles, the damn thing didn't even slow down as it tore through the tree.

Before you can say anything you see him grab the log before it falls, he then turns around and calmly walks towards his house.

You really are hating how much your crotch area is heating up right now.